


Red sky at morning, sailors take warning

by Elle_Dread



Series: McGregor Chronicles [7]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Child Abandonment, Child Abuse, Child Neglect, Childhood Memories, Childhood Sexual Abuse, Childhood Trauma, Cults, Extremely Underage, Father/Son Incest, Forced Orgasm, Forced Prostitution, Gang Rape, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Multi, Non-Consensual Oral Sex, Parent/Child Incest, Pederasty, Pedophilia, Priest Abuse, Shota, Uncle/Nephew Incest, Underage Drinking, Underage Drug Use, Underage Kissing, Underage Rape/Non-con Rape, Underage Sex, Underage Smoking, mentions underage drinking/drug use
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-03
Updated: 2019-11-03
Packaged: 2019-11-08 09:44:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 18
Words: 99,902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17978999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elle_Dread/pseuds/Elle_Dread
Summary: A collection of shorts and drabbles in the McGregor Chronicles universeNote: I now have a discord server where you can interact with me and other readers: https://discord.gg/U8yApgV please feel free to join.





	1. And in the beginning... (Dom & Lou)

**Author's Note:**

> Each chapter is a different short usually with different characters. Some of these will be graphic and feature rape and other types of abuse so each chapter will have it's own warnings. First Chapter will be featuring Dom and Louis Morrow (Pop) it's told from a 3rd person perspective **Warnings: Young child's perspective, Childhood memories, talk of child sexual abuse, human trafficking, modern slavery, sexual slavery, inside the mind of a pedophile**

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First Chapter will be featuring Dom and Louis Morrow (Pop) it's told from a 3rd person perspective **Warnings: Young child's perspective, Childhood memories, talk of child sexual abuse, human trafficking, modern slavery, sexual slavery, inside the mind of a pedophile** These are not real people but face morphs meaning a few different faces merged together to make an approximate representation of how I see the characters looking. Not every chapter will have face morphs included but I decided to add these ones in here just because.

[](http://s1380.photobucket.com/user/Mcgergor_Story/media/Morrow%20Lou_zpsywiup8cr.jpg.html)

He had a hard time Picturing his face anymore, Dimmy's face. He knew he was there once. It was almost like having his left hand cut off. He knew it was supposed to be there but he barely noticed that he was gone anymore.

He saw him when he slept though, very often. He told people he thought Dimmy was dead whenever he cared to share, to mention him, but he was sure he was alive. He just hated thinking about the type of life he was probably living.

Mama had been young. He remembered that much about her. He saw her in his eyes when he looked in the mirror. Dimmy had the same face he did but, blue eyes.

Mama seemed happy. She dropped them off at childcare every day and picked them up until one day, she was gone. He remembered her late nights sometimes, waking up early in the morning to her sneaking into the apartment. The old and peeling wallpaper not bothering her one bit.

He remembered the smell of sheep or wool. How it was always around. The smell of people, people moving about and going through life. Little things. But one day she was gone. One morning she never came home and he had never found out why. He probably never would he had decided by the time he was seven or eight.

He had to have been about 3. Dimmy helping him climb onto the counters to get down the Kasha when they got hungry which they tried to eat raw or uncooked off the floor once it had been knocked out of the pantry. Them crying. Crying so loudly the neighbors came.

Then some people in uniform came and took them away. There was a building. A building made of cement and stone and when Dimmy and he were taken inside they were taken to a room and sprayed with water and washed, their heads were shaved. And there they stayed. 

They were in a room with babies screaming babies for a while but then they got older and were moved to a room with older boys. Boys that were probably between the ages of four and eight and Dimmy and him slept in shifts when the doors were locked at night because sometimes the older boys would beat you and take your cot or your pillows. Your blankets if it was really cold.

It didn't seem like they were there for long but it had felt like no one there had wanted them around. They had kept to themselves doing the best they could to avoid everyone. To stick together and make sure they had their bread tucked safely away where no one else could find it for when they got hungry because even stale brown bread was better than having nothing. They both knew that from the experience of being alone and chewing on the Kasha until it was all gone. Until there was nothing left of it.

He still remembered the first time he had ever met Pop. They had given him a bath and told him he was being adopted. He didn't even know what the word meant and then there he was. Once he was dressed and his hair was combed they took him to a room and they told him the man standing there was his new Papa.

Dom frowned when he heard that. He looked weird. His clothes were too clean and he didn't smell like humans smelled. Dom remembered thinking that. Remembered wondering how someone could not smell human as he hid behind the skirt of the nearest caretaker.

Sure she didn't love him or want him to stay. He barely knew her but his brother wasn't there with him. Dimmy wasn't there. Just this man who was smiling at him who didn't smell human the woman telling him that was his papa. That he should be grateful because this man was going to take him to a new life. Was going to take care of him. Oh, how wrong she had been. How many lies she had told and she probably hadn't known. Hadn't suspected a thing.

They didn't let him say goodbye. The man talking to the woman as he took Dom's hand saying something to him. Something he couldn't understand with his weird white teeth and his weird smell.

"Where are we going?" Dom asked.

The guy smiled and laughed making Dom wonder. The lady had said the man spoke English. Whatever that was and he had talked funny words before. Did he understand him? Them?

"Why were you speaking funny words?" he asked the man.

The man laughed loudly, "Not funny English. It's a different language. Different people from all over have different words they use. Here you speak Russian and where I am from, where we are going we speak English. It's not funny sweetie just different."

"I'm not your sweetie. Where is my brother?" Dom had asked.

"The one like you with the different eyes?" the man asked confusing Dom.

How did this man know about Dimmy's eyes? How did he know anything? He had never met this man before. This man with the dark hair that seemed out of place. That made his stomach feel funny.

"Someone else will come for him," The man said.

"What is your name?" Dom dared to ask.

"Papa. I'm your papa now," he told Dom, "You're Dominic."

"Yes," he said, "Why isn't Dimmy coming with us?" 

"Dimmy?" Papa asked him.

"Dimitri, Dimmy my brother. I need him," Dom said.

"Don't worry about it. You might see him again. It depends on what my friend wants," he said to Dom.

"You have a friend?"

At that, Papa laughed, "I have lots of friends. He wanted you. You are a special boy and I was selected to pick you up. He wants your brother too but...there's no need to worry about that."

"Where are we going?" Dom dared to ask.

"Don't worry," Papa said, "We're going to America. Just don't worry about it. I'll let you know when we get there."

Dom tried to settle in watching the roads and trees pass by. It felt like he was in the car forever. Going to someplace he didn't know. Someplace he had never seen the streets fading from crowds full of busy people to streets lined with nothing but trees. Trees for as far as the eye could see. He eventually fell asleep the sound of the road beneath the wheels lulling him away into unconsciousness.

When he woke up they were somewhere he didn't recognize. He had never seen a boat that big. He remembers looking at it and thinking it was bigger than mama's whole apartment building. His eyes going wide as he looked at me before the man, his Papa tapped on the window and smiled at him.

"You like ships?" he asked him in, Russian.

"Ships? That's a boat," Dom corrected him causing Papa to laugh.

"A ship is a very big boat," Papa told him, "Would you like to go on it? See around?"

"Really?!" he asked his body no longer able to contain his four-year-old excitement, "Is this how we are getting to America?"

"This is how you are getting to America, I have a friend," he said.

"You said that already. I don't have a lot of friends do you have a lot of friends?" Dom asked Papa as Papa picked him up walking down the pier. It wasn't a long walk Dom more. interested in the ocean air and the ship that kept getting bigger the closer to it they got. 

He wasn't watching Papa, watching his face as he gripped the auburn haired little boy in his arms. He wasn't watching the way Papa was staring at him. His eyes trained on him. The wheels in his head spinning as he thought about the things he could do to him. The things Lionel would allow him to subject him to. He was beautiful. His eyes wide and happy, light even if he watched Louis with suspicion, his excitement the only thing overriding that look. The look like he didn't trust him.

Kids always seemed to be good with that though, reading him. Deciding he wasn't someone they should be around but this one was his. The papers were mostly ready just not all of them which was why they were moving them this way. Dominic being his third stop to as many Orphanages in as many days. The other two already tucked neatly away where they needed to be getting used to the idea of their journey. The idea of water slowly moving and swaying under the ship. There were seven of them the other four being picked up by guys like him, to bring them here. Here to the beginning of their new lives.

Dominic and Dimitri were by far the youngest, the most precious and they would have a minder, someone to come and check on them and the other one riding with them a little girl around the age of seven. He had seen her even though another person was picking her up. A little blonde thing with gray eyes. The rest of the children had been older. Between the ages of 9 and 16. Some of them had been told they would be housekeepers or nannies but in the end, they would figure it out. Some of them faster than others.

There had been a boy that he couldn't wait for. He hadn't been able to keep his hands off. He had screamed and sworn at him until he had duck taped his mouth shut. He had been the first they had brought in the kid was nearly broken. A sniveling mess on his bunk inside one of the containers. The blue one where they were keeping the older kids to make sure they kept their hands to themselves.

It wasn't uncommon in the orphanages for the older ones to abuse the younger kids. Beat them and rape them. No one was going to do that to his boy, his Dominic. Lionel had promised him that. That Dominic was his, his perfect little angel. They made it to the deck Surge and Dirk standing nearby.

There were 10 men running this area of the cargo deck Lionel lining their pockets generously in order to persuade them it was worth their time and trouble. In order to get their cargo safely across the Atlantic in a timely manner both of them walking up to Lou and smiling at him.

"You look very happy," Dirk said in English.

Dom didn't speak English. He didn't understand it back then. Even the movement on the man's lips looking funny to him. The sounds not right as Dirk smiled at him going to touch his cheek causing Papa to jerk him away shaking his head.

He looked at Dom, "Don't worry sweetie you are all right. I won't be with you for a while I have to leave you here."

"But if you're my Papa why are you leaving?" Dom asked confused.

"I'll be back. We'll see each other soon," he said turning to one of the other men.

"You think he's ready? The other two should be here soon. We're leaving port at 6," Surge said in that language that Dom didn't understand again.

"Yeah. You can give it to him. Don't you dare touch him. If there is even a hair out of place on his head I will tell the boss. This one is mine," Lou warned him.

"Geeze, in love already?" Surge asked laughing.

"Shut up. I mean...look at him," Lou said hugging him and kissing Dom's cheek causing Dom to frown at him.

He knew people kissed. His mama used to give him slimy kisses on the face all the time so he figured it was normal to have his Papa kiss him but this was his new papa, he didn't know him yet and it felt weird. Him wiggling slightly in Lou's arms hoping he would put him down before another guy came forward a needle like they had at the doctors in his hand making Dom's eyes go wide.

"Papa, why does he have that?" Dom asked.

"It's to make you sleepy sweetie that's all, "Lou told him in Russian.

"I don't want to be sleepy. I want to see Dimmy," Dom told his new Papa looking at him closely him not able to protest as the guy poked him with the needle.

"Look at you such a good boy. Didn't even cry," Lou said kissing Dom's cheek again, "Why don't you go pick out your bunk? I'll be back in a minute."

He finally set Dom down Dom walking into the big room. It was a weird room. The inside was white and the walls seemed soft a girl curled up in the bottom bunk on the right side of the big room a toilet bolted to the floor in a different corner. A weird looking toilet that almost seemed clean. Not dirty and old like the ones at the orphanage.

"Who are you?" Dom asked.

The girl looked at him cocking her head, "Arina. Did they tell you they were taking you home too?" she asked him.

He nodded his head shyly looking at her.

"They lie. You go home on a plane. To new homes. We're not going home," Arina told him.

"Where are we going then?" he asked her.

"One of the older boys said they were going to put things inside us and that when we got to where we were going they would do that until we were all holes and then feed us to trolls," Arina told him making Dom's insides feel cold and funny. Scared.

He had never seen a troll before. He had heard about them but supposedly they only lived under bridges. They had crossed a bridge on their way to get here he was sure. If they were going to feed him to a troll why didn't they feed him to that troll? The man, his Papa didn't seem like he wanted to let a troll eat him. He had even given the one man a dirty look for trying to touch him. He doubted his new Papa would let a troll eat him.

"I don't think so," Dom said quietly.

"Just wait you will see," Arina said trailing off.

It wasn't long before Dimmy showed up. His eyes so bloodshot they looked almost the same color as the sky. He was struggling with another guy. In that guys arms them setting him down as he punched at the guy's leg.

"Bastards took my brother away from me and then bring me here!" he screamed at them causing them to laugh as Arina looked at them before she yawned.

"Someone, you know?" Arina asked looking at the two of them Dimmy noticing his brother sitting on the bed opposite here.

"DOM!" Dimmy said jumping onto the bed he was sitting on nearly knocking him over.

Dom would have been more excited but he felt tired. Sleepy like he was dreaming. Them coming up and giving Dimmy the same shot in the arm. Dimmy who kicked the man who gave it to him.

Dom didn't remember a lot from the trip accept Arina kept getting sick, not that he felt great. It was always dark, so dark all the time almost like the sun had died. Dimmy and him sleeping for the most part. The door opening every once in a while to one of the guys who would bark at them tell them not to eat all the food too fast and leave a pile of crips and other things on the ground in the middle of the room. By the time something different happened, he was sure they had been there for a million years and it almost felt like there had never been anything before it. Before Arina and the dark room. Before being locked away without the sun.

The first time they were allowed outside the one man was there, Papa. Papa who didn't let him say goodbye to Dimmy. Papa who just picked him up and pulled him away as he cried. As he reached for Dimmy and found his arms weren't long enough. Papa told him to forget about him. That Dimmy belonged to someone else and he now belonged to Papa. If only he had known leaving Dimmy would be the least horrible thing to happen to him after leaving the crate. If only he had been eaten by trolls. If only...

He had never seen Dimmy again. Never known what had happened to him just that they were together with Mama and then together alone in that big building that seemed too big for people yet too small at the same time and then the crate. Papa and the crate and then Dimmy was just gone. Nowhere and yet everywhere at the same time. Every time he looked in the mirror. All except the eyes. Dom thought because he had Mama's eyes.


	2. This hell is where I’m from and this hell is where I’ll stay. (Cole & others)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cole agrees to do something for Tony and only ends up feeling stupid in the end. Feeling stuck in the same hell he was raised in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cole is 14 in this one so yeah this is happening in the main stories timeline. There maybe **Spoilers** so be aware of that. **Warnings: forced anal fingering, rape/sodomy, forced kissing, production of child pornography, videotaping, physical abuse, physical violence, broken bones, mental health issues, anxiety, talk of underage drug use, talk of child sexual abuse, threats, bullying, emasculating language** Again, any photos are not photos of actual people but are a collection of faces morphed together to make an approximation of how the characters appear to me. Any resemblance to real people living or dead is not intended.

 

"Come on, just take it off before we make you. You know the drill," Pete said adjusting his mask before he adjusted something else a little lower giving himself a good squeeze as he started losing some steam.

Fucking asshole. Maybe he was too old for this. I knew I certainly was. I wasn't a 10-year-old little fuck boy anymore. I wasn't going to just fucking roll over and let them do it. If they thought I was, they were sorely mistaken.

"You want my clothes off that badly you can fucking cut them off," I spat shaking my head at him as Tony sighed heavily behind the camera.

"C, this isn't what we agreed to," Tony said.

"No, it's not. We agreed to fucking poppers, we agreed to condoms. We agreed to fu..."

"Cut it," Tony said to the best boy who set his boom down as the other cameras paused their footage, "Cole, I don't have the poppers I'm sorry but you agreed you would do this. You said you wanted the money so, do it."

"We agreed to fucking Wittier and not Pete," I said shaking my head.

"Pete's paying the money," Tony shrugged his shoulders like it wasn't a big deal.

Yeah sure, it wasn't a big deal to him but he didn't have someone barebacking him. Someone he didn't agree to. Someone he had never been with who instead of being a hot 21 year old was nearly 50. At least with Wittier and poppers, I could get some enjoyment out of this shit. I hated making movies. Especially with guys old enough to be my grandpa. 

This was beyond fucking disgusting. If they really thought I was going to even take off my coat without poppers they were crazier than I was. Nothing was worth this. Nothing.

"Come on," Pete said walking towards me his hands out like he was going to grab me grab my waist as I backed away from him.

He kept coming forward. Not getting the hint. Not caring.

"Woah granddad, slow down," I said his smile turning into a frown as he grabbed me hard my back slamming into the wall a little harder than was necessary.

"Your Dad is only a year or two younger than I am," Pete said digging his nails into my back before dragging them across my skin and around to my hips making me hiss in pain.

He had to be fucking kidding me. There wasn't any reason for him...He grabbed me hard by the back of the neck using bruising force to do it dragging me forward and over to the bed.

Ok, ok. He was pissed. I mean I could understand why just a little bit. But he looked fucking old. He was probably the reason I didn't have fucking poppers. He couldn't keep it up on his own so I didn't get my fucking drugs because if I had poppers he'd want poppers and he'd die while fucking me. Why was that my fucking problem?

"You really are a little shit aren't you?" Pete asked, "You like being a little bitch? I can make you into a little bitch."

"If that's what you want," I said shrugging my shoulders.

I had never been with Pete before. I hadn't realized he was violent. I didn't want my face bashed in but if I rolled over on this and just let it happen Tony would never take anything I asked him for seriously again. Tony was just being a fucking asshole.

"Fine," Pete said before pushing my head down making me arch my back and grabbing me hard by the collar of my shirt choking me with it before he ripped it. Before I heard that sound and felt my shirt loosen on my skin.

"HEY! I liked that..." I managed before he grabbed the pieces again pulling them taunt choking me.

"You're going to say, no Daddy, Yes Daddy and fuck me Daddy and that's it," Pete hissed in my ear before letting me go, making me cough as I nearly gagged on air.

Oh, so it was going to be like that. I didn't want to do that.

"Can I fix the..." I started to ask him choking me again.

I looked at Tony, looked at him smiling. Of course, he didn't fucking care. Because I wasn't a 10-year-old little fuck boy anymore. He wanted to see me suffer because of that. Because I wasn't the little boy that was afraid of him anymore.

"You heard me," he said wrapping his arms around my waist undoing my jeans, "Yes Daddy, No Daddy and fuck me, Daddy. So what do you say?"

"fuck me, daddy," I barely whispered my throat feeling dry and sore, wrecked because of how hard my own shirt collar had pressed against it.

"I didn't hear you, say it louder bitch," Pete warned.

"Fuck me, Daddy," I said louder Tony laughing where ever he was at the best boy moved closer again, picking the boom back up.

"Yeah, what do you want me to do?" he asked me yanking my pants down to my knees and my boxers at the same time.

"Fuck me, Daddy," I repeated.

"That right, let me see that little cunt. Such a beautiful boy," He muttered finally letting go of my shirt and letting it go loose around my neck before he grabbed me by the hair pulling me up onto my hands on the bed.

I closed my eyes. I didn't want to have to see what they were doing. I wanted to pretend for just a minute that fucking camera wasn't pointed at my ass hole. That it wasn't...and people thought I liked this. It was fucking humiliating.

"Are you going to cry, little bitch?" Pete hissed smacking my butt hard enough it stung causing me to open my eyes as he did it.

Was I going to cry? No, I wasn't going to fucking cry. I was going to do what I was told. He said I had to say those things. Neither one of them had said I had to pretend I was enjoying it. Especially when it wasn't what I had agreed to in the first place.

"No, Daddy," I hissed staring at the headboard before his hand made an impact against my ass again.

"Are you going to be a good boy for me," he asked me as he stood up behind me, my face going hot as I imagined what he was doing.

How he was behind me rubbing himself, coating himself in lube before he...my whole body jumping as I felt his fingers pressing in. As I grunted trying to keep myself silent because they would hate that. Hate that I had enough self-control to keep myself silent. Hate that my Dad had trained me so well to stay as quiet as I possibly could sometimes.

I was less likely to be beaten if I stayed quiet and he was in the mood to hurt me. If I stayed silent and took it "like a real man" then he would stop before he broke my arms, before he busted my ribs. If not it was...it was a lot worse. Especially with Tony goading him into it. Telling him to hit harder, to go faster.

"I think you are," he said pulling on my hair again that was still in his hand before licking the sick of my face, my neck from behind as he straddled me pushing his second finger in making me hum slightly trying to be quiet. Trying to make sure I stayed silent.

"He can hold out," Tony notified him.

"Is that so?" Pete asked me started to move his fingers in and out roughly not even bothering to try and find my prostate just trying to get my body opened.

"Yes, Daddy," I managed through gritted teeth.

It felt like his nails might have been too long the pinching and scraping more intense than it should have been. Because I've had a lot of fingers in my ass and even when someone was being mean about it, it didn't usually feel like whatever he was doing.

"My asshole isn't a fuck..." I started to complain before I was punched in the lower back.

"Don't make me gag you," Pete hissed.

"Yes, Daddy," I choked on the words as they came out.

Was there ever a more fucking disgusting phrase ever uttered? Whenever I had said that nothing good had ever happened to me and I didn't think that was about to change now in this mo...FUCK OK, OK, OK that was not where his tongue was supposed to go. I definitely didn't agree to that. I fucking hated that and Tony knew it.

Tony knew better than anyone how much I fucking hated that and that it was something I not ok with that I would not...no. A weird chirping sound escaping from my throat as I tried to stay calm, to make sure I didn't make any comments and kept my mouth shut before I ended up getting beat to shit.

"There's a good boy," Pete muttered one of his hands around me as he took his tongue out of me sinking his teeth into my right cheek playfully, "So he's not a crier?"

"Not really," Tony confirmed like I was a piece of meat that didn't understand what was going on, what they were saying about me. That they were talking about me like I wasn't even a person, "Personally I like watching people turn him over and pound his ass and after a while he does get tired and his sound effects become more frequent but if he's going to fight you and he likes to do that, he'll be pretty quiet for a while. Up until he can't stay silent."

"Interesting," Pete commented before he grabbed my hips where he had already scratched them.

He dug his nails in like they were fucking handles and trying to force me to turn myself to turn onto my side or roll over completely as I tried my best to make sure I didn't tell him he was fucking turd sucker.

"Come on pretty," Pete said as he finally managed to get me off my knees and roll me over so I was laying on my back.

He was hard and it wasn't that impressive but, it was something I didn't want my chest suddenly feeling heavy. I hated doing this. Tony wasn't stupid he knew I hated doing this.

"Don't give me that look," Tony said as I looked at him wishing I could skin him with my eyes, "You agreed to this."

No, I fucking didn't. I agreed to doing it with Wittier because he had wanted me for a video, not some fucking guy who was older than my Dad. Not someone who was...

"You're a real sweetheart I'm sure," Pete said climbing on top of me, "Can you be a good boy for me?"

"Yes, Daddy," I managed hating myself as I said it again.

"Let's see how good you can be then, huh?" he asked me his hand on the front of my throat before he nudged my face with is before he kissed me, his tongue poking out and slobbering on my lips before his lips actually touched mine, making me feel gross, feel his drool on my skin.

He was a horrible kisser all tongue and spit and nothing else. A tongue that now tasted not so pleasant and like ass. Actual ass, my actual ass. I had a feeling this was going to get even more unpleasant very quickly if I didn't just do what I was told. Pete looking over his shoulder at the camera and Tony smiling and winking at him.

I had made a lot of videos for Tony but usually, he didn't let people out right beat me on film. That wasn't his thing. Not usually. The way Pete was acting though, punching me in the back for talking, that was like Dad or Hank, that wasn't normal. That was dangerous.

"Are you going to be a good boy?" He asked me again.

"Yes, Daddy," I muttered closing my eyes as he shoved his fingers back inside me as he started to kiss my chest.

Well, at least it wasn't his tongue. I had no choice but to lay there and hope it went quickly, hope that they didn't take forever in what they were doing Tony coming closer with the camera. The camera that I wanted to flip off.

Sometimes I think he only used me for his videos to punish me. Because he was mad at me for growing up. For not being that scared quiet little boy anymore. Their boy. His "little princess."

"You like that, don't you sweetheart?" Pete muttered into my stomach where he was licking my abs, his tongue tickling my skin as I frowned.

I could feel myself frowning. Tony knew I was frowning. Tony knew I wasn't ok with what was going on, he just didn't care.

I'd never been with Pete before. Not ever. Not that it mattered because if he paid the money and he wanted it he could have it. Have me. And I was just supposed to let it happen or face the consequences which if his behavior told me what it would involve being choked and hit. The last thing I needed was another bruise or welt in a place where everyone could see it when I changed for gym.

I was getting too old to...to hide it. Even the civ's knew there was something wrong with me. There wasn't any way to pretend anymore. Not that pretending there wasn't something wrong was ever an option to begin with.

I tried to make jokes about it. How I was the school fag, how I was just...before I was so much more. At least to Justin, I was so much more. He would have beaten anyone up who could stomach to hold his gaze. He would have made sure that anyone who had seen this, what they were doing wouldn't dare try to make eye contact with me.

Now half the time in the halls it was jokes about how many dicks I'd taken over the weekend. How many people I had given head too and the civ's did it too. Chad and a couple of his sport jockstraps cornering me in the bathroom once and Chad saying if they gave me five dollars I would probably give them head and let them do whatever they wanted. One of them tossed an actual five at my feet before tapping me on the shoulder while I washed my hands and saying "Well?" like I was just supposed to...

They didn't. Only because when I said no and told them to fuck off a few of them were more than reluctant to do anything but shove my head in the toilet. One of them had even told Chad it wasn't funny anymore when he told the other two guys there to keep holding me while he went to go undo his fly. One of them chickening out completely and asking Chad if he was really the gay one instead of me.

That had pissed him off enough he stopped. Told them he was joking. He could have easily overpowered me with the other two lackeys he had with him but apparently, something about the one who had said no...really said no just...

"AH!" I said feeling my face heat up as the feeling of his mouth sucking on my scrotum brought me back a little bit.

"He liked that," Tony muttered the camera pointed directly at my face, "What do you want? You know how to ask for it. Just like Daddy L taught you."

"Fuck me, daddy," I said trying to put on my most seductive and sultry voice I could manage, "Trying to give them what they wanted so they would get out of my ass and leave me alone, "I want you to fuck me so good."

"Yeah?" Pete asked stopping his question barely a whisper as I managed to close my eyes and sigh deeply to remind myself that it didn't matter and if I just got it over with they would leave me alone.

"Yeah Daddy, fuck me so hard," I moaned keeping my eyes closed so that I didn't have to see the camera, see how excited Tony was. What a sick piece of shit he was. Think about how he...

Everything. He said he wasn't into boys but, he had never given me that impression. Not even once. 

"Yeah? You like getting finger fucked?" Pete moaned started to slowly poke at my fucking insides. Poke at them like maybe he was trying to get a stuck soda or candy bar out of a fucking vending Machine.

I was about to say yes because like I said, fuck it. If it got it over faster it was better.

"Not like that," Tony said setting the camera on a tripod and nodding at some kid to pick it up before making sure his mask was in place.

"Ok, are you going to show me Daddy T?" Pete asked without missing a beat almost like the whole thing was planned.

Tony always filmed in nearly nothing. It was a rule of being in the villa so it wasn't exactly difficult for him to slip out of his gold banana hammock before he came into frame and walked forward. His erection uncovered but not really any more or less noticeable than it had been in the very small piece of cloth that had been covering it.

"You want me to show him how it's done, princess?" Tony asked me.

No, I wasn't doing this. I wasn't going to do this.

"He seemed to be enjoying it just fine," Pete answered even though he pulled his fingers out moving over.

"He'll be good for me, won't you princess," Tony asked smiling at me like that.

Like the first time that he...with Dad. I moved. I wasn't doing that. I wouldn't...I wouldn't do that.

"Come on, it's been a while. I'll just show him how," Tony said before I felt a hand on my arm, Pete's hand. Pete had gone around the bed so that instead of being on top of me he was near my head holding me down by my wrists.

I couldn't breathe. Tony and I didn't do that anymore I was too old. I was too fucking old and he was...he didn't even. He wasn't supposed to like boys. That's what he had always told me. That he didn't really like boys.

"Do..." I managed shaking my head before Pete smacked me in the face bashing my head against his knee.

"Yes, Daddy, No, Daddy and fuck me, Daddy," he reminded me.

My head was swimming now. A sharp throbbing ache enveloping my skull, my face. I wasn't doing this. We didn't do this. He never touched me anymore. Not ever. Why was he doing this?

"He looks like he wants to cry," Pete commented.

"He'll be fine," Tony said pinching my nipple, "Won't you princess? Why don't we turn you around show me that hot little pussy?"

NO. No...

"I..." I managed before Pete's hand clamped down hard on my throat making me choke.

They wouldn't even let me speak. Let me fucking speak? Please, just...please.

"Much better," Tony agreed.

"What don't you fuck him like he's a real princess, Daddy?" Pete asked.

"I..."

"Come on, I've seen the videos you release always with him on his knees like he's a bitch. Treat him like a real princess. Show him how sweet you can be when you want to."

Tony had only ever done that once. I didn't want to do that. I didn't want to...no. He did that. No, I wasn't going to do that. I wasn...

"Why are you shaking baby girl?" Tony muttered leaning forward, fighting to pull my knees back open and sitting between my legs, "You know I can be nice. You don't need to be afraid.

I wanted to tell him to let me fucking go. I wanted to at scream them. They knew I didn't do this. They knew I didn't...They needed to let me fucking go.

"Do you want to tell everyone how old you are, C ?" Tony suddenly said like they hadn't been filming the entire time. Tony pulling my pants and boxers off in one move and throwing them onto the floor.

Maybe they hadn't been. Maybe it had just been a trick. A trick to get me here to get me under him his hands caressing my knees that were attempting to dig into his hips hoping that it might make him stop if I managed to hurt him. That he might just stop doing whatever he was doing.

"14," I answered looking at him.

I hated looking at his fucking face especially when he was wearing that smile. That smile that said I wasn't me. He wasn't seeing me he was seeing his "princess". That little kid that had told his Dad who had said he was just trying to get to know me. That smile that said he knew Dad wouldn't care. That no one cared what he did to me.

That smile that said even if I was his, I would always belong to Tony too because Tony had gotten to me first. That stupid fucking kid who felt so...helpless. Who couldn't understand why his...

"There you are beautiful," Tony said as Pete handed him the tube and he squirted some into his hand, "It's been a little while hasn't it?"

I wanted to tell him it hadn't been long enough, I glanced at Pete reading his expression, his smug fucking smile that warned me he wasn't done yet. That if anything came out of my mouth that didn't sound like a "yes Daddy." he was going to hit me or choke me or something equally fucking annoying that only a little fucking bitch would feel the need to do.

"Yes, Daddy," I murmured.

"You miss me?" Tony asked leaning forward over top of me his hardness resting against my stomach.

I missed him about as much as someone in remission missed cancer.

"Yes, Daddy," I answered wishing I could go somewhere else. Anywhere else closing my eyes only to be tapped harshly on the cheek.

"No you don't we want to see those pretty eyes," Pete said as I opened my eyes to glare at him. My chest feeling tight and my throat feeling thick.

"Yes, Daddy," I said not sure what else there was to say.

"You want this?" Tony asked me rubbing his dick against my stomach.

Did I want him to...? No, never. I wanted him to stop.

"No, Daddy," I said looking him dead in the eyes.

"Are you sure about that, C?" Tony said the expression in his eyes changing like he was angry, annoyed with my answer.

Like he had a right to be annoyed with my answer? It was my fucking body. My fucking body and I didn't give...I hadn't said yes to any of this. Not even close. Wittier wasn't anything like these guys. I had agreed to shooting with him, not with Pete and certainly not with fucking Tony. Never with fucking Tony.

 

"I think you're lying, Princess. I think you do want it, you just don't want everyone to realize how much," Tony muttered as the guy holding the camera moved closer to us probably zooming in my face even though he was standing over Tony's right shoulder.

"You liked it earlier," Pete commented.

"Tell us what you want," Tony muttered, "Just like you used to tell Daddy L, you remember."

No. I wasn't a little fuck boy anymore. I wasn't going to say that. I refused to say it again. I refused to tell him to fuck me too, I'd already said it to Pete. I wasn't going to say it again, especially not to him.

"I'm sure you've noticed Pete has a hard time using words to express his anger. He really likes to feel things pop and crack, especially when he's mad," Tony warned him his facial expression never changing besides his eyes, "He's a strong guy too. It wouldn't take too much for him to..."

"ARGH!" I tried to jerk away, my index finger snapping in Pete's fist.

So that's how they were going to play this? That wasn't fucking fair. They were going to do that and I wasn't even allowed to fucking speak? That was fucking bullshit. They could go get fucked by a metal stake for all I cared. I wasn't going to...

 

"ARGH!!! SSTTOPP!" They allowed me to scream as Pete pulled on my finger as well breaking it at the knuckle.

"Are you going to tell me what I want to hear?" he asked me still somewhat humping me, rubbing himself against my lower stomach the feeling of what he was doing making me feel sick inside.

 

"Fuck me, Daddy," I barely whispered hating myself for it. Hating myself for letting them break me if only so I could actually write on Monday. If only so I didn't have to make a deal on my back or stomach so Headmaster Watson would make sure I had a passing grade on my history test I was supposed to take. Tony kissing me, kissing me like...

Like I didn't want him to. He reached down between us and rubbed lining up before pushing in making me want to hiss but instead I managed a simple exhale my body starting to feel hot as he used the movement of his hips, his body to rub against me. To rub my more intimate parts between us, to stimulate me as he finally found that spot making it hard to think. Hard to do anything really.

My body wanted to give over to it. My body wanted that more than anything but, I wouldn't, I couldn't. I bite into my cheek to keep myself from giving them what they wanted Tony starting to talk to mutter to me.

"Come on, you know you like it baby girl, just give it to me. Moan for me, moan like the little bitch you are who loves having their cunt fucked. Be good for me. Be my princess again, baby, come on," he muttered kissing my chest, my neck, Pete holding me down by my wrists laughing.

How did he not see that it wasn't fucking funny? What he was doing to me wasn't funny. He'd ruined my life. He'd held me down while My Dad had...this wasn't fucking funny. This wasn't funny.

"I thought you said he wasn't a crier," Pete said sounding more amused than anything else as my tears started to obscure my vision.

He didn't understand. He didn't get it. He didn't care. I was supposed to be too fucking old. He couldn't do this to me again, he couldn't. He wasn't allowed to.

"Come on princess, moan for me," Tony told me ignoring Pete completely, "Let me know you're still mine. You'll always be...." he paused closing his eyes and grunting as he found that spot, somehow at the same time. That spot that made me feel like my face was fucking melting into a pile of mush as my body started to feel hot, as everything started to somehow ache and tingle so much it overpowered the burning.

"You like that, huh sweetheart?" Pete "Wait until he's done with you and he's giving a nice big cream pie. Just you wait and see what I'm going to do to you sweetheart, you won't be able to stay this silent then."

 

"Shut up," Tony warned him his eyes still focused on me, I knew he was still looking at me, looking at my face.

He was imagining the same thing I was imaging and I hated knowing that. That he was thinking about the same thing I was thinking. How he'd looked at me like that the whole time Dad was on top of me. The whole time he stared at me like that as Dad told me to stop crying. That it was good for me and I needed to...to...

I shook my head trying to kick out. Trying anything, pushing trying to...anything.

"No, I feel that you're in this. You're not going anywhere," Pete told me as I started shaking trembling.

He wasn't allowed to do this to me anymore. He wasn't allowed to...a sob ripping free from my throat.

"It's almost over baby," Tony muttered kissing me, kissing my nipple, "You're being so good, princess. Such a good boy."

He picked up the pace. My body nearly there. Right on the edge of where he wanted it to be. I felt it. That hot sputter of...of him. My body was almost ready to give it over. To give him what he wanted as he came inside me pulling out while he was still shooting like he always did, finishing on my stomach, cover me in his sick disgusting jizz.

"Can you hold him down for me?" Pete asked as Tony sat up looking at me a shit eating grin on his face.

A look that said he still owned me. That he always would and he knew it. That it didn't matter what I did I'd always be his. He'd always know how to make me cry.

"You that afraid he's going to able to overpower you? Look at him. He's a sniveling ball of mush. He always is after we're done." Tony said winking at me.

"I don't want to wait for him to head butt me when he finally gets his legs back under him. You think I don't know him and his brother are fighters? They're little shits and everyone knows it," Pete said.

"I thought you liked a fight," Tony said shaking his head as he got up going around the bed.

"Not that much. I want to bend him in half hard to do that and get in there night a good at the same time unless they're letting you or..."

"Yeah I got you," Tony said as I felt another hand my left wrists, "You know what works well to get him to bend? Getting him off."

"Why didn't you get him off?" Pete asked him as I felt my wrists change hands.

Fuck no. No.

"L...." I managed before Pete sucker punched me across the face.

"How many times do we have to go over this? It's No, Daddy, Yes, Daddy and Fuck me Daddy I don't want to hear another fucking word out of you. If you aren't saying those words you're opening your mouth to suck dick, do you understand?" Pete hissed at me, "I'm in charge of this show. I'm paying money to fuck your holes not listen to you open one."

I heard what he was saying but I felt dizzy again. Sick. He really was an asshole.

No wonder Morgan and Sully rarely spoke if that was what they got for opening their mouths and having sound come out. Hell, that was probably how they lived life the only phrases that were acceptable to utter being "yes, Daddy, No, Daddy and Fuck me, Daddy."

"So are you going to hold him for me?" Pete asked Tony.

"Oh yeah, I have no problem doing that. I think he's going to fight you hard though. Try to buck you off," Tony told him smiling.

"I don't mind that," Pete said, "Who knows maybe if you're good I actually will let you get off?"

I was supposed to fight him but I wasn't allowed to scream or say anything besides, no, yes or fuck me? He had to be kidding. He had to be...

"Come on," Pete said grabbing me as if to pull me forward, pull me towards him.

I shook my head. He wasn't going. No. I kicked out trying to catch him in the face with my foot. He grabbed my ankle snapping it causing me to grunt in pain. I figured that one was coming. That's what Dad would have done.

"Oh, a tough guy suddenly, huh?" Pete asked me, "What if I dislocate your knee? Do you think that would make you scream?"

"You didn't pay enough for that," Tony said shaking his head, "If he needs pins in that ankle his dad is going to make you pay for it."

"Fine," Pete said pushing both my knees into my chest before he rammed into me.

It hurt. Tony staring at me the whole time just like he had the first time. It might as well have been the same situation. The same fucking smug look on his face as he held me down so Pete could do what he wanted with me.

Pete wasn't a good fuck. He was a horrible one. It might as well have been the fucking German Shepard that was badly trained. I didn't really manage to tune out because all I could see was his face, watch him licking his lips as Pete tore into me wishing that he would just stop, making my back fucking hurt. Making everything hurt.

When Pete was done he didn't "get me off." And I almost sighed with relief until Tony dismissed everyone in the room leaving us alone. Leaving him alone with me. It was only then that he finally let go of my arms. Finally, let me sit up.

"Stay the fuck away from me!" I hissed going to stand only to have my leg collapse under me as I put weight on my ankle as I realized the serious damage Pete had probably done to it and it started throbbing with my pulse making me whimper.

"You're not going anywhere," Tony said, "Not until I want you to."

"Leave me alone," I said shaking my head.

"Oh come on, you want to get off. You always do," he smiled at me.

"I hate you," I managed, rolling my eyes hoping to keep the tears at bay.

"Oh, I know princess," Tony told me, "I just-"

"You fucking what?!" I hissed.

"Excuse you?" Tony said wagging his finger at me, "You don't talk to me like that. You respect me. You know better Cole. I just wanted to see something. I wasn't planning on seeing it on camera but, good enough time as any."

"See fucking what?" I hissed again.

"See if I really share a taste in boys with a certain someone or if you were special," Tony answered shrugging his shoulders, "I decided that maybe I should fuck his boys more often. We seem to have a lot in common. You're still special though princess, don't worry."

"Share a taste in..." I frowned. 

He hadn't. He hadn't not with permission. He hadn't. Suddenly all I saw was red. I was going to fucking kill him. I was going to...

He laughed looking at my face, chuckled.

"Oh, that's funny. Like you think you have any right to that pussy?" Tony said.

" Wait until I fucking tell him. He'll skin you alive. He'll..."

"You tell on me, I tell on you," Tony said his smile disappearing from his eyes, "You think I can't tell that boy is as queer as a three dollar bill and that you'd be just his type? He has a thing for Theodore too. Don't worry, that's being taken care of."

"What did you do Tony?" I asked shaking my head trying to hide how body my whole body was shivering with rage.

"Only showed him what his future looks like. You think Wallace isn't going to pimp him out he's the next backstreet boys chart-topper playing on the radio. Everyone is going to want to give him a ride and as long as they pay the money Wallace will let them," Tony said shrugging his shoulders like it wasn't a big deal.

Like he wasn't telling me he'd raped Will. Like it didn't matter that he'd...with my best friends little brother. With an 11-year-old little boy who was already heartbroken. Who was already fighting so hard and was barely holding on.

"You don't know that he's going to end with Wallace. Since when has Daddy L ever...."

"Since he decided that he doesn't have much time left. He has maybe 10 years. He wants Wallace's impulses under control and that blond little beauty makes the perfect punching bag. Especially because he can't keep his dick in his pants long enough for people to stop talking about it," Tony said.

"HE'S A FUCKING LITTLE BOY TONY! YOU REALLY THINK HE'S CHEATING ON HIM?" I asked feeling a sour taste in my mouth.

"No, honestly I don't. Apparently, he already cheated on him and admitted to it so, what do I know? Maybe the old man has just gone crazy in his old age but, honestly, I couldn't care less. Do you know how many people I've seen stuff that cunt until it's ripped? I figured one more wouldn't do any more damage than anyone else had and let me tell you, it was a great ride."

"One day I'm going to fucking kill you," I hissed shaking my head in disbelief.

"Get in line," Tony sighed, "Maybe in my old age I'm getting soft or I'm caring less about what society thinks but, I think I'll spend more time with you. You have a contract holder right now?"

Oh, fuck no. Wasn't happening. Over my dead fucking rotting corpse.

" Don't you fucking dare," I said shaking my head.

"Why?" he asked me smiling, "Know Daddy's going to say yes? He used to love me you know?"

Dad never told me any of that stuff. All he had told me about was his dad. Their relationship and barely at that. How my grandpa had started "teaching" him when he was 8. How my Aunts had both thought it was disgusting and cut off contact with him the moment they felt they were old enough to leave. How it had hurt at first, just like he was hurting me but, how I would grow to like it just like he did.

I hated him. I hated him and Lionel almost as much as I hated Tony. They all made me want to barf. They had taken everything from me so how on fucking earth did Dad ever think I could enjoy breathing the same air as any of them let alone letting them fuck me because I had no choice and was too weak to fight them off and they all knew it?

He'd grown up with Tony. I knew that much about him. That after my mom died he was the one who had contacted him first. Who had...

"We used to fuck all the time when we were kids. He decided when he was 18 though he wanted to be "normal" that I wasn't good enough for him. Not that I was into that anyway at the time. The power of the pussy is...overwhelming. Anyway, we could have been something if we had wanted to. He wanted me. He even tried to get with me for a while. Offered me you. Said we could raise you together. Honestly, you're a better fuck than your Daddy ever was. I think I like no grass on the field though. At least when it comes to twigs and berries." Tony said.

"Yet you just asked me to...?" I said shaking my head.

"You're my first," he answered, "All I have to do is stare into those eyes and I see you as my sweet little princess. It doesn't matter how old you get, that's how it's always going to be."

"Fuck you," I said shaking my head knowing he was telling the truth. That he meant every word he was saying.

"No, I'll fuck you instead and if your Dad says no I've heard your neighbor as plenty of brats he's thinking about selling out. I've heard the 9-year-olds are even contracted at this point but, that doesn't mean I can't have fun with some of the other ones. How old is his oldest girl? 4? 5? Maybe if I play my cards right and give him the price he wants he'll let me pop her cherry instead of him."

"You fucking touch her and I will find a way to make sure you die! I will fucking poison you, I will fu..."

"Yeah, yeah, like I said get in line," Tony said smiling at me, "You couldn't protect your favorite cock and you can't protect anyone else. Face it I own you and I always will. Let me know when you're ready to go to the ER."

With that, he walked away. I managed to not throw up for a good 2 or 3 minutes. He'd never touch any of them again. Not ever. Not if I could ever help it and I knew sadly he was right, I couldn't. There wasn't a damn thing I could do.


	3. Sometimes couches aren't comfy (Mike and Susan)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mike has a therapy appointment to talk about his anxiety issues that Connor and others have noticed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Most of this is just talking however you have to remember this is the child and a very real representation of a child who is being sexually abused and how they often process things. A lot of abusers push secrecy above anything else. If they're going down you're going down too and that has very severe effects on young minds and this is the mindset that type of reinforcement creates. So be warned while there isn't anything explicit going on this could be a triggering short. **Warnings: Talk of child sexual abuse, talk of anxiety, mental health issues, therapist office, talk of forced incest, dubious consent, brother/brother.**

[](https://s1380.photobucket.com/user/Mcgergor_Story/media/McGregor%20MikeMatt12_zpsamoh0exu.jpg.html) [](http://s1380.photobucket.com/user/Mcgergor_Story/media/Larkin%20Susan_zpszwfmnvtt.jpeg.html)

I was annoyed. This was stupid. She wasn't here to help me with anything I knew it. She didn't care that Matt wouldn't leave me alone. That Zac wouldn't leave me alone, or Da. She just wanted to make sure I wouldn't say anything to anyone.

I was 9. I wasn't retarded. The last thing I was supposed to ever talk about was Zac and all of that.

"Michael, Michael?" she repeated until I looked at her.

"What?" I asked her.

She smiled at me pressing both her index fingers to her bottom lip as she looked at me the pads of her fingers touching, "Why don't you talk about your Dad?"

"Because I don't want to?" I suggested quirking an eyebrow at her.

I didn't feel like talking about him. It was that simple. Did I want to talk about how he'd been in my room sometimes? No. I didn't want to talk about any of that. It was stupid and talking about it wouldn't make it go away.

"Do you want to talk about your brothers?" she asked me.

"Which ones?" I asked shrugging my shoulders.

"John?" she suggested.

"He gets sad. He hides in his room a lot," I answered.

"Why do you think that is?" she asked me.

"I don't know. Because he does," I answered.

I knew it was because of Da and his naked games. We all knew that. Da played a lot of naked games with John. Real love games. It just meant they were special, that's all. Special like Zac and I were special as long as I was good. As long as I didn't make him mean.

"You don't know?" she asked me picking up the play dough machine and stuffing some blue playdough into the plunger that was going to make it come out in strands to decorate her person, give them some hair.

"I don't want to talk about Da," I answered honestly.

"Ok," she said again nodding her head, "But you know he's like that because of your dad?"

"I think it's a lot of things," I answered, "Da isn't always nice to him. He tries to be. I know he does but, sometimes John makes it hard. I don't want to talk about Da though."

"Do you want to talk about Zac?" she asked me.

"What about him?" I asked her.

"Is he nice to you?" she asked me.

Was he? When I was good he was. When I was nice to him and I didn't hurt his feelings. If I talked about him with someone else that would hurt his feelings. That wouldn't be nice.

"I'm not sure I want to talk about Zac either," I told her.

"Why not?" she asked me starting to put the strands of hair on her dolls head as I grabbed the bug maker and started putting green into the plastic mold.

"It's not nice to talk about people when they aren't here," I answered her honestly.

"Only if you say bad things," she added nonchalantly, "Are you going to say bad things about him?"

"No," I shook my head vigorously.

If I said bad things I wasn't being nice. He'd get mad because I'd hurt his feelings and then he'd hurt me instead of playing with me. I didn't mind when he played with me really, most of the time, but, I didn't like it when he hurt me.

"Zac is your contract holder, right?" she asked me suddenly causing me to look at her.

She was a girl she wasn't supposed to know about those things. That stuff. The things contract holders did. That wasn't right. She shouldn't be saying that.

"I don't know what you mean," I tried to lie knowing my voice wasn't strong enough to hold up its weight, to make her believe I was telling the truth.

"Well, I talked to Matthew and he said that you have the same contract holder and his is Zac so, doesn't it make sense that yours would be Zac too?" she asked me.

"It's private," I answered shrugging my shoulders.

"It is but, so is what we're talking about. Does that make sense?" she asked me.

"We aren't talking about anything because you want to talk about things I don't want to talk about so we're not talking about them," I told her.

"We could though and no one else would know. I wouldn't tell anyone else," she informed me.

"But you don't talk about your contract holders. It's bad. It hurts them," I answered repeating what Zac had told me.

How it hurt his feelings and made him sad when I talked about the things we did together. Especially if we were alone and how it would upset Matt to know we did things alone together without him. How he didn't want Matt to be upset and I knew I didn't want Matt to be upset. I really didn't want Matty upset at all.

"How do you think it hurts them?" She asked me.

I didn't know. But he said that it wasn't nice. He wouldn't lie about that. He'd never lied before. Sometimes he told me something might hurt and he never lied about that. He also told me it wouldn't hurt forever or the pain would lessen and he never lied about that. He tried to be nice. He tried to make sure he didn't hurt so bad. That was more than Uncle Ben ever did.

I shrugged my shoulders not sure what to say to that. Not sure there was anything I could say to that. Hurting someone's feelings made them sad though. And God got mad when you didn't try to be nice to people or when you did something bad even though you knew it was bad. I didn't want to do bad things. I didn't want to hurt people.

"I think you can try," she told me, "How do you think it would hurt Zac to talk about him?" she asked me.

"Hurt his feelings," I answered smooshing the head of my clay cat before I started over. Started reshaping the head.

"What do hurt feelings look like?" she asked me.

"He gets sad and then mad. His face scrunches up a little bit like Matty's does," I answered.

"And what does it feel like?" she asked me.

"Sharp," I whispered under my breath before going to continue...

"Sharp?" she asked me frowning making my face go warm when she repeated it made me aware that she had heard me clearly.

"Just...I don't know," I finished shaking my head.

"Does he use sharp things when you're alone with him?" she asked me.

I shook my head. Not like that. Not stuff that would cut me. He wasn't like Matty. Matty who I said no to sometimes and he'd get out the letter opener he'd stolen from Da's office and hold it to my throat saying he'd stab me if I didn't shut up. If I didn't...

I shook my head again trying to shake those thoughts away. Matty only did that when he was upset. Because he didn't know how to be upset at the right people because sometimes he wasn't allowed to be upset with them. When that happened I just had to kiss him and remind him it was me. That he loved me. That I wouldn't ever make him feel bad.

That I wanted him to feel good. Feel nice. That I could make him feel nice and then he'd stop. He'd stop trying to hurt me and he'd let me make him feel good. Then he'd stop being mean, stop being mad at me.

 

"What were you thinking about just now?" Miss Susan asked me.

I wasn't going to talk about Matty either. That was private. What Matty and I did was private. No one would ever understand that. How important and private it was. Even if I tried to explain it to someone they wouldn't get it. No one ever would. They would just think Matty was bad.

He wasn't bad. He didn't try to be bad. Not on purpose. He wanted to be and he tried so hard to be good. To be nice and sometimes they made it so he couldn't be. I didn't need people who didn't understand thinking he was bad. That he was hurting me all the time when it was just sometimes and it wasn't his fault. 

"Nothing," I answered quietly, "Are we almost done?"

Susan sighed and looked at the clock, "Yeah, we're almost done. I wish you would have talked more. Maybe next time we'll talk about John and how you feel about him? Make that our goal."

"Maybe," I answered, "There isn't a lot to talk about when it comes to John. He loves me and takes care of me but he's tired all the time so he sleeps a lot."

"Why do you think he's so tired all the time?" she asked me.

"Because he sleeps a lot," I repeated, "You sleep when you're tired and he sleeps a lot."

"What else does he do?" she asked me suddenly.

"What do you mean?" I asked her feeling confused by the question.

What else was he supposed to do? Was there some magical activity that he was supposed to be doing that I wasn't aware of? Was he supposed to be coloring with us or reading to us nightly like he did in Montana but had stopped doing once we had gotten home? I wasn't sure what she meant.

"Does he spend time with you?" she asked me.

"Yeah, we watch tv and play games when he can. But, he's really tired a lot and then on the weekends he goes to Leo's so..." I trailed off.

"Leo, is his contract, correct?" she asked me.

Why was she asking about them? She shouldn't be asking about them. It wasn't her place. Girls didn't know about those things. That was boy stuff and she wasn't a boy. She shouldn't be talking about it.

"I don't know," I answered shaking my head.

"How do you not know who your brother's contract holder is?" She asked me.

"I don't know," I said again.

"Does John love you?" she asked me.

"Of course he does," I told her.

"I mean does he REALLY love you," she emphasized the word.

"He's my brother," I said, "That's for Da's, not brothers."

"Brothers can really love each other too. There's nothing wrong with it. Not as long as your Dad is ok with it." She told me.

"Oh," I said not sure what she was getting at.

I wasn't sure what she wanted, what she was talking about. It seemed weird. Like it was some sort of trick. Matty and I did that but, we didn't tell Da about it. We weren't supposed to tell anyone about it because they'd be mad. I hadn't even told Willy about it, he had just guessed. He just knew. Willy just knew a lot of things. But, that was just how Willy was.

"Have you ever really loved any of your brothers?" she asked me suddenly.

"What?! No! NO!" I shook my head.

We'd get in trouble if they knew how much it happened. Matty always told me that, that we'd get in trouble. That Zac would be mad because we weren't including him and that wasn't nice. When I wasn't nice Zac had to punish me. He had to be mean and I didn't want him to be mean. Not like that. That hurt.

"Are you sure?" she asked me, "Michael there's..."

"I'm sure," I interrupted her, "No one does that without permission. You're bad if you do."

Wit that her timer went off. The same timer she had shown me in the session before that signals our time was up. Me jumping off the couch and leaving the room without waiting for her to tell me I could go. I didn't want to be there. I didn't want to make Zac mad because when he was mad he got so mean. Horribly mean. I didn't want to be bad. I wanted to be good. Always.


	4. I have promises to keep and miles to go before I sleep... (Adam and Lou)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adam summarizing his life while he disassociates

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is Adam and Lou. Adam is talking about his past, his history while he lets his mind wander. Yes, he is currently being raped. No, he doesn't like it and he doesn't find it to be a pleasant sensation to deal with but, he's learned how to disconnect his mind from his body and so because of a lot of practice and being stuck in those types of situations repeatedly over the years he's learned how to tune out a little bit. Most stuff is just mentioned and not described in real time but **Warnings: Rape, forced anal, forced kissing, mental health issues, child sexual abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse, neglect, starvation, human trafficking, mentions of hospitalization, attempted murder, child neglect**

[ ](https://s1380.photobucket.com/user/Mcgergor_Story/media/Morrow-A%20Burgess%20Adam13_zpshdmnd0oo.jpeg.html) [](https://s1380.photobucket.com/user/Mcgergor_Story/media/Morrow%20Lou_zpsywiup8cr.jpg.html)

“Come on sweetie,” he said his hand on the back of my neck as he looked at me. Made me look into his eyes.

I hated the fact that he liked doing that. Holding me by the back of the neck as he was inside me. That he made me squint at him as he looked at my face. It reminded me of Boris. How Boris used to hold me hard by the face, by my jaw as he pushed inside of me and laughed. As he called me a dog.

Boris and how I had ended up with him was a long story. How I had ended up with Pop or Lou, was an even longer story. I barely remembered being 8. It was almost like I didn’t exist before that point. Like I was born a fully formed 8-year-old whose mom decided one night she wanted smack more than she wanted her child around. Someone she had to feed and clothe and send to school. Someone she had to love but obviously didn’t.

My first Daddy, I don’t even remember what I called him. I just remember him taking me to this hole almost. I don’t remember what the outside of the place looked like but, on the inside, there was a big hole in the floor that he pushed me past and once he did he had cut my clothes off with a knife while I had pleaded with him to take me home. Told him to tell my mom I’d be good. That I would stop asking for food, stop trying to wake her up. 

He chained me to this thing hooked into the wall in this small room with peeling old wallpaper and a dirty mattress on the floor. He was the first one to rape me. He kept me around for a while. He fed me pieces of sliced bread on days where I had guest. Guest was just other people who wanted to…

One day he unhooked me and put tape over my face, my eyes and my mouth before taping my feet and hands together. Someone picked me up and I was put somewhere that moving and then moved again and moved some more. 

When they finally took the tape off my eyes I was somewhere with a bunch of other boys and it felt like everything was moving. I was told to keep my fucking mouth shut. I watched them rape a boy next to me, we all did in silence, too scared to breathe.

We had all gotten the message. We had each been picked up from somewhere and put on that boat by a “daddy”. By my first Daddy. The one who had made my body hurt in those horrible ways and then hadn’t let me use the bathroom. The one who had only fed me bread when I had a guest come over who also hurt me and made my stomach hurt. It was explained to me in broken English that I had been sold to be someone else’s boy. 

I ended up at a warehouse with the other boys. There was a guy there. Boss had he had made us call him, was brutal. He wanted you trained if you weren’t fresh meat and I had been far from fresh.

He’d stick things in you and if you screamed he’d beat your face in. Only three boys had screamed. When one of the other boys had been stupid enough to ask him how he was planning to fix it this other guy came in and shot him point blank in the face both boss and his minion laughing and telling us that was how they fixed a broken face here. That we needed to keep our mouths shut and be “good” if we wanted to survive.

After that Boris had brought me. Boris wasn’t my first but, he was my worst. A lot worse than Lou. He and Nadia were… Nadia didn’t really like having sex with me but, she’d do it when she was bored. When she was mad at him for whatever reason. Because he wanted her to. Because I was…there. Different reasons.

I think she pitied me sometimes. She used to ask me things in her broken English and I’d answer her in my broken Russian. She’d ask me about my family. My mom. What I remembered. Stupid things that didn’t matter. That seemed so far away there wasn’t any point in thinking about them.

My eyes started getting bad probably around the time I was 10. Boris only fed me when he was going to fuck me. It was only a little bit at a time at first. As I got older it was more often but being starved had already done damage to my body in a lot of ways. 

At first, it was just me tripping over things at night when he would kick me out of bed. And then it was all the time. And then I couldn’t read anymore. Not even a little bit. When I was 11 I put salt in his oatmeal one morning instead of sugar and he beat the shit out of me. Beat me so hard that I messed on the floor right there and as he screamed and yelled about how I was useless. 

He grabbed a melon baller and was fighting with me to hold my eyes open as I screamed. Nadia stopped him. Told him I was good enough to sell and back to the warehouse I went. Back to where ever and then to Chase.

Chase wanted me to be a “good boy”. Being good means different things. To Chase, it meant laying there and letting him do what he wanted. Telling him it felt good even when it hurt. He actually fed me. He got me glasses and told me that maybe things would be different. He even let me have a tutor.

At night though, all he wanted to do was have sex with me. Take me to that big house and let other people have sex with me. Mostly guys. Like it had been at the first guy's house. Always guys.

When I started getting hair he decided I was starting to get too old but, that maybe he would keep me because if I went to the big place and saw other guys he got money. Only a little bit but, he liked it. He saved money somehow. I mean being a school teacher doesn’t make you rich. One day I was dropped off at home after being at the Villa as I eventually learned it was called and there was a baby.

The most beautiful baby. He looked like he was mixed maybe. Half Asian with chestnut brown hair and blue eyes. Such a beautiful baby. He was just barely crawling. I could tell by looking at him. His eyes so wide and then such huge dimples creasing his cheeks as he smiled at me.

“Chase?” I asked frowning at him, frowning at the baby that was smiling at me.

“Bab…oh! This is Eli. He’s ours,” Chase said coming up behind me and wrapping his arms around my shoulders, “Yours.”

“Mine?” I asked feeling confused about the notion.

“Yeah, I’ll go to work and you…well. We share everything. A bed, a life. So why not have one? He’s cute. You like him, right?” Chase asked me.  
I wasn’t sure what to say but I remember nodding my head. He was something to live for. Something beautiful and pure that no one had hurt yet. Something that I would save. Someone that I would protect. He would be my baby, my boy. And no one would ever hurt him like that. I’d make sure of it.

And that was how I met my son. I took care of him. For two years I took care of him and I was dead convinced that Chase would never hurt him like that because he had me. Time passed, and he never looked at him like that. Not until I went away for a weekend to the Villa and when I came back he was bathing him. Touching him like that. Like…

But, he had me. Chase loved me. He wanted me he didn’t want him. He didn’t want our boy. He didn’t, he couldn’t. He…

“CHASE LET HIM GO!”

I had never raised my voice at him. Not ever. I knew better than to raise my voice to one of them. I’d been owned since I was 8. Chase was far from my first master even if he treated me more like I was something else. Someone that was important.

“Excuse me? Who the fuck do you think you’re talking to?” Chase asked me as he calmly let go of Eli and stood up coming towards me as I momentarily froze in place.

I froze just long enough that when he shoved me he shoved me back off my feet and down a hall a little ways where I landed on my back. I tried to stand up. And he stepped on my knee before grabbing me by the neck. Grabbing me hard by the neck.

“No one tells me what to do. Did you forget that I own your fucking ass? If I want to bite his little dick off, I’ll bite it off. If I want to have you stuff his little cunt you’re going to do it because I said so. I own both of you. I can do whatever I want with you and no one will stop me. Let alone your scrawny little ass.”

He beat me. He beat me almost as bad as Boris used to beat me before he sold me. He beat me so hard I only managed to move from my bed to the couch to the bathroom for the next three days while he stayed home with us. With Eli and me.

In those three days, I started thinking. Thinking about how I was getting older. How I almost wasn’t a little boy anymore. How I was 15 years old and almost too old maybe for…he wouldn’t have been the first one I had ever heard of doing that. Getting a boy and deciding once his body started to really change he didn’t want him anymore. 

Throwaways talked about it all the time at the Villa in the holding rooms and overnight rooms. How some of them trained their own boys. Once one got too old they brought in a boy that they could be with for a while. Sometimes they were only babies and they trained them to be the way they wanted. To do things the way they wanted, and the cycle repeated itself over and over.

That’s when I realized what was happening. Eli wasn’t our baby, that had been a lie he had told me to keep me from getting upset. Eli was my replacement. That once he decided Eli was old enough he was going to sell me. Sell me like the first guy had sold me. Like Boris had sold me, like people had been selling me since I could remember because I was nothing to him.

If his beating hadn’t made it obvious the fact that he ignored me afterward did. I don’t know why I did it while he was home that night. The last night before he went back to work but, I could no longer look at him. At my beautiful little Eli and live with the fact that if I didn’t save him, his life would be like mine. He’d rape him, and then when he got old enough he’d start passing him out to his friends and still finally when he was too old, he’d simply sell him like he was about to sell me. 

If I ran away with him he’d find us but…if I just…if I saved him. If I just put the pillow over his face, then…then it’d be over. He would never have to understand that Chase didn’t love him, that no one really loved him. At least this way he would know that I cared, that I loved him enough to make sure he never had to understand that pain of them all betraying him.

I kissed him. Kissed his forehead as stroked his hair. He looked so peaceful, so happy and he believed he was loved. And I loved him. And not in a gross way where I wanted to hurt him. Where I wanted to make his insides burn and make him pretend it didn’t hurt. I didn’t love him in the way that I wanted to use my mouth on him while he squirmed, and he begged me, pleaded with me, screamed at me to stop. I loved him the way someone was supposed to love him, and I didn’t want someone taking that away from him and confusing it with all the bad things.

“I love you Eli. Don’t ever forget how much I loved you,” I said before I put the pillow over his face putting as much weight on it as I could. I don’t know if he got up to piss or what but, he pulled me off him. And the next thing I knew I was…I was in the hospital.

They hadn’t kept it secret that Eli had lived. That I was almost a murderer. As the weeks went by Dr. Swartzman and his guys made sure I understood that Eli was fine. That he wasn’t even brain damaged.

Everyday. Every day two of them raped me. Told me that if I ever, ever tried something like that again they would pull my guts out and make me wear them as a hat. That they wouldn’t even shoot me, that master who I had only seen a handful of times in passing would leave me in a room for as long as it took me to bleed out.

They never stopped. They never stopped raping me. At one point they locked me in isolation just, so they could rape me. They raped me until I couldn’t even look at anyone over the age of 16 without feeling my heartbeat in my throat because I was waiting for them to touch me, to rape me.

I blinked at him, coming out of my thoughts, he had said something, pop. My newest Daddy. This time instead of one I got to have two. Lucky me.

“Where did you go?” Pop asked kissing my neck, sucking on it roughly as he bucked up inside of me making me cringe.

“Nowhere,” I answered quietly.

“That’s not true. I haven’t been your Pop for long but, I have been Dom’s for most of his life and I know what that look means,” Lou told me.

He had been holding me by my hips, rocking into me. The movement, the everything must have made me separate. One of the guys at the…at the hospital he…that was how he liked it. The stress must have…

“Sorry Pop, I didn’t mean to,” I mumbled wrapping my legs around his waist to show him I was there. That I was present.

“It’s ok, sweetie,” he said giving me a small smile, “We’ll make it up.” He said thrusting forward into me again.

I tried my best to relax but stay present. To remind myself that it was just one night of many. That at least it was me and not someone else, at least it was me and not Dom, not Eli.


	5. Maybe the hardest part of life is just having the courage to try. (Todd and Quinn)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Todd and Quinn thinking about going to a party with a bunch of friends who are Civ's and their discussion on it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is probably happening around mid-September of Will's timeline so the year 1999. So this is after they've decided they are dating but have only been doing so for around a month or so. You will probably recognize this short if you are added to the Livejournal. **Warnings: talk of sex, talk of sexual abuse, talk of brotherhood, talk of growing up, mental health issues, anxiety**

“Are you sure we’re not going to get in trouble for this?” Quinn asked.

He’d been too afraid to bring it up with Derek. Dad, sure. He had said yes especially after he explained that it was a birthday sleepover with Civ’s. People who wouldn’t know about the parts of his life he tried to keep hidden. Toby was a good friend and one that wasn’t connected to the brotherhood at all. He’d been more on board with the idea until Todd had shared with him the things Toby and Jordan and all of them got up to when no adults were around. After that, he had gotten a little more nervous about it. Wishing that Todd had told him those things before he said yes.

“Well, I’m not going to tell Sam and Julian was never into talking to Toby or anyone that was Civ anyway. So, it’s not like he’s going to be aware. And it doesn’t have to mean anything and Toby isn’t into pressuring people. I didn’t even tell him we were…you know,” Todd said biting his lower lip playfully before bumping his hip lightly against Quinn’s.

“Ok,” Quinn said nodding his head even as he felt his face burning slightly, “So what do they do at these things anyway? These sleepovers?”

“According to Toby a lot of circle jerking,” Todd said his nose scrunching up in amusement before he laughed looking at Quinn’s face.

“You do know that we’re not all…”

“I know. I wasn’t going to say that to Toby though. He said it’s not abnormal for a couple of guys to help each other out and you were the one saying you wanted to see what it felt like. And we can’t get in trouble if we do it with Civ’s. They aren’t going to go off and kill a bunch of Civ’s. All we have to do is say it was one of them. It’ll be fine,” Todd said.

Quinn still wasn’t sure about that. He wasn’t sure why Todd even wanted to do this. Todd had been acting kind of…off lately though. Quinn didn’t think he was doing drugs or anything but maybe there was something really serious going on where Todd was just looking to…there were a lot of different reasons why his personality would be changing but Quinn wasn’t sure he liked it.

“What?” Todd said frowning at Quinn before he put his hand in the middle of Quinn’s chest halting his progress towards Toby’s house, “What are you thinking?”

“Nothing,” Quinn said shaking his head.

They weren’t allowed to touch themselves like that let alone other people. Todd had been trying to convince him for the last two weeks that it wouldn’t be a big deal if they did more than kissing that it wasn’t a big secret that it happened sometimes. He had used Cole as an example. Cole who was a coke fiend and older than they were Cole who was…Cole wasn’t a bad guy but he was a little wild. Nothing like Todd or at least that’s what Quinn had thought.

“No, it’s something, Q,” Todd said shaking his head, “What’s going on?”

“You’re not being you,” Quinn said, “What is this? What are we doing?”

“Look,” Todd started dropping the flirting, the playfulness, “I’m tired of them, ok? I’m tired of it being them and I don’t want them. I want you. Ok? If we go to this party and hang out and things happen well…no one has to know. If it gets out we can say it was a civ and they won’t punish us for it. They’ll chalk it up to boys being boys and that’s it. They won’t think it’s because of…I want to be with you. Ok? That’s all this is I swear I want it to be safe to be with you even if it’s only once. Please, Q?”

Quinn wanted to be with Todd too. He did he just wasn’t sure he wanted to do it in a room full of other guys. The feeling that it was wrong nagging at the back of his brain. That he was doing something wrong. That wanting to be with Todd was wrong because Derek and Dad wouldn’t want it to happen. Especially not like that. He would have rather found time to sneak away to a hotel together, been alone. Been just them and a tv in the background or some music. Been them cuddling together on a bed and not some schoolmate’s basement floor in a sleeping bag. He wanted it to be different from whatever this was.

“I don’t know if…,” Quinn sighed heavily grabbing both of Todd’s hands in his, “I don’t know if I want to do it this way. Ok?”

“We don’t have to. It’s not even…if we do go that far we do, but I was thinking it was more an excuse to make out somewhere that wasn’t your old tree house,” Todd confessed frowning as he thought about something, “Did you think I was going to force you to…? Q, I woul…”

“I know you would never force me to,” Quinn said nodding his head, “I know you wouldn’t do that to me. I just…we’re all going to be in the same room, right?”

“Yeah,” Todd said, “Toby and Shane said that they don’t have like sex they just kind of give each other a helping hand. I figured it’d be a place to start. I know it’s not private really but at least you wouldn’t be jumping out of your skin every 2 minutes afraid your dad was coming outside or worse, that it was Derek. I wanted to go somewhere we didn’t have to worry about that. Just for a little while. Most of it will be playing video games and watching scary movies. And you know my favorite part of being with you is cuddling.”

Quinn sighed. He could do cuddling. And Todd had just said that he wasn’t going to force him to do anything he didn’t want to do. He trusted Todd. That still made him wonder what was going on lately though that Todd wasn’t telling him about.

“Why now?” Quinn asked him.

“I’m tired of being tied up and not able to…he never gives me a say. Not even a little,” Todd said his face turning red like he was embarrassed to admit it, “He doesn’t ever let me decide what or when and I wanted to decide this. With your permission of course. I wouldn’t ever…”

“I know,” Quinn said nodding his head, “I know you wouldn’t force me.”

“Why are you so scared then Q?” Todd asked.

“Besides them you know I’ve never…not even a little. Just like you and I don’t know if I want my first time to be in a sleeping bag in the middle of the night in a room full of our classmates who are only kind of…” Quinn trailed off.

Not to mention what Derek and Sam would do to them if they found out. If they found out after everything Quinn and Todd had decided to fuck around without permission. It was in Quinn’s contract. He wasn’t allowed to fuck anyone without permission. He wasn’t allowed to jack himself off without talking to Derek first. Yet here he was going to a sleepover without calling Derek because he knew Derek would say no even if he didn’t realize what kind of sleep over it was because they were a bunch of Civ’s and not all Civ boys did those things together. Circle jerked together, got off together because they could. 

“Toby isn’t only kind of gay,” Todd tried to assure Quinn.

“He’s never told me he’s gay,” Quinn said.

“Well, you talk a lot but you don’t talk to Civ’s,” Todd told him.

“My dad doesn’t like Civ’s,” Quinn said.

“All things considered that doesn’t surprise me,” Todd said, “You don’t talk about him too much.”

“My dad?” Quinn said.

“Yes,” Todd said.

“What is there to say about him? He has 3 sex slaves. He’s not very nice. He treats us all like property and by extension because I have a contract I’m…” Quinn trailed off.

He shouldn’t have to say it. That he was Derek’s property. Shouldn’t have to remind Todd of that. He should just know. He should know what contracts were like. He was sure that Todd’s contract was worse than his with all of the stories he’d heard. With the things, Will had told him about being careful. Yeah taking it out, a roomful of Civ’s who were too embarrassed about their own sexuality to ever mention it at school or pretend they were anything ever than straight was careful but, it didn’t feel careful enough. Not even close.

“Is that what this is about?” Todd asked blinking like the thought just hit me in the face, “Your nerves? You’re nervous Derek is going to find out?”

Todd had no idea what he was like. Just like he didn’t know what Sam was like. If Derek found out it was…it was going to be bad. It was going to be really bad. Quinn wasn’t sure how Todd couldn’t understand that.

“Q, he’s not going to find out,” Todd told him, “He even gave you permis…”

“I didn’t tell him,” Quinn said, “He would have told me no. I didn’t call him.”  
Todd frowned stepping back away from him like Quinn had slapped him, “You didn’t ask permission from him?”

“I sh…I shouldn’t have to,” Quinn said.

“Yeah well, we do,” Todd said, “We do have to and you didn’t ask? Are you looking to get yourself beaten to shit?”

“I just wanted a night out with you, ok? Not anyone else. YOU! I wanted to…I don’t know. It was stupid ok? I’m stupid,” Quinn said feeling like he was going to start crying.

“No,” Todd said shaking his head, “No you aren’t Q but, you should have asked. What if he shows up at your house and you’re not there because your dad said you could go but you didn’t ask Derek?”

“I have to go home, don’t I?” Quinn asked.

Todd sighed but reluctantly nodded his head, “I won’t have you getting yourself hurt, ok? No matter how much I might want this I won’t let you get hurt. You needed to ask. Come on.”

Todd let go of his right hand keeping a hold of his left basically spinning on his heels and heading back in the other direction, heading back towards Quinn’s house, back towards Dad back towards…

“I don’t want to go home,” Quinn said.

“Well, we can’t go to Toby’s now. Not unless you go home and call Derek and ask and by some miracle he says yes,” Todd said, “I’m not letting you get your ass beaten because you did something you weren’t supposed to. I happen to really love that ass.”

Quinn snorted looking at the ground, “You’re not the only one.”

“Don’t do that,” Todd said, “You know that’s just one piece of who you are and the rest of you I love even more.”  
What? Quinn looked up. He’d never said it. They never said it. They weren’t allowed to if someone if anyone of them ever…

“You heard me,” Todd said as Quinn wasn’t sure what he felt, how to respond to that.

He felt like he had swallowed a stone but like he was flying all at once, his stomach hurting but his brain never feeling better his body feeling hot but, cold, nervous and shivering all at once. He’d never said it before. Not to him. He wasn’t sure he was even allowed to feel that let alone say it.

“Let’s go back to your house. Tell your dad you got so excited you forget to call and ask. Derek will probably say no but at least we’ll know we tried ok? And you won’t get hurt. Hopefully. I don’t want you hurt. You matter too much to me do endure what he’ll do to you if…”

“He’ll make me be a slut,” Quinn admitted, “If he thinks that’s what I was doing he’ll tell me if I want to be a slut he’ll make one. He’ll…”

“it’s ok,” Todd said holding Quinn tightly almost like he could see Quinn’s body shaking just thinking about it. Thinking about what would happen if Derek was mad enough to punish him, “You don’t need to think about it. Because hopefully, it won’t happen ok? We’ll say it was an honest mistake. You’ve never lied to him before, have you?”

Not about something this big, no. Never. Derek was in charge and Derek knew it. Quinn wasn’t allowed to go anywhere without Derek’s ok and he had only asked Derek to go do something like this once. He had said no and that had been the end of it. Derek had no reason to believe he would lie about forgetting to call. That he had just gotten so excited about spending a night watching horror movies and eating popcorn while playing video games with his friends that he had forgotten to call and ask until the last minute and then headed back to make sure he did ask. He might actually believe it. It was worth a try.

“No,” Quinn said shaking his head, “I’ve never lied before.”

“Then there’s no reason for him to think you’re lying about forgetting this one time. So we just go back and you call and even if he says no which in that case you don’t get to go. You didn’t do anything wrong, ok?” Todd tried to assure him.

“Ok,” Quinn said nodding his head trying to convince himself that was true, “Ok. Let’s go ask.”

“Good,” Todd said, “And by the way what I said you don’t have t…”

“I love you too, T,” Quinn said bringing their hands up to his mouth and kissing the back of T’s hand quickly, “I do.”

“I know. You didn’t have to say it for me to know that,” Todd said giving Quinn a big smile even as his face started to beam red with probably embarrassment and excitement all at once, “I’m right here. We’ll ask.”

Quinn nodded his head as they walked back towards his house holding hands. Quinn somehow feeling brave even though he was sure Derek was going to say no. Somehow feeling special anyway even if most of the evening was ruined.


	6. Naked and gone mute... (Ted and Peter)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ted and Peter the morning after the ball.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This takes place in the future. Not by much but it takes place after the Princess and Princes ball in NY **Warnings: Force rimming, forced anal, rape, mental health issues, anxiety, physical abuse, pain, mentions young childhood sexual abuse**

[ ](https://s1380.photobucket.com/user/Mcgergor_Story/media/Larkin%20Teddy%2012_zpslrnw7dzn.jpeg.html) [](http://s1380.photobucket.com/user/Mcgergor_Story/media/Ford%20Peter57_zps1l340knc.jpeg.html)

“Come on baby,” he said as his hands ran down Teddy’s naked chest feeling like bugs skittering across his skin.

Peter always did that. It reminded him of Papa almost. The way Papa never seemed to be able to keep his hands to himself especially when Ted had been his boy, “his prince.” Now he was Peter’s. Peter’s hands always all over his body, anywhere his hands could reach and sometimes where they couldn’t Peter leaning his weight up against Ted’s chest.

“I’m so tired though,” Ted moaned trying to roll over, roll away from him as his thumbs brushed up against Ted’s nipples.

“You’re mine,” Peter informed him, “You’re only tired when I say you’re tired. Right now, I think you want to…”

Ted hissed as Peter bit slightly into his right shoulder, just hard enough to sting before he started sucking on the skin there. That was also something Papa did. Bit you and then kiss you and lick you where he had just bitten. Sometimes Ted wondered if they weren’t related somehow, just the way Peter acted reminded him so much of papa it was scary.

“Have my cock inside that sweet pussy,” he said running his hands down Ted’s sides, his back.

That was the last place where he wanted Peter’s cock. The first place probably being in Peter’s own asshole that was rotting because he was dead, but that wasn’t going to happen today. It would be a long shot if it happened at all. One could only dream.

“Is that what you want?” Peter asked trying to start the game up.

The game was where Ted said whatever he had to get them off and get them well, off. It meant they would do whatever it was they wanted and hopefully fast so that no one got hurt. No one that mattered anyway.

With Papa, if Ted didn’t do what he wanted he’s hurt Luke. And Luke didn’t understand that it hurt. Luke knew he didn’t like it and that he couldn’t talk about it at school, but he didn’t understand it was wrong. And it made him sick to his stomach to hear it. To see it. Because Papa would make him watch. Tell Luke that Ted wasn’t being “good”, so Papa wanted a good boy. Because of how little Luke was he’d…he’d make Luke be on top a lot of the time. Ted hated seeing the dead Luke in Luke’s eyes as he tried to be good. 

Luke would always tell him it was ok because it only hurt going in, but that didn’t make ok. Not even for a second. Luke was too little. Ted knew he was tired whenever they were done so Luke had to be exhausted. And Luke got loud which was something Papa enjoyed, but it broke Ted’s heart.

“Yeah Daddy put your cock inside me,” Ted said his brain already numbed out to the idea. 

He was already in Peter’s bed naked. They’d done it last night, so why not? Why not just give him what he wanted? Tell him all the disgusting things he wanted to hear, touch him in all the ways he wanted Ted to touch him and let him do the same. If he just did it, it would be over.

“Why don’t you let me see your sexy little cock?” Peter said.

“You want to nurse?” Ted asked trying to sound sexy, playful but feeling like he was failing at it.

“Of course, I do baby. I love how sweet you are,” Peter told him as Ted sighed and closed his eyes for a minute.

Closing his eyes always helped. He could close his eyes and imagine he was flipping a switch and that he was no one longer there. That it wasn’t him anymore, but someone else. Someone that enjoyed it. 

“You want my cock in your mouth Daddy? You want my boy juice?” Ted asked rolling over so that he was lying on his back.

“Yes, baby. I love your boy juice,” Peter answered kissing Ted hard, biting on his bottom lip as Ted grabbed each side of Peter heads reminding himself he had to be gentle but not too gentle.

If he did it too hard Peter would think he was trying to stop him but if he held too hard he would think he wanted it really bad. Ted sliding his tongue into Peter’s mouth who moaned happily darting his tongue in and out of Ted’s mouth faster, getting more vigorous.

Peter liked making out. He liked it a lot. He usually did it while he was inside him. Peter like a lot of things Papa didn’t. Papa liked kissing and making out but only when they were warming up. When he had just started touching him where Peter really loved making out through the whole process especially when he was inside of him. It was weird to get used to the fact that someone would rather suck on your tongue and your mouth inside of your nipple, your chest or other places.

Ted made small moaning sounds while he kept his hands on each side of Peter’s head hoping that he could keep his mouth there for a while. Oral felt like shit when it was some old guy who just knew how to do it because he’d done it with a lot of people. Peter liked sucking on his balls. That always felt weird. Even when Papa did it, it felt weird. Especially now that he was older, and they didn’t suck on all of it at once. 

Ted still remembered the first time. He remembered it happening how the feeling was so powerful he thought he was going to explode, his whole body and not just his penis until the spasms hit. How Papa had gotten so excited he had laughed and removed his mouth, so he could watch it, watch Ted’s penis twitch in dry orgasm as Ted felt his whole-body collapse around him and Papa licked and kissed his belly button telling him that he was a good boy. That he should be happy he shared that with his Papa. Ted had been 3 or 4.

“Does it feel good baby?” Peter asked him breaking the kiss and resting his head against Ted’s shoulder who continued to hold the sides of Peter’s head.

No, it really didn’t. It felt disgusting and slimy. Kissing him. Letting Peter kiss, him like that. Peter’s hand suddenly going to his cock making him gasp in surprise for some reason. Peter had just said that’s what he wanted to do so Ted didn’t know why the sensation of Peter’s hand there had jolted him other than it was cold, but that was probably enough to do it.

“Yeah, Daddy you feel really good touching my body,” Ted said thankful that Peter and Papa were the same kinds of disgusting. That they both enjoyed the same type of dirty talk.

“I enjoy touching your body,” Peter asked.

“I like it when you touch. I especially like it when my cock is in your mouth,” Ted muttered trying to make himself sound as happy and excited as possible.

“Oh?” Peter asked like he was surprised to hear it even though Ted was sure it was one of his most uttered phrases when they were like this. When Peter was on top of him staring at him like that and making his body feel those things. Making his skin feel cold and tingly making him feel sick to his stomach.

“Yes, Daddy I love it when you nurse on me,” Ted said closing his eyes again as Peter grabbed him by the hips.

He grabbed hard. Ted wasn’t as skinny as a lot of the other boys, but it seemed like every time he looked he was thinner, his hipbones sticking out more making it easier for Peter to grab them and use them like they were handles. Peter bringing Teddy’s pelvis up towards him, pushing Ted’s feet up over his head. Ted placing the soles of his feet against the headboard so that he didn’t have to worry about balancing himself or straining his back.

Yeah, he didn’t like this part. That was not his cock, that was not what they had been talking about Ted’s face feeling hot as some of the blood from his upper body started rushing down as his feet were directly above his head Peter licking down his back and to his asshole making Ted gasp.

Yeah, he wasn’t into this. This wasn’t something he was anywhere ok with.

“Daddy,” Ted said in hopes that Peter actually heard him and paid attention to his pleas, “Daddy I thought you were going to nurse.”

“There’s nothing wrong with eating a little pussy while I’m down here. You like it. You know you like that too.” Peter said as Ted’s whole body feeling flushed, like he was glowing with it.

He hated people sticking their tongue there more then he hated them nursing. He didn’t want his tongue in there. That was something Papa did, and he found it more upsetting than anything else. Peter managed to make it not hurt like Papa somehow managed to make sure it did, but that didn’t mean he wanted the blood rushing to his head while Peter stuck his tongue in there.

Ted made a chirping sound in the back of his throat as he felt it, Peter’s finger, his tongue. Ted closing his eyes and just trying to breathe, trying to ignore the way it was making his body feel. It was bad enough when someone was sucking on you the tickling, tingling feeling hitting your stomach and flooding its way down into your pelvis. It was a whole different world of horror when they stimulated your prostate and your anus. When it felt like the whole sensation was flooding your body and there was nothing you could do to fight it.

Teddy hated how it felt. How it felt like Peter was trying to push his tongue so far into him it was almost like he was trying to lick his prostate. Lick places of him that a tongue should never be able to reach as Ted just tried to breathe through it, so he could make sure he kept breathing. That his body didn’t forget how to breathe because it seemed to have forgotten everything else. Everything else besides that cold ticklish chill that was taking over his whole system.

“I…,” Ted managed before his speaking broke off into a series of moans and grunts as Peter did his best to finger and lick all at once the blood rushing to his head as the soles of his feet pushed as hard into the headboard as Ted could manage Peter’s free hand on the small of his back supporting Ted’s weight pushing his legs over Ted’s head in order to try and help him balance. Keeping the blood rushing downwards and into his face and neck as he was bent double up against the pillows and headboard.

Teddy felt like he was being crushed, being crushed by his own legs. He just wanted Peter to stop. He didn’t like it. The feeling of someone’s tongue there. That was something he ever couldn’t get past. How it made even his hair tingle.

Ted could feel it happening and he hated it. He wanted to scream. He didn’t want Peter doing that. Not like that. He said he wanted to nurse. At least it was just one part of his body when they did that and not everywhere else. At least he could almost run for the sensation when it was that. That was something he’d been dealing with for as long as he could remember.

“I…” Ted whimpered stopping himself before he said the rest of it. Because he asked him to stop, begged him to stop. Ted knew it was almost over. If he just waited it would over Peter suddenly stopping.

“There we go baby, a nice wet pussy for Daddy,” Peter said before shoving in without wrong causing Teddy to scream.

 _“Ok, this hurts,” “shit”_ Ted though as his body started to respond again.

He really wanted to kick him in the fucking face. He wanted him to stop. They had to leave to soon to go home. He wanted Peter to stop so that he could at least…oh, yep. And Ted closing his eyes as he just let it happen. As he didn’t fight it all the energy pushing outwards leaving his legs shaking leaving him breathless and his whole body feeling tight and light headed. Too light headed. Peter finally letting Ted out of the ball he was being kept in Peter laughing as he looked at him.

“There’s a good boy. You shot all over your chin. Must have felt good, huh?” Peter asked him.

Not really it had kind of sucked. It was more painful than not and now he just felt dizzy and fucking sick. Ted had experienced good sex and that wasn’t it. That was very far from good sex.

“Yes, Daddy,” Ted lied smiling at him and then cringing as he moved his stomach, abs complaining.

“Are you ok?” Peter asked pulling Ted’s head against his chest. 

“Head rush,” Ted answered quietly.

“It is an interesting position,” Peter agreed, “Thank you for making me feel good, baby. For meeting my needs.”

“You’re welcome,” Ted said.

That was something Peter always did. Thanked him. He didn’t really say he loved him like Papa did, but he thanked him for it. For letting Peter use his body to satisfy himself sexually. To Peter, it was almost less like a relationship and more like an arrangement of some kind. 

“How about you go shower and then get dressed. I think your grandfather wants to take you boys out to breakfast before you leave the city. I need to get dressed and get back to the office. So…”

“Yeah,” Ted said standing up almost tripping because his legs still felt numb catching himself on the edge of the bed and letting himself stand for a minute or two before taking a step. Getting the feel of his legs under him.

He was lucky. Ted knew he was lucky. Lucky that had managed to not plead and beg for Peter to stop before he had. That he was able to hold it in until he stopped. Otherwise, he’d have more bruises. Because Peter didn’t like nos. He hated them, and he made sure Ted understood that.

Ted stayed in the shower for as long as he could. He wanted to throw up. To feel the burn of it. The acid eating at his throat and teeth, but there was nothing to throw up. Nothing that would take that disgust and drain it away, so he sat there. Telling himself it was better this way. That it was always better this way than with Papa.

Then with Will. When Papa made him do that he hurt him. Ted knew it hurt Will even if Will said he was ok. The last thing Ted wanted to do was hurt, Will or Luke. Luke who would cringe and make faces, but who wouldn’t cry. Will who made faces too. Those faces that told you they didn’t know what to think or feel. That they just wanted it to stop.

At least it wasn’t that. At least everyone else was ok. At least this time it was just him and Peter and no one else.


	7. Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood.  (Pat and Cole)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pat and Cole talking after Mary and Shay's birthday party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's mostly just them talking about their lives somethings that the McGregor boys may or may not be aware of. No really strong warnings for this one but, **Warnings: mentions of child abuse, mentions of sexual assault, mental health issues, underage smoking, lots of swearing** Takes place after chapter 93 Will's POV part 2

 

“Well, that was almost a shit show,” I muttered looking at Cole. Cole who looked beyond tired. Who looked like he just wanted to go to bed.

“Easy for you to say,” he snorted, “You didn’t have to spend time with Zac.”

“Ok, and don’t get me wrong, we all appreciated it, Mike especially, but…”

“Yeah, yeah,” Cole said, “Honestly I’m glad it was me and not him. That he just made him watch. Zac is a fucking disgusting human being.”

I knew Zac was disgusting. I’d spent time with him before. Cole didn’t have to remind me of it. Of being locked in that piece of shits basement and him telling me to be a good boy, to be silent as he had tied me up. As he had let Alec use me. Do whatever he wanted to me.

“What about you? You’re the one who gave him your hoody,” Cole muttered.

“Yeah well, now Gus is going to take care of it and you know he will. Yeah, it was a stupid mistake, but you saw him. He felt naked Cole what was I supposed to do? Tell him too fucking bad and just let everyone stare at him while they licked their lips. You know the type of shit he’s going through right now. You know better than anyone,” I said shaking my head as I opened up the sliding glass door going out into the sun sans shirt or hoody, sans just about anything.

We were allowed clothes inside the house most of the time, but I was being punished. I was just lucky it wasn’t too cold to go outside and smoke. Dad would kill me, but I was already as good as dead, and I needed it. Cole going outside with me.

“You think they told him?” Cole asked me cocking an eyebrow.

“Of course, they fucking did. Can’t ever keep anything to themselves,” I muttered pulling one out of the pack before offering the whole thing to Cole who was still dressed.

“You do realize your name is in the bowl again, right?” Cole pointed out like I didn’t already know.

“You don’t say?” I said shaking my head as I lit up.

Of course, my name was in the fucking bowl again. I had known it was slightly stupid, but I was hoping he would overlook it. Of course, none of them had. Not when it was Lionel’s boy. Not when I wasn’t related to him. In Lionel’s mind, he probably thought I wanted to fuck him. He was fucking 11 years old. The last thing I wanted to do was fuck him. He was a baby.

“Aren’t you nervous?” Cole asked me.

I laughed. With Gus, fuck yes. Of course, I was nervous this wasn’t going to be just a regular fuck he was going to probably cane my ass for getting myself noticed. He preferred it when I wasn’t noticed because that meant he didn’t have people calling him asking if they could fuck me too. It had taken them three or four weeks to stop calling Dad when he finally told them they had to talk to Gus and another 2 before Gus had convinced them all he wasn’t sharing.

Of course, he wouldn’t share. He was a nasty piece of shit. Not that I wanted to be shared with anyone but, Gus was…fucking Gus. He’d more or less been gunning for me since he saw me in his class. He wouldn’t stop gunning for me until my contract was up and even then, he’d still call. Ask Dad if he could come over. 

Ask Dad if he could fuck me. Ask Dad to tie me down so he could do whatever he wanted. So, he could put a cock ring on that was so tight it made me start to burn and go numb the moment it was on. One so tight it was almost impossible for me to get off even if it wasn’t one with a lock. One made of metal.

“Did he put a ring on you?” Cole asked me.

“Do I ask you that question?” I balked at him, “No? No, I don’t so don’t ask me.

“I meant like…”

“I know what you meant. The answer is no. He told me Gus probably would when he gets here though, and I personally don’t feel like tal…”

“Wait he’s coming over? Now?” Cole asked his eyes going wide as he looked around like Gus was going to magically fly into the yard from above our heads.

“He’s not fucking Mary Poppins Cole, he’s a priest,” I muttered shaking my head as I flicked some of the ashes off my cigarette into the yard.

“No, really?” Cole muttered, “I wasn’t looking for him dumbass. I was looking to make sure the neighbors weren’t outside.”

“After you ask me if I have a cock ring on?” I frowned at him.

God, I loved him but usually, you should check to see if your neighbors are listening before you mention that shit. Was he seriously that dumb today? Did Zac really fuck him that hard?

“I didn’t say the c-word. I said ring. You’re the one who just told the world what I was referring to, thanks,” Cole huffed taking a drag on his own cancer stick.

“Sorry,” I sighed, “Sorry I just…”

“You knew it was stupid,” Cole said.

“Yeah but like I said…”

“I know, I saw him. Ok? I know. You don’t mess with his toy though. You know that. You remember that. Even if you’re related you barely look at him. You don’t touch him, and you certainly don’t lend him your hoody,” Cole said frowning deeply his chin wrinkling like he was going to cry.

“Hey, hey I’ll be fine,” I tried to assure him, “It’s just Gus, I’ll be fine.”

“Not when he shoves a needle through your ball sack you won’t be,” Cole said shaking his head at me, “He’s rough Pat, you think I don’t know that?”

“I can handle Dad and Art, I can handle him,” I tried my best to assure him.

Cole worried about everyone. A LOT. A lot more than he let on. He was like Will in that way. It was always about protecting everyone else and when he couldn’t it killed him. Even when it came to me no matter how many times I assured him I could protect myself just fine. That I had it under control and I knew what shit I was getting myself into before I did something.

“It was still a fucking horrible move and you fucking know it,” Cole said looking at me out of the corner of his eye and shaking his head at me.

“They were all looking at him in those shorts. You know they were. He doesn’t need that. That’s the las…”

“I realize. You think I don’t remember what it was like being his boy? The comments he always made about every fucking little thing. How he used to tell them what I was or wasn’t wearing under my clothes. How he’d tell them or make it obvious that he had just fu…”

“You mean like he did to Will? You heard him fucking say it “We had a very “pleasant time” “We didn’t do anything he isn’t medically cleared for we enjoyed ourselves using other means”. Fucking sick piece of shit. Telling everyone that he’d just…”

“Breathe,” Cole said putting his hand on my forearm, “You can’t do anything about it now. You need to breathe.”

“He’s a fucking little boy!” I hissed, “He’s a little boy and he just told all of those fucking sick… I don’t know how you dealt with it. I don’t understand how you managed to deal with it. With him.”

I wanted to kill him. He had no right to do that to Will. Not to Will. Will couldn’t even think about sex without giving the impression that his face was going to explode off from all the pressure and embarrassment and yet he’d stood there and told all of them he’d blown him. A little boy and they had laughed like it was the funniest most adorable thing they’d ever heard.

“He’s just always been like that. No one’s allowed to talk about it but him. No one’s allowed to make jokes about it but him. You were there, Pat how do you not remember?” Cole asked me.

“Oh, I remember. I remember wanting to punch his fucking face in just as badly as I do right now,” I said turning to look at Cole. Cole who seemed more interested in his feet than in checking for neighbors. Then looking at me.

“I’…”

“Don’t tell me you’re fucking sorry. You didn’t do that. Art did, not you,” I tried to assure him.

“You don’t get it,” Cole said shaking his head, “You don’t understand how often I ju…”

“Yeah I do,” I told him throwing my cigarette on the ground as it finished burning out, “That’s not your fault. You were around the same age Will is right now. You couldn’t have stopped him. It doesn’t matter that you just did what you were told Cole he would have hurt, someone, hurt you. You were doing what you had to. That’s all it is. Are you ok?”

“I’ll be fine,” Cole said seeming so much quieter than he usually was, “I’m just afraid you won’t be.”

“Hey, look at me,” I said his eyes immediately snapping to my face like they did when he was in the mindset when he was panicking quietly inside and trying to hide it. Trying to hide how scared he was, “I’ll be ok. There’s nothing he can do to me that hasn’t already been done. I’m going to be ok. A hoody isn’t a big enough of an offense to get me killed. We both know that.”

“No, we don’t. They draw your name at a tenure that card, that card could be the one that does get you killed. How many times has your name been put in the bowl already this year? Over the summer I can count at least a handful of times and in January they’ll pull. They always do. What if it’s your name? What am I going to do? What is fucking John going to do?” Cole reminded me.

“You guys will figure it out,” I promised him, “It’s not going to be my name.”

“You can’t prom…”

“I can,” I lied, “It won’t be my name. You know how many 2’s end up in that thing repeatedly? How many other people? It won’t be my name. It hasn’t happened yet.”

“Yeah and that’s exactly what I’m afraid of,” Cole said, “You’re lucky that after every tenure or cull they do a name dump otherwise your name would be in there more than anyone else’s.”

“I’m not that bad,” I told him.

“Over the summer you were,” Cole pointed out.

“Yeah but that’s only…” I trailed off.

It had been stupid to think he wouldn’t be coming back. Beyond stupid. I should have realized that they would eventually find him whether it was a year from when he disappeared to five that eventually he’d come back. That attempting to get them to finish what they had started before I could walk was really a bad idea. A very bad idea especially if he was out there in the world somewhere.

“I know why,” Cole said, “It was stupid though.”

“Yeah,” I agreed nodding my head, “So fucking stupid.”

“Don’t do something like that again. You really can’t afford to make him angry with you,” Cole warned me, “I can’t afford for you to make him angry with you. None of us can, ok?”

“Ok,” I agreed holding my hand out for the pack again.

“You just smoked,” Cole frowned at me but handed the pack over.

“Yeah, and I might as well smoke another one because he’s on his way over and he’s going to cane my ass. You think I’m joking about that?” I muttered.

“No, I know you’re not joking. Dad’s in the basement getting up the suspension hook. He’s probably hoping to join,” Cole muttered.

“Yeah because they’re evil pieces of ball cheese,” I answered making Cole laugh so hard he choked.

“I’m going to remember you said that,” Cole told me, “I think that’s what we should call all of them.”

“Sure, why not?” I asked shrugging my shoulders as I lit up again.

“Can you just do what you’re told?” Cole asked me.

Could I? Yeah. With Gus, I didn’t want to though. If I did it might even be worse than if I attempted to fight back. If I did some posturing. Gus almost liked it. It made him hard. The sooner he was hard the sooner it was over somehow, for whatever reason. At least that part of it. There was only one person I wanted up my ass in that way and Gus was not him.

“I’ll think about it,” I told him after a minute or two of silence.

“Sadly, with you that has to be a good enough of an answer,” Cole told me giving me a small smile before knocking my shoulder with his holding out his hand for the pack.

I nodded my head exhaling. He was right. He knew I’d do what I wanted. What felt right at the moment and nothing would change my mind about it.


	8. Nothing so painful to the human mind as great and sudden change

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Philip is 8 years old. Policies are starting to change and while he understands some things he doesn't understand them all. All he knows is his world is about to change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a short about another Brotherhood family. Ellie is Ellen who you have come into contact with at one point or another. Philip is her little brother who while he see's what happens to Ellie and his brothers Amirian (Maree) and Bryant (they are throwaways) has never experienced it himself. **Warnings: talk of child sexual abuse, rape, mental health issues, anxiety** A lot of the language in here is little because 8 is still very young. His understanding of things is still limited and I wanted to communicate that.

“What if I don’t want to do it?” Phil asked looking at Ellie.

He had always trusted her. He didn’t want to do this though. See Daddy’s friend. That wasn’t something he ever wanted. Ellie had told him about Daddy’s friends and now one of them was coming after his friends went home on his birthday. Daddy had said he was coming to see him and he was scared. Ellie and fought with Daddy and he had hit her. Told her to mind her business and tell Phil how he had to behave. How he had to be a good boy like Bryant was a good boy. Like Maree. 

They were their brothers, but not from Mommy. They lived in the basement. They were allowed to play with Phil but they ate different and Ellie had told him they were different, special. That they needed to take care of them. Maree cried a lot. So did Bryant.

Ellie cuddled them a lot and when her boyfriend Chuck came over he told her to leave them alone. That they were just “throwaways.” He’d heard Daddy say that too, but Phil wasn’t sure what that meant.

He knew they didn’t have the same mommy, but they were still his brothers. He still loved them. They did tell him things though. Bad things that Daddy did. Things that didn’t sound like Daddy at all. They said that Daddy touched their butts and other places where people weren’t supposed to touch. At least that’s what Ellie had said. That Daddy wasn’t supposed to touch there but he did sometimes, even on her.

None of it made any sense to Phil. His friend Matt said his own dad put it in his butt and it felt good, but other friends said that it hurt a lot. Phil wasn’t sure what to think, but he knew he put his penis in Bryant’s butt and it didn’t sound like something that would feel good. The way that Bryant would scream and cry all night after it happened. 

Those were the nights Ellie always got up and went downstairs to lay with him. To cuddle with him. Ellie told Phil it was because it did hurt. That she thought there was something wrong with Matt. She had even asked what Matt’s last name was, but Phil couldn’t remember. 

Matt talked about a lot of weird things while his brother was really quiet. Sometimes he’d give Matt looks like he was disappointed or shocked in what he said, but a lot of people looked at Matt like that so then he kept talking. Started talking about nursing and stuff.

He knew what nursing was. Daddy had told him to keep it secret that it was special, but it seemed like everyone at school knew what it was. Matt said it was when your dad sucked on your pee-pee or you sucked on his. That it was fun. Phil wasn’t so sure it was fun though. He wasn’t sure he liked it at all.

“If you don’t want to do it just close your eyes and pretend you’re somewhere else, ok?” Ellie said quietly.

“Like before mama left? You know when they used to fight and you would turn on the radio and tell me to pretend we were watching them play?” Phil asked her.

“Yeah,” Ellie said pulling him in closer, “Just like that.”

“Will I be able to do that?” Phil asked her, “When it puts his pee-pee in my butt?”

“I don’t know. But when it’s over I’ll take care of you ok? I’ll help you bathe and get you ice cream and I’ll stay with you. Like I do with Bryant, ok?” Ellie said kissing the top of Phil’s head.

“Ok,” Phil said, “Is it ok that I’m scared?”

“Yes!” Ellie said forcefully, “Absolutely. It’s a scary thing and if I could stop it from happening I would Philly, you know I would.”

He didn’t understand why. Why she couldn’t stop it. Why Daddy had to do that to him. Why he wanted to do that to him. Especially when it made Maree cry and Bryant. Phil didn’t want Daddy to make him cry, but he wanted to make Daddy happy and he knew this would do that. Make Daddy so proud of him.

“I’m sorry Philly,” Ellie said hugging him tightly before kissing his forehead, “I really am sorry.”

“It’s not your fault Ellie,” Phil told her before they heard the door open, before things changed.


	9. You can't have a successful hunt without at least one Tracker (Shane McKay, Danny Freeman, and Julian Rodgers)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shane and Danny come over to Julian's house after school to work on homework. They get to talking about their different yet similar interest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a behind the scenes type of deal. Will and the others have no idea this conversation ever happened. Yes, these are some of the boys that bully Will and his group of friends while they are at school and these boys are not nice people. While they might be younger than Wallace, Shane McOwen, C-Dan, Rich, and Caleb they are already starting to form those opinions and thoughts about things. There are a lot of warnings here even though it's all talk so please read the warnings and decide if this a short you would like to read **Warnings: bullying, talk of very young sexual assault, talk of bestiality, talk of rape, talk of physical violence, talk of CP, talk of whipping, talk of fisting, talk of just about every nasty thing you can think of more or less**

They were at Julian's house. They were supposed to be working on homework, they were attempting to anyway. Danny wasn't stupid, but he certainly didn't feel smart. He never had. He had always just skated by in school work. Nothing he did was ever good enough. Not for anyone else.

Not for his dad, not for Harry, not for the leader. Not for anyone. He tried to make it work and it was just never enough. If it was he would have been rewarded and that was something he never got.

Something else that never seemed good enough was the color of his skin. Most people said he was too dark. Even his dad said he was too dark. The only person he had to blame was his mom, his genetics. Some stupid ancestors from somewhere far away that he didn't even know where that no one could remember. He hated it. All these white asses with white skin. He hated a few more than others.

At least Julian never treated him different. It was like he couldn't see color. Shane too. They didn't care what Color Danny's skin was and when it came to Danny and his unusual taste in different things, they were worse than he was. Some people were just perverted, and some people were just off. Julian and Shane they were, well, they were downright nasty.

If Danny had been a different person he might have thought they were gross, Julian and his need to talk about fisting people and wondering what it felt like and Shane and how he wanted to see some kid get raped by his Rottie Torch. That didn't bother Danny though. Not even a little bit even if it wasn't the thing he was into.

He liked little girls more than he liked boys however give him a nice little six to 10-year-old in a little lacy blue dress and some stuff on their eyelashes to make them big, what was it called, mascara? And he could have plenty of fun with that without thinking about what was between their legs. A hole was a hole after all.

Not that he'd had the chance yet, but if he could get on someone's good side maybe soon. Julian had plenty of play time with his dad's little pet. Todd McQueen. He wasn't as young as Danny would have liked him to be but he could fantasize about those stories. The way Julian described whipping his little ass with a flogger until it was red and stripy. Until the skin almost cracked and how he...

"You should have heard his screams as I licked all the way down his back he kept telling me it burned. That he felt like I was burning him. That I needed to stop. He begged me right up until I shoved my fingers in and then he went silent," Julian said.

"Do you like it when they go silent?" Shane asked him.

"You mean when he goes silent?" Julian corrected, "Honestly? Yeah, it's kind of a...I don't know. Just knowing I can do that. That I can make him do whatever the fuck I want. It's..." Julian bit his bottom lip and let out a hiss, "Nice." he finished.

"I still can't believe your Dad lets you do whatever you want?" Danny muttered shaking his head as he stared at his paper wishing the numbers made sense. Hoping that if he stared at them long enough the answer would just magically appear in the air in front of him.

"Not whatever I want. I mean if he let me do whatever I wanted to him I don't think I'd ever let that little tease leave my bed. You should see him naked," Julian said.

"He's hot?" Shane asked.

"Oh yeah. Like his hips even slope out a little bit like a girl. You can grab them and close your eyes while you're fucking him and you can just imagine it's a pussy instead of a boy hole. It's great. I mean if that's what you're into," Julian said.

"I don't know," Shane said shrugging his shoulders, "I'm not sure I'd mind it."

"Really?" Julian asked.

"Well," Shane said taking his reading glasses off, "My cousin is 5. He's kind of fun. He makes the cutest little face when you touch his cock. I haven't fingered him yet, but I've heard it feels different from a girl and I mean, what if I like it better than I like a girl? Would that be so bad?"

"Wait who is your cousin?" Danny asked.

"I just said he's five you won't know who he is. My Uncle's name is Josh though. He married my Aunt Becca when I was like 3 or 4," Shane answered.

"What's their last name?" Julian asked.

Shane sat there silent a shit eating grin on his face as he put his glasses back on turning back to his paper letting the tension build.

He knew Danny and Julian wanted to know. Of course, they wanted to know if they knew who it was. When it was a sister who had married another guy it was always interesting to know how the last names interconnected. You couldn't always tell who was related to who when that happened. There were several families that were related that way, however, you would have never been able to tell just from hearing their names or seeing their faces. The Bakers and the Danali's, The Lord's/Larkins and the Cross's. There were a few of them. From rumor, it seemed like they wouldn't be the only family that was linked to the Lord/Larkin house soon if Louis had his way. Soon the Kingly house would be forming that same bond with it. With the leader. 

"Stien," Shane said.

"Get that fuck out of here? That monster cock is your uncle?" Danny almost yelled.

"Yeah," Shane said shrugging his shoulders.

"How old were you when you fucked for the first time?" Julian asked him a weird expression on his face between shock and a smile.

"I don't fucking know like...8 maybe," Shane answered shrugging his shoulders.

"Didn't it hurt?" Danny asked.

"Of course it fucking hurt, are you stupid?" Shane hissed.

Ouch. No, he wasn't stupid. Not about everything anyway.

"I'm not fucking stupid," Danny said defensively.

"I didn't mean it like that, Dan, Jesus," Shane muttered, "Sorry."

"It's fine," Danny said, "Don't worry about it. You know whose fucking stupid? McGregor."

"Which one there's like a million of them," Shane said, "I mean from what I last heard we go to school with Will and he's like the second oldest and the youngest one who apparently the leader is looking at, like keeping a serious courting eye on, he's 1 just barely. Like it was a huge thing."

"Really? Where did you hear that?" Danny asked.

"Tyler heard it from his cousin who was visiting and got invited to the birthday party. Something Greenson. Apparently, they are thinking of moving here. But anyway, he gave him an engraved pocket watch. A one-year-old. Like who needs that at one? I can't remember what he said the inscription read but it was like a very big deal." Shane answered.

"You do realize he's top of the class right?" Julian asked.

"That doesn't mean he's smart," Danny said.

"He's top of the class though and he's 11," Julian tried again.

"That means he knows how to bend over in front of the right person," Danny insisted, "He's a slut and we all know it. I mean did you see the video he made with Shane's Uncle? Only a serious slut can take that much cock."

"Eww, you watched it?" Shane said scowling, "That's gross dude, that's my uncle."

"Your Uncle has a serious cock," Julian said, "Maybe Dan likes serious cock."

"I do not," Danny answered, "If I liked serious cock I wouldn't watch that."

"Oh, I see what you're saying," Julian said stifling laughter.

"What do you think I'm saying?" Dan asked frowning at him.

"You like young and tiny. How low can you go?" Julian managed before he nearly fell out of his chair laughing.

"Younger than that," Danny muttered his face feeling hot.

"Doesn't your dad have a platinum membership to the website?" Shane asked Danny.

"No, gold, why?" Danny asked.

"So that's why you watched that because you like the hard stuff but you can't get access to it with younger holes?" Shane questioned.

"Maybe," Danny admitted, "It was actually fucking hot."

"Why did he scream?" Julian asked.

"Oh yeah, he screamed," Danny said, "It was fucking loud too. He also moaned like a bitch in heat with the leader up his cunt. He loved it. He even moaned and told him to fuck him. It was...well, it wasn't bad. It was nice to see that little bitch get what he deserves."

"Did you see the one where they doubled him, Dan?" Julian asked.

"Wait they doubled him?" Danny asked.

"Yeah now that was hot, The leader and his grandson, Theodore. I mean he didn't really scream during that one but it's no surprise he could do it if he can take the cock monster up there. Like you said Danny he's a serious slut. I wouldn't mind getting my hands on him for sure. He'd probably love it." Shane said.

"Oh I'm sure he would," Danny said, "Don't you have Platinum Shane?"

"Access? My Dad does but he caught me on it a while ago and change the password. Why?"

Julian laughed almost falling out of his chair, "Watching more doggy doers?" Julian managed.

"Maybe," Shane said shrugging his shoulders.

"That's disgusting. I don't know how you're into that at all," Danny said shaking his head.

"Dude, it's fucking hot. Watching a toddler get bend up and fucked by a dog. Like I'm serious."

"Apparently your dad doesn't agree," Julian said still snorting with laughter.

"No, my dad likes younger kids just not the...and why does it matter what shit my dad is into? I wasn't looking for him." Shane said.

"Don't they have like really young content at Platinum level?" Danny asked.

"Yeah," Julian said, "You can get everything at that point, webcam access, you can get contact information for handlers so you can set up a date if you're willing to pay the fee they want, everything."

"How would you know?" Shane asked, "Wait you guys have platinum?"

"His dad is the spank master, what do you think?" Danny pointed out.

"Yeah, all my dad is into is hurt core," Julian answered, "A little bit of snuff, but not too much. I mean I'm not supposed to be on it so I won't touch it when he's home but..."

"He's not home right now," Danny pointed out.

"Right," Julian said.

"Dude, can we watch this on..."

"NO!" Danny and Julian both said in unison.

"I'm not watching some poor 3-year-old girl get it up the cunt from a German shepherd or some sick shit, Shane. Like I'm fine with you liking it but that doesn't mean I have to see or hear about it. Now if you want to watch one where Daddy's playing games with her I'm into that."

"Why are you into so young?" Julian asked, "I mean I honestly can't see doing anything to anyone still in diapers."

"I'm not into that young. After they are out of pull-ups before they get to be...you know, this." Danny said.

"Yet you watched them fuck the leaders top pussy?" Julian pointed out.

"Hell, I'd fuck the leaders top pussy if I had a chance just because I want to hear that bitch tell me how sorry he is for fucking up my fucking grades," Danny admitted.

"You think he's hot," Julian said, "Admit it, you think he's hot."

"He'd be hotter if he kept his cunt to himself instead of wagging it around. Trust me I've heard stories," Danny said.

"From who?" Shane asked.

"Tyler said his older brother is friends with this one guy what's his fucking name? Wallace, he's the German fucks older brother...anyway...he said that Will pulled down his pants and let Wallace get him down to his tighty whities at school and gave his cock a good dry ride. He enjoys it. I'm telling you he's a fucking slut. That's why I don't think he's that smart. I think he fucks for grades and the leader just lets him get away with it." Danny insisted.

"How he'd get into the 7th grade at 11 years old then?" Julian asked.

"Maybe his pussy is just that good?" Danny said shrugging his shoulders, "And you have to admit he's kind of..."

"Oh yeah he has it going on just like my boy," Julian said nodding his head.

"You mean your dad's boy?" Shane corrected him.

"Shut the fuck up. My dad wouldn't have even looked twice at him if it weren't for me. You know how many people had put in to ride his tight little ass before I pointed out to my dad he didn't have a contract?" Julian asked, "I saved him from someone like the cock monster ruining that sweet little pussy. Now he'll be fine up until he..."

"Decides he's in love with you too?" Shane asked, "Not going to happen J. You know it won't happen."

"It will, he just doesn't realize it yet," Julian insisted.

"I personally can't wait until we're old enough for tracker duty, how old do you have to be for tracker duty?" Danny moaned.

"14. You do realize even then they limit what age group you can oversee, right? And those are usually throwaways like the kids they use in the animal videos that Shane apparently fraps to. Shane? You do realize you can just ask your dad to hook you and Torch up with a kid right?" Julian mentioned.

"I don't want my dad knowing my fantasies," Shane said, "The idea that he knows I'm watching those videos almost ruins it let alone going up to him and saying "Yo dad you want to take me a torch to the villa so I can watch him ride an 8-year-old?"

"You aren't into like super young?" Danny asked.

"Hell no, I don't want to watch him kill the kid just fuck him. And then maybe after he's done or before Torch goes I'll fuck him too. A hot little Asian or some blond little bitch with light eyes whose so pale they glow in the dark." Shane mentioned.

"You mean like Will?" Julian asked, "Personally I prefer dark hair."

"Please you prefer Todd, don't like," Shane shot back.

"I haven't lied about it. I'd fuck him five ways to Sunday every day if I could to the point where he'd never leave my bed. I fucking love him." Julian admitted.

"What do you do with him?" Danny asked feeling curious about it.

That was something they never talked about, but the only one getting any, to begin with, was Julian. The rest of them hadn't really had a chance with anyone unless they had a younger sibling and they were barely better than using a pocket pussy, everyone knew that.

"I've told you what I do with him," Julian said, "Did anyone else get minus 5 on problem 23?"

"I didn't get shit I'm still on number 15," Danny muttered, "No, I mean like when you're alone with him. What do you do with him?"

"You mean when my dad isn't there watching? I fuck him," Julian said.

Danny sighed. He wanted details. He could get into Todd, god could he get into Todd. He was a lot smaller than most of the guys their age. Like Julian said you could close your eyes and imagine that being a girl. Danny hadn't seen Todd naked yet but he was betting both Will and Todd were very nice to look at. They had very pretty faces. Faces that hadn't been fully masculinized. Their jaws were still a little soft, a little round. Danny wondered if they had hair yet, that he would ever know because up until you were 18 you got the shit waxed out of you despite how you might want your body hair sculpted.

"No, like what do you do?" Danny asked again, "Do you...you know?"

"He means do you stick your dick in him, do you finger bang him? Do you fist him, since that seems to be one you enjoy thinking about...do you eat his pussy? Those type of things," Shane elaborated rolling his eyes in annoyance.

"Eww, I'm not telling you that. You might as well fuck me if I'm going to tell you that," Julian said, "And no offense but you're not my type.

Yeah, that's what just about everyone said. He wasn't anyone's fucking type. Most of the time Harry didn't even touch him which he was thankful for, but the least Harry could do, someone could do was pretend his skin wasn't a turn-off. That was one of the reasons why his dad's top choice didn't go for him, took one look at him and said he was "too dark" well, fuck him and fuck everyone else that thought the same. When he was a recruit that wouldn't be a problem. Hell in like two years that would never be a problem again. They wouldn't be allowed to say no most of the time. They wouldn't even dare to think about it. In two years, he could fuck whatever boys he wanted they weren't allowed to say a damn thing or if they did, who the fuck would care what some bottom bitch had to say? Especially one that was such a slut he fucked in the middle of the school day.

One day it wouldn't matter. One day he'd have everything he had ever wanted and more.


	10. "...They really are special, each of them." (Wallace and Max)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wallace gets a tour of a place that has been dubbed the Pit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not going to lie this is a very graphic short. It's taking place during a chapter in Will's story and once that chapter is up I will place which chapter it corresponds to here **X-post Will's part 2 chapter 115**. If you thought Wallace was a nice person before (I doubt anyone had that misconception of him.) you will now know for sure he really isn't a good person at all. There are very strong warnings for this short **Warnings: talk of rape, talk of forced prostitution, talk of CP, rape of an 8-year-old child, forced restraints, forced oral, forced anal fingering, talk of human trafficking, slavery**

“You said I could have him!” Wallace said his eyes flashing as he bent down to take off his shoes and socks.

He didn’t fucking believe this. He’d been promised he’d get time with him. That if he turned in some of his work tokens he could have him even if it was only for an hour or two and now suddenly that wasn’t going to happen.

He felt like he’d been waiting forever to get his hands on that little plump round ass. Skin to skin. Sure, he’d had a few rub and tugs with him, but he wanted so much more. And here he was yet again being told he couldn’t have it yet. That he still had to wait.

This was getting ridiculous. This kid was supposed to be his soon enough. There wasn’t any reason he shouldn’t be able to test drive the little bitch to make sure he really wanted him. Sure, he’d gotten close, but that wasn’t the same as having the real thing. That wasn’t anywhere close to the same as shoving your dick into that tight warm little pussy as they whimpered and whined under you and Finn was getting more annoying and less satisfying by the day.

He wanted Will. He’d wanted that boy since the moment he had met him at his marking. His little body sitting there next to that even tinier kid a smaller copy of himself. How nervous he had seemed. How lost and alone even though he was surrounded by everyone.

He had wanted to show him he didn’t have to be alone. That he could be loved. Loved in ways he probably didn’t even realize were possible yet. He had been beautiful, perfect in every way that mattered. His face flushing with anxiety and embarrassment as that fucking two had talked to him, had dared to speak to him completely ignoring the fact that Wallace was there.

That someone better and stronger and smarter was there to look out for him and his tiny group of kids almost like little ducklings following their mother. Wallace would have taken care of them just fine. Then he would have thanked him.

The next time Wallace had seen him he’d been in distress. Completely and utterly terrified right after his marking ceremony. His little body shivering with fever or nervousness as Wallace had gone to fetch Doctor Palmer. He could have taken him then, but he hadn’t. Wallace had respected that he was new. That everything was new, and he probably needed time. He had respected that they needed to wait. To get to know one another.

Wallace had waited a while to touch him. Not really touching him until his movie premiere right before the school year last year had started. How sweet he had been his whimpering as his body had been pinned between the counter and Wallace’s bigger strong body. How he had tried so hard to make sure he said and did all the right things even through his tears.

Now that, that was a good boy. That was a boy worth having, worth wanting. His little body everything Wallace had imagined it to be since the camera hadn’t shied away from showing it off at all. It had made Wallace so hard to see that lithe little frame bend over, taking cocks of every shape and size as he tried so hard not to scream until he could no longer hold it in. How he had screamed until he couldn’t scream anymore his little body finally falling prey to its own instincts. The screams dying down to whimpers and moans of pleasure once again.

That was a boy he needed. He wanted him, and Lionel had promised Will to him. Said that once he was done he would be Wallace’s and only his. That he wouldn’t belong to anyone else outside of Ern, his Dad. However, Wallace’s dad had his little brother. All that bitch had to do was bend over a spread his cheeks and he could have anything he ever wanted from their Vati. 

Wallace hadn’t understood how easily that worked until he had seen him. Those beautiful and unsure green eyes sparkling in the early morning sun like he was trying to hold back tears. Like he was beyond nervous. How badly he had wanted to comfort him. To show him how much he cared and yet here he was, still waiting for that moment.

“We’ll talk about it shortly,” Lionel said, “We’ll see what happens.”

 

“Now this is your contract. So, we are going to need your input. This is just preliminary discussions remember that. Nothing is being drawn up yet. Not until after the first and even then, this doesn’t go into effect until March 5th,” Lionel explained to him.

“That is what we are here for,” Ernest, Wallace’s dad muttered taking off his shirt and hanging it on a hanger as he started working on his pants.

“Mostly,” Connor agreed, “I mean I honestly wouldn’t mind looking at the stables. I’ve heard you have a nicer selection than I got to see last time I was here.”

“Interesting. Usually, you don’t seem very intrigued by any of the specimens I mention,” Lionel said smiling, “What are you looking for?”

“I was thinking something darker. Maybe Asian or south Asian just to have some fun. Maybe middle eastern. My brother says they can be very playful. Do you have anything that fits that description?” Connor asked.  
“I’m honestly surprised. Usually, you aren’t one to ask to partake. I mean you do have a lot of credit available especially for something of that quality. What age are you thinking about?”

“Probably between 11 and 15. I know I just have decided to broaden my horizons a little bit. Use the back room maybe,” Connor said smiling.

Now that was something Wallace wasn’t expecting. He’d heard from Lionel that Connor preferred his own children to any other playmates. That was unusual in itself making him one of the rarer ones who would rather have sex with his own child than with a child he could find at the Villa or through mentoring. It made Connor similar to his own Vati who seemed to prefer to keep things in the family as well.

“You feel the need to have something that can tolerate a rougher approach?” Lionel asked him.

“It’s frustrating,” Connor admitted, “It’s frustrating not having them at my beck and call when I do need them. However, I must agree with the suggestion you made to put them into contracts to correct some of the misinformation their mother had those nasty pseudo shrinks put into their brains. It does seem to be helping even if I don’t have access to them most weekends when I’m off.”

“I can understand that you made a wise decision though. Especially contracting John to Leo. He’ll allow him to channel some of those negative feelings your wife as instilled in him while making sure those behaviors are controlled and not directed at you. And slowly he’ll begin to remember how well you have treated him and how much you care for his wellbeing. Shepard was honestly worried when he said if you loved him if you would have taken no for an answer.”

“He has never told me no. Not ever. If he had given me a firm no I would have respected that enough to give him some distance and tell him why it wasn’t appropriate. He has never once told me no though. Besides after my brother roughly forced himself on him. None of them have ever told me no,” Connor insisted.

“That poor child. He really does seem like a sweet boy. I could see his temperament being similar to my little ones here if it weren’t for how much brainwashing that horrible woman has subjected him to,” Lionel said touching the top of Will’s head.

Beautiful Will who was silently crying. Who was mostly zoned out or disassociated? Will who seemed to be afraid. If Will was Wallace’s boy, he would never scare him like that unless it was warranted. 

Wallace would never leave him to suffer unless there was a reason he needed to suffer. If he were Wallace’s boy Wallace would have already ushered him off to a quiet and secluded place and explained to him what was going on. That once it was all over and everyone was satisfied that any misdeeds had been corrected it would just be the two of them once more. How Wallace would be sure to kiss and touch every inch of his skin until all his fear and exhaustion had melted away and he could have a painless blissful sleep snuggled softly in his arms.

Wallace had noticed though when he was angry with someone that wasn’t his style. That often he would punish or correct behaviors that in Wallace’s personal opinion never needed that stern of a correction. He didn’t cherish Will the way Wallace did, the way he was going to. Lionel didn’t deserve to have a contract with that sweet delicate little morsel of a boy. 

“Ok,” Lionel said as everyone finished getting their robes on, “Let’s head upstairs gentlemen and we’ll put these two in the rooms, so they can rest a while before going to work and we’ll discuss some details about future endeavors.”

As they walked up the stairs Wallace noticed that Will seemed like he was almost moving on autopilot. Like he didn’t want to be there wiping at his face to wipe the tears away. That poor boy he didn’t need to be treated that way. He didn’t deserve to have his anxiety running wild in his brain unchecked. He was Afterall a shy and docile boy, Wallace frowning as Theodore put his hand on Will’s shoulder for a minute.

Now that if Will were his boy wouldn’t be allowed. The only person he should ever need for comfort was him and here Lionel was allowing his grandson to manhandle his boy, to place his hands on his boy. That certainly wouldn’t be allowed when Will was his. He would never allow someone else to touch Will like that outside of his friends and only with his permission. The only person Will should ever want that type of contact, of comfort from would be him.

Once they got into the apartment everyone found seats, Connor, Will’s father pulling the boy into his lap and wrapping his arms around Will’s waist giving him a gentle a reassuring hug as Will stared blankly at the ground. The poor thing really had to be exhausted.

Usually, he was quiet and shy, but he didn’t seem this tired. He usually made eye contact with people or seemed to try and stay aware of his surroundings and right now he had this dead look in his eye. Instead of the usual fear and apprehension, he wore on his face he just looked worn out. Like there was no energy in him.

“Ok,” Lionel said sitting down next to Connor on the sofa as Wallace chose an accent chair, “So now that we’re doing this because I have been left with no choice, what are our rules gentlemen?”

“I don’t want him with anyone that is going to mare him. I don’t want to see any permanent damage done. For the most part, he tries to behave, and he doesn’t deserve that,” Connor emphasized.

Wallace could agree to that. He was a good boy. He would never hurt him especially in such a way that he would never recover. He didn’t deserve that. Not anywhere near that.

“Agreed,” Ern commented as Wallace realized that they weren’t necessarily talking about him.

“I thought I was…”

“Not after brunch you are not,” Lionel said, “I know what that was. You touched him. “You can’t afford him anyway.”

“How was I supposed to know he’d flip the fuck out?” Wallace swore, “And you said you were discounting him, Boss! With the discount, I can! You know how long I’ve been waiting?” Wallace insisted.

“That discount is only for handlers to start. And I was seriously considering it before you had to get handsy at brunch. In a restaurant. Full of civilians I might add. He nearly knocked a glass over. You do not get rewarded for that. If you continue to throw a temper tantrum like a three-year-old I won’t allow you have time with anyone. I was going to take this opportunity to show you the pit and allow you to use a boy of your choosing but if…”

“You’d let me see the pit?” Wallace asked.

Woah, wait a minute. The Pit. Only handlers ever went to the pit and even then, only very specific handlers. The pit was where the brought in new shipments. No one ever saw the pit. Ever.

Wallace went silent for a minute wondering if it would be worth it. Most shipments that came in ended up in house first before anyone decided to “foster” them. That meant there could be a younger kid in there, but most of the kids that were held in house were at least 13 if not older. Had they already had that discussion? It was after all the first week of November. Usually, by this point, most of the younger ones were already placed.

“Yes, the shipment was late, and I want you to have an idea of what it looks like and how things are run down there,” Lionel finished.

“Where is the pit even?” Wallace enquired.

“You’ll be allowed to find out if you can behave yourself for the next 20 minutes while I finish talking about something with Connor and your father,” Lionel said.

“Yes, Boss. Whatever you say,” Wallace said falling quiet.

“I do have someone who may be interested in seeing him today. Someone else. They are from the west coast and aren’t a member however when he comes here on vacation he regularly visits. He’s gentle and he likes positive feedback from his partners. Usually, he’s looking for boys with light eyes and pale skin, that’s his preference. Instead of having him paired off with a more gently used throwaway I could if he’s willing to pay the extra amount offer William’s services to him. If everyone is in agreement?” Lionel asked.

“Why are we doing this anyway?” Ern asked, “He’s going to be my boy soon, yes? Shouldn’t we save his rotation for when he belongs to me so that we don’t have to have this discussion?”

“There was an incident at school,” Connor admitted making Wallace frown. What incident? He hadn’t heard about any incident, “Lionel and I have agreed he’s not at fault, however…”

“However,” Lionel interrupted Connor’s sentence, “Rodgers and Freeman are not in agreement. They said that their boys insisted he was flirting with them. That he was being seductive and they that to mean that he was open to their advances.”

That was bullshit. It didn’t matter how Will was behaving he wasn’t theirs to put their grubby little hands on. Sure, Will flirted very often, Wallace was sure most of the time it was unintentionally, but it still happened. However, that didn’t give anyone the right to put their hands on a boy that didn’t belong to them. A boy that was way above their standing. No one had any right to go anywhere near him unless they had been given permission by the Boss himself.

“I thought you said he was a shy boy. And he appears to be. I seriously doubt…” Ern tried to interject

“We do too. We were told that they were the ones who put their hands on him. However, they believe because their boys are being punished and Will is known to be more laid back and quiet they might have taken his shyness and reluctance as flirting. So, they want him to have a taste of what it’s like to back up his actions. We agreed that within reason that was fair considering their boys have been suspended for nearly a month,” Lionel said.  
“So, we want to set up what his rotations will look like now since he’s going to experience one today,” Da added.

So that’s why this was happening? Wallace though to himself. It had nothing to do with him really, but more with two handlers who were butt hurt seeking vengeance because their boys couldn’t follow orders and keep their hands to themselves? That’s what all of this was about?

It didn’t seem to Wallace like Will was at fault at all. Those boys had known better than to touch him. Put his hands on him. If he had already been Wallace’s boy there would have been hell to pay. Those boys were never going near his baby again. Not ever. Will was his. 

Poor Will was still crying. His anxiety was still so high. If they would have allowed it, Wallace would have taken him aside into one of the rooms and showed him just how loved he really was. Comforted him. None of this was on Will and it wasn’t like Lionel was throwing him to the wolves to be eaten. It was just a little taste of what rotation was like.

Lionel had noticed that he was still crying too, sighing heavily as he looked at the young boy still sitting in his father's lap staring emptily at the floor, “Theodore, why don’t you take Will into his room? See if you can calm him down enough to get him to rest before he has to go do his duty as a bottom?” Lionel suggested.

“Ok, Papa,” Theodore responded before offering his hand to Will, “It’s ok Will, come on.”

Will didn’t really look up but accepted the hand retreating to a room off the living area Theodore shutting the door quietly behind them. If he were Wallace’s boy that wouldn’t be allowed to happen. That wasn’t Theodore’s place. The only person that would be allowed behind a closed door with his precious Will would be him. 

“Ok, so do we have anything that we know for a fact we want in the contract?” Lionel said.  
“I want him to be mine,” Wallace said, “I don’t want to ha…”

“Seeing him that won’t be possible,” Ern said surprising him, “I won’t allow that.”

“That wouldn’t happen anyway. Your handler has precedence over everyone in the household. He would be under your father’s protection and therefore it would up to Ern to uphold his safety. Ern can do as he pleases with him,” Lionel corrected Wallace.

That wasn’t fair. Vati had said he could have Will to himself. That it didn’t matter what the rules were Vati wasn’t going to touch him. That he was just for Wallace.

“Nothing that would be considered hurt core. I don’t want any broken bones, I don’t want to have reconstruct his face if someone gets upset with him. He doesn’t deserve that. He does try to be a good kid. I want it in there that if he does get paddled it’s just that, it’s paddling. I don’t want his skin broken on purpose. I don’t want him to have to deal with those scars,” Connor said.

Wallace wasn’t sure he was into blood play. It wasn’t something he’d never even thought of doing. To him, that seemed like something that was more of a punishment and not something that should be done. Especially to a boy like William.

“My brother would not do blood play, but he does like DNA samples. Sometimes that includes blood and other tissues would that be a problem?” Ern asked Connor.

“As long as it didn’t create scars. I do realize that your brother is the head of our genetics programs. That he does need those samples and usually he gets them from Dr. Palmer and Dr. Huntz, but if he needs to get them personally I’ll allow it,” Connor said nodding his head.

“I want to be able to tape it,” Wallace said, “Anytime I want. I want to be able to share it. I’d link back to the brotherhood site, but I want to be able to pull in a profit from it if I want to.”

“What’s the point in that?” Connor asked him.

“I get off on the idea of people watching,” Wallace answered honestly.

He hadn’t had the opportunity to have a lot of people watch him in a dominant role, but he knew he liked it when they watched him bottom. That it was one of the reasons he often enjoyed Villa parties because people were watching him. That it just made the rush that much better and he could only imagine it being a high like nothing else if he was topping. Especially a sweet little pussy like that.

He’d seen several of Will’s videos and they were all hot. The way he begged for it. The way he tried to make sure he was good and always begged for it even if it was hurting up until he could no longer stand the pain. The physical force being exerted onto his body. He’d beg for it even as he started crying and it was hot. 

Hot that he wanted to please his partners so much that even when he started crying he still tried to beg for it. Still tried to make it seem like he wanted it, that he enjoyed it even though after a while you could tell there was no possible way it felt good.

He’d try to not do that to him. He’d try to make sure that Will always enjoyed it with him and he wanted people to see that. To see how good, they were together. How well he treated his baby. He wanted people to beg him for the chance to play with the two of them in bed.

“I think that might be beneficial,” Lionel said, “If you ran the numbers what would be his cut?”

“I think he should only do it as long as he’s willing to take on the sole responsibility of getting caught if he goes get caught. That he won’t implicate us or the rest of the brotherhood at all. Say he gets 25% of the profits and the rest go into the feeding fund or for purchases.” Connor said tenting his hands.

“If he does wouldn’t he also bring in some exposure?” Ern asked, “New members?”

“Possibly,” Lionel said, “We don’t want too much exposure, so we’ll have to see how it goes, but for right now I will keep the idea on the table. Connor do you want to run some numbers on it and see if that’s a good idea?”

“I’ll do it. See what I can come up with. Benefit versus risk and what not,” Connor said, “Is that it for right now? I’m getting kind of antsy to get out and relieve some frustration.”

Lionel smiled like he was amused by that. The idea of Connor finally taking advantage of his membership benefits. The idea that he wanted to finally go see a boy that wasn’t his and use him.

“I think I’d like to be entertained too,” Ern said suddenly really surprising Wallace, “I might as well enjoy it while I’m here, no?”

“Agreed. Do you know what you’re looking for?” Lionel asked him a smile on his face so big it seemed like his face would split open.

“8 to 13, white. If he can give positive feedback that would be great however I know most of your boys can and do so that’s a non-issue,” Ernest said.

“Ok then,” Lionel said standing up, “Let’s go have some fun!”  
So, this was it then? He was going to be allowed to see the pit? For real?

“I’m really seeing the pit, Boss? What about the boys?” Wallace asked wondering if it was ok to leave them alone.

“They’ll be fine. They’re safe in here and probably resting,” Lionel said, “We’ll give them an hour or two and then send them down to prep. It won’t hurt to leave them here to relax especially because William did have a very exhausting night with very little sleep. If it weren’t for that fact I think he would have been a little less outwardly emotional on the way in.”

“Yeah, he tends to show a more subdued panic,” Wallace said, “It was a little unnerving to see him crying like that. That isn’t really like him at all. I mean yeah, he gets upset about certain things and you can tell he’s uncomfortable, but he doesn’t outright cry over them usually.”

“Wait, you’re his mentor, right?” Connor asked Wallace standing up.

“Yes. Why?” Wallace asked.

“That explains why you just described my son so well. You see him every other day, right?” Connor asked.

“Yes, I do, and I have to say I am actually very fond of him,” Wallace told him, “I assure you I don’t ever intend to seriously injure your son. Not ever. I do actually care about him very deeply. He’s a very sweet boy. I would never want to intentionally hurt him.”

He meant that. He would never physically harm Will. He was too sweet for that. If he was good there would never be any reason to do so. If he gave Wallace everything he wanted.  
“I believe you and I trust Lionel’s judgment. You seem like a fine young man Wallace,” Connor said extending his hand for Wallace to shake, “Now if you don’t mind I am going to go enjoy myself.”

“Yes, sir,” Wallace said smiling, “Have fun.”

With that, his Dad and Connor both left the room. Lionel grabbing his shoulder lightly to hold him back, “Now before we go I want to lay down some ground rules. There are four people who know where the entrance to the pit is. You do not tell anyone. I am trusting you with this because I do want you to be my successor.

The pit is not a toy it is not someplace you can walk into and take any boy you like usually. The pit is where we keep new boys. Usually, they are unused and going through training or they are completely untrained while we hold them and wait for auction or to ship. I do have several boys I think you might find interesting however each one is waiting for shipment.

This means these boys have been brought. They have owners. They are no longer boys like William is a boy or Theodore is a boy they are property that you are simply inspecting and if I tell you there is something you cannot do you will not do it, or I will be making sure I start looking for another young man to take my place. One that can control himself so that he doesn’t ruin merchandise that does not belong to him. Do you understand?” Lionel asked.

His tone was dead serious. So, if he messed this up this wasn’t just his standing. This could be his life. He had to be on his best behavior. Had to pay attention to every rule and regulation. Wallace nodding his head vigorously 

He wasn’t going to screw this up. No matter how much he wanted to. If he screwed this up he might as well gut himself now.

“Yes, sir. I understand,” Wallace said.

“Ok, good,” Lionel said giving him a smile, “Now come with me. If I find out anyone figures out where this place is, these doors I will be looking at you first.”

“Sir, I understand, I do,” Wallace said as they exited Lionel’s private apartments and started down the hall to the stairs.

It was hard to keep track of where they were going until they were near the morgue. The place where they took the ones they were culling. The ones that were no longer useful to them or needed to be disposed of. Lionel opening the morgue door making Wallace question everything.

What if he wasn’t really showing him anything? What if he was just going to kill him? Wallace wasn’t certain why that would be happening, but it was a possibility. Lionel was a no non-sense type of man and he had gotten himself into some nonsense.

Not being able to control himself in that room off the library. Not being able to help himself once he had seen how round his perfect little ass was through those uniform pants. The idea of what his body looked like under those clothes so fresh in his memory that when he closed his eyes he could picture it. His sweet little cock that was just starting to fill out, to bud into a more mature specimen.

He had such a sweet little ass he couldn’t help himself. He had to see it. Had to touch him. He was going to his any way he had already talked to Vati and Lionel at that point. It was just a matter of waiting and he’d already done it once through his clothing all those layers between their skin so what was one less layer? It wasn’t breaking anyone rules. 

Wallace had imagined he was fucking that tight little pussy, pulling it open and fingering it just enough. That sweet little boy pussy that probably tasted and felt a million times better than his brothers. One he didn’t have to fight for. One that would just let him have it. He had such beautiful soft skin. Perfectly smooth.

He hadn’t meant to make the boy cum. He had just wanted to do so himself. All the rutting and touching though had gotten that happy little surprise however it had almost blown everything. This time though he’d be allowed to do what he wanted if he followed the rules.

They stayed silent as Lionel opened the door going over to a cabinet large enough for a person to fit into as he opened it revealing a door. So, this was where the pit was hidden. That made sense. Most people didn’t even like the idea of being near a door that possibly had dead bodies behind or people who were dying. That made perfect sense.

“This is the door I usually use. There is a backdoor that comes out in the garage and no one goes in there but my workers and me,” Lionel explained punching a bunch of numbers into a keypad, “Everyone has their own code so I know personally who has been down here and who hasn’t.” he said the sound of a lock disengaging clicked and Lionel pulled the door open.

“So, this where you keep them?” Wallace asked starting to descend the stairs behind Lionel.

“All new catches for our charter. All incoming shipments until they’ve been cleared. All of the new throwaways, yes,” Lionel said without turning around to face Wallace.

“This door,” he said touching another steel door that also seemed to be electronically locked, “This door contains our new arrivals who are awaiting placement in other charters or are waiting to make sure we have clear beds here. If we continue down the hall to the left…” 

He trailed off turning left away from the door they had just been looking at, “This is where we keep those who have been shipped in from other charters or recently acquired and are waiting to be shipped out,” Lionel said typing another code into a keypad next to that door waiting for a green light to turn on before he opened it.

“Here you will find four to six boys to a room in most cases unless a buyer has made a request to have him isolated. Three rooms for boys in the 12 to 16 age group, two rooms for boys in the 7 to 11 age group. There are three more rooms and each of those are for boys 16 and older, boys ages 3 to 6 and boys under the age of three. Besides that, we have three isolated rooms and downstairs we have a few training rooms. I can tell you that as of right now we have 3 boys in the 16+ plus room who are getting ready to travel out of the country because they are being transferred to work over in Asia.

There are 10 awaiting transfer in the 12 to 16 age group with most of them being 13 or 14 and then we have four boys in the 7 to 11 age group and three of those are in private rooms because they have very important buyers who have paid a lot of money for them. They are all Fresh catches.

That means they have not been trained as I stated before. Two of them are bringing in a heavy amount of funds for us. Would you like to see them?”

Would he like to see them? Absolutely. Of course, he wanted to see them. 

“Yes, boss. Of course,” Wallace said as Lionel walked over to a simple wooden door and opened it.

There was a boy strapped down to what seemed to be a simple steel bedframe. His arms strapped down to his sides almost like he was in four-point restraints. The boy closing his eyes tightly as they walked up to the bed.

He looked like he could be a model. His hair a dirty blond slightly darker than Will’s. His eyes gray compared to Will’s green as he opened them to blink several times at the two guys staring down at him his arm and shoulder jerking violently as he made a sound around the blue ball gag in his mouth.

“This one we’re calling Jude. He’s 12. He was picked up in Tampa. One of our scouts spotted him and thought he would be perfect. He’s never been touched and while he doesn’t have an individual buyer he is regionally set to head to the middle east. We’ve checked and have made sure he’s pure. He bit one of the handlers while he was checking his dental hygiene that’s why he has a ball gag in right now. Because he is only regionally wanted and doesn’t have a specific buyer, yet we could break him in if you wanted to.”

His face seemed longer than Will’s even though he was still beautiful, his skin a darker shade of peach like a light Tan that was just starting to fade. Wallace wasn’t sure if it was just because he was exhausted or if it was his face, but he looked tired. Beyond exhausted his upper lids nearly drooping as he blinked up at Wallace. His eyes suddenly going wide in fear as he started trying to struggle.

He didn’t want a boy who he had to fight to pin down. At least not one that would fight too hard like that. This boy was just slightly older than his Will and he was beautiful there was no questioning that, but he didn’t want to have to fight the boy completely. He wanted a little give and this one was a fighter. He did after all just say that the boy had bitten someone who was inspecting him.

“He looks like a fighter,” Wallace said, “And he’s a little…”

“On the older side? I agree. You and I have similar taste in that department. We’ll leave him be,” Lionel said gesturing for Wallace to head back out into the hallway, before shutting the door behind them and walking up to another door.

“Now this next one is 9 I think we’re calling him Merlin. He is a certified buy as well. He was acquired through his mother. She swore up and down he’d only been with a handful of men. He’s actually a pretty subdued kid and seems to understand what’s going on,” Lionel said his hand on the doorknob, “He’s not restrained. He hasn’t really said too much since we brought him in house. He seems to be naturally submissive. He has only looked handlers in the eye when asked to and only seems to speak when asked questions. Kind of reminds me of William when he gets anxious.

He hasn’t been touched and his buyer doesn’t want him to be touched again because he isn’t a 100% fresh catch. He wants to give his body time to relax especially because of his anxiety. He’s headed to Asia. If you wanted to I would allow you to massage him thoroughly to do some intercrural and other sexual acts however you won’t be allowed to penetrate him. Would you like to meet him though?”

“Sure,” Wallace said.

Even if he wasn’t allowed to do too much to the boy if he was pretty enough and special enough it would be satisfying and then maybe if he was lucky Lionel would allow him to borrow an older boy to satisfy some more intense needs. Lionel opening the door.

This one too was laying on a bed a small gasp escaping him as he sat up to look at who had come into the room pulling his knees up against his chest and hugging them, wrapping his arms around them tightly. Yeah, this boy was used to certain things. Daddy or in this case Mommy’s boyfriend or dealer coming into his room in the middle of the night. Perhaps pinning him to the bed belly down as the poor kid whimpered into a pillow.

He looked like he could be a Meth rat or a crack baby. The shaking and wiggling he was doing as he rested his head on his knees closing his eyes tightly not helping convince Wallace otherwise.

“It’s ok sweetheart,” Wallace said quietly looking at Lionel for permission to approach who nodded his head.

He sat down on the edge of the bed the kid closing his eyes tighter. So tightly it looked like it was possibly giving him a headache. So yeah, he knew what he was there for. That was probably the reason why Lionel had quietly given Wallace the information about the boy before opening the door. Because he knew the boy was startled. Shy and sensitive just like William was. That hearing those things would only upset him more.

“You’re all right,” Wallace repeated his hand landing on the boys naked back brushing his shoulder gently the shivering increasing to the point where it looked like his whole little body was vibrating. 

This poor kid had probably never been loved a day in his sad pathetic little life. This boy needed some love, some attention.

“And all I can do is rut on him?” Wallace asked thinking about how unsatisfying that would probably be. How that boy deserved so much more. How he deserved to be shown, real love. To have a man that had not only in own pleasure in mind use him. To have their bodies move together like a perfectly choreographed dance.

“Yes,” Lionel said, “I mean if you wanted to cash in some serious points once you were done you could go upstairs and find someone else for that type of carnal act, however, they would be much older. Most of the boys we have in house are between 13 and 17. There are a few that are younger however I think you wouldn’t find them to quite fit what you are looking for. You have to remember Merlin here is only 9.”

“If I could have him and show him how important he is I would be more than happy to do so. I just don’t see myself having much satisfaction in the encounter,” Wallace said continuing to pet the boys back.

His skin was so soft other than a few rough tiny scars along his shoulders. Almost like someone had taken a razor and cut him repeatedly just in the region of his shoulders. Maybe he’d been stabbed?

“What are these marks?” Wallace asked getting Lionel’s attention.

“Oh, his mother said someone paid her $500.00 dollars to do that,” Lionel sighed shaking his head, “It’s a travesty really. He’s worth a lot more. He’s a very valuable boy.”

“Yes, much more valuable than allowing someone to do that to him for a lousy 500.00. You poor kid. It’s ok. We’re going to send you somewhere where people are going to take good care of you. Where you’ll be treated how you deserve to be treated. There’s nothing you need to be afraid of,” Wallace told him patting the boys back gently one last time before getting up and leaving him sitting there shivering.  
That poor kid. Wallace waited until Lionel shut the door before he spoke, “He does remind me of him.”

“He does, he’s a sweet one. He’s heading to Asia, Jai says that he has a nice little house to put him in. A house where the costumers are usually pretty gentle and don’t demand too much other than company. Sometimes they don’t even engage in sex acts there. He says he thinks he’s sweet and needs a bit of a respite so it’s off on a tropical Island over by Hong Kong. 

He told me that most of the costumers actually seem to be local and that fair hair and fair skin is a rarity there. That he’d do well and be lavished with positive attention especially if he behaves himself once he’s come out of his shell a little bit.”

“Good, I hate to imagine that poor little thing in a hard brothel somewhere. He’s so tiny and so scared. It actually does remind me of Will and the way he looked and acted the first time I saw him. How he seemed so nervous and was trying so hard to maintain a façade of bravery being on that bus with his younger brothers surrounded by all these much older students. How badly shaken he seemed at his marking ceremony. I’d hate to think of that poor kid somewhere he isn’t going to be treated well.” Wallace commented.

“He’ll be fine. Jai is giving us a hefty sum for him and the owner of the house was very happy with the photographs Jai showed him. He seems more than delighted to take him on and Jai has assured me he’ll be gentle with the boy. This last one is going to the middle east. He’s 8. We’re calling him Max. He’s a fresh catch from a scouter however the person he’s going to has insisted that he be gently trained.

This means you can use toys on him up to four inches long, you can use your fingers just no penile penetration. You can use your mouth and use his. He is gaged but only because he seems to keep crying and won’t stop. However, like I said he’s young. He’s only 8 and it’s not unusual especially if they come from higher quality bloodlines to be more than a little scared and upset at finding themselves away from home. So, if you want to we can take a look at him and see what you think.”

“Why toys?” Wallace asked.

It didn’t make any sense to him at all. Toys were hard. Toys had none of the give a real cock did. Toys would hurt the boy a lot more than using a dick. And why only four inches?

“We’re peg training him. Toys is what we’ve been using, and it’ll open him slowly so he’s less likely to get seriously injured during his first encounter. He might even find it slightly more pleasurable compared to a much more solid object. Because we’re slowly training him he’s only able to take four insertable inches right now so that’s why the length is a bit on the small side by the time we ship him he’ll be able to take a full 8 to 10 especially once it’s a real cock and not hard silicone or plastic.

His owner, however, wants to be the first one to pop his cherry with something more natural than an anal plug or dildo so we’re respecting those guidelines. He’s never been penetrated with anything other than toys at this point. And honestly, I don’t do this very often, but his owner won’t be able to tell if someone uses their fingers or their tongue on him and he certainly won’t be able to tell if he’s taken a cock in other places or had his messed with.

Be aware that he is currently restrained because he was throwing himself at the wall and pounding on the door earlier and like I said he is gagged because he does keep having crying fits so please don’t be alarmed he’s not dangerous. Not any more dangerous than any caged animal would be.”

With that Lionel opened the door. He seemed even smaller than the other. His eyes blinking sleepily at nothing even though he didn’t move probably because he was restrained to the bed by his wrists and ankles. Wallace not wasting any time to walk up beside him.

Now he, he was perfect. Or as close to perfect as one could get without being his boy. Gray eyes that seemed to be slightly bloodshot with a smooth little button nose. His mouth was stretched open around a hot pink ball gag the bridge of his nose and forehead wrinkling slightly in confusion before his eyes widened in fear. Before he started pulling at the restraints the best he could as Wallace reached for the blanket that was covering his tiny body pulling it back.

He was a small one. His penis just seeming to gain a little bit of length however still in proportion to the rest of his body that seemed to be slightly too thin a shadow of his ribs showing through his skin as Wallace watched his little chest heaving in fear as the boy shook his head managing to make a whimpering sound behind the gag.

He tried pulling his knees in towards each other like he knew what they were there for. What was going to happen to him. The round flat base of the butt plug inside him clearly visible even though he was trying to pull his legs together to close them the restraints making the task impossible.

He seemed too good to pass up. Way too good. Sure, he couldn’t use that little boy pussy but that didn’t mean he couldn’t shove his cock in the little boy’s mouth while he used his fingers and tongue to spread waves of pleasure crashing up his spinal cord. He would make this boy have so many orgasms all he could do was drool before he allowed himself to release onto that sweet little face and head of golden blond hair. He was almost a good as his Will. 

“You’re a sweetheart too, aren’t you?” Wallace asked his mouth starting to water as he looked at the tiny little worm of a penis that he was going to pull on and play with the moment Lionel allowed him to, “Do you want to play with me?” he asked the little boy who made another whimpering sound shaking his head even more vigorously from side to side.

“I can take the gag off if you like. I will warn you though that he is going to scream and cry there is no way around that,” Lionel mentioned.

“That’s ok, it’s just because you’re scared. I know that. I’d be scared too. Having that butt plug probably roughly shoved in there, that can’t feel good,” Wallace said looking at Lionel as he reached out and touched it the little boy making a squealing sound and jerking as much as he restraints allowed him to.

“You can take it out of him if you like,” Lionel mentioned, “If I seem more than reluctant to leave it’s because I’ve never allowed a tracker down here before especially with an outgoing shipment. It’s nothing against you personally I’m just not sure how much I can trust you to stick to the rules I’ve given you if I do decide to exit the room.”

“I’d barely noticed boss,” Wallace answered honestly, “So can I start then?”

“Of course,” Lionel said, “Do you want me to remove the gag?”

“In just a second…” Wallace said pulling the anal plug out of the little boys bottom the boy struggling for a just a minute until he realized it was gone his chest heaving even harder as he attempted to breathe through the gag.

He was so beautiful. Such a sweetheart. It seemed like a real shame that they had allowed him to be penetrated by something so abrasive. Something that would hurt his little body. 

“Now you can, please,” Wallace said as Lionel reached behind the boy and unclipped the gag taking it away.

“Hi sweetheart,” Wallace said looking at the boy, “Do you want to play with me now?”

“NO! PLEASE NO! PLEASE DON’T I’LL BE GOOD! I SWEAR I’LL BE GOOD JUST TAKE ME HOME! PLEASE! PLEASE!” “Max” begged.

“And no one has touched him?” Wallace asked putting his hands the boy’s small penis. So small he stroked it just using two fingers the boy instantly falling silent as his eyes went wide, “There you good sweetheart, that’s it just relax.”

“Not yet. We’ve been more focused on peg training,” Lionel stated.

This was good. Wallace loved the idea of being his first, being the first to play with that sweet little cock. The boy’s reaction giving him the same answer as Lionel’s words.

“Not even you? I’m surprised,” Wallace said continuing to stroke until the boy made a slight choking sound and his cock started to twitch his first little orgasm hitting him.

“He won’t fulfill all my needs. I don’t see the point in it if I can’t be satisfied as well unless I’m milking them for my supply and he’s much too young to be useful for that,” Lionel told him, “If you want to you can do as you please. Obviously, he’s very sensitive. I imagine he’ll great a great deal of pleasure out of it.”

“Do you want me to suck on your fruit sweetheart?” Wallace asked.

Max still had a dazed look on his face like he wasn’t sure what had happened. The feeling had been overwhelming even though it had only been a small orgasm. His body having never experienced that sensation. Having never been touched like that before. Max staring at them both silently as Wallace smiled at Lionel before taking off his robe and hanging it on a hook leaving him as naked as the little boy that was strapped down to the bed he was about to straddle.

He really was a sweetheart even if he had a lot to say. However, peg training was uncomfortable, to say the least. Wallace had gone through it himself at one point. He had been around 12 but, even then it had caused great discomfort. 

Wallace had never enjoyed being a bottom. It wasn’t his thing. He needed to dominate and being forced to endure that even at the hands of his very loving father had been a lot to deal with. Especially when he reached puberty. It seemed like Vati had always been on top of him or had his hands on him.

There were points where he had cried and begged him to stop. Begged to be allowed to sleep in his own bed. Begged to be allowed to be left alone. Not that his father had ever listened to those requests. Other requests, yes but not those. In exchange for not whining as often, he got all the CD’s he wanted, all the movies and Gameboys he could ever enjoy and then eventually alone time with Finn.

Finn had a nice pussy, but sometimes it felt worn out. Sometimes Finn just laid there limp like Wallace felt he might as well be humping a blow-up doll for all the interaction he got out of the deal. Finn would close his eyes or find a point on the ceiling to stare at as he fucked him, as he played with him.

When he went to go blow Finn very often Finn would try and dig his nails into Wallace’s neck or his shoulders. Attempt to kick him and tell him no. Wallace wasn’t sure he understood why. To him, that was one of the things he had enjoyed most at that age, yet Finn seemed to loathe it.

Often there were times where he would have to tie Finn down because he fought so hard to keep Wallace from giving him oral. None of it made any sense to Wallace, why he would fight harder to prevent that and to having his pussy pounded was beyond him. To him having that happen hurt worse, bothered him worse than having Vati suck on his cock. That part he didn’t mind so much especially after the pain of having a dick shoved up his ass.

God was it heaven to be on top though. To feel that tight squeeze of skin around your body, to be so tightly connected to someone that sometimes you were sure you were going to get stuck inside them. That was pure bliss. Knowing that someone’s body loved what you were doing to them so much it didn’t want to let go, there was no other feeling like it. Knowing you were controlling everything they felt, everything they heard and saw. That you were the one who got to say what happened. That power was all-encompassing. It was everything.

Max shook his head. He wasn’t crying and pleading anymore but that just told Wallace he was more confused and scared by the event than angry about it or unwilling to do it. Wallace didn’t even have to ask him that question. He was being nice.

“I think you’ll like it,” Wallace said reaching to touch him again, Max making another gasping sound as his whole body went tense Max staring right into his eyes as Wallace fondled him, “I think you’ll like it a lot. I can show you something else. Do we have any lu…” Wallace was handed a tube before he could finish the question squirting some onto his fingers.

“PLEASE DON’T PLEASE I’ll BE GOOD! PLEASE, PLEASE DON’T! I PROMISE I’LL BE GOOD!! I SWEAR! PLEASE! I WANT MY MOM PLEASE I’LL…”  
Max’s pleas falling silent again as Wallace worked his fingers into the tight little hole that had a good amount of give because of the anal plug that had just been removed.

“There’s a good boy,” Wallace said, “Very nice, huh?”

He could tell by the look on Max’s face he didn’t like it even though just the sensations of having his fingers in there was beyond pleasurable making Wallace’s erection Stiffen even more. This was going to be fun. So much fun. The boy's mouth frozen open in a silent scream as he turned to stone his chest barely moving at all almost like he wasn’t breathing Wallace sighing before he started running his hand up and down Max’s xiphoid process to coax him into breathing.

“It’s ok sweetheart, you’re ok. Just breathe. Remember to breathe,” Wallace coaxed Lionel clearing his throat as Wallace ran his hand up and down the smooth skin.

“You’re good. You’re being really soothing right now. With the young ones that’s always a good skill to have,” Lionel commented.

“I try. They aren’t bad kids they’re just scared. And it’s ok to be scared, “Wallace said turning his attention back to Max, “I know it’s going to take a minute, but I’ll find it and it’ll feel really good I promise. We’ll make sure you feel really nice ok, sweetheart? A good boy like you deserves to feel nice.”

Max’s response was to attempt pulling his knees together once again his whole body tensing so hard that his legs started to shake with the strain he was putting on his muscles. He really didn’t want Wallace doing that to him. He really didn’t like it.

“PLEASE STOP, I’LL BE GOOD. I SWEAR I’LL BE GOOD! PLEASE, PLEASE, MOM! MOM PLEASE! PLEASE HELP! HELP I DON’T LIKE IT! I DON’T LIKE IT!”

“Shhh…Shhh…it’s ok, Max. You’re ok,” Wallace cooed as the boy’s cries of desperation devolved into a puddle of tears and incoherent whimpering, “I think he’s so small I could probably fit his balls and cock in my mouth at once.”

“I’m sure you could he’s actually on the higher side of normal according to his measurements. I know I always enjoy that, and they seem too as well,” Lionel commented.

Max wanted it. Whether he was aware of it or not he wanted it. Wallace knew that. Anyone with a brain knew that. He was a sweet little kid and he deserved to feel good Wallace using his two fingers to gently pick up the boy’s member before starting to lick and kiss it. The skin was so soft it felt almost like play dough in his hand the taste less salty and odorous than an adult.  
Probably because he wasn’t an adult. His body was still tiny, still smooth and soft. Wallace finally pulling the complete package in his mouth as Max finally found his ability to speak or almost. His whimpering increasing in pitch and volume.

“I…AH…AH…AH…S…ST….ST….,” he managed before he made a sound like a hiccup Wallace feeling a surprisingly strong squeeze around his fingers which released quickly and then tightened again the feel of the contractions in Wallace’s mouth making him hum happily.

Now that was a good boy. He must have really enjoyed it, Wallace, continuing to suck Max through his first strong orgasm before stopping pulling his fingers out to rub at his own erection.

“There’s a good boy, a very good boy,” Wallace cooed as he rubbed himself to climax releasing on the little boys soft and smooth stomach watching his chest heaving again his eyes almost closed mostly rolled into the back of his head as his body jerked suddenly every couple of seconds as the aftershocks ripped through his little system, “Amazing. You did a good job, Max. You’re going to make many men very happy.”  
“Did you enjoy yourself?” Lionel asked after a minute or two of silence.

“Fuck yeah, I think he did too,” Wallace said leaning forward and kissing the boy on the forehead the boy that seemed to be somewhat dazed from the encounter still.

He was beautiful. He seemed to be covered in a sheen of sweat even though they had only been in there for half an hour. Even though he had only had one powerful orgasm however by all appearances to Wallace it had seemed to be world shattering. The best kind.

“You think he’s hit a sex coma?” Wallace asked nearly laughing.

“Probably,” Lionel agreed, “Are you finished? I can’t leave you down here alone to wander. It’s really not a place you should be.”

“I think so, we both came so I’d say it’s finished. He was nice, a very good boy. You make very sweet sounds Max. You were such a good boy,” Wallace said kissing his forehead again before he climbed off the bed leaving the boy there still bond tightly to the bed as he walked over and grabbed his robe from where he had hung it up.

“So that’s what they’re like?” Wallace asked.

“Depends on the boy,” Lionel answered, “He’s never experienced that though I’m pretty sure and for a first time that’s a fairly normal response. He’s a sweetheart though, I agree with you.”

Lionel opened the door to the room, Wallace, wondering why they were leaving so suddenly, wondering if they should be putting his plug back in. If it were up to Wallace, he would have laid with him for a while continued to whisper praises into his skin. If it were up to Wallace, he would have stuffed his pussy full allowing him to feel the sensations of a real man instead of a piece of plastic. Max was a sweet boy. He’d do well in his new life. Make many clients and handlers very happy.

“Shouldn’t you put his plug back in?” Wallace asked.

“It’s good to give them a breather. I’ll make sure to have someone come down and reinsert it in an hour or two. They can probably use a bigger one depending on how relaxed he still is. That’s personally why I like to make the young one’s orgasm multiple times first before I penetrate. If the muscles can’t tighten down because of over exhaustion it makes insertion less painful. They tend to be very accommodating if they are already riding near bliss instead of anxiety,” Lionel mentioned.

“I’ll have to keep that in mind for when I get to be with Will,” Wallace commented as they started walking down the hall and back up the stairs. Lionel not speaking again until he was closing the door.

“Again, you can’t tell anyone where this door is. If you do I will be looking at you and I don’t need to tell you the consequences will be immediate and harsh,” Lionel reminded him.

“I understand. I wouldn’t want to put something that precious in jeopardy anyway boss. They really are special, each of them. Aren’t they?” Wallace asked feeling oddly satisfied even if he hadn’t been allowed to fuck him with his cock that he could feel starting to become erect again.

“Yes, indeed they are,” Lionel said nodding his head.


	11. It doesn't matter how carefully thought out things are sometimes they don't go as planned (Cole, Pat, John, Will, Wallace & Finn.)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will makes a phone call that doesn't go as planned Cole, John and Pat stepping in to comfort him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This short corresponds with **Will part 2 Chapter 106** it's written from Cole's point of view so you can see what he's thinking about and also hear what Wallace says **Warnings: Bullying, graphic language, mental health issues, PTSD, consensual ass grabbing, public displays of consensual affection**

I had been pulling my book out of my bag and then heading into the fridge to get a drink. I knew they had carpisuns in there. They always did. That was definitely because of Deb. Alice wouldn’t buy that type of thing for them she would have always been going on about how there was too much sugar in those Will grabbing the phone out of the corner of my eye and dialing putting the phone up to his ear as I reached into the fridge the phone making a loud sound as he dropped it.

What the hell? I walked over and picked it up wondering what was going on. Why he would just drop the phone like that.

“… I’d fuck you nice and hard using my fingers first make you moan while I fucked and licked that boy cunt before I swallowed that sweet little…”

“Listen, I don’t care who called who. I don’t even care who you are. He’s 11. You don’t talk like that to him. Especially one the fucking phone,” I started not caring who it was.

It didn’t matter who it was. He was still a little boy. It didn’t matter if he had asked whoever this sick fuck was to talk to him like that. That wasn’t ok. Will was just little tiny still. No one had the right to talk to him like that. Especially a guy who had a voice that was deeper than mine and I was pretty sure Will was not interested.

The way he had dropped the phone and he was shaking as I looked over at him this was the not the person he had wanted to speak to. There was no reason for that guy to be talking to him the way he was. Especially because of Will’s age.

“Who the fuck are you?” The guy asked me.

“No, nope. It doesn’t matter who I am. You don’t talk about an 11-year-old like that. Let alone to them like that you sick freak,” I shot back.

“I want to know who the fuck this is. Why are you over at his house? You do realize that cunt is mine, right? I can say whatever the fuck I want to him. I tell the leader your over there he’ll hand your ass to you. You’ll be begging him to kill you…”

Really? He was threatening me? Like I didn’t know what Lionel was capable of? He’d raped me more times than I could count. He’d pimped me out more times than I would ever like to admit to anyone and yet somehow he had managed to treat poor Will worse. Including apparently pimping him out to this freak. No, that wasn’t going to fucking fly. That wasn’t even going to get off the ground.

Wallace had no right to speak to anyone that way. Especially to call him his “cunt” he was a fucking little boy. His words giving away who he was immediately. It wasn’t a secret to anyone that was in Lionel’s inner circle who he was going to hand Will over to and both my dad’s were sadly in Lionel’s inner circle so for Pat and I it was common knowledge at that point that the Huber’s were going to be who he passed Will off to when he was finished with him in just a few short months.

“Oh? You think you can threaten me? Guess what, honey? He had his dick up my ass for two years more times than I care to recall. Who do you think he’ll listen to? Someone he used to fuck or one of the guys kissing his ass because he wants his money?” I hissed.

“Oh, Cole,” the guy answered simply, “Nice to put a voice to the face.”

“Yeah, yeah that’s right. Don’t talk like that on the fucking phone again. To anyone.” I hissed

“I didn’t even realize you knew Will. Does he know you’re over there? You shouldn’t be near his boy. He’ll fuck you up. Hell, if you touch him I’ll fuck you up,” he said.

“Yeah,” I said hanging up quickly, “Fuck you too sick piece of shit.”

I didn’t want to talk to that piece of shit whoever he was. There wasn’t any point in it. He’d just threaten me again. Probably threaten poor Will too. His cunt? Really that’s what he thought of him? He was an 11-year-old little boy. His “cunt” didn’t belong to anyone regardless of what Lionel thought or how he treated him. Will’s body and all parts of it belonged to Will. How fucking dare he?

I looked over at Will who was barely standing his whole body pale and shivering like he’d seen a ghost. I wasn’t even sure what to do. Was he having a flashback? 

“Are you ok?” I muttered as it seemed like his knees buckled giving me time to just barely grab him before he crashed to the floor under his own body weight, this poor kid. He didn’t deserve to any of this.

“Ok, it’s ok. I’ve got you,” I told him as I gently lowered us to the floor, “Why did you call huh? If you needed Finn, you should have let me call. I would have gotten him on the phone. That was the last thing you needed. Why did you do that?”

Will couldn’t even answer his nails digging into the back of my shirt. Poor kid. He could barely breathe. His reaction making my eyes sting. What had Wallace already done to him? This poor fucking kid. He didn’t deserve this! Wallace had to be a seriously sick piece of shit to say that to someone over the phone let alone an 11-year-old little boy that he knew for a fact wasn’t interested at all. Period.

“JOHN! I NEED YOU!” I shouted as I held him knowing that nothing I said or did was going to calm Will down like he needed. There was nothing that I could do that would help him the way he was shaking his eyes open wide like he was scared to death as his chest heaved and he dug his nails into the back of my shoulders.

Honestly, it would be amazing if he wasn’t having a flashback the way his body felt frozen, ridged. If he was having a flashback he didn’t me. He needed someone that felt safer than me, someone he trusted, John rushing down the hallway almost sprinting as he saw us pulling Will away from me after unhooking his nails from my back.

“Wingman,” he said softly pulling Will’s face against his chest as Will latched onto him in almost the same fashion he had been gripping onto me, “It’s ok, you’re ok. What’s going on?” John asked looking at me.

“I think he tried to call Finn and his brother answered the phone,” I said shrugging my shoulders trying to get the feeling of fingers digging into my flesh out of them. I didn’t think he’d hurt me, but it hadn’t been the most comfortable feeling in the world. It never was no matter who was doing it. It didn’t matter if It was Pat or Justin if it was Kris. 

I knew it wasn’t something he had meant to do. His body had frozen up though. That was completely normal especially when you felt like you were being attacked. When someone was saying something like that to you. I couldn’t imagine not reacting that way.

“Wallace?” John asked me as I nodded my head.

“I don’t know how much Wallace said to him,” I answered honestly, “But, I picked up the phone and he didn’t realize it was me and I can’t even talk to Tosh or Kris like that and you know that…”

Sometimes I got dirty. Really dirty. Kris thought it was actually hot I could do that. I hated thinking about where I learned that from, but it wasn’t always a bad skill to have. However, the way Wallace had been talking had been a level above “Oh yeah fuck me hard baby”. That had been another world of gross and directed at an 11-year-old boy who wasn’t interested that was beyond disgusting.

“Yeah you guys are up in each other’s space all the time,” John agreed with me, “That fucking piece of…” Will whimpered probably squeezing John even more tightly, “It’s ok. I’m right here wingman, I’m right here. You’re ok.”

“Do I want to know what he said?” John asked me switching his focus back to me.

Like I said. I wouldn’t even say that to Kris and we’ve been hooking up on and off since after Justin so about 2 almost 3 years now,” I told him shaking my head to confirm that it wasn’t something you repeated especially in front of the traumatized child those words had been directed at.

Will whimpered again. Yeah, it seemed like he was having a flashback even if it was a quiet one that had him frozen in fear my heartbreaking for him. Will didn’t deserve this at all. The only thing anyone deserved was a rusty needle shoved through their lips so they would keep their nasty ass words to themselves and that was Wallace. That wasn’t Will. Poor Will.

“It’s ok Wingman. I’m right here,” John said starting to run his hand over Will’s head like you would do to soothe an upset infant, “I’m right here. You’re ok. He’s not talking.” John pointed out like I couldn’t see that Pat coming down the hall frowning at us as he realized we were all sitting on the kitchen floor before going into the living room probably to keep everyone else occupied while we took care of Will.

“He’s in shock. I’m fucking serious…I can’t even…that was…” I shook my head.

I couldn’t believe he had even said any of that. Talked about how he wanted to finger fuck him? How he was going to hold him down as he blew him. He was a little boy. Talking about eating his ass. Wallace knew Lionel well enough to know that was something he enjoyed. Oral play as he liked to call it. That those were things he enjoyed. He knew Will wouldn’t want to hear him say those things, threaten him with those things. There was no excuse for that. He was purposefully being cruel.

“Can you tell me about it?” John asked me again, “like what he actually said?”

“I’d rather not, especially right now,” I told him shaking my head again, “I mean look at how bad he’s shaking. I think not in a good place and I can’t honestly blame him.”

He had known what he was doing. That even just hearing is voice would be enough to upset him. He’d sent him into a panic on purpose. The description of what he wanted to subject him to was just overkill. Like I had known Wallace was a fucking perverted loser but this…this was beyond being a “perverted loser” this was fucking evil. He was fucking evil.

Lionel had picked a good one. One that was just like him. He’d be so fucking proud when Wallace took over. They were both fucking pieces of shit. Poor Will.

“I…I…I…,” Will stuttered his chest heaving so hard I could tell what was happening even though John was holding him with Will’s face pressed against his chest.

“It’s ok,” John said soothingly rubbing his back, “You’re safe. It’s ok. How about we get you to your room? Do you want that? Do you need to go lay down?” John asked Will shaking his head vigorously.

“What’s going on? Are you don’t want to go lay down in your room so we can talk?” John asked him quietly, “What I don’t understand is why you called. I mean I know you and Finn are really close, but you know someone else might answer the phone so why did…?” 

John trailed off thinking about it. A look of dawning on his face like he was thinking about a reason why he would reach out and call our house if he hadn’t heard from Pat, “Is something wrong? Wrong with me?” he asked Will letting out a pitiful whimper before gave him a gentle squeeze kissing his forehead, “We’ll figure this out, ok? We’ll do what we can. Pat! PAT?!” John called loudly.

“Yeah?” Pat asked crossing the hall to get into the kitchen where we were still all parked on the floor next to the kitchen island, “What’s up?”

“Do you know his number?” John looked at me.

How the fuck would I know Finn’s phone number? I knew Lionel’s phone number, still. I knew his stupid ass daughter in laws home phone number. I knew a lot of numbers but I didn’t know that one. I’d only talked to Finn a handful of times. 

“No, he knows it,” I said gesturing to Will who he was still holding, still trying to calm down.

“Can you tell Pat the number?” he asked Will softly, “We’ll get him on the phone. I swear. Pat, can you call for him? He’s trying to reach Finn and Wallace answered the phone and well…”

“Yeah,” Pat said nodding his head, “No problem. I’ll see what’s up. What’s the number?”

That was my brother. Always the hero. Always the one to step up when others couldn’t. That was Pat though, especially if he considered you one of his own and Will was one of his own. He was fiercely pissed even though John and Will probably couldn’t see it. I knew he was pissed.

“555-513-1862,” Will whispered quietly as Pat dialed outputting the phone to his ear.  
“Hello, can I speak to Finn please?” he asked into the phone his hand balling in make a fist as he waited silently, “Why does it matter who’s calling? I need to speak to Finn. Yes, thank you. Hello?... Finn, this is Pat, Will’s older friend we met at the…yeah, he wants to talk to you, is that ok? Yep, here you go,” Pat said tapping Will on the shoulder with the Phone as John loosened his grip even though Will was still sitting in his lap.

He was listening quietly, “Are you?” he asked the person on the other end of the phone.

“Ted said he thought you might be in hospital,” he told them his voice still very quiet.

When Will got upset he went quiet usually. His voice barely above a whisper. I think the fact that he got so upset and couldn’t control how he acted made him embarrassed, so he just went as quiet as possible hoping that maybe it would give him some type of control over how he expressed himself Will sighing slightly as he listened to probably Finn respond on the other end of the phone.

“You promise?” he asked, “So, you’ll be at school tomorrow?”

Poor kid. No wonder he had flipped out. If Finn hadn’t been at school, he had probably been worried sick all day. Not knowing where his boyfriend was, his best friend. I knew they were getting close like that. That all three of them were getting close like that. He had told us at that point. That he really liked them or loved them both very much. I could understand his panic. I mean on days Justin wasn’t at school the only thing I did was worry about him and I didn’t have the luxury of calling up and checking on him because most of the time I was with him, with Lionel.

He had kept a really close eye on me while I was his. There were weeks where I missed school because he didn’t want me to go. More than once I had gotten ready for school only to have his limo pull up before the bus did and whisk me away to the Villa or where ever else he had decided he wanted to take me. Made me spent the day in bed with him being his boy. The thought making me shiver.

“Are you ok?” Pat asked me as I nodded my head.

Yeah, I was fine. I’d be fine. That poor kid though. At least he hadn’t finished hearing the sick things that Wallace had been saying. That was the last thing he would have needed. Especially being worried sick about one of his best friends. He had probably been dying inside all day. Especially the way Will was.

“Cole?” Will said my name as he got up out of John’s lap and turned to look at me, “he’s fine as far as I know. How are you doing?” Will asked me.

That was sweet. Finn was asking about me. He must have heard what Wallace had been saying, “Finn wants to know how I am?” I asked him, “Tell him I’m good.”

“He said he’s…” Will said into the phone before stopping mid-sentence, “I’m better now.”

“Aww,” Pat and John muttered almost in unison Pat rubbing Will’s back gently.

 

“Yeah, thank you,” Will replied to whatever Finn had said before waiting a minute and hanging up the phone.

“That was cute,” Pat mentioned smiling at Will.

“That I felt better because he was ok?” Will asked frowning slightly his voice still very quiet.

“ I think it was the way you said it,” I pointed out, “I mean he could have only asked you one thing and before we got him on the phone you weren’t doing too good.”

He really hadn’t been. I imagined he was probably having a flashback. The way Wallace talked it was exactly like Lionel. How he would either tell you nothing if he was pissed at you or he’d give you step by step instructions of what he was going to do to you while he told you to relax, that you must be good or else you would only make it worse for yourself and everyone else. No one needed to hear those things. No one.

Especially not a little boy and not things like that. There was no reason for anyone to say things like that to him. None.

“I didn’t see him all day,” Will explained, “He wasn’t in school. I thought something bad had happened. Because of me.”  
Because of him? He was afraid Finn had gotten hurt because of him? What could he possibly do that would require anyone hurting Finn ever? That didn’t make any sense to me at all. John asking the question because I could get it out of my mouth.

“I figured Wallace said something and then Finn got mad, so he said something and then…Wallace isn’t nice. He’s really awful,” Will told us.

That wasn’t a lie. Wallace really was fucking awful. Another Lionel in the making. He was a nasty shit.

“Is he ok though?” I asked, “Finn?”

He had a concussion and he said something about Wallace breaking his orbital socket, so he has a black eye,” Will answered my question.

“Ouch,” Pat said hissing, “That hurts. It can sometimes make your whole face swell.”

He would know. Hank used to lay into him especially after his mom had disappeared. Both Dad and Hank had beaten the shit out of him whenever he had tried to stick up for me or Charlie. There was more than once that they had pounded his face in. They had done it to me a time or two as well and it really did hurt. Sometimes your sinus cavity burned for days and you could swear you were getting a cold but it was just sinus pressure from having your cheekbone and eye bashed in.

It wasn’t a pleasant experience. Especially when they happened to bust your eye too. Then sometimes the pressure could make your eyesight go weird and you got to wear a patch for a while. That had happened to me.

“Don’t remind me,” I said shuddering just thinking about it, “It hurts a lot. Sometimes your eye swells closed or if they like shatter your socket you need to have reconstructive surgery. Most of the time it’s just like really tender though.”

“They’ve broken your face before?” John asked me sounding shocked.

“I mean they’ve never like destroyed my face, but I’ve been knocked around pretty good once or twice. I’ve had my orbital socket broken, my nose which I had to get fixed, I’ve had my windpipe crushed. I’ve had my ribs busted. Lots of different things. I’ve seen other people that have dealt with worse though.” I told him.

They had. I had screamed so loud the only way for them to get me to stop had been to choke me. When they had killed him. I had ended up in a neck brace in a holding room for a long time and then after that the psych hospital for trying to kill myself. 

“Like what?” John asked me.

Will was right there. He’s just barely come out of a flashback. I didn’t think it was a good time to go over those things. What some of the things I’d seen handlers do to kids. Kids they didn’t care about. Kids that as far as they were concerned didn’t matter.

“That’s a story for another time,” I told him shrugging my shoulders.

I really didn’t want to get into those stories. The story of what had happened when Justin had died. I didn’t want to list all of those injuries some of which I had inflicted on myself. I didn’t want to talk about the things that Dad had done to me from the first moment I told him and Tony no. That I had dared to even think the word no. 

They had been the ones to break my nose. I had been 10 years old. It had been right after he had handed me over to Lionel and he and Tony had been drunk. Tony had walked into my room and tried to climb into bed with me so I had whimpered and told him no. He had grabbed my arms hard and twisted them behind my back as he had shoved my face into my headboard so hard it had bounced off. 

I had been lucky I didn’t pass out. That I didn’t have a serious brain injury because of that. He’d raped me. He had raped me while I screamed. While I screamed for Da to help me. To make him stop because I was supposed to…because I was supposed to be his now and I knew he’d be mad if I got hurt. He’d be mad at me. Mad at me because I hadn’t been good. Because I had misbehaved enough that they had felt they needed to hurt me like that.

“No, seriously what…?” John started to ask as Pat broke him off.

“I’ve had my jaw busted,” Pat added in, “My arms dislocated. My ribs busted. I’ve ruptured my vocal cords. Broke my arm. I’ve had blood vessels in my eye bursts before. That’s not counting all the whipping I’ve suffered from. Some handlers are nasty.” 

He gave me a small smile. He had done that to draw the attention away from me. Away from things I didn’t want to talk about. Away from things I didn’t want to think about.

“Who did that to you?” John asked frowning heavily at him. 

“A couple different people,” he answered shrugging his shoulders and smiling as John crawled over to where Pat was sitting and straddled his lap.

I snorted trying to hide my laughter. I didn’t understand how hearing about your boyfriend being beaten was a turn on, but ok. Whatever floated their boats.

“I love that you guys love each other. It’s awesome but that doesn’t mean you have to sit on him through his pants. It really wouldn’t hide his boner if he had, which I feel for some reason you’re attempting to give him one John,” I told them.

“Hey, we aren’t being that bad,” Pat said sticking his tongue at out me before he looked back at John smiling happily.

“You say that and then you do that,” I pointed out to him as he slid his hands into both of John’s back pockets grabbing his as “It’s time to go to your rooms, boys. I mean look at his face.”

Will was beet red. That poor kid every time someone even mentioned sex he went bright red. He could have replaced the preemptive Christmas lights that were hanging on the house next door he was so red. He might as well have been glowing.

“That’s only because he wishes it were he and Finn,” Pat said shrugging his shoulders as he continued to grope John in what seemed like a happy manner as Alice came into the kitchen looking down at them like she was unimpressed by the display of affection.

“Boys, I have to make dinner. Why are you all sitting on the floor in my kitchen?” she asked them, “Cole, can you go watch the kids, for me please?”  
“Yes, Auntie Alice. Gladly,” I said as I watched John realize what he and Pat were doing on the kitchen floor in plain view of anyone in the room his own face and ears turning red. Before I turned around and headed to the living room happily.


	12. Sometimes you scariface more than you think you can afford for those you love.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cole and Pat are caught babysitting or more handling the babysitter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place during chapter 109 of Will's story. This is not an easy to chapter to read and you'll notice a mistake in there, I'll just let you know it's on purpose. **Warnings: rape, violence, spanking, hitting, physical assault, forced oral, biting, anxiety issues, PTSD, bullying, physical abuse, sexual abuse**

 

“Can you please stop?” Cole asked Hank as the little redhead baby squirmed in his hands like he was trying to get away.

Mac was only a tiny thing. He was too and Hank was holding him way too closely holding him around the middle and almost squeezing him. Cole was surprised Mac hadn’t bit him. If Cole were in that situation he totally would have.

“Dad, let him go,” Pat said quietly, “He wants to play.”

“We can play,” Hank said giving them that smile that made them both feel sick. 

They both knew what that smile was and if Hank had permission he would have done something more to Mac than just hold him. He didn’t care that Mac was only 2. He’d bragged about raping a four-year-old. He was doing things to Pat by the time he was 2. 

“Not with you dad,” Pat said, “Seriously let him go.”

“I’ll play with you,” Cole said closing his eyes and exhaling deeply before he said it. He knew what he was saying, what he was offering, but it was better than watching him torture a baby. A baby who just wanted to play with his brothers and sisters. 

“You will?” Hank asked sounding excited.

“COLE! Seriously?” Pat asked shaking his head.

“It’s him or this little guy,” he said before he leaned in whispering something in the little boy’s ear that made him wiggle that much harder before Hank let him go putting him down on the ground like it wasn’t a big deal. Before he scurried away from him over to Pat hiding behind Pat’s leg.

“I’ll do it,” he said again, “John’s room?”

“Yeah, let’s go baby boy,” Hank said standing up and smiling happily his pants already responding.

The sight made Cole’s throat feel tight like he was going to throw up. The last thing he wanted was Hank touching him. Especially like that. However, they were up there to make sure Hank didn’t touch anyone else like that so maybe it was better this way. Better that it was him and not one of the kids. 

“What are you doing?” Catty asked looking at Cole.

“Well, I’m going to spend some time with Hank and Pat is going to play with you guys,” Cole told her shrugging his shoulders.

“I don’t think you should play with him,” Catty told him looking at Hank causing Hank to laugh.

“Don’t worry little lady, I’ll bring him back in one piece regardless of how much I don’t want to,” Hank said like it wasn’t a big deal. Like he wasn’t really threatening him at all.

Cole wasn’t stupid. It was a threat. Hank was subtle like that unless you knew him which Cat didn’t. Things he said could be taken a different way Hank waving his hand at Cole directing him to follow as they walked down the hall and Hank opened the door to John’s room. Cole finding it weird that he knew exactly what room was his. The idea that he did and what maybe or maybe not have been happening while they were at school that he knew that was where it was sending a shiver down Cole’s spine as he walked into the room and shut the door behind him.

“Good boy,” Hank said, “Lock it and strip.”

Just like that? That’s all he said to say about it? So, this wasn’t Hank playing around this was serious. This was him requesting a serious release of energy Cole figuring it was better if he treated it like he treated the situation when they were in the downstairs rec room. Cole locking the door as he looked at his feet undoing his jeans and pulling those and his boxers down in one movement.

It was better if he didn’t look at him. This was going to be rough, or at least that’s what it seemed like. Hank and Dad had their routines. This could go either way for right now. A slow long gentler thing where he just wanted to enjoy himself. Where he talked a lot, or it could go the other way. A rough fast fuck where he used his belt on him. Where he told Cole to be quiet no matter what and if he screamed out or even thought about begging Hank to stop Hank would hit him again, hard.

Hank had even wrapped his hands around Cole’s throat before. Squeezing every time Cole yelped because it fucking hurt. Because Hank always fucking hurt. He liked hurting people. He and dad both did. Hank hurt just because of his size alone. Because he wanted to because he could. Because no one would stop him.

“Come on hurry up!” Hank said in a low growl snapping his belt against itself making the air crack with the sound. Making Cole flinch. 

So, it was going to be like that? ok then. It was just better to get it done at this point, Cole pulling his shirt off as he stepped out of his pants and pulled his socks off as he walked over to the bed laying down on his stomach putting his arms up underneath one of John’s pillows as he braced himself.

“Good boy,” Hank said smacking Cole’s ass with his hand making him jump, “You know exactly what I want, don’t you?”

Of course, he did. He lived with the guy. He and Dad had their habits and they stuck with them. He would have to be stupid to not know what he wanted from him at this point. Beyond stupid.

“Look at the perky little ass,” Hank commented rubbing Cole’s ass cheek where he had just spanked him, “I bet it was cute when you were little tiny too.”

Cole closed his eyes to keep himself from rolling them. He didn’t want to hear about him raping babies. He didn’t want to hear about Charlie and Pat when they were little. To Cole that was beyond disgusting. Beyond horrifying.

“Maybe that’s why Art couldn’t leave you alone once Pam was gone. Because you have an ass you can bounce a quarter off,” Hank said before Cole yelped loudly the belt coming down against his cheek hard. Hard enough it almost felt like it was bruising immediately.

Cole wasn’t sure that was why. Hank could have been right, but Cole thought it was more than that. A lot more than that and he would never understand. He already knew that. He would never understand how Dad had ended up with Hank either. Even though if you loved Cock Hank sure had a lot of it.

“Be quiet. We don’t want to scare the kiddies,” Hank warned him, “We’ll make it a fun game. I fuck you nice and hard and you see if you can stay silent. Be a good little boy for Daddy Hank.”

He wasn’t a little boy he was nearly 15. He hated that “good boy” “my boy”. That always gave him the shivers one shooting down his spine as Hank hit him on his back.

“You’re doing good so far,” Hank commented, “I can understand though why Tony likes you. Your ass is enough to turn anyone gay and I’m not the only one who thinks that apparently. Do you think you can take my cock? I know I have an impressive dick however from what I’ve heard it shouldn’t be too much of a problem for you. Especially after last weekend.”

What? He’d heard about that? That was…that was work. He shouldn’t have heard about that at all.

Last week Cole had been on rotation and it had been less than fun. They weren’t supposed to talk about those things though. He didn’t even hang out with Maccabee so how the fuck did he know anything about it? Cole didn’t want to listen to him talk about that Hank moving and getting something from somewhere because Cole felt Hank spreading his cheeks a little before roughly shoving one of his fat fingers into him making Cole tense.

“Don’t do that. I’m trying to be nice here,” he said, “apparently the boss must have turned into a real slut at some point though. Bill said you took it like a champ all three cocks shoved into your cunt at once. He said it felt tight too. I’m wondering if that means they stretched you out a lot or if you’re still going to be a tight fit.”

It was true. They’d made him do that. He’d never done triple penetration before and it had fucking hurt. However, he’d been in worse pain before. A lot worse. He had been more than happy when it was over. Soaked in a hot bath when he had gotten him and taken some pain meds. Enough to get a little floaty enough to almost forget and now here Hank was wanting to reminisce about something he hadn’t even been there to see.

“I bet you were just covered in creamy man milk by the time it was over. Bill said you even came. I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s true though. From what I understand you get around on your own time too. You’re just lucky that Art is friends with the boss.” He asked as Cole felt Hank straddle his back.

He didn’t want to do this. He’d give anything not to do this especially if he was going to talk the whole time instead of just fucking him. He would rather it was him than one of those little boys out there though. Andy was almost 3 and Mac even younger. He would kill them. He would decimate them.

“You feel pretty tight. Are you pulling it tight for me or because you’re scared? Because you really hate being a bottom bitch, which I find hard to believe given all the rumors I’ve heard about you from different sources,” Hank said.

He wished he would fucking stop talking and just get it over with Cole regretting that thought as he felt Hank rubbing his beer can sized cock against his crack. He never used enough lube. It always fucking hurt and when Dad wasn’t around he never used enough lube. Cole snaking his hand out from under the pillows that were over his arms and grabbing the headboard to brace himself as Hank started to push in.

It fucking burned. It felt like someone was shoving a log up his ass that they had set on fire. Cole’s how body shaking with the effort of trying to keep himself from screaming. His whole body wanting to stop, protesting to being treated the way it was.

“Still so fucking tight,” Hank muttered happily, “That’s amazing considering how many dicks this cunt has taken.”

Cole wanted to scream at first. The pain white-hot but the more Hank raped him the more of a dull ache it became almost like feeling constipated. Badly constipated before Hank pulled out slapping Cole’s ass again.

“Turn around,” he said moving so he was sitting next to Cole instead of being on top of him, on his back Hank punching him in the side when he didn’t move fast enough, “I said turn the fuck around.”

He didn’t want to look at Hank. Not while he did that. He hated that. There was only one reason why Hank would want him to turn around and he wasn’t going to do that. He wouldn’t do that.

“Really? You want to be choked to death?” Hank questioned, “I don’t think Art would be too pleased with me if that happened. If you make me flip you over I’m not going to be happy though. Hell, I might have to go out into that room and get myself a little dick warmer. How much do you think he’d bleed? My little Kia. His Cherry still hasn’t been popped. He’s completely untouched. 

How do you think he’ll react to having that tiny little cock played with? Do you think he’ll cry, or do you think he’ll thrust that tiny little dick into my mouth? Pat used to ride my face you know? Whimper and moan as I sucked on his wiggling little worm of a cock. He loved it. You, you’re a real slut though. I’ve heard you love taking it up the ass. And you’re so good at it too.”

With that, he went silent for a few minutes. Ramming hard into Cole’s body as Cole reluctantly turned around to face him. Turned so he was on his back. Cole squeezed the headboard of John’s bed in his fist to keep himself from screaming. Hank was right, he didn’t want to scare the kids. The last thing they needed to worry about was what Hank was doing to him in that room while they’re brothers were downstairs, and they were already worried about them.

“Don’t make that face, I know you like it. A little slut like you,” Hank muttered ramming so hard Cole made a sound.

A small sound that was somewhere between a whimper and a hiss. He hated how much Hank hurt. If he was hurting though it wasn’t doing other things to his body. Making his body respond, making him hard. That was something Cole couldn’t stand. The way Hank and his dad always pointed out to him that he must like it at least a little bit if he was hard. How ashamed it made him feel.

He didn’t understand how they thought he could honestly like having his dad’s fuck him. Especially Hank. Hank knew he was as big as two regular-sized dicks and everyone knew doubles was painful. Cole had no idea how Hank could ever trick himself into believing that Cole or Pat ever wanted him to touch them like that.

He was fat, most of it was muscle, but he weighed nearly 250 pounds. He was heavy Hank shifting his weight up, so he wasn’t leaning on Cole nearly as much Cole hoping he was done. That he would just stop now. Maybe be nice and finish himself off in the bathroom.

“You’re such a little whore I’m surprised your cock isn’t leaking,” Hank mentioned before grabbing it Cole closing his eyes as Hank said the words.

Cole knew he was hard. He was trying to ignore it though. Ignore the fact that his body was telling Hank he liked it when he didn’t. The fact that Hank had hit is prostate once or twice being just enough to have given him an erection.

He hated it when Hank touched him like that when any of them touched him like that. It was his body. He didn’t want his body touched by them. He had to live in it. Live with the feeling of their hands on his skin. The feeling of them scratching at it, touching it. The feeling of their tongues against his body, his most sensitive parts. The thought making him close his eyes tightly before he heard the sound and felt the sharp sting in his cheek.

“You know better. Next time It’ll be a punch,” Hank told him as he started thrusting again this time slowly. Slow enough that it wasn’t a sharp ripping sensation but more of a dull ache that broke out into a series of tingles that ran up and down his spine.

“Yeah?” Hank asked as he started rubbing Cole’s erection like he was trying to get him off as rounded his lips and exhaled out of his mouth trying to keep himself quiet. Reminding himself that the kids were outside the door, that he couldn’t be loud his whole body shaking with the effort of trying to stay calm.

“You’re being a good boy. We’re almost there huh?” Hank muttered ramming in hard Cole feeling it as he finished. His weight resting over top of him Hank’s hand moving away from his dick as Hank caught his breath.

Cole didn’t want to be a “good boy”. Not for Hank. Not for art. Not for any of them. Sometimes he had no choice though. Especially not when it came to those babies. He wouldn’t ever risk Hank hurting one of them.

“Do you want to finish?” Hank asked him after a few minutes.

It was probably a trick question. Hank was never done when he was done. He always wanted you to finish. It didn’t matter what you wanted Cole giving a short a nod as he took a deep breath. He would rather Hank left him alone. However, with Hank that was a part of his thing. Dad didn’t care most of the time at all. Hank though, Hank wanted you to finish. He wasn’t done until everyone had ejaculated.

“Give me a scalp massage good boy,” Hank growled kissing hard, sinking his teeth into the side of Cole’s neck making it sting. At least he wouldn’t draw blood. Not there. Even if he bruised the skin it wouldn’t be a huge deal. It’s not like anyone would be able to see his collar bone under his uniform and if someone happened to see that part of his body, well he was a whore, right? Could have been from anyone’s mouth. Didn’t have to mean it was from Hanks.

Hank’s mouth and tongue traveling its way down his body as he tried to stay calm. Tried to tell himself it wasn’t a huge deal that his ass was already beyond sore, still burning from what Hank had already done. That the worst part was already over. That he just had to let it happen.

Cole hissing as Hank slid one of his fat fingers into him as Hank chuckled a little bit, “You feel like you might be bleeding a little. Not as loose as I thought you were apparently. That’s surprising.”

Cole made a sound of confirmation thinking about how he wished his body didn’t feel like jello he was trapped in. His legs and torso aching his whole-body aching wishing that Lionel would just stop…Hank. That Hank would just stop.

The sound of Hank’s sloppy kisses against his skin making him feel sick as his hands felt the top of Hanks balding head. Cole’s whole body trembling the lower Hank’s mouth got. This wasn’t ok. This wasn’t ok. He didn’t want his mouth there, Hank biting into his belly button hard enough to sting making him whimper.

“Dad,” Cole whispered not even sure where he found the courage, “Dad I ne…shit. Ok, shit, shit, shit….” Cole muttered trying to stay quiet as Hank’s mouth started traveling down his shaft. He didn’t want this. He needed him to stop. He needed his mouth to stop. He didn’t let people do that. He only let Kris do that. Only Kris and Hank wasn’t Kris. 

“STOP!” Cole said loudly digging his fingers into Hanks scalp getting his attention Hank stopped and grabbing Cole’s hands hard between his knuckles.

“You want me to break your fingers?” he asked him, growled at him, “Then I suggest you don’t ever do that again. You don’t tell me to stop ever. What the fuck has gotten into you?”

Cole’s whole being freezing. He wasn’t sure he’d told Hank to stop in a long time. The last time he had, it hadn’t ended well. He’d dislocated Cole’s shoulders and stripped some of the skin from his back. Cole feeling beyond stupid for somehow finding the ability to say it. To plead with him to stop.

“I…I’m sorry. I just…I’m sorry,” Cole said quietly.

“Not sorry enough to keep your fucking mouth shut,” Hank hissed, “If you scared my Kai by screaming like that you will pay later,” he said, “Now lay back and shut up.”

Yeah, ok. Cole didn’t say that out loud, but he did what he was told knowing that next time Hank wouldn’t use his words. That he was lucky Hank had warned him at all. That he wasn’t just whaling on him. Cole closing his eyes wishing he would stop. That it didn’t feel like that. That it didn’t remind him of that.

He didn’t want to feel that. He hated that. It seemed so much harder to deal with his body slowly climbing. Climbing closer to that place. That place where he didn’t like going, the feeling of Hank’s mouth too warm, too hot, too wet. His body tingling too much. Tingling so much it felt like it was burning. Cole wanting to collapse in on himself, wanting to disappear as his body fought it. As he tried to fight it. The urge to give in finally getting too strong, everything hurting before he finally gave in. Hank making a happy sound as he brought Cole across the finish line.

When he was finished Hank sat up looking around for something to clean up with before spotting John’s hamper and pulling a dirty t-shirt out wiping himself off on it, “I’m sure he won’t mind. It’s not like anyone is going to care anyway. You should clean up too. You’re a brave little whore, anyone ever tell you that my boy?”

He wasn’t sure he’d ever been called brave, but he’d been told he was a whore plenty of times. More times than he could recall. He was everyone’s little whore. He’d been Tony’s little whore since he could remember and then Daddy L’s. He’d always be someone’s “little whore.” Always. Hank clearing his throat as he got dressed doing up his pants.

“You must really care about him. It won’t stop me though. Maybe today, but in a while, he’ll be mine just like you are. You’ll see,” Hank said before leaving letting the door shut behind him leaving Cole lying on his best friends bed bleeding and bruised. Covered in bite marks that were going to fade and bruise too, his legs and ass aching. 

Laying there wishing he was smarter, wishing he was someone better instead of just someone’s little whore.


	13. Sometimes things seem hopeless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pat and John have a conversation while Will is sleeping between them after an incident.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has a corresponding chapter **Will part 2 chapter 118** Just wanted to let you see some of the conversation because a lot of it is very important to Pat's background as well as some third person discussion of different things Pat thinks about and feels for John. I thought it would be cute and important to share some of those things. **Warnings: talking of rape, talk of childhood sexual abuse, talk of physical violence, talk of the murder of a young child, talk of domestic violence, talk of child molestation, child grooming** again these aren't real people but facial morphs giving you an idea of what the characters look like to me any similarities to them and a real person is coincidental and not intended.

“I think he’s starting to settle in,” Pat said looking at the boy whose breathing had finally evened out that that was sandwiched between them. He seemed so tired. So, worn out. Things weren’t going well for Will at all. They hadn’t been for a while and Pat kept trying to encourage him to tell John about it but has far as Pat knew he hadn’t.

He wanted to tell John himself, but he couldn’t. It wasn’t his place. It wasn’t his place to tell Rabbit that Will belonged to the leader. That it wasn’t their Uncle who had pimped Will out but the leader himself. The leader of the cult that was ruining their lives.

There was a slight knock on the door suddenly before it quietly cracked open Cole smiling at them, “Is he ok?”

“Yeah, he just…he’s not having a good day,” John answered nodding his head.

“Ok. I just wanted to see what was up. If he was ok,” Cole said.

“He will be I think,” Pat said looking at the boy that was sleeping between them, “We’re just going to stay for a while and make sure everything is all right. Could you…?”

“I’ll keep an eye on everyone. Let me know how he’s doing later,” Cole said nodding his head before shutting the door quietly behind him. John not skipping a beat and returning to the conversation Pat had been starting.

“Yeah, I think he is,” John muttered in barely a whisper, “For a minute I was afraid he was going to have an attack that little hiccup. He only does that when he’s having trouble breathing.”

“I’ve noticed,” Pat said, “I figured that’s why you stopped talking and just told him he was ok. Reminded him that he was safe.”

“Aye,” John said nodding his head as he looked at him, “I still don’t understand why Da would just let Uncle Ben do this to him. I mean you said he’s been having issues at school, but really? Bad enough Da believes he deserves to be treated like an animal? He’s a little boy. He’s not…”

“Let’s just try not to think about it too much,” Pat told him, “He’ll be ok Rabbit.”

“Will he really though?” John asked looking at Pat, “You know what Da’s like. You’ve told me you know what he’s like. I have a hard time believing things are going to get easier. It feels like they are only getting worse.”

“It seems that way, yeah,” Pat agreed with him.

He hated that it seemed like everything was getting worse especially for Will and that Will wouldn’t tell John. He was afraid it would make John sick. He’d told Pat that. He’d told him that repeatedly. However, that meant Will was dealing with a lot of it alone. That they were forcing him to do horrible things and he was facing them alone. To Pat, it made perfect sense that he was a wreck.

“I wish Da wasn’t doing this to him,” John said, “He needs mum back. I know he needs her back. Maybe if she was home it wouldn’t be this bad.”

“Don’t,” Pat said looking at John, “That won’t help anyone. I know what you’re…”

“Can you blame me for thinking it? I honestly wouldn’t even know where to begin though. Tell him to take me out of school on Tuesday maybe? So, he can…because you know he never stops.” John told him.

“Never?” Pat asked feeling his stomach drop.

He knew it was a lot. Connor had been more into Cole than he was into him, but it seemed like sometimes he gave Cole a break. That it was only once a day or every other day. Not that it was all the time.

“Well, I mean Leo has me Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Monday, I come home after school and do whatever and school work. Hang out with you,” John said squeezing Pat’s hand that was wrapped around Will’s back holding him loosely as he continued to sleep soundly, “And then Monday night he always comes into my room. Spends the night. Usually, he tries to wake up before Will wakes which I’m thankful for, but not always. Will’s an early riser most of the time.”

He smiled at him. His little brother who was snuggled between him and his boyfriend. His siblings were the most important people in his life and to see the other most important person in his life helping him give comfort to one of them, protect one of them made him happy. Happy that Will trusted Pat enough to fall asleep in his arms. Happy that Will managed to feel safe at all.

“He seems like he would be. We don’t talk about that stuff too much. Honestly, anxiety though makes it hard to sleep. Cole is an awful sleeper. Took me forever to convince him not to wake me up in the middle of the night when he couldn’t sleep. Now he listens to his walkman usually that helps him.”

“I’m glad to hear that. Cole doesn’t seem like he’s very anxious,” John mentioned.

“I know. He hides it. Usually with different things. His jokes and the way he kind of…”

“The sex?” John asked.

Cole wasn’t shy about that. How he had sex with a lot of people. That he enjoyed it. It wasn’t something he ever hid because for the most part their Dad’s didn’t care. It wasn’t something that bottoms talked about especially in front of handlers, but it was unspoken that if Cole liked you and you were looking for a good time you could ask, and he would probably say yes. If he believed you wouldn’t take it past a point that he wanted it to go, he would say yes.

“Yeah,” Pat said, “He says it relaxes him. Cole actually used to be a lot like Will when I first met him.”

“You don’t talk a lot about that before I met you,” John said quietly.

He had always wondered about it. They had talked a little bit about it before, just not in detail. Not about his mom or some of the other things. His brother. How things had started. They hadn’t talked about those things much.

“I don’t feel like it’s a lot to talk about. I mean I’ve told you some of it. Just…”

“I know,” John said nodding his head, “I understand.”

“I don’t even remember the first time really. That Dad, you know,” Pat said, “I think I was probably four. He didn’t rape me. He just used his fingers and stuff. He could have raped me, but he didn’t. I don’t…I don’t know what to say about it other than that.”

“I don’t even remember,” John said quietly, “The first time he touched me. He’s told me he did it for a long time and then Uncle Ben messed it up for him. That I liked it before Uncle Ben did it. That Uncle Ben hurt me and after that, I didn’t like it anymore.”

“That’s bullshit,” Pat whispered shaking his head, “You probably didn’t like it. That and you didn’t even know what it was. You just said yourself you don’t remember. He can’t judge whether you liked it or not from your reaction when you didn’t know what was happening.”

“Did he go into your room at night?” John asked him quietly.

“Sometimes. Especially after Charlie was born. I don’t…”

“It’s ok babe,” John said, “We don’t have to talk about it. Ok?”

“It’s not that I don’t want to tell you or want you to know. I just don’t think it’s a good time,” Pat said looking at the little boy sleeping between them. “He wasn’t ever nice to me though. He’d give me toys or something and then…tell me I owned him for being a nice Dad. I remember the first time he ever…I thought I was dying. That he was killing me. I didn’t understand how that was paying him back for a GI Joe. 

He didn’t even attempt to push all the way in I don’t think but it still hurt. A lot.”

“The first time he ever did that to me, Da. I was 8. And I remember it hurting. Him telling me that it was ok and if I just relaxed it would hurt less. That next time it might even feel good. He said…he said a lot of stuff. When he was done, he picked me up and took me upstairs. He bathed me and he put me to bed. That’s still the table that’s in the kitchen downstairs. The table he raped me on.”

“He raped me in his bed, their bed,” Pat said, “He wanted mom to take the baby and Karen to my Aunt’s house, her sister’s house. They both immigrated together. Got married to different men. So, she went. He bathed me first and did other things. He said he was playing a game and he tied me down. He knew I would fight if he didn’t tie me down because I usually tried to fight, or I told him no and I cried. 

He didn’t really do a lot with his mouth that often before then. He didn’t do that until I got to a certain age. He liked fingering me though. A lot. I don’t even understand why other than it made me cry because it always hurt. He likes crying. He... I don’t even think he managed to push halfway in. My body was too little, and I started bleeding almost right away I’m pretty sure. He finished on my face and in my mouth. And he left me there to sob for a while.

When he came back, he told me he was going to reward me. And then he…then he used his mouth. That time he didn’t push into me or anything just jacked himself off onto my down there. By that point, I was so exhausted I could barely make a sound. He gave me whatever I wanted for the rest of the weekend. They were gone the whole weekend. He had Dr. Huntz come look at me and make sure I was ok that I wasn’t dying or anything.

After that, he used his mouth more. He used my legs to you know where they make you close your legs and they just kind of…”

“Rub on you? Aye Da did that a lot to me when I was wee. I remember him always telling me he couldn’t wait until I was ready. I didn’t even understand what that meant. That he meant he couldn’t wait until he decided I was old enough for him to rape me. To penetrate me. So, he’s always been like he is?”

“Yeah more or less,” Pat whispered back, “The first time I went to the Villa he told mom he was taking me on a fishing trip. I was like 8, I think. He backed fishing rods and gear and everything, so I thought that’s what we were going to do. I remember being excited about it too. Then once we got like 20 miles or so from the house, he pulled over at a gas station and put a pillowcase over my head and used zip ties to put my hands behind my back. Why no one called the cops I don’t know. But no one said or did anything. I remember being terrified. He kept telling me I would like it but all I could think again was that he was going to kill me. That I’d never see Karen or mom or Charlie again.

When we got there, they did the whole strip at the door thing. We went up to almost this apartment I guess inside the Villa and He told me I could go play. There were a couple of boys there a little older than I was. I remember one of them asking if I was the new fuck boy. And the leader, telling him no.

I didn’t know what was going on really. Like I was just in a room naked with a bunch of weird guys I didn’t know and a toddler. Two of them were older teenagers and one boy. He was just a little bit older than I was. A couple of years. Kris Kristoff. He was nice. He told me that things would be ok. That no matter what happened eventually they would be ok.

He was nice. The other two weren’t so nice. One of them said when they were done with my pussy the adults and I’d never heard anyone call it that before, that maybe they would let them have a turn. I can’t remember if it was my Dad or someone else, but he got smacked upside the head and told he was scaring me. That he needed to shut up and they told me I should go play with Theodore. Like at the time I didn’t really know him that well and I hadn’t ever…we didn’t really hang out after that, but that’s the first time I met him.

They kind of left us there and took the older boys with them and Alice was there and she just kind of kept us entertained as they did whatever it was, they were doing.”

“Wait, Alice? As in…?”

“Yeah, she was Ted’s nanny for a long time. She’s nice. She’s different but, she’s nice. She did everything she could to distract me. When Ted said something that made me uncomfortable, she’d redirect him. Like he asked me if I played pony with my dad. And I told him I wasn’t sure what that meant. And he said it’s when they…when they stick their pee-pee in you, and you ride on their lap. And I didn’t…I wasn’t sure what to say to that. I used to fight so he never did that with me. He’d always tie me down.

I met Tony that day. That was different.”

“I can imagine. Tony can be scary,” John muttered.

“Yeah, and I was this little 8 year old that they walked down a hallway holding me hard by my arm into a very brightly lit room and they pointed a camera at me and … they started asking me questions after telling me if I said my name they were going to hurt this little boy that they had in the corner of the room and it would be my fault. They asked me how old I was and what Dad did with me when it was just the two of us. Asked if he liked to nurse with me. If he liked to play with me. Those types of things and I remember feeling really overwhelmed.

Just seeing the little boy in the corner and knowing if I said the wrong thing, did the wrong thing they were going to hurt him. And he had to be the same age I was or younger. Then they told me I was going to play with someone else. And …the leader he…”

“Wait, the leader? Not Arthur?” John asked.

He hadn’t realized that was Pat’s first experience outside of his dad. That the leader had ever talked to Pat let alone raped him. He’d heard stories about the leader. He’d had the leader touch him, but they were older. It wasn’t until all the stuff with Jay started happening that John had even really known anything about the leader. So, he liked younger boys and not older ones usually?

“We didn’t know Arthur. At least I didn’t know Arthur. He wasn’t there. But they …,” Pat trailed off making a sound in the back of his throat almost like he was choking, “Him and one of the younger guys. The teenagers. I’m pretty sure I passed out. When I came to, I just remember feeling like someone had ripped my spine open from the tailbone up. I remember like it wasn’t even my legs that hurt I couldn’t feel my legs at all. All I felt was the pain in my pelvis. In my hips and my back. 

They moved us, me and dad when they were done to this almost like hotel suite. Dr. Huntz came and checked on me like he had the time before and just…yeah. After that, it felt like it was all the time. Fishing trips or mom going to my Aunt’s house and Dad letting a friend come over for a “sleepover” or whatever. Sometimes they’d film it and most of the time they didn’t. A lot of them could bottom out but a few of them couldn’t. Like, Dad. None of them are as thick as he is but some of them were pretty long. It was …I told Karen. I told mom. I told anyone who would listen. No one did anything.

Not until she came home, and she saw it. They got into a big fight. He told her that he had warned her. He couldn’t have sons. That he told her he would love them too much. That it was my fault and hers. That the moment they found out I was a boy they should have had me aborted because he had warned her that he was going to do it. That he was going to touch me because that’s how he was raised.

That your Dad taught you how to have sex. Especially if you were a boy because if you knew how to make your body feel good how someone made your body feel good then that meant you’d be better at making someone else’s feel good. That you learned by experiencing it. He…locked me in a room with him. I remember her banging on the door and screaming at him. Telling him to just stop to leave me alone as I pissed myself in the corner and he started to un…”

Pat could feel his whole body shaking. Could see his Dad that mad gleam in his eye hear him telling Pat how it was all his fault and he was going to pay. That if Yue wasn’t going to be Hank’s bitch anymore, he would make sure Pat was. That Pat would satisfy all his needs that Yue couldn’t. And after Pat was too used, he would switch to Charlie. That his boys would make sure he was taken care of.

That night Pat listened to his mom scream through the door as the tried to break it down before she finally gave up. Half of it Hank just sat there laughing silently as Yue kept asking him what he was doing and to please let Pat go that she could take the boys and send them to her parents. That he would never have to see them again if he didn’t want to. That she would find a way to get him help. The other half he did things to him.

Hurt him. Smacked him and spanked him before trying to shove his way inside Pat’s body before Pat couldn’t take it anymore. Hank laughing as Pat’s mom had cried and banged on the door. Pat didn’t even know why or how Karen didn’t remember those things. Whether she blocked them out or if she just had her headphones on. She was 13 when all of that started happening. Hank had just paid her off too. Any CD she wanted, any movie. Anything she asked for. 

“It’s ok,” John said, “We don’t have to talk about it anymore.”

“I know,” Pat said.

“How did you meet Art? Like I said we don’t have to…”

“No, it’s ok since I’m talking about it. Dad started beating mom after that. You have to understand Charlie was still tiny. He was only 2. Still very much a toddler. She tried to stay out of the house as much as possible with him. I think she was trying to protect him. 

I met Arthur when I was 9 or 10. I knew Cole from school by that point. I mean after they built St. Matthews Dad immediately like the day, they opened registration he had me enrolled. I was a year older than Cole but just like in the upper school gy…”

“Gym class and art is multiple grades?” John asked as Pat nodded his head before he continued.

“Yeah, so I met him in art class. I think it was a parent-teacher night and Dad saw him. Apparently, they knew each other. Like well, and he just didn’t realize Arthur was in town. I still remember when they were done meeting with the sisters and the headmaster that Dad said he was going to go “catch up” with him. That he let mom take the car and drive us home because Charlie was with us. He was 3 or 4 so his first year of school. She never got to drive but he let her take the car home. 

She asked me weird questions. About Dad. About the things that happened when she wasn’t home like she actually cared. I’d told her before that he’d touched me. I remember getting mad at her for it. Mad that suddenly it mattered.

So, I told her. I told her he sticks his penis in my ass, and it hurts. That he lets other men stick their penises in my ass and it hurts. And she just…” oh.” And kept driving. Didn’t even have to pull over to cry or accuse me of lying or anything she just…”

“It’s ok,” John said leaning over his little brothers sleeping form to pull Pat closer, “It’s ok. Maybe she just didn’t know what to do.”

“Maybe she just didn’t care,” Pat said, “Maybe she was so tired of being beaten at that point it didn’t matter. Then he started inviting Cole and Arthur over for playdates and mom would lock herself in her room with Charlie and Karen would just be fucking gone. At someone else’s house or whatever. Sometimes I used to wonder if she was telling everyone that I was fucking him. That I wanted it.

Because sometimes he’d pass her in the middle of the night when he left my room and instead of coming into my room and asking me if I was ok she’d tell me she better not hear those nasty lies in the morning before she left for school because she didn’t need to think about how sick I was right before she had a nice day with her friends.

Cole and Art were around every time mom shut her bedroom door for a while. Every time she was gone somewhere else. It was almost like he was another brother. And then I don’t know. The leader decided that he wanted to take Cole away. I was scared about it for a while and when he came back, he wasn’t normal. He wasn’t who he was before. Especially after he started hanging out with Justin in his free time.

I remember on that day. The day it happened Cole was supposed to come over for something. To hang out I think, but he had decided he wanted to be with Justin instead. I don’t know. But when he didn’t come and Karen decided she would rather go out with friends then watch us, watch Charlie Dad told her to go. That it was ok. Mom was staying with my Aunt. I just…He took off his clothes and he told me to get undressed. That he wanted to fuck me on the couch. Show Charlie what real love looked like. 

I told him no. I remember telling him no and him…next thing I remember I could hear the screaming. It sounded like…and then “If you want to open your mouth, you’re going to suck my cock until I blow my load.” I did everything I could. Everything to get that door that down. I threw myself at it. I banged on it. I tried to lock pick it with a coat hanger I tried a butter knife I tried…”

“It’s ok babe,” John said, “It’s ok.”

“There was this weird horrible sound. Horrible. Just this deep shuttering sound. And then he moaned. Like he’d…and he laughed and said it was coming out of his nose and then I don’t know. I think he realized he wasn’t breathing. That maybe it came out of his nose because it didn’t go down his throat because he wasn’t breathing. I heard him started swearing and then he unlocked the door and wrapped a towel around his waist. He set him down on the living room floor and picked up the phone before walking back into the bedroom and slamming it.

I could tell he wasn’t breathing, and I tried. I tried to do CPR. He was …he already felt cold. And it was like Dad didn’t even care. Like 20 minutes later Arthur was there and some other guy. They pulled out an old blanket and wrapped him up in it and took him away. I’ve never seen him again. I knew he was dead, but…it took a day or two for me to realize there wouldn’t be any…any funeral or anything. That he was just dead.” Pat said before falling silent.

John had never heard Pat talk about Charlie like that. They had talked about his personality before. How he would act. They had never talked about that night though. The night that Charlie had died. John’s heart aching for him. John couldn’t imagine how scary that was. He understood how hard Pat had tried to save him. To get into that room. How Pat even at the moment they were currently living would have given anything to be able to get into that room before it was too late. How he would have sold is soul if it meant Charlie was still alive.

John looking at his little brother that was still snuggled tightly between them his head resting on John’s chest. He couldn’t imagine losing him. He’d given everything to protect him as much as he could and would keep doing so until he no longer could. He would give anything to make Will’s pain stop or the pain of any of his siblings for that matter, “I’m sorry you lost him. I can’t imagine losing any of them. How old he would be now?” John asked before brushing some of Will’s hair behind his ear Will rolling over and resting his head against Pat’s chest instead before his breathing settled again.

“I think that’s his way of telling you to quit touching him so much. That you’re waking him up,” Pat said smiling down at the sleeping boy, “He’d be 10 December 3rd if he were still alive.”

“So, he’d be between Matt, Mike and Will then?” John asked him.

“Yeah and Cole knew him just not for long. Dad and Art had only been dating for a couple of months when…when it happened.”

“I thought your mum was still around?” John said frowning deeply at Pat.

She had been. Dad and Art hadn’t exactly kept it secret from Cole and Pat when they had started fucking though. First, it had been both Cole and Pat always present and then it was either one or the other or only once or twice Charlie. After that, there had been a few times where it was just the two of them alone in a room. It was shortly before that point Pat and Cole had put two and two together that it was more than just abusing them. That it was a lot more than just raping their sons and it was something else.

He still remembered the fight the night she had left. How she had told him he was dishonorable what they were doing. The way they treated people. That everyone was ashamed of him. Ashamed of him for being so driven with lust he had killed his own son and turned his other one into a violent little deviant as Yue had put it. That he was raising Pat to be just like he was. Someone who would rather have sex with another man that even look at a woman. That he was teaching him to go against nature.

“She was, but by then she had…figured some things out and Dad was…he’d basically told her he didn’t need her anymore,” Pat said filling in some blanks without too much detail being given, “She’d given him his boys and that’s what he wanted was us. That she’d done everything for him that he wanted.

That she could leave. Being an immigrant from China she felt she didn’t have a lot of options. The law wouldn’t side with her. After Charlie was gone, she didn’t see any reason to stay I guess.” Pat said.

She’d more or less said the same. That it was too late for her to do anything to help Pat. That he didn’t matter, and Charlie had. Hank had told her she was free to leave as long as she left him behind and she had told Hank she didn’t picture bringing him with her would be a very good idea anyway considering how badly Hank had corrupted him. No one was supposed to hear that fight, but he had. 

It wasn’t surprising to him when he came home from school one day and she simply wasn’t there. She had been too much of a coward to stop him so it only made sense that she would be too much of a coward to stare her son in the face and say goodbye. That she didn’t love him. That she never loved him, and she would just rather he rot like the piece of evil shit his father was and she was sure he was going to end up being. She was never one for words though. She could barely look at him after that car ride when he finally said it out loud.

“I find that hard to believe. That she would ever willingly leave you,” John told him giving Pat’s hand a gentle squeeze making him smile.

That was his Rabbit. He always thought the best of most people. Tried to convince himself that people outside the brotherhood weren’t really bad at all. Refused to believe that there was eviler out there because the evil he’d seen so far was so much worse than most people could imagine that his brain had to convince him that was the only evil there was otherwise he wouldn’t be able to keep going. To keep existing.

Cole had never heard those fights. Heard Yue say those things about him. About how he was tainted and evil and just like his dad. How they deserved each other and how obvious it was. No one had heard those fights or seen that side. When other people were around, she did everything she could to take care of him. As long as it didn’t interrupt what Hank was doing to him after that night, he slammed the door in her face and then beat the snot out of her when other people weren’t around, she barely looked at Patrick let alone loved him.

“That’s what Cole says, but I don’t…I love my mom. Even when she found out though she never tried to stop him. He’d grab me or Charlie and say he was taking us downstairs or to his room and she knew what that meant, and she’d just give him the stink eye and let him.

She never attempted to stop him. Not once. Not ever after Cole and Art were around. He didn’t treat her very nicely and I think she felt like it was more hassle to try and take us with her than not. So, after Charlie was gone, she figured I’d been living with it for so long that I was just used to it and Karen he never touched, and she was almost grown so…she just left.” Pat said telling the truth as he saw it.

“I find that hard to believe. I know you don’t agree, and I know it’s not a conversation you want to have, but even then, I find it hard to think that your mum would just leave you with them,” John said.  
He hadn’t known Yue though. He had never heard her say those things. Cole had told him that maybe things were different there. Where she was raised. That maybe she just hadn’t known how to help him. Most people weren’t sure how to help them. He had never seen Yue for what she really was though.

“All I know is one day Cole and I came home, and Karen told us with Cole there that mom had gone home to China and she had left us with Dad. Karen said that’s what Dad told her. That mom didn’t want anything to with us and she wanted to go home to her parents. I don’t know if that’s what happened or just want Dad said or what, but I’ve never heard from her again,” Pat said.

“I’m sorry,” John said rubbing Pat’s arm in a comforting manner, “I’m sorry all of that happened so fast.”

“It didn’t feel fast. It still doesn’t. You have to remember when I met Cole, he was 10 and I was 11. He still belonged to the leader. It was…there was a lot going on. Half the time for that first couple of months I didn’t see him at all. It wasn’t until just before you guys got here that things really started to slow down for Cole. He was always with the leader. ALWAYS. I mean over the summer he was gone for almost a whole month. Justin was beyond beside himself. He didn’t want to do anything.

“How old was Justin?” John asked quietly.

John hadn’t known Justin. Hadn’t gotten the chance to know him. He had died months before John had moved to town. Justin had been great though. Other than enabling Cole and his drug habit. Justin had made Cole feel like someone could love him. Love him for more than just his body. For being a whore. Someone who would love him for who he really was. Who he had been before Lionel as well as after. 

He had given Cole so many things that Cole would never be able to explain to anyone. Pat knew that. Trying to have Cole verbalize what Justin had meant to him, done for him would be like Pat attempting to do the same thing about John. There were no words to express it. How much John mattered to him. How John had brought all the air back into his life when he felt like he was choking. How John had saved him.

“My age. So slightly older than Cole just like I am. I know that seems young. Everyone thinks it’s young, but they really cared about each other. A lot. And it wasn’t like they didn’t know each other for a long time. We all went to school together. Justin just kept all those things separate from Cole and I didn’t know him as well as Justin did.

It wasn’t something I ever talked about back then, the marking age and everything was officially 12. So, there wasn’t anything to talk about other than how my Dad stuck his cock in my ass and occasionally sucked my dick it wasn’t like…”

“It’s ok, I understand babe,” John told Pat giving his arm another gentle squeeze as Will moved slightly, “I get it. I do. Even when Da was supposed to be getting better he didn’t always…he didn’t always keep his hands to himself. We’d come home for the weekend and sometimes he wouldn’t touch me at all. For a long time, it was him just coming into my room at night after we went home and watching me. Watching me sleep and he’d leave after a few minutes.

After around maybe a year or six months it started again. Just slow. Him touching me and then the other stuff again. And he kept telling me if I told mum it would just upset her. That it would break up our family and that it would be my fault. That it meant he would have to take me away from everyone and it would be my fault.”

“That’s bullshit,” Pat said, “To put that on a 9 or 10-year-old little boy, that’s really fucking…that pisses me off. That he would say something like that to you. You didn’t ask…”

“I know,” John said shifting his weight forward shifting it closer so that he was closer to Pat and Will, “I believed him though. He’s my Da. I was little stu…”

“you’re not stupid. You were never stupid,” Pat said passion in his voice, “Trusting them didn’t make us stupid. It’s normal to trust your parents. To believe that they’re taking care of you. And they didn’t, they don’t.”

“Right,” John sighed heavily looking at his little brother who was snuggled safely in Pat’s arms. Wondering when this had happened. When things had gotten this bad for Will. None of this was fair. It still felt like it was his fault. 

Like if he wasn’t him things would be different. Better. That maybe he would have never touched Will. That Da would have never touched any of them or pimped them out because that was exactly what he was doing.

That’s what their Uncle was, that’s what that other guy was the twins had told him about. They were John’s and their Da was the pimp. If John had been someone different maybe it never would have happened. Maybe they would all be ok.

“I wanted to believe he was better with them. That he didn’t touch them because he touched me. That while he was my Da and he loved me and was doing what was right for, for us that at night he was just someone else with me and that it would be ok. That as long as he kept Ben away it would be ok.”

“I know your uncle and I know why everyone is afraid of him but why…” Pat tried.

The Uncle was a monster. Everyone knew it. The first time he had raped John he had been 8. He had screamed and fought him, and Uncle Ben had…he hadn’t been like Da he had done everything without lube in the middle of the Livingroom floor. It had felt like his body was being ripped open and collapsing on itself all at once. His Uncle didn’t care about your feelings. Not unless he was doing everything, he could to cause you pain. It didn’t matter to him whether it was emotional or physical even though he preferred both as far as John knew.

“He’s always been like that. It’s about him and only him. With Da, it’s almost…it was almost like I mattered somehow, even then. Like what I wanted mattered a little bit. Like if he’d come into my room at night and I told him I couldn’t because I had a test, I was studying for that was on Monday or I was extra tired for whatever reason he wouldn’t. He wouldn’t do it. At least not then.

Uncle Ben was never like that. Ever. I mean I only remember the one time, but I screamed no at him at the top of my lungs and begged him not to and he didn’t care at all. He pushed me down and climbed on top of me and he…it hurt. With Da especially when I was that small it hurt a little but not anywhere near as much as how much Uncle Ben did. Not even close. Da tried to be gentle. He hurt me and he was angry that I said no, but he tried to be gentle where Ben doesn’t fucking care. He never will,” John said trying to swallow the lump in his throat. Trying to keep himself from crying afraid that if he did it would wake Will up who John was sure was awake anyway.

The last thing Will needed was to hear John cry. Especially when he was like this. When his brain was so shattered, so broken he was calling himself a whore. That he had taken a four-hour shower because he felt so dirty. The last thing he needed was for his older brother, his protector to break down with Will in his arms when earlier even Pat had cried a little. Someone needed to be strong. Strong not just for himself, but for them all.

“If any of them cared they wouldn’t do it,” Pat told him after a heavy exhale.

“I know that now, but I mean think back to when you were 9,10,11 years old. Didn’t you ever just stop and think “Well, it could be worse so they must care even if it’s only a little bit?” John asked him quietly.

Pat didn’t remember ever feeling that way. He had never felt like his Dad had cared. Every toy or game came with a price. The price of letting his Dad use his body. Use it however he wanted to. Whether that was rubbing his dick on Pat’s body to get off or making Pat use his mouth to please him. It didn’t matter what it was every toy or game came with Pat’s Dad using him in some way to get what he wanted. To get a blow job or get the chance to rape him. To him that never made it appear that Hank had cared. He had only cared about himself. Pat had known that from a young age.

He sighed touching the top of Will’s head making Will turn and grab John around the middle which caused John to chuckle in reply, “I think you’re right about the touching thing. He says we’re giving him too much cuddle,” John whispered as Will rubbed his face up against the fabric of John’s shirt. As he tried to keep sleeping.

The poor kid was so beyond exhausted. He just wanted to feel safe. To feel loved and not have to worry about any of it for a little while. Not have to worry about if anyone was going to touch him in a way he didn’t want to. Not have to worry about hating himself. John couldn’t blame him for any of it. Not after what Uncle had done. Not after he had let some strange man use Will like that. Use his body like that.

“He’s a sweetheart,” Pat said, “He doesn’t deserve what they’re doing to him. None of them do. None of us do.”

“I agree. However, if fucking Da means he makes people keep their nasty hands off them, that’s what I’m going to do. I’ve lived with this for a long time. I can keep doing it. If it’s just da I can keep doing it and I’ll be fine,” John said his weight shifting as he laid there a little straighten trying to believe the words as they were spoken. 

He wasn’t sure he could. He knew he had to though. That it didn’t matter what anyone said, or did he had to keep doing it because if he didn’t it wasn’t his bed Connor would be climbing into anymore. It would be Will’s or Matt’s. And as much as Matt made him angry, he didn’t hate him. He couldn’t. Matt was the way he was because they had failed him. Failed to keep him safe.

“No, you won’t,” Pat said. “you and I both know you won’t. Eventually, you’re going to crack, and he never keeps his promises anyway Rabbit. If he did would Will feel like he’s not his own person right now? Would he feel like he belongs to someone else?”

John sighed. He knew Da didn’t always keep his promises, but John told himself he tried. That he tried to keep his promises in small ways. That if John gave him what he wanted he said no to Uncle Ben more often than he said yes. That, for the most part, he kept his friends out of the house and away from his siblings more often than he didn’t. John told himself that even if he didn’t make a huge difference if he just gave Da what he wanted it made enough of one.

“I know. I realize that and I’m trying to find a way to fix it. I just haven’t figured it out yet. I will though, I swear I will. You said earlier that things were similar with Cole?” John asked thinking about what Pat had said about how Cole used to have a lot of issues.

“Yeah. There were weeks where Cole would miss 3 days of school after being with the leader because he was so sore that he couldn’t walk. Because he was just so swollen down there that he had almost a constant UTI. That he would just end up lying in bed putting ice pack after ice pack on his junk because the leader never kept his hands off him. Ever,” Pat told him.

Cole had gotten bad. That’s why he had started the drugs because without them he was always tired, always sore. Without them, he could barely do anything and then Flynn had suggested Cole, Justin, and Pat try coke. It had been a joke, but they had seriously considered the idea. He said that while you were still sore it got you so high you wouldn’t care.

That it made it, so you weren’t tired at all. Of course, he had dismissed it as a joke when they had said sure and told them good luck in finding someone that would give them some. Justin had asked an older boy, a tracker. Cole didn’t know that story. Justin had told Pat it was no big deal. That Cole was really interested in the idea of it and he wanted to make him happy. That most of the time Cole could barely keep his eyes open and he talked about hurting himself that he wanted to do something to show Cole he cared. 

So, Justin had asked around. First, he had asked other bottoms and even the druggies had told him to fuck off. That they were just kids and needed to leave that shit alone. That there wasn’t any reason for him to get involved in that stuff and when he mentioned who it was for, they had laughed at him. Told him that was suicide and wished him good luck.

Eventually, he had talked to a tracker. A tracker that had offered him a trade. An hour behind the chapel for a few bumps. Justin had done what he thought he had to. What he thought would help even if it wasn’t a healthy thing. He gave it to Cole and from that point on Cole especially when he couldn’t stand to be in his skin or was too tired to move would do a bump and go on with life. He had made him hyper and changed his personality a lot. Change him from the quieter and more subdued boy the leader had liked into a hyper boy. A boy that wasn’t afraid anymore. 

If it weren’t for the fact that Cole was getting too old for him anyway, he probably still would have let him go because he was no longer the docile little kid that Lionel had been interested in. He was someone else. And it was because of Lionel. Because Lionel had made him feel like he couldn’t keep his eyes open and that all he saw when he had them closed was monsters. Monsters with rough hands and sharp teeth. Monsters that looked like people and made your insides burn. Monsters that you couldn’t tell anyone about because they were all around you. Because they were everywhere.

“What did your dad’s do?” John asked quietly not sure what to say about it. Not sure what to say about it. Not sure if there was anything to say about it.

To John that sounded beyond painful. Having someone do that to your body. Leo and Da had done something like that to him once or twice but they didn’t do it all the time. Just hearing about it hurt though. Make a small sting journey up his shaft just thinking about it. How bad that had to hurt.

Pat let out an angry snort, “Fucking nothing. They told him to suck it up and if he couldn’t walk well enough to go to school without it being noticed that something was wrong, he was to lay in bed for them too. They made him fucking suffer because the leader wouldn’t keep his fucking mouth to himself. Cole was in constant pain.

Justin at one point started putting a frozen paper towel in his lunch box for Cole to stuff down his pants just to keep it from getting worse. At least until I figured out that panty liners, I stole from Karen worked better and he could wear them almost like a cup and if he wore two pairs of underwear the water didn’t leak through. It helped a lot.

Just the inflammation though and the constant infections it’s a wonder he still has a dick. It’s a wonder he’s fucking alive even. He tried to kill himself 3 different times that year. That first two just because of how the leader ended everything and he…he felt safe enough to want to die. Safe enough to try dying so he tried. The 3rd time because they killed Justin. Because they took the one thing he was living for away from him.

I mean we all suffered when Justin died. None of us did well at all but Cole really just…he used to…when they were done with him at night and it was the weekend so he was sleeping on a mattress on my bedroom floor before we had the bunks after my mom left he would just curl into a ball in the corner of the room and sometimes he would just scream and scream and beg God to just let him die so he could have him back. He’d scream at the air, “I’ll do anything if you just bring him back. Let him come back, you can have me instead.” Pat said his throat feeling tight as he thought about it.

As he thought about how out of touch with things Cole’s grief had made him. How he had walked around crying for months after they let him go and didn’t do much else. How in the end because Cole couldn’t take it Pat had done for him what John did for his siblings. He had taken as many of the beatings and rapes as he could. How in the end…he just…he couldn’t. 

How he had eventually gotten to the point where he simply didn’t want to live anymore. How his body and mind had hurt so much he couldn’t imagine being around anymore. How he had convinced himself that Cole could find a way out with the 500.00 Pat had left in their sock drawer at Cole’s house because at the time they weren’t living together full time. How he had left him a note that told him to take that money and get out. Get as far away as he could and that he knew Cole could be happy somewhere else anywhere that was away from them. That even being dead in a ditch had to be better than being left with them. Hell, that’s what Pat was doing. 

He had survived though. Kept Cole trapped. Kept everyone trapped.

“Poor Cole. I can’t even imagine what that was like,” John sighed.

“Yeah, he was bad for a long time. We started getting more heavily into drugs together because of it was the only way he felt he wasn’t going to get his ass handed to him for doing them and the drugs were the only way to him from becoming some type of nut who curled into a ball in the corner of the room. If we were both doing it, they couldn’t just focus all their anger on one of us. It was both. And being in it together made it easier for him and by then he was my brother. I wasn’t about to sit back and watch them choke another brother to death with their dicks as I sat back and did fucking nothing.” Pat muttered.

“You didn’t do nothing,” John said shaking his head, “I know you Pat, and you wouldn’t do nothing. That door was fucking locked. You just said so yourself. He locked that door and you tried with everything you had to break it down and it wasn’t enough. You were 10 years old Pat. There was no way you could have gotten that door open. None. You can’t blame yourself for that. You tried.”

It was hard to see Pat do that. Blame himself for Charlie’s death even after he had recounted what had happened. How hard he had tried to get that door open. How hard he had tried to save him and get him away from his dad. It wasn’t like he had just given up. He had tried everything he could to get that door open. Everything. He had even tried giving Charlie CPR. A 10-year-old little boy giving his six-year-old brother CPR when he probably still had cum in his mouth. In his throat. When it had been coming out of his nose. Their own father's cum. He had done everything he possibly could to save Charlie.

Pat should never have felt responsible for Charlie’s death. The only person that was responsible was Hank. Hank had killed Charlie. No one else had anything to do with it but Hank. Just like no one was responsible for Connor’s actions but Connor.

“You blame yourself for this, for all of it. I know you do, and you aren’t responsible either,” Pat pointed out.

“I know. And I hate that I blame myself but you…well, you know what it’s like. You do everything you can to protect them. Everything and it’s still never enough. If it was enough, I wouldn't be making sure he has an ice pack applied to his Junk while he tosses and turns between us clinging to us because he doesn’t feel safe. Because that fucker sold him to some asshole who locked him in a room and did god knows what to him for hours.

My Da would have never agreed to be a part of this in the first place if I could do enough. It just goes to show you he might lov…”

Connor didn’t love him. He didn’t love any of them. He loved the idea of John and what he wished John would be for him. What he wanted John to be. He loved the idea that John loved him back romantically. He loved that John would lay down and wouldn’t fight him. Wouldn’t tell him no because he was too afraid to say it.

Too afraid of what saying no would mean for him for any of his siblings. He loved the fact that he could control John more than he could control Dani. That’s what he loved. He didn’t love John and the way he doodled into the borders of his papers at school. He didn’t love how sometimes dirty jokes flew right over his head or things that seemed completely obvious just didn’t seem to hit John the same way.

He didn’t love that his eyes sparkled with surprise and shock when Cole danced or how when he laughed hard, he grabbed his stomach and could barely catch his breath. He didn’t love the weird face John made me he was smoking how it almost looked like a snarl. If he didn’t love those things that meant he didn’t love John. Only what he wished John were.

“He doesn’t love you. You know he doesn’t love you. Love is when you respect someone, and you want what’s best for them. You want them to have what they want. That’s love, I love you. He’s obsessed with you. He doesn’t care about your feelings or your thoughts. He only cares that you’re with him doing what he wants you to do. That’s not love at all,” Pat told John wishing he could make him understand in some way how much he loved him.

How much he mattered. How amazing every molecule of him was. How he loved when his face scrunched up from his forehead down the bridge of his nose when he was confused. How when he was scared or nervous his mouth opened in a slight o and he licked the molar in the back of his mouth especially when he was trying not to cry. Connor didn’t love him at all.

John knew that. He wasn’t stupid. He understood his Da didn’t love him like he …like he told him he did. Like he was supposed to. He was stuck with it though and it was easier to tell himself that his Da loved him then it was to accept that he was using him. Using all of them. It hurt less to tell himself that his Da loved him the only way he knew how than to admit that his Da just didn’t want anyone else to ever love him.

It was painful. Knowing that Connor didn’t love him the way he should. The way he was meant to, but that he would rather have sex with him than care about him. Rather remind John every chance he got that he would rather raise children with him than parent him. That he had made him “perfect” and John was all he would ever need or ever want. That they were in the mess they were in because of how Connor loved him or thought of him.

John sitting up a little straighter as he heard what Pat was saying not wanting to admit that to himself. That Connor didn’t love him at all at least not the way he was supposed to, “Well, what else am I supposed to call it?” he asked Will opening his eyes and blinking up at them sleepily, “I’m sorry wingman, I didn’t mean to wake you up,” he told his little brother pulling him close and giving him a kiss, “Go back to sleep. You’re ok.”

“I don’t know,” Will said shaking his head slightly as if to shake the sleep from his system.

“Don’t know what?” Pat asked sitting up and moving in a little closer, squeezing him a little more tightly between them.

Pat knew he might not feel safe. That it might not feel ok. That after everything he’d been subjected to, he just might not be able to calm down. Might not feel safe.

“Don’t know what? You’re safe. If you’re still tired go back to sleep. We’re both right here. No one is going to hurt you,” Pat tried to assure him.

“I just…” Will barely whispered shrugging his shoulders, “I don’t know if I’m tired enough to go back to sleep and I’m…” he shrugged his shoulders again.

He was still very not ok. Will only got tongue-tied when he wasn’t doing well. Sure, he was usually quiet but he didn’t usually stutter or stumble over what he wanted to say when he was all right. Both Pat and John knew that. Even if he was trying to convince them he was fine he wasn’t. Will pulling the covers that were around him up to his chin as his cheeks flushed lightly Pat and John both instantly knowing what was wrong.

They had been so worried about calming him down they hadn’t really gotten him any clothing just thrown him under the covers before climbing into bed next to him. Making sure his skin was covered and that he felt as safe as possible not really worried about his nudity at all even though it was something he was certainly thinking about. His face showing the thought very clearly.

“You want me to grab you some clothes?” Pat asked giving him a small smile as Will shyly nodded his head. Poor kid. He understood not wanting to be nude even around safe people. Especially after what he had just been through. Someone using his body like that. 

“I think it’s cute that you’re still so shy, Wingman. I’ve seen you nude about a million times in your life and you still go bright red when you think about the fact that I’ve seen your bits,” John said pulling his little brother tighter under his arm.

“Well they are mine, aren’t they?” Will whispered.

“You’re right,” Pat said agreeing, “They do belong to you and you should have a right and a say in who does and doesn’t see them. We’ll try to be more mindful of that in the future, ok?”

It wasn’t that Pat was going to hurt him. It was that he understood it. Understood Will feeling like he needed clothing. Like he wasn’t exposed. They hadn’t gotten under the covers with him because of that very reason. Because even though he needed comfort and needed them close he needed his space and a had right to privacy. Pat and John only looking at him long enough to put an ice pack against more swollen parts of his body. The parts that you could tell were sore even if they were private. The parts that needed to be taken care of.

“I know you won’t hurt me,” he said quietly.

“I don’t blame you for not trusting me,” John told him his face dropping as he thought about it, what he had been forced to do, “I mean I ha…”

“Not because you wanted to,” Pat said as he pulled some clothes of out Will’s drawers, “He knows you didn’t want to do that.”

John had been forced to hurt him. To rape him. His little brother, his baby. Because their Da was sick. Because he didn’t love them or care about them but only about himself and making sure his friends were happy. That he was happy. He had made it happen because he had wanted it to happen no matter what either of them wanted.

“He’s right,” Will agreed, “I know you’d never hurt me if you had a choice. Da didn’t give you a choice. He didn’t give me one. That would have never happened if you had a choice.”

“I did have a choice,” John said shaking his head squinting like he was trying not to cry, “I could have tried harder. I could have said no, I coul…”

“And what would that have done?” Will asked John quietly before Pat could say anything holding onto to John even tighter, “Woken up the whole house and got us locked downstairs and beaten? He would have told th…uncle Ben. I would have had my ass handed to me a million times over. You did what you could to protect me. I know that’s all it was.”

He was right Pat thanking Will silently that he didn’t have to say it. That he didn’t have to point that out to John. John blamed himself way too much for that happening. That had been their Da and even if John was a teenager and Will was almost one, they were still just scared little boys when it came to their Dad. They knew better than to say no to him. That it was dangerous to say no to him. They had done what they believed they should have. They had gotten out of there with as little physical trauma as possible.

He had meant to inflict pain on them. Emotional trauma. Meant to make it so they blamed each other and instead they had only blamed themselves. For not trying hard enough, for not saying no. For not doing better to protect the other when they had done the only thing, they could think of to protect the other the best they could at that moment.

“You still didn’t deserve that. I should have taken the beating for it,” John said his voice cracking.

“He wouldn’t have beaten you,” Will said shaking his head, “we both know he wouldn’t have beaten you. He would have done whatever he could imagine would have affected you the most and he knows you’ll do anything to protect any of us. Anything. He probably would have beaten me or worse.”  
“That’s what I was thinking,” John agreed nodding his head, “When it happened. That he would hurt you and not me. I wouldn’t ever let him hurt you if I could help it.”

“I know,” Will said hugging him, “You used to put me in the closet and then you’d leave. I knew it was because you knew he wouldn’t look for me if he could find you.” 

They had both told Pat that story. How he used to hide Will the best he could sometimes in their parents closet and then gone out. Gone out to their father. How he would touch John and do things to him. Things that sometimes hurt and John didn’t want to do. How he had done those things to protect Will. So, Will didn’t have to. How he was hoping that Will would never have to.

“Do you need more ice?” Pat asked feeling like he was intruding on their moment. On something private that he didn’t need to be there for.

“I don’t…I don’t know,” Will said quietly, “It’s kind of numb now. Down there.”

“Can I look?” John asked Will’s face starting to glow again as he pulled away from his brother slightly, “I know it’s embarrassing, wingman and I’m sorry. We just need to keep an eye on it. I’ve seen you naked before as I said earlier. Loads of times. If you would rather Alice or Debbie hel…”

“No,” Will shook his head quickly, “You can look. I mean you have one too, it’s just…”

“I know,” John said nodding his head, “I do understand. Just a peek ok?”

Poor Will. He didn’t want people looking at his body. God knew the last person before them that had looked at his body had touched it. Made it feel things he didn’t want to feel. Had put their hands and more than likely mouth by the look of it on his body in places where he hadn’t permitted them. When he’d been too scared to say no, no matter how much he had wanted to. Where he had possibly even said no, and they hadn’t listened.

Will nodded his head his face still bright red before he sighed deeply taking a big breath and pulling back the covers removing the ice pack from where it had been resting against his pelvis gently cupping his genitals. His genitals that still seemed slightly swollen a dark purple ring around his glands. Another one on the side of his shaft like whoever it was had used too much suction. Had really hurt him. John hissing in pain as he looked at it before Will pulled the covers back over his body, back up to his chin as Pat set the clothes down on the bed near them.

“It doesn’t look like it’s going to be black and blue for much longer. That’s good. The swelling as gone down a lot. If it hurts to pee you need to tell us though so we can let Dr. Palmer know. So, we can get it taken care of,” John reminded him.

“Are you ok?” Will asked John out of what seemed like nowhere, “I mean I know Leo isn’t ever…”

“I’m all right,” John said nodding his head, “I’m used to him. It wasn’t anything he doesn’t usually do where I’m assuming Da doesn’t usually let Uncle Ben take you to the Villa and just…if you need to stay home tomorrow let Debbie know, ok? I don’t want you going to school if you can’t use the bathroom or can’t walk without hurting yourself. Do you want to go sit in the living room with everyone? Just you know sit around a bit and hang out?”

He was asking because if he was too sore to walk, he wanted to help him. To talk care of him. John was always like that though, very protective of all his siblings. Very much the dad they deserved to have and that they needed instead of the dad they had been given. The one that used their bodies to get what he wanted whether it was that he physically wanted sex from them or to pimp them out to get what he wanted from others. They all deserved better than that.

 

“I’ll be ok to get there on my own,” Will told John pulling the covers closer, “I have to practice walking anyway. Like I said it’s numb pretty much, so I don’t imagine it’ll hurt too bad.”

Not too bad. The moment that boy moved he was going to be dropping to the ground cupping his balls. Pat hadn’t gotten too close of a look at it, but he’d seen Cole’s injuries before, and that pain was intense. He’d have a very hard time moving that far especially with bruises that fresh.

“You did just ice your junk for two hours so imagine it’s pretty numb, yeah,” Pat said nodding his head and wondering how Will was going to handle moving.

“It was only two hours?” Will asked frowning deeply.

“Yeah. Why are you asking?” Pat questioned. He must have slept well if he thought it was longer. That was good though. He had needed to sleep. Badly especially with the state he had been in. Everything that had happened.

“It feels like I slept for a lot longer than that,” Will commented, “You both stayed the whole time?”

“We told you we weren’t going anywhere,” Pat said smiling at him. At one of the kids, he had come to care about. To think of as people, he needed to protect. People he couldn’t and wouldn’t break his promises to if he could help it, “We didn’t. Cole did come in after maybe half an hour to see why we hadn’t come out and to see if you were ok. He saw you were sleeping, and he left. It was a nice little break from things.”

“You didn’t have to stay,” Will said quietly shrugging his shoulders before he grabbed his shirt pulling it on as he kept the covers close to his chest before lowering the blankets a little bit as he pulled his shirt down.

“No, we did. We told you we weren’t going to leave and that we would keep you safe so that’s what we did. You want us to step out so you can get dressed?” John asked standing up as if he was reading his brothers mind. Reading the way he had shyly pulled his shirt down keeping his body covered.

“Please?” Will said nodding his head even though he looked more at his arms than John’s face almost like he was ashamed of himself. Ashamed of his body.

“Ok,” John said leaning in and kissing Will’s cheek, “I love you. Come see us in a few yeah?” 

Will nodded his head as Pat wrapped his arm gently around John before stepping out into the hallway. Pat wondering if he was going to leave his room or if he would fall back to sleep.

“So, what do you…”

“He’s not doing well,” John said as Pat nodded his head in agreement, “If he doesn’t want to come out that’s ok, but I think in about 20 minutes or so we should come back and check on him.”

“I think so too,” Pat agreed, “Let’s go hang out for a while though and give him some time. It’ll be ok.”

“I hope so,” John whispered as Pat pulled him in for a close embrace, “I really hope so.”


	14. "I've loved you forever..." (Pat and John)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pat and John talking. Pat thinking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, this is going way back however someone mentioned they wanted to see more of Pat and how he thought. So I decided to give you guys more Patrick. This short corresponds with **John part one chapter 15** So yeah, we're going way back there. 
> 
>  
> 
> **Warnings: forced kissing, Talk about sexual abuse, pedophilia, talk of sexuality, boyhood crush, puppy love, talk of underage drug use, underage smoking, talk of underage drinking, talk of physical abuse, talk of violence, consensual kissing**

My dad had told me to head over. I figured out what was going on when he had called. Art had taken Cole to the villa earlier. Cole going silent hours before they left. He had told me Ben was expecting me. I wasn’t Ben’s type, not really.

Ben liked white boys. I wasn’t what anyone would consider white. Mom was Asian and I looked every bit the mix I was. The only reason why she was Asian was because Dad hadn’t been able to find a white woman who would put up with his shit. He’d been stepping out on her with men probably before I was ever around. You would have to be an idiot not to realize that.

Realize that he preferred men to women. I think he slept with mom maybe a handful of times. Enough times to get Karen out of it, me, Charlie. Poor little Charlie. However, that made us all an obvious mix. Sure, Ben loved my attitude, he made sure that wasn’t a secret, but he would have preferred me if I were white.

I was thankful he didn’t really like me. That I wasn’t one of his favorites. He was a nightmare. However, all of that pointed to the fact I was heading that way for another reason. For John.

I still remembered how amazing he was. His energy his…everything and the thought that they wanted me to hurt him, to help destroy him like that made me beyond angry. I smoked a joint before heading over just to keep myself calm. Keep myself from taking my anger out on him.

He didn’t deserve that. He didn’t deserve this. He was a good guy, great even. He didn’t deserve any of the things they were forcing him to experience. None of it.

I thought about just not going however if I did that, it would be skin off my back literally. I couldn’t take another whipping like that. It always put Dee in a tizzy. Made her want to “nurse” me back to health and she was annoying when that happened.

Honestly, I didn’t feel that connected to her. Not like she did to me, and I’d been feeling guilty about it for a while. Guilty about how I just used her to fill the emptiness and then she’d cling to me like a Joey clings to its mother. How when I wasn’t using her, she was using me. I wasn’t her fucking boyfriend, sure I was the closest to one she’d ever had but, what was I supposed to do with that?

We weren’t allowed to love each other. We weren’t allowed to care about one another like that. It would only hurt her, and it was. She deserved better. She didn’t deserve some sick pervert who was being used by old men every weekend. She deserved a prince. I was more like an ogre. More evil and overbearing and ridiculous than anything else. 

I was someone even a mother couldn’t love. She had left after all. If she had seen something worth loving even after Charlie was gone, she would have stayed, and she hadn’t. They all deserved better than me. Every single one of them.

I was already feeling the weed by the time I stumbled up to the house. My brain floating happily until I opened that door. My brain crash landing in reality with a sour taste in my stomach. I remember his eyes. How wide they were how panicked. 

Connor had him pushed up against the wall holding his wrists down at his sides. His fist balled as he stared straight forward at nothing his chest heaving as Connor slobbered on him. Slobbered on him like my dad used to slobber on me when I was much younger. When I was much more helpless.

How he used to tell me it was ok. That it was fine, and I was just giving him what he’d earned. That I was paying him back.

Showing him how much I loved him as I wished I was strong enough to push him away, but I knew I wasn’t. Because I had just been a pathetic little kid. The sight reminding me of how much I used to whimper. Used to hate how sticky is spit felt on my skin as he bit into my neck.

I had to do something. Anything to get him to stop. Karen was being dropped off in a few minutes by her boyfriend Louis. Honestly, I knew she would come in the front door, but I didn’t care. I was desperate.

Desperate to make sure Connor stopped. That was something John didn’t want, and I knew it. You’d have to be an idiot not to realize it by looking at him.

“My sister…” I said pausing as I tried to make my brain and mouth work together to get the words out, “My sister is about to walk in here.”

I heard him sigh, Connor. Like maybe he was upset he had been interrupted as he spoke to me his eyes still on John, his hands still on him making me want to punch him upside the head. That was his fucking son. He shouldn’t ever be touching him like that. He didn’t deserve to touch someone like John. Not ever. John deserved so much better.

“Hello, Patrick. Where is your father?”

“He’s coming later, Mr. McGregor,” I managed hoping I was keeping the venom out of my voice, “Can I borrow John?”

If I got him away from that monster, he wouldn’t be able to touch him. He didn’t deserve to touch him. Not ever.

He sighed heavily looking at John closely before he looked at me, looked at how I was watching them. Honestly, I still felt dizzy as fuck. At that point, I wasn’t sure if it was my anger or the weed or how hard my heart felt like it was pounding in my chest, but I felt dizzy.

I think Connor maybe saw it. Saw that I was harmless enough I wasn’t worth getting into an altercation with. Or thought he’d deal with it later before he looked at John and he said, “All right, go on. I’ll see you when I get back ok, John?”

Good. At least he was letting him go. John mumbling a goodbye as I reached out and grabbed his arm pulling him away from that guy. 

Away from his dad. His dad who shouldn’t have been doing that to him. Who looked beyond disgusting slobbering on his son like that. How sick did you have to be to like that?

To want to drool on your son like you were some type of fucking dog. The thought making me snort in laughter as we got out towards were the pool was sitting down in the grass, “Holy shit,” I muttered shaking my head.

“Thank you,” John barely whispered as he sat down next to me not using his arms to lower him to the ground.

His movements almost reminded me of a cat. The way he moved seemed so natural and effortless. My brain trying to tell my body to cool it. That he would think I was a pervert for watching him too closely as I reached into my pocket to pull out my pack of smokes, to offer him one.

“No problem. Your Da has a thing for you, you know that?” I asked him trying to think about how disgusting that display of perversion was instead of how he looked with the sun framing him forcing me to squint as I watched him.

“Yeah, you think?” John asked me rolling his eyes his tone telling me this wasn’t some type of epiphany he was just now being treated to. His reaction made me laugh a little bit.

“Sorry, most of them aren’t into that part of it, but your Dad apparently is,” I told him thinking about how my dad used to be like that. 

How it had eventually stopped but only after I started getting pit hair. How the moment my member started to lengthen he decided I was too old. That there were better people to bother and how I was thankful for it. How I hoped his Dad would be the same way. Would eventually leave him alone.

“What part?” he asked frowning at me.

“The incest part,” I said wondering how he hadn’t caught that little bit of what I had been implying, “I think they just do that because it’s required. Most of them anyway, but apparently your dad is into it because I have never seen someone kiss their kid like that.” 

I hadn’t. Not a kid that they were related to over the age of 11. Even Art had never kissed Cole like that. Had he kissed Huck like that? Oh yeah. He would shove his tongue down Huck’s throat and keep it there until Huck was choking on it. He wouldn’t just drool on Huck’s neck he’d bite it. He’d bite him. Dad and Art both did that, but Huck wasn’t their biological son. 

I wasn’t even sure they saw him as a son but more a toy. When they did that Huck didn’t even make a sound he went still. He knew better.

He knew better than to make it seem like he was resistant. He’d taught me that. That sometimes it was better to pretend you were fine then to fight them. Huck wasn’t around a lot, but he was a smart kid. A great kid. 

He was sharp for his age and very intelligent. When he was at the house it was like he was never relaxed even when they weren’t in the room. I couldn’t blame him for that though. He knew why he was there and so did Cole and me.

“Oh,” John said after a minute or two of silence.

He looked sad. Ashamed. Connor’s feelings had nothing to do with him and everything to do with Connor.

I was a fucking idiot. Pointing that out to him. That was the last thing he needed.

His face looking slightly flushed with embarrassment as he hugged his knees to his chest. He probably thought I was a major asshole now. Great. Way to put your foot in your mouth Pat.

“Dude, it’s not you. It’s him. Sorry, I’m just really…” I started trying to explain myself.

Trying to explain that I was high and nervous. That he made me nervous. The whole thing wanting to spill out at once as he watched me resting his chin on his knees. 

The look in his eyes so…something. Pensive maybe? Like he was really seeing me. Really seeing who I was unlike how Dee looked at me.

Sometimes it felt like when she looked at me, she didn’t see me. She saw my arms that would hold her tight or my hands that gripped her hips as she bounced up and down my cock because she always had to be on top. She saw my face, my lips that kissed her because I knew if I didn’t it would feel just like them if we allowed it to. She saw all the same things they saw only she saw them differently. She saw them in the way she used them and not me.

She didn’t see how angry I was or how I didn’t really want sex but how I just wanted to be next to her. Be with her. How I wanted someone to see me. To hear me and wonder what I was thinking.

To not yell at me and treat me like I was some sort of toy. Like my dick was something to suck on or shove into a hole or play with. How my nipples weren’t something to grab and suck on. I wanted her to ask me how I felt about that movie or that sport. I wanted her to look at my face instead of me having to tell her I didn’t want her to kiss me, that I didn’t want to have sex with her.

When John looked at me, he saw me. He knew me. His smile telling me that he understood that he wasn’t excusing my behavior or stupid comment, but that he understood where it was coming from, “High. Yeah, you usually are, Pat.”

“Sorry man,” I said shaking my head at him, “But you have no idea what’s up.”

Like I said before Dad might not have said it, but I wasn’t stupid. Ben didn’t want to see me especially when he had a house full of little white boys he could play with. Little boys that he could make scream and cry with hardly any effort. He enjoyed that. Anyone who knew him knew he enjoyed that.

I was supposed to fuck one of them. Take off my clothes and do what I was told. John made sense. 

We were close in age and from what I understood or what the grapevine had led me to believe there were a lot of requests coming in for same age content. Fresh same age content and that was something they didn’t have. A lot of people liked interracial stuff too which left me and a few other guys. Hell, if they were careful with their angles a few of us could look old enough, they could sell it to mainstream porn sites. Make serious bank with it.

That and the fact that John was downstairs in the house where everyone else seemed to be safely hidden pointed to John being my cam partner. And he was beyond…well, he was fucking amazing. Everything about him was amazing. I wouldn’t have minded having real time alone with him.

Did I hate the fact that it was going to be like it was? Yeah. I didn’t want to be with him like that. I wanted it to be his choice, our choice. I didn’t want to force him into that. 

I hadn’t even known I could like a guy like that before I saw him that first day. Before I had met him at Christmas. He was different.

He wasn’t like other people. He was beyond special, he was like air. I just hadn’t realized I hadn’t been breathing until I met him. Not really.

Cole knew I felt that way about him. That John was…was different for me. That I needed to take care of him, protect him and in a different way than I protected Cole or Huck or anyone else. That he was something more. When Cole had gotten John to admit that he thought I was cute maybe for a guy he had jumped at his chance to tell me. Encouraged me to confront him. 

I hadn’t wanted to push that though. He had too much going on. They were in his space all the time. One more person looking at him like that was the last thing he ever needed or wanted.

I refused to do that to him. He deserved better. So much better and here they were forcing it. 

Forcing me to do god knew what to him. Taking away his choice, mine. He was fucking amazing and deserved the world at his feet and here they were telling him he couldn’t have it.

Pulling it away from him. I sighed waiting in silence pulling a smoke out of the pack I had been holding in my hand and finally lighting up taking a drag to calm my nerves. To remind myself this wasn’t something to be excited about. That I had to be a sick fuck if I was looking forward to hurting him. To finally discovering if his skin was as soft as it looked.

“Actually, I do,” he answered after a minute looking at me, “We’re supposed to make a video, yeah?”

Yes. Yes, we were supposed to make a video. We were supposed to fuck. It wouldn’t be real sex. 

Real sex was something you did when a camera wasn’t pointed at you. It was something you did with a friend or someone who was more. Something you did to feel better and show each other you cared. That you both mattered somehow. This wasn’t real sex. 

It wasn’t even real kissing. It was staged and fake. All of it. There were times they stopped you in the middle of an act so they could zoom in and get the perfect shot. Zoom in on your asshole taking a cock making you both stay completely still so they could get that perfect angle that perfect amount of zoom. It wasn’t real sex it was disgusting.

It was usually with an old man that you didn’t want touching you on top of that. Or your sibling. Someone they could get you to act like you were comfortable with even though it made it beyond fucking awkward. No one wanted their brother to blow them or fuck them. No one.

However, it was easier to convince you to act “normal” if it was your brother. Your nerves weren’t sky-high about the person you were with only what you were doing. And if you didn’t act well enough like you were enjoying it instead of you being in trouble, they could do something worse to him and then it was your fault. You did it. You were the one to blame.

Everyone in that room knew it too. So, you tried harder to make sure it looked real even though it wasn’t. Even though it made you feel dirty and like you were betraying them.

Like it was your fault and there was nothing you could ever do to fix it besides make sure they were the ones that suffered less. That’s why they did it that way. They made you do it with your friends and your siblings because they knew you would rather face the punishment alone than watch them be subjected to it, watch someone you cared about suffer.

“Yes, that is correct,” I told him thinking about how awkward that would be for him. 

How he’d never kissed me. How he supposedly had a crush on me, and he hadn’t been allowed to even tell me that. That he was going to be forced to lay there and either let me penetrate him, put my dick inside him or he was going to have to put his in me and he hadn’t even been allowed to kiss me. To tell me that he might think I’m cute. That he might like me.

“We can practice if you like,” I pointed out looking around making sure there wasn’t anyone outside to hear me say that.

They would get pissed. Pissed that they weren’t allowed to have that moment if we practiced. Even if it was just a kiss. They wanted it to be theirs and I didn’t. Especially not with someone as sweet as him.

All his first had been taken from him probably from a moment before he could form memories. Just like mine had. He deserved a first that was just his if he wanted it.

I winked at him trying to lighten the mood causing him to smile and lean back, loosen a little bit as he looked up at the sky sighing heavily. He looked almost like he was having a moment with God himself. Listening to what some higher power was saying to him if you could believe in that type of thing and looking at him, I did. 

He was just…he was amazing. Everything about him was amazing even if I couldn’t tell him that. Tell him how much I loved just being near him.

How much I loved hearing his laugh. The sound of his voice. John looking back at me as he leaned back supporting his weight on his arms as he gave me a small smile like he was seriously thinking about it.

“I nearly passed out when Cole did that, remember?” he reminded me of the kiss they had shared in the cage. 

How Cole had climbed on top of him his eyes going wide as Cole just told him to go with it before pushing his tongue past John’s lips. How his chest had gone still his eyes wide as he looked at Cole before his face had started going red. Before he had gone completely slack because he had forgotten how to breathe with Cole on top of him. How scary it had been to watch.

“Yeah,” I said nodding my head as I stood up throwing my filter down in the grass as he got up too making me wonder if that meant he was serious. That he wanted to try it. That he wanted me to kiss him.

I remember the feeling of my palms starting to sweat as I wiped them off on my jeans. He’d stood up too, right? Did that mean…? If I went slow, he could pull away if he didn’t. If he wasn’t ok. I didn’t ever want to hurt him. If I forced him, I might hurt him. 

I remember taking a deep breath as my heart started pounding in my chest. Feeling almost like it was trying to play a song of some kind. I wiped my palms on my jeans again before I grabbed his waist pulling him close but making sure I kept my grip light so he could pull away. I didn’t want to scare him. 

He blinked at me, but he didn’t pull away. My brain wondering why he wasn’t pulling away as the seconds ticked by before I reminded myself of what Cole had told me. That John thought I was cute, nice. That he wasn’t sure if he was into guys or girls and he had thought I was cute.

My hand moved to his shirt, his back as I pulled him even closer. His eyes going even wider as I smiled at the fact that he wasn’t making me stop. That he trusted me enough he wasn’t afraid of me.

“You’ve never kissed me though,” I whispered my mouth feeling slightly dry as I looked at him trying to smile. Trying to make sure I didn’t look threatening even though I was taller than he was. Bigger then he was.

He was younger than me but not by much. I remember reminding myself of that. That he was younger, and I needed to respect him.

That he deserved to be respected and worshipped and that he wasn’t a thing. He was…he was so much more. So important. That there were no words to describe how important he was.

“No,” he said shaking his head slowly as he pulled back a little bit. His hand going to my one wrist like he was going to pull away as I loosened my grip more, “I haven’t.”

“Do you want to?” I asked him suddenly feeling very unsure.

“I---I, huh,” he said as I dropped my arms from his body letting him go.

Fuck. I’d scared him. Of course, I’d fucking scared him. The only people that looked at him like that were his Dad and his Uncle, my dad.

Of course, he didn’t want to be fucking kissed. Especially not right before they were going to force him to kiss me. He probably hated me, thought I was just like them. 

“You do know I’m slightly fucking with you, right?” I asked trying to recover. Trying to hide how much I was hating myself for it. I was a fucking idiot.

The last thing he wanted was me kissing him. I should have known better. He wasn’t like Dee. He didn’t need to feel someone else touch him to get them off his skin. He just needed to be left alone. 

He was too good to touch like that, too sweet. He didn’t deserve that. I couldn’t believe I’d ever even thought that he might want to. Just because he thought I was cute didn’t mean he wanted to kiss me, to have me touch him. He was my friend. He was supposed to be my friend and I’d just…

I turned taking a deep breath as we finished walking back towards the house as I sat down on the bench near the pool gate trying to relax and tell myself it wasn’t a big deal. That it had been a mistake but that he didn’t hate me for it. John making this weird little noise like he was sucking in air before he sat down right next to me leaving no distance between us, his knee touching mine.

“Fuck,” he said quietly his accent making the word sound so different, “He told you, didn’t he?”

“Sorry, yeah,” I admitted, “It’s ok to have a boy crush,” I told as his face started turning pink, “it’s not a big deal.”

“It’s a huge deal!” He said his voice going squeaky for a second, “I’m going to kill him!”

“Oh don’t,” I said shaking my head trying not to laugh at his reaction, “I had to drag it out of him, but I kind of figured because I’m that hot.” 

I was very far from hot. I was awkward with a flat nose and what felt like flatter eyes. There was nothing about me that was hot even though Dee would have fought anyone to the death who didn’t think so.

And I hadn’t had to drag that truth out of Cole. Cole was a gossip queen I loved him, but the moment he found out anyone might like anyone else he was all for telling them. He told me it was because we didn’t have enough positive love in our lives. That we should be looking for it and encouraging it when it was found.

Looking for someone who cared about who we were in a positive way instead of just using us. Even though if that happened, he didn’t think it was a huge deal. That it was nice to roll around with someone who was actually good looking that thought you were good looking too.

He loved playing matchmaker. He had told me assuming that I probably didn’t feel that way about John though. Hoping that maybe it would get me more comfortable and less angry about being with guys if I thought someone cared about me like that.

“Sure, you are,” he told me laughing.

“See? There you go. Nothing’s changed. You think I’m hot, so what? Big deal? How many guys are they going to have us sleep with anyway?” I said more to myself than to him trying to explain to myself that I didn’t have to be heartbroken over scaring him away, “100’s, right? So, no big.” I told him pulling another smoke out of my pack this time offering him one which he nodded his head at before I lit them both handing him one.

“Fair enough,” he agreed after a few drags, “He still didn’t need to tell you.”

“You kind of gave it away when you wouldn’t look at me while I was putting clothes on after my shower, but you didn’t seem to have a problem watching Cole get dressed.” I pointed out telling him something Cole had pointed out to me.

Cole had known about himself for a long time. That he was gay. He swore up and down when you asked him that he’d known he was gay since he was 3. That he liked looking at boys and had always felt that girls were different, gross even.

He said he remembered being in kindergarten and being nervous about using the urinals in the bathroom because he knew he wanted to look at other boys and that it would be rude to do so. That people would think he was weird or a pervert even though he hadn’t known that was the word for it, so he always avoided looking. He had noticed John looking everywhere else but at me as I had bent over to grab my boxers. 

He said his face had gone bright red and he had quickly turned away like he was purposefully trying not to look. Like Cole said he remembered always struggling to do when he was around a cute boy because he didn’t want them to feel bad. Because he didn’t want them to be uncomfortable with him even before people knew he was gay.

John didn’t strike me as gay that’s why he had surprised me so much. I knew I wasn’t gay. At least I thought I knew. He was different though.

He wasn’t like other guys. He was so different, and he didn’t see how. He didn’t see how strong he was, how amazing he was.

Did he hear it? Sure, I was sure he heard that all the time from those perverts who wanted to use that against him like it was some sort of weapon. Some excuse for why they had the right to treat him the way they did when those people didn’t even deserve to breathe the same air he was breathing. He was so much better than them. They didn’t even deserve to exist in the same world he occupied.

John smiling at the ground his face still flushed a little as he dragged on the cigarette a couple of times, “So, I gave myself away?” he asked me, still unable to look at me.

“Yeah,” I told him taking my last few drags, “Not a big deal. You want to kiss me though, don’t you?” I asked him blowing smoke at him making him laugh and nod his head as he finally managed to look up at me.

“Maybe,” he whispered.

“Only maybe?” I asked wondering what that meant.

Had I really scared him that badly? I hadn’t meant to scare him. Did he think I was an asshole for making fun of him?

Because I hadn’t been making fun of him at all. I had just been trying to make him feel like it wasn’t a big deal because I wanted to kiss him too. I shouldn’t have wanted that, but I did. I wanted it more than anything and I wanted it to be ours. To belong just to us and no one else.

“Yes,” he whispered blinking at me, licking his lips.

“Ok,” I said nodding my head not sure what I was doing.

If he didn’t want me to, I’d let him pull away. Never anything he wasn’t ok with. Never anything he didn’t want. He deserved that and so much more. He deserved to be respected and loved and I wanted to love him. I wanted to love him like he deserved to be loved. 

I moved closer if that were even possible, my hand resting on the back of his neck, but very lightly. That way he could pull away before I took a deep breath. Before I pressed my closed mouth against his and pulling away giving us some space.

Was he ok? Did he hate me now? Had I forced him to do that? What if he never wanted to talk to me again? What if I had just ruined fucking everything and now, he had to go downstairs with me and fuck me? What…how much would he hate me then?

“So?” I asked as I felt my heart drumming against my chest again waiting for him to reach out and punch me or something, anything as he sat there mostly frozen as I dared to finally look at him really look at him.

He didn’t seem upset even though he was frowning a little bit. He brought his cigarette back to his lips like he was thinking about it. Really thinking about it.

“Not what I was expecting,” he said, “It was nice though.”

It took me a minute to realize what he might have been saying. The first kiss I had ever was from my Dad. He had grabbed me hard by my chin and shoved his tongue that felt five times bigger than it should have been into my mouth. I had been 3 maybe 4. I had hated it, all of it. 

I had thought that was how you were supposed to kiss someone until Katie and Noah at school had said they were dating, and he had given her a peck on the lips. A normal kiss instead of a “real love kiss”.  
I was probably around 7 or so when I learned that wasn’t what it was really called at all when you used your tongue in someone’s mouth to kiss them, but that it was a “French kiss”. That most people didn’t French kiss. That they didn’t French kiss with their Dad’s while their mom was in the room down the hall sleeping.

Maybe that’s what he meant. That he had never just been kissed in a normal way before. That may be every kiss he’d ever experienced had been a French kiss or a “real love” kiss.

The thought hurting. He didn’t deserve that. He didn’t deserve to be kissed like that when he didn’t want to be. He deserved better than that. So much fucking better than that. That wasn’t fair. 

“Good,” I said nodding my head, “Have you ever been kissed like that?” I asked wanting to know for sure that’s what he meant. Wanting him to clarify before I got even more angry with them.

“No,” he said shaking his head as he threw his smoke on the ground, “I can’t say I have.”

At least I had given him something even if I was a fucking loser. Even if he was about to hate me. I wasn’t stupid enough to think they wouldn’t force me to top him. 

He was the new guy. Everyone liked seeing the new guy dominated, put in his place. He was about to hate me forever. I knew that.

As I sat there thinking about it, about everything it hit me that when he stopped talking to me it would feel like the air was gone. Even if I didn’t want it to, it would hurt. It would hurt more than anything else ever had. 

“Nice, you’ll remember it then,” I told him, “When I’m gone.”

“Where are you going?” he asked me his back going straight as he looked at me, worry etched into his face.

I had just meant he wasn’t going to talk to me anymore. I didn’t see him wanting to anyway. I didn’t want to tell him that though. I didn’t want to tell him that I’d assumed how he would feel about me after we were done.

“Maybe nowhere, maybe somewhere,” I said shrugging my shoulders and trying to dismiss it, “I don’t know. I’m getting old kid.”

“Are you going to end it?” he asked shaking his head as he looked at me.

Was I going to commit suicide? Almost all of us did after a while. Several older boys weren’t around anymore. A few that were my age.

Martin Chambers had hung himself before John had moved there. Justin had been murdered. Kit had overdosed.

She had been teased though and had hated everything. Her brother hadn’t helped. None of them had. She had gone by Kit but had been born a Steven. 

She had insisted that she was a girl just as much as Cole was gay and very few people had accepted that. She had just gotten tired of fighting with them and decided that if she couldn’t be who she needed to be she didn’t want to exist. So, she had stopped existing.

Zabinski’s brother that was our age, I couldn’t remember his name because we had barely talked, he had been more of a loner. I thought his name was Walter, his name had been Willard. That made sense considering Zabinski was a Winston that went by Zabinski if you were his acquaintance and Wyn if you were a friend. He had shot himself in the face. 

Dean Clifton had jumped off a bridge over the summer break before 8th grade. We had been 12 or 13. We had all been walking together and then I still remembered his last words, “Dare me to fly?” as he had climbed onto the railing before had jumped into the water.

His body washed up two days later a couple of miles away from where he had jumped in. The rumor went around that he was dead before he hit the water. All his bones were broken on impact. He had no water in his lungs. 

That’s how we learned that if you jumped from high enough you didn’t have to hit concrete or drown to die. That hitting the water from high enough was almost like you might as well be landing on a roadway. So, had I thought about suicide before? More than once.

I’d even tried it more than once. After Justin had died, I had gotten close. Gotten more than a little too friendly with a needle on purpose hoping that I wouldn’t wake up in the end. Luckily that had failed. 

It would be a lie if I said I didn’t think about it every time they pointed that camera at my face or pinned me down to a bed. I would be beyond lying if I didn’t say I wished for it every time they shoved inside me and I felt that burn punch its way up my spine. I didn’t want to lie to him.

“Been thinking about it, you?” I asked as he nodded his head, “You shouldn’t. You have people who need you. No one needs me.”

That was true. He had little people who loved him. Who needed a real dad that loved them. That would tell them bedtime stories and put Band-Aids on their knees without pulling down their pants and blowing them while he did it. Sure, John hadn’t given birth to those kids, he hadn’t brought them life but even at 14 I knew that’s what he was to them.

You could tell from the way that even Will looked at him he wasn’t big brother. He was Dad. He was the person they looked to when it came to nighttime stories and goodnight hugs and kisses. He was the person they trusted to bandage their boo-boos and help them talk out their disagreements with each other. He was the one who bathed them and taught them how to use the potty.

He was their Dad. Not Connor. Connor was the monster that opened their doors at night and climbed on top of them making it impossible to breathe. Impossible to think. 

He was the person who told them their bodies didn’t belong to them. That he could do what he wanted to them and it didn’t matter how they felt. It didn’t matter that it hurt. 

That he could throw them into a bed with one of his friends to do whatever they pleased to them while they screamed and that was the only thing they could do about it. That was the only right they had and even then, that right was limited. That’s who Connor was to them.

John was their dad. I knew that. I knew that because I had never had a dad, not a real one. All I ever had was the monster.  
Those kids deserved John. They needed their dad. I knew it was a lot of pressure, but that was one of the things that made him so…unearthly almost.

Was he stood there in the storm holding the umbrella over them all and he kept standing. It didn’t matter what hit him or how hard he kept standing because there were people under him that needed the shelter. That needed to be protected.

His strength was unparallel to anything I had ever seen before. And I had seen it and sensed it the moment I looked at him. There was no way I could ever allow him to give up and collapse under the pressure of the storm.

“That’s not true and you have Delia,” he told me.

Yeah, Delia. Delia looked at me as arm candy. Delia who said she loved me but then didn’t listen to me. Pouting at me when I didn’t allow her to sit on my face.

Telling me I must not love her if I wouldn’t have sex with her. Delia who said she loved me, who told everyone else she loved me but just wanted to use my body like it was her sex toy. Just like they all used my body.

Dee didn’t love me. She loved what I could do for her. How I could make her orgasm so hard she squirted and how I wasn’t related to her.

She loved the idea that maybe it wasn’t disgusting because we weren’t related. She loved me because she didn’t have to hide me in dark corners when we went places together but that she could proudly hold my hand or shove her tongue down my throat without being ashamed about it.

She had told me that. That she loved me because I wasn’t Alec. Because I wasn’t going to grab her so hard I bruised her. Because I wasn’t going to force her to do anything she didn’t want. Sometimes that meant that I allowed her to force me to do things I wasn’t ok with though. 

She loved being in control, she craved it like I used to crave coke like I knew Cole still did. That meant that sometimes she got me to give it up though. Then I felt sick to my stomach and I couldn’t look at her and then she’d get mad.

Claim I didn’t care about her, that I didn’t love her. And I couldn’t do it anymore. I was done doing it. There were better things to spend my time on.

Beers in the park with the guys and talking to Ellen and Tal. They were beautiful girls and they wouldn’t force me to lay there as they rode my cock. They were nicer and seemed to care about what I had to say. I would rather spend my time with them then Dee any day.

John, John was…he was something else. When I spoke, he looked at me like he didn’t just hear the words I was saying, but he heard everything I wasn’t too. Like I mattered to him.

I remember thinking that maybe it was in my head but hoping that it wasn’t. When Cole had told me that John liked me, thought I was cute I was over the moon. Maybe I mattered finally. Maybe someone finally cared about me.

“Yeah, I have Dee. Dee doesn’t care about me. She cares about riding my cock any chance she gets. She wants to love on her terms and when you can’t she…” I trailed off shaking my head. Dee didn’t care about me.

“What?” he asked frowning at me, “But, I thought…”

“Don’t tell anyone I said it,” I said shaking my head, “She doesn’t really care about me though. She thinks she does, I know she doesn’t though.”

“Does she hurt you?” he asked me the question making me stare at him.

She couldn’t hurt me, could she? I was bigger than she was. All I had to do really was push her away and she knew it. We both knew it.

I never did though. That’s why we fought because I never pushed her away when I very well could. Because even if I told her no, I never pushed her away and then she told me I got “bitchy” when she kept going.

I shook my head. No, she didn’t hurt me. She didn’t anything I didn’t allow her to. 

“Well, Cole and I need you,” he told me changing the topic, “It might not seem like it, but I mean I don’t have anyone else that deals with the same shit I do besides you. You and Cole just lost Justin. He’s never going to get over that.”

He was right about that. Cole was still messed up about Justin and it was almost a year later. He had started swallowing all the drugs anyone gave him and he still hadn’t quit. Before Justin had died it had been coke.

Mostly weed, but some coke. Because if he was on coke he didn’t have to sleep, he didn’t have to eat. He said it made him feel like he could do anything. That he could handle anything.

Dad liked Cole when he was on coke. He liked him a lot because he never fell asleep. Sometimes he’d pass out from the pain, but he never fell asleep.

Dad would lock him in the guest room and keep going until he was the one who said he was done. Not that Cole passing out stopped him from not making that decision, but he liked it. He liked that Cole could stay awake through it all and that sometimes he could even be silent up until the very last second.

Cole was terrified of Dad. I always felt like Arthur was worse, but Cole really couldn’t stand dad. I didn’t know if that was because he started doing things to me so young and Cole knew that or if it was because Dad wasn’t his dad, but he froze when it came to dad.

Dad wouldn’t fist you. He’d choke you. He’d use toys on you until you couldn’t breathe until the vibrators were up so high and had been on you or in you for so long, they burned, but he never fisted you. Even though his dick felt like you were getting fisted anyway. Cole completely submitted to them both, but my dad he couldn’t even look in the eyes most of the time.

“That’s true,” I told John thinking about how much it hurt Cole to be without Justin, “I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing now though. I mean my dad has finally started leaving me alone and some other people too, but I’m getting all these cameras shoved in my face all the time.

What’s my escape? They’re turning me into a fucking porn star. What the fuck am I supposed to do when kids at school find one of these films?”

I didn’t have the reputation that Cole had. I didn’t sleep around. I slept with Dee and that was it. I wasn’t into guys touching me usually.

Walter and Fraser had made sure of that. Not to mention dad and Art and everyone else. Most of the time the thought of a guy even just looking at me freaked me the fuck out. A lot of guys our age once they thought they could get away with it they slept around with other guys.

At school we were isolated. At the Villa, we were isolated. They tried to keep us away from every girl but our match once we had one.

Even then we weren’t supposed to have physical contact with them until we were married. It was fucking ridiculous. That meant that some guys looked for physical contact, physical comfort elsewhere.

I mean I cuddled with Cole, I would be lying if I said I didn’t. He was the only one I felt safe with though and he wouldn’t hit on me or try anything. He was my brother.

I cuddled with Huck too. However, Huck, when he was with Dad and me very rarely, sat still unless I was holding onto him. Unless I was keeping him safe. And Huck, sex was probably the farthest thing from Huck’s mind when he was at our house. He was probably just hoping that dad didn’t kill him. 

That was the reason I didn’t have the rep of being a slut like Cole did. If I had even slept with one guy outside of all the videos, they made me shoot I probably would have shared in Coles glorious reputation as the school slut. They would have all thought I was gay or at least batted for both teams.

I was sure I didn’t though. At least until I had met John. Until I finally understood what air had felt like. He had turned my world upside down in a way that I couldn’t explain. It wasn’t bad either and I didn’t regret it. It just was.

“Well, because of our ages I’m assuming that they are very careful about who they let buy those,” John pointed out.

Not as careful as they needed to be.

“How careful really? When I was 12 after my mom left, they made one and I started getting letters from this guy, ok? He brought his 3-year-old son over to our house so he could spend time with me,” I told him shaking my head.

“Guy had never been in the brotherhood before, didn’t know anything about it. He just wanted to spend time molesting someone else’s kid. I guess an ass is better if it doesn’t share DNA with you. So yeah, these things get out of the brotherhood.”

John gave me a look. A look like he believed me, and he knew what I was saying, but his brain was trying to find an excuse to assure me that I was wrong. That not everyone at school would know about it. That not every tracker and recruit had seen me naked.

“Yeah, but…” he started before I stopped him.

“You don’t think some of them have older kids who they probably didn’t touch because they’re not into incest? Most people aren’t into incest even pedophiles,” I said John’s frown deepening before he hugged himself crossing his arms over his chest.

“So, my Da’s like super weird?” he asked his feet.

Oh shit. I hadn’t meant it like that. I had just meant that those kids, those men they were interested. That they looked for other people. For boys like us and they had no qualms about touching us because we weren’t their blood. That’s what my point had been. I wasn’t trying to remind him of his Da.

I wasn’t trying to remind him of what I’d walked in on or make him feel guilty. That wasn’t his fault. He hadn’t asked for that. He didn’t deserve that.

“Yeah for sure,” I told him trying to figure out what to say to make him feel not so horrible, “I mean my Dad was like that with me for a while. I mean not as into the kissing as your Dad for sure, but he was intense. After I started to mature it became less and less and now, he doesn’t really touch me unless it’s a group thing.”

Or he needed to blow off steam. Or he needed to hit something. Or he wanted to hear someone scream. He preferred other people, but if I was the only one around, what the hell? John didn’t need to know that though. He didn’t need to know that I couldn’t protect myself especially before we went in there.

How was he supposed to feel ok if he knew I couldn’t protect myself let alone him? There was no point in telling him that there were nights where I never went to sleep because he came into my room and never left. There wasn’t any point in telling him how badly my muscles ached the morning after or how sometimes my back felt like it had been whipped raw by his stupid fucking flogger.

There wasn’t any point in scaring him any more than he already had to be. Especially because his dad wasn’t going to be there. Because he’d never done this before.

“So, they stop?” he asked looking at me again. Cold determination in his eyes.

He was going to do this. No matter how much he hated it he was going to do what he was told because he had to. Because if he didn’t it was worse. 

I hated that. I hated that it had to be the way it was. There wasn’t any reason why he should have to allow himself to be subjected to them. He was better than them. Better than us all.

“I think they move forward because we outgrow them,” I told him, “If they don’t fuck you up by fucking you, they fuck you up by throwing you away when you get too old.”

I’d seen that happen. That had happened to Cole even though he hated admitting it. Hated admitting how he could no longer stand his skin when the leader was done with him.

How he felt so confused and lost that first weekend he didn’t come. How Cole was relieved, but his brain was panicking. Telling him he’d done something wrong and that he was going to be punished.

Punishment was always worse than when he showed up. Always. He had once taken us both because Cole had almost told a nurse. A nurse about what was happening. That it was Dad and Art who were beating us. Who had broken his arm. 

The leader had taken us to the Villa. He hadn’t even allowed us to take off our clothes. He’d had some guy rip them off.

One of my favorite shirts and then he had taken zip ties and tied our arms behind our backs even Cole’s broken one. He had told us that if we wanted to cry and scream like little pussies, he’d make sure we cried and screamed.

I hadn’t even been sure what I had done. The truth was I hadn’t done anything. He just knew I was Cole’s best friend. He knew that I mattered, and he wanted Cole to understand how much Cole’s silence mattered.

They had taken us downstairs to a backroom. He had Baker there who had taken pictures. They had strung us up like fishes on hooks like Dad liked to do back to back and taken pictures before putting us in cages.

I remember my cage had pinched. Badly. Some of my ball sack had gotten caught in it and they hadn’t cared. I had been in so much pain I had felt dizzy from the moment they put it on. 

Eventually they had pulled me off the hook I was hanging from and shoved my face down on the metal table grabbing my arms and hooking them to a hook that was on the table, so they were trapped above my head. I hadn’t even been able to fight I had been in so much pain. I remembered Cole screaming my name until I heard a thump, the sound of fist impacting face and someone telling him to shut the fuck up. 

Telling him that he would learn how to keep his mouth shut or they would sow it closed. That it didn’t matter what they did he would never talk about it to anyone again as I felt someone on my legs. Someone sitting on my legs before I felt the hit. The whip.

They had beaten me, and Cole hadn’t made a sound. I don’t know how, but he didn’t. And after they were done, they decided to hang me back up. Then it was his turn.

They didn’t just beat him. They had done horrible things to him. Things that were supposed to make him scream and he didn’t make a sound. When they were done, they just left. They shoved a plug into him while he was bleeding, and his skin was starting to turn purple and left.

I asked him if he was ok and he didn’t move. He didn’t look at me. I thought he was dead until I heard him sigh. Before he whispered, “Don’t worry, I know you hate me.”

I had thought he was crazy. I could have never hated him. He was my best friend. He was my brother, I loved him. 

He didn’t say another word until we were in Dad’s car. Even then he was too afraid to cry even though he hurt all over. There was no way he didn’t. Dr. Huntz had to give him stitches along the back of his thighs where the whip had torn his skin open not to mention a few in some other more sensitive places.

I had only been out of school for 3 days but Cole, Cole had been out of school for almost two weeks. So, when the leader gave him up, he had been beyond terrified he had done something wrong. That any second, he would be coming for him and doing something like that again. Hurting him like that again. 

It had taken almost a month of the leader not showing up before he realized he was done with him. And then, Scott had happened. Scott wasn’t as bad as Peter or, so the rumor was, and he only had to see him sometimes because he was “too young” to travel and see Scott every weekend especially during the school year, but Scott was horrible.

It took him almost a week every time to talk after Scott was done with him. He only saw Scott twice before he tried to hang himself that first time. After that, it was lips zipped for at least a week until after Scott was gone before he started talking again. Before he managed to be ok enough to talk.

3 months later it was pills. Pills because the fucking leader hadn’t just thrown him away like he was trash but had thrown him at a rabid dog who was doing god knew what to him and then leaving him in the dirt half mangled every time he walked away. The last time had been after Justin. After they had killed Justin.

He had hung himself and taken pills at the same time. Downed them with a 5th of tequila. He had managed to stop his heart. To actually die before they had brought him back. Then they had locked him up in that nightmare of a place for 2 weeks and for good measure locked him in a safe room for three more.

“I kind of what to outgrow them because that means they’ll leave me alone,” John muttered some of his hair falling into his face as he sighed.

He looked like an angel. He didn’t deserve to hurt the way they were hurting him. How they were going to hurt him that night. He deserved better so much better and I couldn’t give it to him. I didn’t deserve to be near him. I hadn’t deserved that kiss.

“Well,” I said trying to figure out how to break it to him, “My dad usually likes younger guys. I know that for a fact, but your hair means he’ll stick with you for a long time.” 

“I’ll kill myself,” he whispered shaking his head. 

I didn’t blame him for wanting to give up. For wanting to escape. Not from him, not from my dad. I didn’t know anyone who wanted to be subjected to that. To the things he did, the pain he caused. 

To the way he made it impossible for you to even look at your own reflection because you had a “nice cunt” or you were his “sweet little boy”. Or when you couldn’t stop the tears, he told you to quit being “a little bitch” that if he had wanted tears he would have done it to a woman instead. That you were supposed to be better than that. That you were always supposed to be better than that.

How unless you cried exactly the way he wanted you to when he wanted you to if you started, he’d go harder, he’d hurt worse. How it felt like he was punishing you for simply existing in his reality.

“Please don’t,” I said trying to find something to refocus him on, “If you do, you’ll never know what it’s like to fuck me in the ass.”

His eyes went wide as he looked up at me like he couldn’t believe I’d just said that. I could barely believe I’d just said that. He’d never want to do that.

He was too good to do that with some random guy he was just getting to know. There was no way in hell he’d want that with me. Only perverts wanted that with me, and he wasn’t a pervert. He was too sweet and too perfect. Too much of a gentleman to want that.

“Wait, what?” he managed after a minute his eyes still as wide as plates.

“Well,” I said trying to figure out how to explain my thought process other then I was trying to get him to not think about what was about to happen to him, “You’ve never been on top, right?”

“So, you’d let me top you?” he muttered his face going as red as his hair as he thought about it. As he thought about it so intently, he ended up looking at his feet again.

He was way too cute. Way too special. He couldn’t even think about having sex with me without his face showing it. His whole being showing it. Maybe Cole was right? Maybe he really did think of me as more than cute. Maybe it wasn’t a bad thing or weird that we liked each other.

“Yeah,” I said after a minute trying to play it cool, “It feels really different from being on bottom.”

“But,” he said finally managing to look up at me his eyes still wide, surprised, “You’d really let me?”

“Yeah of course,” I said meaning it, “I mean, it’d be your first time, right?” I asked him.

You didn’t let guys top you. Not if you weren’t gay. Not if you were like us. That meant you liked it. That you wanted it. That you maybe didn’t even care who was fucking you, you just liked it up the ass. That wasn’t a reputation I wanted. 

Cole didn’t seem to think it was a big deal, but I felt like something like that would be. Admitting you trusted someone enough to let them…you know. To let them inside your body. That you trusted them enough not to hurt you that you were going to let them do that. Especially because of how much it always hurt. 

Anal always hurt. Always. The idea that I might…that I had just said I would making me nervous.

“YES!” he shouted clamping his hand over his mouth in shock at his own excitement.

Oh. That was different.

“You’re that excited to stick your dick in my ass, huh?” I asked him trying to shake off how nervous that made me. I let out a nervous chuckle as he reached out and patted my shoulder.

“I’ve just never done that,” he said smiling so widely his eyes were lighting up, “This means I’m going to have sex.”

“No,” I said shaking my head thinking about what it meant for him to top me on camera.

How awkward and stupid it would be. How Dad and whoever else was there would immediately tell us to switch even if it was supposed to be amateur because they never liked it when it was real because then it didn’t look real, it looked retarded or so they claimed.

“We’re going to make a porno together,” I told him, “Not have sex. Sex is different.”

His face fell his eyes getting a little dimmer at that. So, he was telling the truth. He’d never had sex before. Of course, he hadn’t. He was a good kid he wasn’t like us. He wasn’t stupid.

“Ok,” he said nodding his head the light behind his eyes gone, “How is it different?”

“Well, my friend,” I said touching his shoulder and pausing not sure I could explain how it was different other than saying it just was, “Real sex is usually with someone you want to have sex with to start. And then you both want to do it. No camera involved, and a vagina feels very, very different from an asshole.

You’ll love the difference, trust me. Unless you’re gay which honestly, I don’t think you are. I don’t know if you want to have sex with me, but it’s not like they are giving you a chance to decide so, therefore, it doesn’t really count.”

For all I knew his excitement was just over the fact that he was topping. That it didn’t matter who. The fact that he thought I was cute probably helped him, but that didn’t mean that he really wanted to do it. He was being allowed to decide. That was the thing that mattered the most. 

He should have had the right to decide. The right to figure out what he wanted and make that choice and they weren’t allowing him to have that. So maybe it was more just that it wasn’t one of them that made him excited about it and not the fact that it was me.

If he were smart, he wouldn’t have been excited about it being me at all. Not knowing how many men I’d had shove their dicks into me. No one would be excited to do it with someone who’d been with that many people.

“Would you want to have sex with me? I mean if you had a choice?” he whispered looking at me.

Giving me that look. That look that said it was everything he had ever wanted. That he wanted me to say yes. That he wanted me to mean it.

Would I? In a heartbeat, if I thought that was what he really wanted. I wasn’t sure he knew what he wanted though.

I didn’t want to scare him by saying yes. By telling him I could see him that way. That I wanted to kiss every inch of his skin. That I wanted to make him feel like he mattered. That I wanted to make him feel special. To make him feel loved.

“I don’t know,” I told him not sure how to say it without scaring him, “I haven’t really thought about if I swing that way or not, but maybe.”

He rounded his lips exhaling his shoulders relaxing that I had barely noticed had tensed while he waited for me to answer, “Well, thanks.” He told me blushing slightly and giving me that smile, that smile that made my whole world feel like the sun had just learned how to shine on it.

“Yeah,” I said nodding my head, “no problem.”

It was the truth. It was a bit of a lie, but not completely. I wanted him to feel safe. To feel like he had that choice. I felt like if I said yes, he would just say yes because he thought he was supposed to. Because he thought that’s what I wanted and it was better to give someone what they wanted then it was to fight it, to deny them. 

After all, if it had been like it was for me when he was little, he’d been told he couldn’t say no. That saying no was bad. Your body wasn’t yours it was theirs.

They had made it, so that meant they got to decide what happened to it. They had the right to say who climbed on top of you, not you. That wasn’t your decision to make that was his, because without him you wouldn’t exist.

“Are you going to be sober?” he asked me frowning, “For when we, you know?”

I was already feeling soberer then I would have liked. The colors still felt bright and the world still felt warm especially when he smiled at me, but I knew I was starting to come down. I hadn’t taken too many hits and it was starting to wear off that warm fuzzy feeling that smoking always gave me. That relaxed and careless sensation that seemed to come from deep in my bones starting to retreat or fade away.

“For the most part, yeah,” I admitted, “My dad wouldn’t want it any other way. You?”

“It’s been hard to get a buzz lately even when I’m drinking so, yeah,” he admitted.

That wasn’t good. That meant his body was starting to become immune to his drinking. That his body was needing it just to function. That without it he would feel sick. I had known for a while he’d been bringing it to school in water bottles, and I should have figured that meant it was bad, but I hadn’t realized it was that bad.

He didn’t deserve to hate being in his own skin that much that he had to drink to just live with himself. He was so much better than that. He deserved so much more than that. The thought that had become his life hurting. Hurting deep down somewhere I hoped wasn’t reflexed on my face as I looked at him.

“That’s not good,” I told him shaking my head and closing my eyes trying to clear the emotion from my face, “You have to drink to just not feel sick, right?” he nodded his head in response, “Yeah, that’s really not good.”

“I figured, but what else am I supposed to do? You know what I deal with,” he told me.

“If I had an answer, I would give it to you, but I really don’t,” I told him.

The only thing he could do was stop, it was too late to do that on his own though. If he tried doing that, he’d get sick, really sick. I wasn’t sure if he would die or not, but I’d seen some people come down from different things and I’d heard Alcohol was one of the worst. He didn’t need to be in that much pain. Not ever. His only choice was to keep drinking. 

“I know,” he said sighing heavily as he pushed his hair out of his face, “The other night I was on the balcony and I wanted to jump so badly. He was…he told me if I was really going to do it that he would lock me in the basement.”

What?! NO! NO! He couldn’t do that to him. Never. There was no fucking way he’d do that to him. None. I didn’t know what I would do if he did that to him, but I wouldn’t let it happen. I wouldn’t let anyone lock him up like that. He didn’t need to be locked up like that.

Nothing he ever did would be enough for someone to lock to him up like that. I would do anything to make sure that didn’t happen to him. I didn’t know what, but we both needed to make sure that didn’t happen.

“Ouch,” I said not sure how to put it into words, “I would keep those thoughts to yourself then.”

“You think I’m not trying?” he asked me frowning at me his accent somehow getting more pronounced as the words came out, “I don’t want to have sex with my Da. Is that so wrong?” 

His chin wobbled. I hadn’t meant to upset him. I hadn’t meant to make him cry.

He was too handsome to cry. He deserved the world and all the things that made him happy and I’d just killed a piece of him with my stupid comment. Seeing him like that made my whole world feel like it was shattering.

“That’s not sex John,” I mumbled not sure what else to say about it, “It’s rape.”

It was. Your Dad didn’t force you to have sex. A real dad didn’t want to have sex with his kid let alone his son. A real dad didn’t talk about his son like Connor talked about John.

I’d heard him talk to my dad. I had been there the night Dad had brought him home from the bar. I’d heard how loud they were talking even though I’d stayed out of sight.

He had told dad that John was “sweet” that he knew exactly the right sounds to make. He’d told Dad about the first time he had ever touched him. How he was so tiny that he squealed instead of moaned. That he didn’t understand you weren’t supposed to touch people there. How he used to ask Connor to see his penis how he liked making it “squirt”. How he seemed to enjoy it before Ben had ruined it for them.

That had been before I knew him and even then, I remember being thankful that he had been too little to remember those things. Being thankful that he didn’t hate himself because of it. He probably did though. Somewhere deep down you remembered before they told you, or you just remembered.

“Tell him that when he’s whispering in my ear that he wants me to feel good,” John whispered, “That he wants me to cum. That he knows I like it and…” he trailed off not being able to speak.

He didn’t like it though. No one liked that. No one liked your dad climbing on top of you and doing that to you. Not a single person I knew.

They just said that when you got hard. When you came because they wanted you to believe that you liked it. That way if you ever had the chance to fight you wouldn’t fight as hard because you doubted yourself.

That way sometimes you wouldn’t fight at all because you didn’t see the point. Because you knew he’d already done before millions of times it felt like. There wasn’t any use in getting the snot beat out of you for something he’d already done so you just laid there, and you let him do it.

And sometimes your body liked it. Even if you hated it, your body liked it so then you hated your body, you hated yourself and he thought it was funny. He thought it was great his little boy was a whore. Then he pimped you out and that was that. There wasn’t anything left after that.

“You don’t like it though. You just told me you don’t like it. He’s trying to make you feel guilty so you won’t tell anyone because if you tell people about it, the right people he could get into real trouble,” I told him wishing I could hold him. Wishing I could hug him and tell him it’s ok, “You have the control. Not him and he knows it. That’s why he says what he does.”

I hoped he believed me. That he realized I was right. If he told the right person the first time it was over for Connor. The only problem was John finding the right person right off the bat. They were everywhere. My dad was a fucking cop. 

There was no way to tell who was one of them and who wasn’t until they looked at you like that. Then you knew. Then it was too late, and the leader knew and then you were punished or someone you cared about. They showed you what it meant when you didn’t keep your mouth shut. Then you paid.

“You really think so?” he asked wiping at his eyes trying to hide the fact that he’d been crying.

“Yeah,” I said nodding my head, “I do.”

We heard a door open and then what sounded like the trunk of a car close and we looked over. Connor climbing into the driver’s side as John’s mom pulled a fancy shawl closer around her in the crisp air. It was cold out. Around 40 degrees.

Connor should have been the one to put the bags in the car. Of course, his lazy ass hadn’t. To him, that woman was just cattle, a servant. Everyone was a servant to him.

I looked over and John was watching them, looking at them his face set, serious. The way he looked at his mom you would think he didn’t want her to leave. That he hated the fact she was leaving.

“Do you want to say goodbye?” I asked.

“No,” he shook his head, “Because then my Da might want a real goodbye and I honestly don’t want to do that.”

A goodbye like the one he had been giving him in the kitchen. No one wanted those types of goodbyes. Especially not from their dad. I couldn’t blame him for that. No one could.

“Ok, cool,” I said, “Want to smoke another cigarette?”

“Sure,” he told me smiling, “When is your Da coming?”

When was my dad coming? As soon as he got off work. He couldn’t wait to see us fuck. To see his boy, his son fuck his favorite little toy.

He was sick. I could only hope John realized I wasn’t like him. That John didn’t think I was anything like him.

That he didn’t think I liked little boys. That I wanted to rape people just to hear them scream. That I wanted to hurt people.

I didn’t want to hurt anyone. Not ever. I didn’t like shoving my dick into a 2-year old’s mouth as they cried. As they screamed. 

That I didn’t want to hold a four-year-old down by the back of his head pressing him into the mattress so hard he couldn’t breathe as I shoved my fingers into him. As he cried and asked me why I didn’t love him anymore. As he told me how…how he hoped he’d be able to open me enough using his fingers that he wouldn’t hurt me when he finally fucked me. That I was going to be a good boy and that I would be thanking him for everything he gave me. 

For loving my mom, for giving me food. That I would be thanking him for not allowing anyone to do whatever they wanted to me because I was an ungrateful little shit because I was crying. Because it hurt. Because…

“Probably not until tonight if we’re lucky,” I managed to whisper turning away from him trying to hide it.

“What’s wrong?” he asked his voice sounding worried.

“Nothing,” I said wiping away my tears quickly, “You need to keep your little brother upstairs. Just a warning.”

“Yeah, I figured,” he said nodding his head before he cleared his throat, “I didn’t think he was holding him just to help my mum out. I can’t believe he would want to fuck a one-year-old though. That’s beyond gross.”

It was. It was beyond gross. He’d do it though. If Connor let him, he would do it. Nothing would stop him from doing that to that little baby. He’d told me when I was 9 that he had started doing things to me when I was still in diapers. That I liked it. That I would pull on his hair when he did it. 

That he wished I had stayed little forever that way he didn’t have to punish me for being such an ungrateful little bitch when I whined about it. Whined about things that we used to have fun doing together. I had never liked it. Never.

“Pat? What’s wrong?” he said as I wiped away more tears.

“He can’t be near him,” I said shaking my head.

“I know,” John told me nodding his head as he gulped, “I know he can’t. We’ll keep him safe ok? I promise we’ll keep him safe. Do you…?”

I nodded my head not sure I could speak. Not sure there was anything to say other then I was sorry he was such a sick fuck. That he was doing this to him.

To his family to… his arms around my shoulders suddenly as he grabbed the back of my neck and whispered in my ear holding me close, “It’s not your fault. I know it’s not your fault. You’re not like that.”

He was saying everything I felt like I needed to hear as he held me tightly. I didn’t feel like he was judging me. I didn’t feel like he hated me. It seemed like he cared. Like I really mattered somehow.

“It’s ok. None of this is your fault. It’s not your fault he’s horrible. It’s not your fault that he’s gross,” he told me.

For some reason the use of the word “gross” making me smile. Calming me down. Maybe because it was an innocent word. Because he hadn’t called him an asshole or a sick fuck, or evil, but gross. All the other adjectives fit better, but he had chosen gross.

“Yeah well. My dad is beyond gross in general haven’t you noticed?” I asked him somehow managing a smile.

“Not really,” he said smiling at me, one I couldn’t quite pin down before the grin split his face, “I’m usually too busy hanging from something when he’s around.”

That almost made me laugh. If you couldn’t laugh about things you usually ended up crying. The idea that I had just cried in his arms making me feel slightly vulnerable.

I’d never done that with anyone but Cole. Never and yet there he was still standing next to me, not judging me. Not telling me I was a bitch or a pussy for it. Just accepting that it happened and forgetting about it like it wasn’t a big deal. Like it was normal like I was normal.

“Yeah, he does like to hang people up, doesn’t he?” I commented.

He really did. He liked watching people struggle to keep their footing. He liked watching how the weight pulled on their arms. He liked to see them in pain and struggling.

“At least me,” he said.

“It’s not just you. It’s not just redheads,” I told him shaking my head as I pulled another one out of the pack offering it to him before he leaned forward into my lighter and I lit my own, “He likes doing that to everyone. He’s just evil.”

“I’m glad you aren’t,” John told me smiling.

“How do you know I’m not?” I asked him.

Sometimes I wasn’t sure. When I got mad all, I could think of was how much I wanted to kill people. How I wanted to pull their guts out and watch them struggle. How I didn’t just want them dead I wanted them to suffer. To me, that seemed pretty fucking evil.

“You can’t be. Someone as kind as you are, you couldn’t possibly be evil,” he told me, “I’ve watched you play with my siblings. Even after you get tired and annoyed with them, you’re still patient. Someone that is that good with them can’t be evil.”

I’d only been around them a handful of times. Yet he’d seen that? He’d noticed that? Noticed me?

“You saw that?” I asked him.

“Of course, I did,” he smiled at me, “You were sweet with them. You’re a good guy Pat. Great even. Any girl would be lucky to have you.”

I felt my face getting hot as I looked away. Did he really mean that though? That anyone would be lucky to have me? 

“Who said I want a girl?” I asked him.

“You said you’d never thought about…”

“I really haven’t. I mean, not for real. It happens though,” I told him, “Maybe it wouldn’t be horrible. You don’t think that’s weird? That I don’t know. I mean I know Cole is…”

“Not everyone knows I don’t think,” he told me, “There were…we were in weekly boarding meaning we stayed at school Monday through Friday. Slept there and whatnot. There were several boys in the dorms with me being an older student that…I don’t think they knew.”

“What does that mean?” I asked.

To me it didn’t make any sense. Especially if they got to go home on the weekends. That’s what he was saying.

There were boys at the school who didn’t date? Or who…? Oh. He was saying they found dark corners and felt each other up. That made some sense, I guess.

“There were more than a few guys who said they had birds at home. Older boys mostly but they’d spent more than their fair share of time in the loo together. Sometimes people would walk in and they’d be smoking a spliff, but other times they’d be snogging, kissing. I’m sure sometimes it was more than just kissing. Not everyone can know right away I think.” He told me.

“So, you don’t think it’s weird? That maybe I might…but I’m not sure,” I told him my face feeling even hotter.

“No, we can’t all be Will or Cole. Like I don’t think I am, but maybe? I haven’t really thought about it too much. It scares me.” He admitted.

That made sense. If you were maybe it meant you were like them. Maybe it meant you were sick like they were. Cole insisted it didn’t mean you were into kids.

That he would never do that to a kid if he wasn’t forced to. Those kids deserved better than that. That they always deserved better than that and they needed to be protected. He was always beyond adamant about that. 

It was still something I was afraid of though. That if I liked someone as much as I liked John what happened when there was another guy or girl like John, but they were even younger? Would I feel the same way about them?

Didn’t that make me just like my dad? There had to have been something there for him to think it was ok to do those things to me especially when I was beyond little. When I was so young, I was still in diapers and didn’t even understand what my penis was.

“Me too,” I admitted, “I mean I’ve had sex with Dee and it’s …it’s great when I want to do it. Just…sometimes I wonder if maybe whatever it is, I don’t like about her if it’s not her personality.”

“Maybe it is,” John said, “You said that she only loves on her terms. Maybe that’s not what you need. Maybe you need someone else. The way you said it almost made me think of…never mind.”

“You don’t hit girls,” I told him, “It doesn’t matter what they do you don’t hit girls. You’re a bastard if you hit a girl. I’m not a bastard.”

It felt weird saying it. Saying how I felt. How I was a loser because I couldn’t hit her when she did that. When she pushed me down. Women didn’t do those things to guys, not real guys anyway. Not guys like me.

“If she’s making you do things you don’t want to, you have the right to defend yourself,” he told me.

“Look she gets it from everywhere she just wants control. It’s not always her fault she doesn’t pay at…”

“It is though,” He told me, “That is her fault. She knows what you go through.

She gets put through the same thing day after day and if she’s not listening to you it doesn’t matter that she’s a girl Pat, she has no right to do that to you. It’s your body. You have the right to say no. She needs to listen when you say it.”

“You won’t say anything?” I asked him, “Not even to Cole? Cole doesn’t know. No one knows.”

“I won’t,” he told me, “I promise. Maybe you need to get away from her though. Quit seeing her.”

“I know,” I told him.

It scared me though. She was the only one I’d been with. It seemed like she would be the only one who wanted me. Maybe I was wrong.

“If you wanted to. We could …think about it. Together I mean. Only if you wanted to though, no pressure, ok?” John told me surprising me his face bright red when I turned to look at him.

“Yeah,” I said nodding my head even though my mouth felt dry, “If you’re ok with that, I’m ok with it.”

“Ok, we’ll talk about it,” John said smiling at me as he dropped his filter on the ground the sound of a car pulling up getting our attention, making us both turn towards his house.

“Well, I guess he’s here,” I sighed letting my filter fall after taking one last drag, “Let’s get out of here, shall we?”

“We probably shouldn’t,” John said, “Considering they’re alone in the house with Ben. If we go in, they…”

“Yeah,” I said realizing how stupid that comment had sounded, “Let’s go in and meet our fate.”

“I’m not drunk. I wish I were. I wish I were bloody blackout pissed,” he muttered sighing heavily.

“That makes both of us,” I said clapping him on the shoulder as we headed toward the house both dreading what was about to happen.


	15. Sometimes coloring in the lines is as easy as following the numbers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a short of Pat talking to Dr. Palmer after Will has been sedated goes with **Will part 2 chapter 124**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Warnings: talk of sexual abuse, physical exam, medical language, audio recording, record keeping, descriptions of sexual abuse, descriptions of injuries**
> 
> Now, this isn't proper language. There are ways that things are phrased that would not be accurate. From what I know it's pretty close though and yes, it would up to a judge to allow this type of thing into evidence it would be testifying to a pattern of behavior against a defendant. This isn't real this is fictional and as it's fiction is not an accurate description of what this would look like. You have to remember that by not reporting this to the police Vic himself is committing a crime.

“Please don’t make me,” Will whimpered before he started sobbing.

“Ok, it’s ok kid, come here,” Pat said as I crawled into his arms, “And you want to do an internal exam on him? Vic, seriously?”

“He does this,” Dr. Palmer said looking at Will sadly, “Will, it’s ok. What I’m going to do is give you a shot. And it’s going to make you sleepy. We’ll wait until you’re asleep and then I’ll examine. I’ll be as quick as I can, but I don’t have any choice I have to examine you.”

Will clung to Pat like Pat was a life raft in the middle of the ocean and he was trying to stay afloat. This poor kid. It was like this almost every time he had to touch him.

A lot of them did this. Refused to let Vic touch them after an assault. It didn’t matter if he was trying to listen to their breathing they simply outright didn’t want to be touched.

He had gotten punched in the face a time or two by some of the older boys before he learned that it was better to sedate them than fight with them. That not only was he likely to get injured that way, but they were more likely to injure themselves worse than they already were.

“It’s ok,” Vic said trying his best to use a calming tone as he put on his gloves, “This shot is going to make you nice and sleepy and we’re going to wait until you’re nice and calm and then I’ll do what I have to do. I know you don’t like it and you don’t want anyone else touching you especially in those places, but I need to make sure everything is ok and that means I must do that whether you want me to or not.

Pat said he was going to stay. You know when he makes a promise, he keeps it. So, he’ll be right here while I’m doing it.

I’m not going to hurt you. Now just a quick poke…1, 2, poke. Good job. 

Now just try and calm down. Everything is going to be ok,” Vic said administering the shot to Will.

“Every time?” Pat asked Dr. Palmer who nodded his head.

“I don’t like it. I’ll make him dirty I don’t want…I don’t want to be dirty, I don’t …” Will mumbled barely coherent.

“Shh, …it’s ok, Will. I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere,” Pat tried to assure him running his hands through his hair, “I promise I’m not going to let anyone hurt you if I can help it. You’re safe.”

“Why don’t you tell me about how you’re doing?” Dr. Palmer said looking at Patrick who was trying his best to sooth the young boy clinging to him.

“You know me, Vic. I’m fine. I had a busy week last week and I don’t know why, but Gus is Gus,” Pat answered his eyes on the boy gripping him as tightly as he could around the waist as Pat ran a soothing hand through his hair, “John seemed a lot happier today even if all he had was oatmeal, a lot of boost and bowl of soup. He did well.”

“Good, I’m glad to hear that he’s attempting to eat even with his injuries,” Vic said.

John had gotten to the point where for a while he simply wouldn’t eat. Where he wouldn’t even attempt it. Vic was sure that half of it was probably the physical pain and discomfort he was in.

Being raped to the point where your GI tract didn’t want to hold food and you had constant diarrhea was downright painful. However, he was sure that the rest of it was something else. John’s need to try and maintain what little control over his life he had. 

This had caused him to get sick. Will who was 3 years younger 2 months ago had weighted more than John at 87 pounds John only weighing 83 but being nearly 3 inches taller than his little brother.

If Vic could have put him in a treatment center, he would have. However, whenever he tried to approach the topic with Connor, he insisted that John was just going through a phase. That nothing was wrong with him and the best place for John to be was at home.

Vic had thought about going to Lionel about it however he wasn’t sure that Lionel would do anything and if he did. He felt that he would use his army of underlings to get not just John removed from the home, but the rest of the children too. Then they would possibly disappear into that world. Especially because their mother wasn’t around.

Vic had promised Danielle he would try his best to take care of them. To make sure that even if they weren’t safe, they were healthy. He had been trying. However, it was hard when Lionel did things like this especially to the ones, he considered his boys.

Vic still wasn’t sure exactly what circumstances had led to the attack Will had been subjected to the day before, they didn’t always give him those details. From what he understood Will had said or done something that Lionel felt was completely inappropriate and Lionel took that to mean Will needed correction to make sure another incident like that didn’t happen again.

Lionel never gave physical correction on his own. He always enlisted someone else’s help. This time it was supposed to be Ben McGregor that annoying piece of shit however he had attacked John around a week before the scheduled correction was to take place and that had changed Lionel’s plans. Lionel than enlisted the help of Arthur Gables and Hank Kingly.

Now those two, those two were worse than Ben McGregor. Most people wouldn’t think that was possible after hearing about the way Ben treated boys, but it was. It was more than possible. While Ben was rough, and he enjoyed smacking boys around and often did it on accident he didn’t usually cause serious injury to any of them on purpose even if he enjoyed making them cry. The same could not be said for Arthur Gables and Hank Kingly. 

Hank had choked one of his own sons to death on his enormous penis on accident. Arthur enjoyed cutting into a boy’s flesh to mark them as his while Hank preferred biting as his own personal form of scaring a kid that he liked, and he bit hard. He had bitten some boys hard enough he had torn chunks of skin out of their bodies with his teeth.

They didn’t just smack a boy, they would punch him. Punch him in the chest and lower body aiming for his lungs and kidneys to cause maximum pain. Often, they would choke boys until they were on the brink of passing out before letting them go making sure the boy’s lungs were sore and screaming for air before they finally allowed them to breathe again. Not to mention the more sexually related injuries they often inflicted on their victims.

Hank was a monstrously endowed man. Most adult women could not fit his gigantic cock into their vagina’s even if with the help of outside lubrication not that Hank often had sex with women. Vic was sure Hank hadn’t had sex with a woman in years. Vic had seen Hank erect and would estimate that he was around 6 centimeters wide when fully erect. Only a couple centimeters short of a newborn's head. 

Hank had been known to rape boys as young as four years old. There had even been one or two throwaways who had been so severally injured Vic had decided there was no choice but to put the poor boys out of their misery. That was something he beyond loathed, and Hank would just laugh about it.

Most boys, if he was attempting to be “kind” and Vic, used the term loosely when it came to that man, he wouldn’t try to shove all the way into the boy but only an inch or two. Even then depending on the boy and how used he was to being violated that could be too much.

From what Vic understood Hank had somehow managed to shove all six inches of his penis into Will and that didn’t come without causing Will very serious injury. Leaving him with 3 internal lacerations deep in his rectum going from behind his external sphincter muscle towards his inner area. Two of them had taken four stitches to close and the 3rd, 3.

When Vic had made it downstairs Will had been bleeding heavily from his rectum and there had even been discussion over whether his GI tract had somehow been ruptured. Lionel had been beyond furious. Especially when he had been notified by Wallace Huber that Arthur was attempting to fist him. 

That was one of Arthur's favorite punishments to inflict on a boy. More often than not the boy survived and oddly enough had less extensive injuries than Hank inflicted. Vic suspected that was only because Arthur took the right precautions to make sure the boy tore as little as possible using a gluttonous amount of lubrication and going slowly which from what Vic understood could cause more pain and physical discomfort than moving the process along fast.

Poor Will. Because he was one of Lionel’s boys had been through hell and back several times. However, Vic was sure he had never been fisted.

Lionel enjoyed many things. One of which was when he was upset with a boy, he liked his punishments taped and often those punishments involved double penetration or two dicks inside him at once. Vic wanting to outwardly cringe just thinking about the amount of pain that caused. 

Usually, two men of regular girth being only slightly bigger than Hank and his one penis. However because there were two of them shoving their way into usually a body that was decently smaller than their own, they tended to be gentler about it than Vic was thought Hank was even capable of.

As far as Vic knew Will had been subjected to double penetration a total of 3 times. The first time the pain and shock had been so bad the boy had thrown up on Lionel and passed out. Which was what he rightfully deserved for even attempting such a thing with an 11-year-old little boy who didn’t even weigh 100 pounds.

The second time it had been him and his grandson who was around the same age as Will. Will’s body accepting the intrusion a little easier at that time. The 3rd time it had been his father and Uncle. Will had already been so worn out at that point his body so tired Vic wasn’t even sure Will could recall that incident at all. The fact that he was barely conscious probably the only reason he had not been seriously injured during that incident.

“He usually attempts,” Pat said after a few minutes of silence, “It’s just hard. He really does try though, and he knows right now that losing the calories is dangerous and not just for him so he’s trying.”

“Good. I was afraid that maybe I had taken him off the feeding tube too soon, but if he’s been consuming everything set in front of him that shows me, he’s making an effort,” Vic commented.

“They yelled earlier,” Will commented sleepily as the Ativan Vic had given him started to take effect.

“You yelled?” Vic asked.

“Will had a visitor,” Pat started to explain, “They were being rowdy. I don’t think it was on purpose, but they were kind of loud and Will needs serious rest. John’s right next store too and he’s still not recovered so there were some stern words exchanged.”

“Teddy, he's my Teddy bear. He said he’d come, and he came and he’s so soft and squishy and I love him. I love him so much,” Will told him making Pat chuckle.

“I know, you told me that earlier. Shh…just calm down. You’re ok,” Pat commented continuing to run his fingers through Will’s hair.

A stuffed animal visited Will earlier? That didn’t make any sense Pat almost laughing at the expression on Vic’s face.

“He has a friend. More than one apparently that he’s very close to. Ted Larkin and Finn Huber. Ted came to visit him,” Pat clarified.

“How close are they?” Vic said.

Oh god, here we go again. They knew this was dangerous. To get too close to each other.

IF it was caught, they were usually separated from each other in as many ways possible. If it continued after that one of them was usually put to death. Most of the time in front of the other so that they understood you didn’t form that bond with anyone but a handler. Whether that handler was your contract holder or your father that the only people you could feel that type of affection for was one of them and no one else.

“Close enough they were cuddling in here,” Pat said.

“Oh boy,” Vic said, “I see I’m going to have to have that talk with them now too, huh?”

“Hey, we’re careful ok? We try to be careful,” Pat said.

“Not nearly enough,” Vic said shaking his head, “You think Connor doesn’t know you’ve been here just about every day? Do you think he doesn’t realize you sit in that room with him while he sleeps? You think regular friends do that sort of thing?”

“I know they do. Do you remember what happened to Cole this summer? Kris was at his side every other day just sitting there watching TV while Cole slept,” Pat pointed out.

Vic cared about Pat deeply, but god that boy was dim about other people’s relationships. However, most handlers seemed to get the same read and for that Vic was thankful. He was beyond thankful they were that oblivious to it.

Over the summer after Danielle had taken her small army of children and finally gotten away for what they had been hoping would be for good Connor and his brother Ben had turned to other means to get their needs met. They had asked around and Hank and Arthur were more than happy to volunteer their sons for the job instead of allowing them to run wild like they had the summer before. Cole about halfway through July had decided he couldn’t take it anymore. That he could not stomach one more day in the house they were currently sitting in and he had made that desire known.

He had decided that night when Connor came into his room, he was going to do whatever he had to so that Connor didn’t touch him, didn’t rape him. He had hidden a knife under his pillow and when Connor had gone to climb on top of him, he had brandished it at him. Cole had found that even though he was armed his 115 pound 5’8 body was no match to Connor’s 6’0 180 pounds. Connor had decided to take him downstairs and tie him down and get what he wanted and that was what he did. 

He had been so rough with Cole he had dislocated his shoulders which they were lucky was an easy fix. But he had also dislocated his hip and caused him serious pain to the point where he couldn’t move for two weeks. After that, it had taken him nearly two more to be able to walk more than a few feet at a time. He had barely been recovered when the McGregor children had returned, and he wasn’t sure if Cole or Pat had disclosed that Connor had inflicted that type of suffering on Cole.

His friend who Vic had talked to extensively during his physical therapy visits and he knew well anyway Kris Tabolt had been by Cole’s side as often as possible. More often than Tosh who had been Cole’s boyfriend at the time. Kris and Cole had been on and off since Justin had passed away or been murdered 3 years prior. Kris was in love with Cole even if Cole was afraid to completely commit to those feelings himself because of what he had witnessed Justin get subjected to. Cole was afraid to fully love anyone because of that.

That meant he got around. Even when he was in a committed relationship like he had claimed he was in with Tosh he found it hard to be completely open. To be monogamous.

That was why Cole had the reputation he did. Tosh had convinced Cole to be more exclusive only for Tosh to change his mind and not tell Cole about that little fact. It had caused a lot of complications in their relationship even though they still tried to keep up appearances for most people. the complexity of the situation beyond Vic’s understanding. He did, after all, have more important things to follow than the love life of one of his patients.

“Kris and Cole are different,” Vic said, “Like you and John are different.”

“That’s not true I mean sure they …oh,” Pat said going silent as he thought about it for a minute, “Ok but they kind of…see other people.”

“Cole sees a lot of people and so does Kris, yes but at the end of the day who is always there?” Vic pointed out.

“He’s not here right now. He’s at school,” Pat said.

“That’s not what I meant. You know what I mean.” Vic insisted, “Is he asleep?”

“Yeah, he seems to be,” Pat said leaning forward and checking to see that his breathing had slowed down that Will was sleeping peacefully in his lap.

Ok, he hated doing this in front of Patrick. He wasn’t sure he could trust him not to say anything. Before he had gotten the McGregor children and Danielle out they had come up with a plan. Because Will almost always needed to be sedated for a physical exam and Connor wasn’t usually around Vic had been making very meticulous notes of Will’s injuries. Documenting his findings with a voice recorder as well as taking pictures of his injuries the best he could with a disposable camera. 

He had talked to Danielle after they had returned, and she had insisted that he continue doing it as often as he could as long as he didn’t get caught. Because this incident was so severe, he wanted to make sure he had a record of these injuries. While it may not have been admissible in a court of law because he wasn’t a trained professional and there was chain of custody laws which he couldn’t abide by it was still important documentation if the opportunity ever came about to present a case against Connor or Lionel. 

These records would put together a profile or history of the type of abuse they allowed these boys to be subjected to regularly and that could mean the difference between a conviction or them walking. That could mean the difference of life or death one day for many boys, boys that were going to be like Will if Vic didn’t do everything he could in an attempt to stop him. Now he had to explain that to Pat.

“Ok, good,” Dr. Palmer said sighing heavily, “I need you to not tell anyone about this.”

“What?” Pat said frowning his back going a little straighter, “If you hu…”

“I’m not going to hurt him. This isn’t like what happened with John. Danielle and I came to an agreement that when I examined Will I document whatever injuries I find as thoroughly as possible.

I have a tape recorder that I’m going to talk to, and I have a camera that I am going to use to take pictures. Will is not aware that his mom and I agreed to do this as far as I know and it’s better if he doesn’t know. The way he reacts to even the thought of being examined tells me that. 

So, you can stay, and you can assist me, but I need you to be quiet and speak as little as possible. Don’t tell anyone about this. If Connor finds out about this, it would…”

“He’d kill you,” Pat said quietly his frown deepening.

“Yes,” Dr. Palmer admitted, “So please do not tell anyone about this, even John. Ok?”

“Not even Will?” Pat asked.

“No, you can’t tell him. That and I’m sure he would feel even more afraid and violated than he already does. Like I said this is something Danielle and I set up. Now, did he tell you about anything that happened while he was down there?”

“No,” Pat said shaking his head vigorously, “I did talk to Ted before he left. Ted didn’t want to say what was happening you know that’s our…”

“That’s the unwritten rule, I know,” Vic said.

“Right. Ted said that Will told him who was there. He said that he did tell him a couple of things that most of it was about Wallace. That Wallace was there and to Will that was really…” Pat trailed off shaking his head looking like he was going to cry.

“Ok, when we’re done with the exam, I want you to tell me what you know about the assault. No one will know you told me anything. I want you to know that.

No one. I want you to try and be as truthful as you can. If there are things you don’t know and I’m sure there is a lot you don’t know, I want you to say that.

That you don’t know what happened. We must try and be as truthful as possible. If you heard it from someone else like Teddy told you about it, I want you to state that you heard it from another person.

Try not to use anyone’s names. I won’t use your name, but I will say you are assisting me and telling me what you know about the incident. Ok?”

“Ok,” Pat said nodding his head, “Is this safe?”

“No,” Vic said, “However I do know that Connor has a conference call that is going to last until 10 tonight. So, we do have some time and Uncle Ben is not allowed in the house. No one else is going to be here today and Deb or is it Alice already?”

“Alice,” Pat answered quietly.

“And Alice is upstairs taking care of everyone else. We should be fine. I’m going to start ok?”

“Ok,” Pat said nodding his head as he waited to see what Vic was going to do.

Vic sighed taking off the gloves he was still currently wearing and pulling them off before pulling out a sheet of paper that had a small list on it. B2 listed next to Will’s name on the sheet. It was the codes he used for when he recorded their injuries. He had been attempting to do with every one of the McGregor children because there were so many of them. 

Whenever he heard about or treated any of them for injuries, he made sure he made notes of it. He then voice recorded his findings almost like a corner would make a report when doing an autopsy. That way pattern of abuse was established if Danielle ever decided it was safe to file a report. 

 

He placed a disposable camera on the bed before starting the tape recorder and putting new gloves on gently moving Will so that he was lying face up his head still gently resting in Patrick’s lap as Vic started to record.

“Today is November 14th of the year 1999. This is a recording of injuries for B2 who has been sedated with 1mg of Ativan for the purpose of this examination. B2 is a Caucasian male that is approximated to be 11 years of age.

He weighs around 88 pounds. His average height is estimated to be 5 feet and 2 and a half inches. It is now 7:30 pm. 

Yesterday on the 13th B2 was assaulted. To my knowledge, this assault lasted from 10 am to 2 pm that afternoon. This is a detailed account of his injuries. I have an assistant with me that will be observing the examination as well as helping me document the events that have previously occurred to the best of their knowledge.” Vic said into a tape recorder before he gently set it down on the bed next to Pat.

Vic pulled back the covers to reveal that Will wasn’t wearing any pants but just a pair of boxers under his plain white t-shirt. Vic looking at Pat who didn’t say anything but remained completely silent.

“B2 is currently wearing a pair of plain blue boxer briefs and a plain white t-shirt that was put on him sometime after the assault. There is a contusion on his left ankle of a circular nature. The rest of the feet toes and ankle areas appear unremarkable.

Continuing up the leg on the front area there appears to be slight abrasion along the inner left knee 3 to 4 inches long. Continuing up the front of the legs there appears to be several finger-shaped contusions along the inner thighs of both the right and left leg. I am now going to remove B twos underwear to examine the lower torso and pelvic region.”

Vic sighed heavily almost wanting to cry as he looked at the little boy his more severe injuries immediately evident as he lowered the waistband of Will’s boxers. Vic giving himself a moment to collect his thoughts because he started speaking again.

“There are multiple contusions and abrasions along the hip region and pelvic region. B2 appears to have several scratches on his hips along the sockets. These scratches appeared to wrap around his hips in extend to his Buttock on both sides.

These scratches also appeared to extend down his upper thighs and end where there are several finger-shaped contusions.B2 has several circular-shaped contusions starting from his waistband going down to his inner upper thighs. These marks could have been caused by someone using their mouths to suck on the skin.

Next to the base of the penis, there are 3 more circular contusions on the right side of the pelvic mound and bone that appear to have been inflicted through the same methods as the others. There is one very deep contusion along the shaft which is approximately 4.5 inches in length that appears to be of a dark purple and blue color that extends almost down to the glands of his circumcised penis. There is another circular contusion on the right side of the scrotal sack which is a tanner’s stage 3 in development.”

Vic sighed pausing for a minute trying to decide if they should take his shirt off first and document the injuries on the front of his abdomen before gently flipping him over and documenting the injuries on his back and buttock or if they should flip him over and document the injuries on his buttock first and then do the internal examination report. Vic deciding it would just be easier to examine his torso and abdomen first.

“Ok, can you gently remove his shirt?” Vic asked Pat.

“His...”

“We have to document everything. It’s better if we document everything as thoroughly as possible,” Vic explained quietly.

“Ok,” Pat said, “It’s ok, kid I’m right here I just need to…” he said pulling the hem of Will’s shirt up towards him before gently manipulating Will’s arms out of his shirt and pulling it off and throwing it onto his clothed shoulder.

“As we move up past the waist and into the torso there are several more circular contusions. One right above his pelvic mound, one right above his belly button on his torso and another right below his right pectoral muscle. Both nipples look to be inflamed and irritated and are sensitive to touch. He has another circular contusion on the right side of his neck extending down into his collar bone.

Both arms appear mostly unremarkable with black and blue deep contusions around both writs circling the circumference of the arms. With a small abrasion less than an inch long on the outer left elbow. I will now pause to visually document the injuries that have already been listed before gently turning B2 over to examine and document the injuries to his back and buttock region.” Vic said before pulling off one of his gloves and turning off the tape recorder.

“Are you ok?” He asked Patrick who was white as a sheet his breathing shallow.

Pat shook his head. A tear falling from his right eye that he quickly wiped away.

“My dads did this,” Pat said making a hiccupping sound.

“I know, and you have no control over your fathers or what they have done to him. You understand me?” Vic said as Pat continued to wipe his tears away as they continued to fall, “I forgot to mention the bruise and black eye and scratch on his face, and I will make a notation of that when I turn the recorder back on. 

I’m going to take pictures now and after I do that, we will turn him over. I am going to warn you as bad as his front looks his back and his ass probably look even worse so I will give us a few minutes before we turn the recorder back on. I need you to keep being quiet which you’re doing a really good job, Pat, ok?”

“You do this all the time?” Patrick asked Vic quietly.

“When I can, yes. It’s one of the hardest parts about my job is documenting this stuff. I keep it in a safe place where I hope they will never find it. 

There are a couple of people who know where that place is in case anything ever happens to me,” Vic said between photos taking pictures of Will’s legs and carefully with his gloved hand moving his body parts to get a clear view of certain injuries like the bruises along his thighs and genitals.

“Can you help me gently turn him over now?” he asked Pat who nodded his head gently grabbing Will’s right shoulder and helping Vic flip him over. 

There were more scratches along his back, a few that seemed deeper than Vic had realized the day before on his shoulder blades making Vic wish he had sutured them the day before several more bruises and hickeys along his spine and ass. 

Just looking at him Vic could almost feel his injuries. Feel the burn on the surface of the skin and deep ache that was layered under it. Feel how much pain just lying down must have been causing the poor little boy who still seemed to be resting soundly Vic thanking God for making medications like Ativan available to him. 

“They really hurt him,” Pat whispered bending almost in half and laying a gentle kiss on the back of Will’s head in his hair.

“Yes, they did. He has internal injuries too,” Vic told Pat, “Are you ready for me to turn it back on?”

“Yeah. What happens if he wakes up?” Pat asked.

“He won’t until I’m finished. I gave him Ativan which when given orally takes around 20 minutes to kick in and can make a person sleep soundly anywhere from 5 to 12 hours. He should be asleep for a while. Long enough for us to finish the exam,” Vic tried to assure him.

“Have you ever done to me?” Pat asked him quietly.

“No,” Vic said shaking his head, “Most of the time I don’t get to for just regular assaults. It’s too dangerous. They are one of the few families that I can, so I try to make sure it happens.”

“To John?” Pat asked.

“Danielle is aware. Yes, to John too,” Vic confirmed.

“IF I gave you permission, would you do it for me?” Pat asked.

Pat wanted him to make him a file? To document his injuries as extensively as he was documenting Will’s? No one had ever asked him to do that before. None of the boys.

“You want that?” Vic asked him.

“I mean you wouldn’t have to put me out. I’d be …I’d cooperate,” Pat said, “And if they ever…if they kill me. I want people to know what happened. What they did.”

“In those instances, I do this for everyone,” Vic assured him, “But if you want me to do it when you get attacked just generally, we’ll find a way to make that possible. IF that’s what you want.”

“I do,” Pat told him quietly.

“Ok, from now on that’s what we’ll do. We’ll set it up so you can come to my apartment and I’ll document it. There are a few other families I do this for, but I’m not…”

“You can’t tell me who, I know,” Pat said quietly.

“Right,” Vic agreed nodding his head, “Ready?”

“Ready,” Pat said giving Vic a small sad smile and a nod.

“This is me documenting the condition of B2’s back and buttock as well as his internal injuries. I forget to mention previously that he has a small abrasion under his right eye. As well as inflammation and discoloration due to another contusion in his right orbital region on his face that has also been visually documented. 

Starting at his feet which appear unremarkable from this side there is nothing to note. Until you get to the back of his knees and lower thighs where are several abrasions that look like they could have been made by fingernails just like most of the abrasions previously noted on his front and torso. Finger shaped contusions on the back of the upper thighs as well as several very dark and inflamed contusions on both his right and left buttock.

There is a large abrasion or scratch that seems to start in the region of his S1 and stop near his S4. There is a large contusion on the tip of his coccyx that is once again circular as if caused by a mouth.  
There are several more bruises and scratches along the back of both hips leading inward towards his L4 area.

He has one circular contusion on the right and left sides of his body in the vicinity of his T2 and T3. There are so very deep abrasions in this area that seem to be about half an inch deep and 3 or four inches long. All of these injuries are accompanied by 3 internal tears to the rectum.

The first of which is an inch and half deep into the sphincter wall and took four sutures to close. The second of which is around an inch deep and took four sutures to close, and the 3rd less than half an inch deep into the anal wall and took only 3 sutures to close. 

That concludes the notes for this physical examination on the 14th of November the year 1999. I am now going to visually document the prior listed injuries and then talk to my assistant about the knowledge they have to this assault inflicted on B2.” Vic said before turning off the tape recorder.

“This is going to be on a different tape. I don’t ever mix interviews with exams. It makes it easier for the evidence to be separate if this ever does end up in court. Like I said it’s not admissible evidence, but it helps.”

“Why wouldn’t they be able to use this in court?” Pat asked frowning.

“Well, they can but it’s more to establish a pattern of abuse than anything else. Because I am not a trained police official and I don’t work for the police department there is a chain of custody issue where they can’t use it in a lot of cases.

At least not as forensic evidence but could be submitted as circumstantial if the judge will allow it. Now I am going to use a speculum to take pictures of his internal injuries. He is going to feel that, and he is probably going to move.

I just need you to talk to him calmly and try to keep him as still as possible. He probably won’t wake up but the discomfort of that is going to be enough to make him physically respond.” Vic warned Patrick.

“Ok,” Pat said quietly nodding his head, “I’m right here Will, you’re ok, kid. I’ve got you. Nothing bad is going to happen.”

Vic braced himself trying to be as gentle as possible as he started inserting the speculum into the boy’s body. He had to be careful about lubrication because it could sometimes obscure the extent of the injury. Will jerking slightly as he started to slide it in his hand gently resting on one of Will’s hips trying to be mindful of where his bruises and scratches were.

“I know buddy, I’m sorry,” Vic muttered quietly, “I’m going to try and be quick, I promise. There we go. Just try and relax for me. I know you don’t like this part.”

“You’re doing a good job Wingman, you’re doing great,” Pat whispered to Will continuing to stroke his hair, “There you go it’s ok. No one is going to hurt you I’m right here. You’re safe.”

“Ok, this should be quick,” Vic said.

He turned the speculum to open Will’s anal cavity enough to get the best picture he could with the equipment he had. Snapping four or five quick shots of it before taking the speculum out. He documented the rest of the injuries with the camera before he and Pat slowly and gently redressed Will and Vic put his equipment away. All but the tape recorder burying the camera in a hidden compartment at the bottom of his medical bag after labeling it with the date and “B2” written on the bottom of it in a black sharpie.

“Won’t you get in trouble for developing that?” Pat asked.

“Yes, that why I don’t. That’s why I label it and put it in a file. It would be too dangerous for everyone if I developed them but I keep them with their tapes and floppy disk in a sealed envelope and if it’s ever brought to trial if it’s even possible they will be safe. That way the police can develop the film and look at the written documents as well as listen to the audio and view the pictures. Trust me I have a system in place,” Vic assured him before popping the tape out of the recorder and writing on it with a black sharpie and putting a fresh one in before he hit the record button and sighed heavily.

“This is a witness who has second-hand knowledge of the assault B2 suffered on November 13th, 1999. Today is November 14th, 1999 it is now 8:23 pm. All of his statements are factual to his knowledge and are things he has either heard directly from B2 or a second party isn’t that correct?” Vic asked.

“Y- “Pat cleared his throat, “yes, that’s correct.”

“Can you tell me what you have heard about this assault or what you know.”

“Wait do I use their names? My…”

“Yes, use their names the names of the assaulters don’t use anyone else’s if you can help it,” Dr. Palmer told him.

“From what I understand there were two men present Arthur Gables and Hank Kingly and I heard from another source there was a 3rd person there Wallace Huber. They took him downstairs into the basement of this house and they raped him.”

“Do you know what the rape entailed?”

“From my knowledge probably penis to anus penetration as well as oral and digital manipulation,” pat answered simply.

“And this was against B2’s Will?” Dr. Palmer asked.

“Yes, he’s 11 years old. Even if he agreed to it, he cannot legally consent. He doesn’t like them. He’s afraid of them.”

“Do you know for certain that those activities took place?” Dr. Palmer asked him.

“I have a close relationship with Hank Kingly and Arthur Gables and I do not believe they are capable of being in a room alone with a boy without raping him,” Pat said, “So to my knowledge, yes I can say for certain that is what happened.”

“What about this third individual?” Dr. Palmer asked.

“I know that he has been harassing B2 for some time at school. That he says very suggestive things in the company of others. I was told that he did put his hands on him, but that he did not physically assault him further than that. 

The person I got this information from said that Wallace said something to him that B2 found incredibly upsetting and when he recalled it, he buried his face in this other person’s chest and he sobbed. That just recounting whatever Wallace said was enough to upset him to tears again.”

“Do you know what Wallace said?” Dr. Palmer asked.

“No, they wouldn’t say. They wouldn’t even tell me if they knew what Wallace said to him,” Pat said quietly.

“Do you think this is the first time Arthur Gables and Hank Kingly have ever had contact with B2?” Dr. Palmer asked.

“No, he’s met them and been around them before. I know that for sure. If you mean physical contact, if this is the first time, they have ever assaulted him or touched him sexually. I can tell you that on another person’s birthday Hank Kingly did have some sort of sexual contact with B2 at that time. That was September 12 or the week of September 12th I think,” Pat mentioned.

“How do you know about this?” Dr. Palmer asked him.

“I was there. They took us downstairs into the basement and they locked us in a cage. There were several different people there. He…”

“Can you name them?” Dr. Palmer asked him.

“Yes, Hank Kingly, Arthur Gables, Connor McGregor, Ben McGregor, and Leo Swartzman were all there. It was me B2 and two other boys. Should I say how old we are/were?”

“Yes, go ahead,” Dr. Palmer said.

“Ok, I was 15 the next oldest was 14 and after that He was…”

“Hold on,” Dr. Palmer said, “You can call him B1 ok?”

“Ok, B1 was 13 and B2 was 11 like he is now. They took us downstairs and threw us in a cage. All of us besides B1 which Leo Swartzman took to another room and B2. B2 they, they told him to go sit on a futon that’s down in the basement. He did then they started making jokes and talking about his body. 

Hank started making comments about how young boys taste sweet and he then grabbed B2. B2 wiggled around and he cried. At first, B2 fought back. 

He clamped his legs together when Hank tried to lay between them, and he kept asking them not to. Telling them that he didn’t want to do it. He said no.

Hank dug his nails into B2’s inner thighs and pulled his legs apart so he could lay between them. Then he performed oral sex on him. That is the only encounter Hank had with B2 that I know of until yesterday.”

“What happened after Hank pulled his legs apart?” Dr. Palmer asked.

“B2 went still. He let Hank do what he wanted. I know that after W…I mean B2 was bruised that he was already sore and tired at that point because he had already been assaulted a couple of days before that,” Pat admitted to the voice recorder.

“Like you said to your knowledge other than yesterday that is the only time Hank has had sexual contact with B2?” Dr. Palmer asked.

“Yes,” Pat admitted.

“And during that incident did they assault you too?”

“And the other boys, yes,” Pat answered quietly.

“And what was the nature of that assault?” Dr. Palmer asked.

“They…they raped us and beat us,” Pat said barely above a whisper.

“Ok, that’s it. We’re done,” Dr. Palmer said switching off the tape recorder, “Thank you.”

Pat nodded his head staying silent for a minute as he closed his eyes taking a deep breath to calm himself down. Vic knew it was difficult. Talking about those things recalling specific incidents. 

Pat had done well in recalling what had happened and not going into detail about his assault on that day. Only talking about what he knew Will had been subjected to by Hank. Not even going into detail about what the other men present had done to Will.

“Are you ok?” Vic asked Pat.

“Yeah, I’m ok,” Pat assured him nodding his head, “I just didn’t…it’s weird. Talking about it like that is weird.”

“Yes, it is. I don’t know anyone who likes it. You did well though. Thank you. If this ever does make it court somewhere you helped him,” Dr. Palmer said.

“I’ll always try to help them,” Pat said quietly,” Always.”

With that, Dr. Palmer got his things together and left. Leaving the two boys there. Leaving Pat with one of his little brothers because even if they weren’t related by blood, they had stronger bonds that tied them together.


	16. And there ain't no way to touch your body over the phone (Ted and Will)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ted comes to visit Will while he's off school.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This goes with **Will part 2 chapter 126** You're going to see some things in this short you don't see from Will's POV because Will wasn't there to see/hear them. So I'm sure you'll find that fun. It's a first-person short meaning it's from Ted's perspective and I think you guys will enjoy that. There isn't too many warnings **Warnings: Talk of young childhood sexual abuse, talk of bullying, talk of harassment and threats, consensual kissing and cuddling, mental health issues, anxiety, PTSD** Before you ask, yes I realize Ted's POV is 33 page pages compared to Will's 14 but Ted is telling us a lot of things here and I think it gives us a bit of insight into how Ted feels about Will and Finn.

For some reason, I remember feeling more nervous than excited. Especially after talking to that Pat guy. He seemed nice enough, but he did have some really good points about why what we had been doing had been stupid and selfish. I couldn’t afford for him to get hurt. 

If Papa had any idea that something was going on things would get a million times worse for him. I couldn’t afford to let that happen. Not to him. He was already struggling so hard and I knew it. 

That didn’t mean it wasn’t hard to sit in a room with him and not touch him though. Not accept him into my arms when he reached out for me. Especially not when he was desperate to know he was ok. That things were going to be ok even if it was only for a second.

I remember almost holding my breath when the door opened and Pat was standing there giving me a suspicious look before he gave me a small smile, “Hello, Ted.”

“Hi?” I said clearing my voice and trying not to make it sound like a question.

Trying to have a “commanding presence” like Papa and Peter always told me I should even as they insisted, I didn’t look my betters in the face unless it was to get something from them. Because I was going to fulfill a need for them, “I mean hello. I’m here to see Will.”

“I’m sure you are,” Pat said.

What the fuck did that even mean? Was he not going to let me in? Was he planning on turning me away at the door? Should I remind him of who Papa was?

How important he was? That no one should ever even feel they had the right to turn me away. To keep me from checking on Papa’s “property” for him?

“Come on, he’s waiting to see you,” he told me as he moved aside to let me in the door, “He’s asleep but according to John he was very adamant that when you did show up someone wakes him so he can spend time with you.”

Really? So, he wanted to see me? That was…that was amazing! That was…god he was so amazing.

“Is he in the sam…”

“No,” Pat said, “They’re upstairs today. However, I want to remind you of that talk we had. There are still people who could walk in and I want you to respect that. Their younger siblings don’t always knock, and you are a new person. So please keep that in mind.”

“Right,” I said nodding my head, “You do realize I’m not going to try and blow him right there in his room though, right?”

“I would hope not. I’d have to fucking kill you if you did,” Pat answered me with the gravest face I had ever seen a person make without being told someone had died, “I honestly don’t want to deprive him of your company especially if it means so much to him.”

So, I had really said that out loud? Great Teddy, good going. Make him assume you’re just like Papa. Make him think you’re a rapist. That’ll win him over.

“I hope you’re not serious,” I answered not sure what to say. Wondering if I should bring him up in conversation again.

“If you’re serious than I am not,” Pat said giving me a small smile as I frowned at him again and we reached the elevator, “Meaning as long as you don’t do that thing you said you weren’t going to, we aren’t going to have a problem.”

“Right,” I said nodding my head not sure what else to say to that as the elevator door shut.

“I don’t think you’re a bad kid, Ted. I don’t just Will already deals with a lot,” Pat said to me.

“You think I don’t know that? He has to deal with my grandpa so often and then at school they are horrible to him. They treat him like they used to treat me. The only thing I want to do is protect him and comfort him.”

“Not without his permission,” Pat said.

“Of course not! What type of pe…”

“Cole’s told me somethings. If I think you aren’t good for him, I will make sure that Deb and Alice understand you aren’t allowed over here,” Pat told me.

“What has Cole told you?” I asked him.

The only thing I could think of that might make Cole say something bad about me was how I threw myself at him to try and make up for me freaking out. I hadn’t forced myself on him though. I just made it clear that I was interested, and it would be ok because Papa said it would be. That I liked him. When he had turned me down, I hadn’t pushed him for it though. Not ever.

“Somethings,” Pat answered vaguely, “You’ll behave yourself though. If I even see a hint that you’re anything like that man you will not be allowed near him if I can help it. I just want you to understand that.”

“Trust me, I understand,” I said.

It wasn’t like I was going to push him down and fuck him especially the way things were going. With Wallace and the things, he said to him every day and the trackers on top of Papa that was the last thing he EVER needed from anyone. If he ever made it seem like he was uncomfortable with me or not ok I would back up and have no problem doing what I thought was best for him. I didn’t understand how Pat couldn’t understand that.

There were rumors though. Rumors that weren’t started by Cole, but someone else. How I was an easy lay and I practically begged for it. That I’d shake my ass for any handler that even looked at me.

None of that was true though. Not even a little bit. I hated it. I hated what they made me do. I didn’t have any choice but to accept it. To accept that’s what I was supposed to be.

“We won’t have a problem then,” Pat said as the elevator door opened John standing at it looking at us.

“It’s nice to officially meet you, Ted,” John said offering me his hand to shake.

It felt like they were two dads and I was asking to take their daughter on a date instead of hanging out with my best friend. One of the people who I loved more than anything in the world. Someone that I was also in charge of protecting. Someone who I wanted to keep safe at all costs. Not that they would know that.

We had been cuddling very closely when Pat had walked in and he was right, it was stupid and dangerous especially because Will belonged to Papa. If their dad had seen that he would have told him, and god knows what would have happened then. I hadn’t been able to say no to that face though. He had needed me, and I would never deny him what he needed. Never.

I shook John’s hand as he gave me a sheepish smile Pat putting his hand gently on John’s shoulder before whispering something in his ear, “Ok, thank you for that. Ted, do you want to come with me? He’s still sleeping. He didn’t have a good morning, but he said he still wanted you to come so…just come on.” He said to me before turning away from me and heading down a long hallway stopping at the second door on the right side of the hall and knocking.

“Will, you have a visitor if you want to see them,” he said as he opened the door moving so that I could walk in.

He looked so tired. Beyond tired. Him smiling at me as he sat up. I wanted to climb into bed next to him.

To hold him and tell him everything would be ok, but from what Pat had said and the way John kept looking at me I had a feeling they would think I was attempting to rape him. So instead I pulled the desk chair over to his bedside and sat down. Not even sure I should touch him no matter how badly I wanted to hold him.

Even tired he was so handsome. His hair slightly messed up from sleep wearing a shirt with bugs bunny on it that looked like it was 2 or 3 sizes too big. His face still slightly bruised under his eye even though it looked a lot better than it had when I had seen him on Monday. My sweet sleepy anchor.  
If he belonged to anyone, he should belong to us. We would never do that to him. Never allow anyone to do that to him if we could have stopped it from happening.

I would have given anything to make sure that hadn’t happened, but it was Papa. I wouldn’t stop him from doing anything. I couldn’t stop him from selling Luke, from selling any of my friends.

If he ever knew I would do anything to protect him he would probably send me away. Never let me come home and then who would take care of Luke when mom was too drunk to care, and Papa came over for dinner? Who would spread their legs, so Luke didn’t have to when he decided he wanted to “nurse” or wanted someone to “play pony” with him? 

Sure, I was getting too old. At least for most of it, but often when I offered, he chose me over Luke. Not that either of us were his preferred type, but it kept Luke safe and that was what mattered. That Luke was safe. That Will was as safe as I could keep him too.

“What’s wrong?” Will asked frowning at me as I sat down in the chair and waved at him as I watched John. Watched what his eyes said about me.

He didn’t seem as bothered by me as Pat was. However, John probably hadn’t heard the same things Pat had heard. Especially not from Cole. Cole didn’t talk about me to most people I was sure of that.

However, that didn’t mean he hadn’t heard the rumors at school. About how I threw myself at boys. To a lot of bottoms that was one step down from being a tracker. You throw yourself at someone and they tell you, no, if you try to force it any way you might as well be a tracker.

They call them .5’s or halves sometimes. Half a step away from becoming one of the bad ones. One of the ones that would force you to do what they wanted no matter how much you protested. A lot of people thought halves were only like that because they were too small and weak to force you into giving them what they wanted. That meant sometimes they took no for an answer because they didn’t have any other choice in it.

“You can sit with him,” John said looking at me, “I just want to talk to you guys about some stuff,” John said shutting the door.

Will sighed loudly. So much attitude that I hadn’t seen a long time. The sound making me smile. Reminding me of the Will I fell in love with.

The Will that I and the guys got to see very often before that no one else really got to enjoy. That was my Will. My anchor. Silent and strong, stubborn.

“Jack really?” He asked, “I just woke up and we can’t do anything anyway.”

Oh? Did he want to do something? He was too sore.

It would be wonderful to do something, and even better if Finny was there. Our strong Finny. That would have been beyond nice. He was too sore though, too tired. Especially if he’d had a bad morning.

“I just want to talk,” John said, “No one is in trouble.”

He smiled at me, but it was a weird smile. A smile that said, “I don’t want to scare you, but I will.” Type of smile. A smile like the one Pat had given me.

“I think he’s going to give me the “what are your intentions with my brother” talk,” I said looking at him and trying not to feel offended.

I knew if it was someone coming over to see Luke and he were like me, like us I would have the same talk with someone because God knew my mom wouldn’t fucking care. Papa would probably encourage it if it was a boy or more likely a man he had chosen. That it was someone he liked even if Luke didn’t want them.

So, someone had to make it clear that he was important. That what mattered more than anything was what Luke was comfortable with. What he was ok with, his safety. Those were the things that mattered most and if he wanted to vet me too as long as he didn’t threaten to kill me, I could do that.

“Yes,” John said nodding his head as he sat on the foot of Will’s bed, “That is the question, isn’t it?”

“Bullocks Jack!” Will sound his whole face scrunching together like it only did when he felt something was unfair, “I didn’t have this talk with Pat.” He said his words surprisingly forceful for how tired he looked.

“Pat and I are older than you two are and…”

“You didn’t have this talk with Beau,” Will said.

Beau? Was that the guy he had told me about? The one he’d been with in Montana. The guy he had messed around with?

John shot me a look like he wasn’t sure how he should respond to that. Like he was looking to see how I would respond to hearing that name. Hearing about the fact that he had possibly dated someone.

We weren’t supposed to date people. We were property. Every bottom knew it. That we were barely allowed to have friendships.

Very rarely were we supposed to hang out with people outside of school unless they were “approved” and those were only other bottoms. Even then some handlers were stricter than others. Finny wasn’t allowed to leave the house without Wallace.

Todd could hang out with two people alone. Quinn because if Quinn stepped out of line and Sean found out, Sean wouldn’t hesitate to break every bone in his body and Julian because Sam was just as bad as Sean. That and Sam was his contract holder.

My approved friend circle was limited to whoever Papa’s current boy was and my brothers. Those were the only people that were allowed around me outside of school hours. Them and the 1’s which now that I was getting older Papa had been trying to limit my contact with them more and more because I was beyond old enough to understand that they weren’t people. Not to handlers. That they were property even more so than I was and Papa wanted me to treat them that way.

They were my friends though. I still remembered being little tiny after he had finished having the Villa built. The first shipment of boys. How many of them had tried to keep me close when Papa and mom didn’t have time for me. How the older boys would huddle around me and let me control what we watched on TV.

How they would try and keep Sasha and Sergei as far away from me as possible because even though I wasn’t a 1 I was small. Maybe 6 or 7. How to them it didn’t matter that I was untouchable. I was still just a baby. I was too little to be exposed to their evil’s like that. 

How one of them that I still didn’t remember his name, Papa had taken us into a room with him. How he had flat out refused to touch me. How he kept insisting I was just a baby. That he couldn’t do that no matter how much Papa told him he couldn’t refuse.

How he was pulled out of the room and I never saw him again. Another boy coming in and taking his place doing what Papa told him to. How the next time I had seen him every time he had looked at me, he cried. How he kept telling me he was sorry. That I deserved better. 

At the time I didn’t understand what they meant when they said that because I had always been…the first time I remembered having sex with papa I had to have been 3 or 4. It was all I had ever known. It hadn’t dawned on me, yet that life wasn’t supposed to be like that. That you weren’t supposed to have sex with people like that. That it was wrong.

“Ok,” John said still watching me.

“Don’t look at me. I’m not going to say anything,” I promised him.

Silence was how I survived. How I made sure my friends survived. The last thing I was ever going to do was give Papa a name that didn’t matter. A number that didn’t have any meaning. 

Even if Beau wasn’t important to Will anymore, he had been important at one time. If he was important to Will, he was protected. Papa would never hear his name from me.

“Does he know about Beau?” John asked looking at Will.

“He didn’t know his name,” Will admitted giving me this look. This look like he wanted me close to him. Like he wanted to feel me and not just see me. That he needed me. 

I stood up and gently pushed the chair back to its place before I sat on the edge of the bed. I sat up near Will’s body where John was sitting by his feet. John moving and taking the chair where I had been sitting a few seconds before pulling it closer again.

“How much do you know about Beau?” John asked me.

Was he asking if I knew they’d fucked? Was he asking if I knew what size his dick was? What exactly did he mean? Those weren’t questions I’d really asked even after Will had admitted that he wasn’t a virgin because to me that didn’t matter.

What had mattered to me when he had told me about it was that it had been something he wanted. That the person he had done that with hadn’t hurt him and had made him feel safe. To me, that’s what had mattered most. I hadn’t asked questions beyond what Will had been willing to tell me about it.

“Well, I know that while you guys were gone, Will was with someone,” I answered, “He told me that. That’s all I know about it though.”

“I didn’t know about Beau until you came home looking like a leopard,” John said shaking his head at him, “And if I had known he ever had those feelings for you before that point I would have told mum and phoned the police. That was not ok, and you know that wasn’t ok.”

Wait? He would have called the cops on a boy for fooling around with Will when he wanted to? That was kind of harsh. Especially considering the way their dad had been raising them.

If he was anything like Papa and he seemed A LOT like papa, he had raised them to believe that sex was how told your friends and family you loved them. He couldn’t expect Will not to have sex with someone when that was how he’d been told you showed people they mattered to you. That didn’t make any sense.

“Why would you call the police about him having a boyfriend?” I asked.

John was the last person I would expect to be a homophobe especially after how Will had admitted to me that John and Pat were close. As in they were probably fucking. It wasn’t unheard of especially for us.

Even if John wasn’t gay it wasn’t a huge deal to most of us. Sure, we did everything we could to make sure no one knew about it when we had those relationships. Especially if our handlers or dads weren’t ok with it, but really?

“Will?” John asked giving Will a stern look, giving him a chance to explain.

Will’s face going slightly red as he looked at the covers that were wrapped around him pulling them up to his chin like he was embarrassed. Ashamed about something. It didn’t make any sense to me that Will should feel ashamed about that.

How dare he? How dare he make Will feel ashamed about caring about someone just because their Dad wouldn’t approve. That wasn’t right.

“You can’t tell him,” Will pleaded to the sheets that were balled around his fist, “You can’t tell anyone.”

“I wouldn’t,” I said shaking my head, “You know I wouldn’t.”

Of course, I wouldn’t tell Papa. Papa was the last person that ever needed to know about Beau. That is if he didn’t already know about it. He probably already did.

Which was why he treated Will so badly. Papa would never forgive a boy he thought belonged to him for having sex with someone else when he didn’t say it was ok. He’d claimed Will before they had run away. He had put so much money into finding Will because he had wanted him that badly. Wanted him back.

“Beau was older,” he said barely above a whisper.

Older? How much older we were talking? Like Papa older? Like John older? Had he really wanted to be with this guy? He’d made it sound like it was a choice, but if he was older…? Had he hurt him? 

“Old enough to call the police?” I asked looking at him, watching him hold his sheets even tighter.

No, no. Some of them were like that. I’d told him that! They would pretend they cared just so they could get what they wanted from you.

Just so they could have sex with you. Will had already been vulnerable. He’d been moved halfway across the country to get away from them! To get to a place so he could live a normal life.

He had already been under so much stress. The stress of his Dad and Papa finding them. Bringing them back, which had happened. The stress of having to tell people about all the horrible things they’d made him do.

And he had said John had been away for a long time. John was the only other person old enough to understand what it felt like had been gone for a long while. This guy whoever he was had completely used him and he didn’t even see it. My Will.

No one had the right to use him like that! NO ONE! And he didn’t even see it? No. Not …not him.  
“Oh yeah,” John said nodding his head vigorously his eyes going wide as if remembering what this guy had looked like. As if the mere thought of it made him as angry as it made me.

“Oh,” I said not sure how else to respond.

So, this guy had tricked him into thinking that was something that he wanted? Tricked Will into thinking he wanted to have sex with him? For all John knew he’d raped Will and Will just wasn’t saying anything about it to protect him. To protect everyone.

“Right, so we’re going to have a talk,” John said getting my attention that had shifted back to Will for a second, “So what are your intentions with my brother?”

Was he expecting me to fuck him right there? To grind on his lap and attempt to ride his dick? What did he think my intentions were?

My intentions were to love him. To make him feel wanted and not for…that. That was the last thing he needed people to want him for.

I wanted him because he was funny and smart and so kind. He was the kindest most thoughtful person I knew especially about those he cared about. I wanted to make him feel loved and taken care of and like he didn’t have to hide things from me.

Because while I knew John loved him and wanted those things for him too John made him feel scared. Scared that he would do something stupid to try and protect him. Scared that John wouldn’t be able to handle everything that they were doing to him because he loved him so much. Scared that if John knew about the things, they made Will do he would hate him, or he’d try to protect him from people that John couldn’t ever possibly protect him from.

I wanted to let him know that someone could love him for real and want him and not just for his body but for the millions of other things that made up who he was. That he wasn’t evil or stupid or a slut like he often insisted he was, but that he was a million things. That none of those words even came close to making it on the list of things that Will was.

“I really have to answer that?” I asked him not sure where to start to express what I wanted for him.

Why I loved him. Not sure there was even a way to explain that to anyone but Finny. Finny who felt the same way I did. That he mattered more than anyone would ever be able to understand and that if he wanted to be ours, we would never let him go.

“Yes,” he said looking at me like he was Alice and he had caught me eating a snickers bar before dinner and was expecting me to deny it. To lie about it.

“I intend to make him feel valued,” I answered trying to condense my thoughts and be as honest as possible, “To try and remind him he’s not alone in any of this and make him happy when there are moments for it. To make him feel safe and wanted by someone who he wants. By someone who loves him.”

John blinked at me his expression softening. Him giving me a small nod of understanding. An acknowledgment that saying those words about anyone was dangerous. That just telling him that, admitting that I was risking so many things. Because God if Papa ever found out…I didn’t know for sure what he would do, and I never wanted to find out.

“And what are your physical intentions?” John asked me, “Pat said he found you in a very dangerous place doing some…”

We had been cuddling. I hadn’t been sucking his dick or riding his ass. I hadn’t had my tongue shoved down his throat. We had been cuddling and while that was dangerous, yes, I could talk myself out of that if I had to.

I could convince Papa to put me on an extra rotation and he would probably listen because he knew how badly injured Will was. That Will would not be in the mood to be sexual with anyone. Sure, that didn’t mean he wouldn’t have taken it out on Will later if someone had walked in and found us. But I hadn’t been having sex with him or even thinking about it. I’d been comforting him because he was in pain and stressed.

“I was holding him,” I said shaking my head at him trying to understand why he believed I’d force myself on him especially in the state he had been in, “I didn’t stop to think about it. He was in pain and he needed me, so I was there. Just like you would have been if you hadn’t been injured at that time.

You can’t blame me for comforting him. Should I have thought about who might walk in before I climbed into bed with him? Yes, absolutely. You and Pat are very correct in thinking that and I admit it was a mistake that I didn’t stop to think about it. However, I will not ever say it was a mistake that I decided to comfort him when he needed me.”

“So, you weren’t planning to have sex with him?” He asked me.

He really thought I was like that? That I would just make Will have sex with me when he’d just gone through something like that? They had him in that basement for hours. They had injured him inside badly. So badly that Dr. Palmer had called Papa to yell at him for it. Sex had been the last thing on my mind.

“Honestly he had just been brutalized. Him riding my cock didn’t even occur to me,” I answered before I realized how bad that sounded. Will grabbing my hand and squeezing it gently.

“Excuse me?!” John hissed, “You want my brother to ride you…”

“JOHN!” Will said continuing to hold my hand, “That’s not what he said. He just said he wasn’t even thinking about it.”

This was ridiculous. I would never do that to him. Didn’t he realize how often someone had done that to me?

Thrown me down and when I had told them no. How they had ignored or hit me, or spanked me or sometimes tied me down and just took what they wanted from me? I would NEVER NEVER do that to anyone! Especially not Will! Not ever.

“Honestly I love that you care about him so much and I wish Louis cared about me and what I was doing as much as you care about him. But I have no intention of hurting him. EVER! I will never touch him in any way that he doesn’t make clear is ok with him. I would never do that to him. NEVER!” I told him making sure I emphasized the words to explain how I felt. 

To get him to understand that I wasn’t that type of person. That I’d been forced to do those things to people before and it was something that I was not ok with. I was not ok with causing people pain. I would never be ok with that or the fact that I had been forced to do it. Especially not people who I cared about. People who mattered.

“Ok,” John said as his smile widened like he was happy with my answer, “As long as we’re clear that is the only thing that matters is what he is ok with.”

Of course, it was. I couldn’t think of anything more important than that. Did I want to show him how good it could feel again? How good his body could make him feel and someone else if it was something he wanted?

Yes. When he was ready and when he said it was ok of course I did. I wanted that more than anything. But I wanted to do that because I wanted to show him it didn’t have to all feel horrible like bugs crawling on your skin. That it could feel good. That it could feel like it mattered like it meant something other than being dirty.

“Trust me. We are very clear on that,” I told him.

“Then we won’t have any problems as long as you’re more careful about where and when you two decide to get close,” John said stretching as he stood up, “I have to say it’s very nice to meet you. Officially anyway.”

“It’s nice to meet you too,” I told him nodding my head hoping that he wasn’t lying and wasn’t going to sucker punch me and tell me I needed to get the fuck out in about 30 seconds.

“And with that, I’m going to leave you two alone. Remember cuddling is ok up here, but not anywhere else in the house and please keep your clothing on.” He told us as he walked over to the door.

“We will, I promise,” I told him thinking about how mortified Will would feel if his brother caught us naked together. How red his face would get especially with how shy he was about his body most of the time. John nodding and smiling at us before he shut the door, “Is he always like that?”

He seemed a little crazy. And like he had no idea …well, honestly, he didn’t really have any idea who I was, but he was acting like I was one of them. A tracker that only cared about himself and what he wanted. Like I was going to rape Will the moment he turned away until I had assured him otherwise.

Will smiled at me holding the covers open relieving that he was wearing plaid PJ bottoms before I smiled at him and kicked off my shoes climbing under the covers with him as he pulled me in close wrapping his arms around my chest as I hugged him back. His whole body relaxing as he immediately rested his head against my chest.

“John?” he asked quietly, “Honestly I’ve never…with Beau, he did get really mad. Like he was really off it, but not usually,” he told me.

Well if Beau was a fucking old man or some type of major pervert, I didn’t blame him for that. Beau had no right to touch Will like that. Not ever. Not even if that asshole had convinced Will it was something he had wanted.

He’d used him. The last thing Will ever needed was someone using him especially like that. Especially when he was at his most vulnerable like he had been at the time.

“You know I meant that, right?” I asked him quietly running my hand lazily through his silky hair that smelled like flowers and something else I couldn’t place, “Everything I said? That Finny, if he were here, would say the same thing about it.”

“I know,” he told me kissing my chin, “I trust you.”

He kissed me. Another peck landing on my lips before I felt his tongue coaxing my mouth open. It was long and warm and sweet. Spreading that slow warm feeling of being hit with sun or fireworks.

He was so amazing. So beyond wonderful and he didn’t even realize it. Realize how important he was, how special. His whole body making me feel like mine was waking up. Making me feel alive.

His mouth tasted like old juice of some kind which wasn’t the most pleasant taste in the world, but it was him. It was my anchor, Will. My handsome boy.

His body making mine feel warm his arms wrapped around the back of my neck as we kissed. Something about his body making sure mine didn’t feel gross when it started to respond. When he slid his leg between mine bumping his knee against the bulge there as he sighed happily lying back and closing his eyes for a minute after he broke the kiss.

“Are you ok?” I asked him quietly after he remained silent for a minute or two making me afraid that something had happened. Something that had made him feel wrong.

“I’m ok,” he told me smiling at me and nodding his head. His eyes lit up like he was watching the most magical thing he had ever seen. Like he was really at peace.

I was glad he was ok about that, but John said that morning had been bad. He hadn’t gone much into it besides that. It made me wonder what had happened.

“No, I mean just like with everything,” I told him, “John said you had a bad day.”

“Oh,” he said lying there staring at the ceiling intently before he spoke his eyes getting a little dimmer like he was thinking about something upsetting, “Dr. Palmer looked at me,” he said sitting up so he was lying on his side facing me again, “I don’t like him touching me. I don’t like any of them touching me.”

“I can understand that,” I admitted.

I didn’t exactly enjoy it when they touched me either. I fucking hated it. The way they made your skin crawl and feel slimy even if they weren’t kissing you or doing other things to you. The way sometimes it felt like that feeling would never go away no matter how many showers you took.

“They are scary. A of the ones won’t even talk to him. They let him do his job, but they don’t like him. They’re afraid of him.”

“I…he looks at me like…” he sighed trying to explain himself.

He did that sometimes. His words got scrambled especially when he was stressed. Especially when he wasn’t doing well. I’d noticed that.

I thought that was why he went quiet sometimes. Because he was afraid, he wasn’t going to be able to get the words out and make sense. That sometimes he felt it was more important to make sense than to say what he was thinking. Say what he needed to say.

I grabbed his hands trying to bring his attention to me and not his words. Hoping that if he didn’t think about them as much they would just come out. That he wouldn’t be afraid of sounding stupid or lost. Me kissing his knuckles and holding his hands to remind him that I was there. That it was just me and he didn’t have to worry about making sense.

“I don’t think it’s like them. I think it’s something else. However, when you’re scared, and you know he’s going to touch you it doesn’t make it any easier. It doesn’t make it ok when the last thing you ever want is to feel them on you.”

“How was school?” he asked me quietly trying to change the subject.

Making me smile. Making me wish he wasn’t doing that, but I understood it. Especially the way he was acting. His anxiety was up. Whatever had happened had been enough to upset him. Upset him to the point where he would rather not talk about it or sit there silently and be lost in it.

“Boring,” I answered pulling him against my chest, “I talked to Finn about his contract holder. He said that’s a lot of what’s going on. That he feels like you understand it, so he wants to talk to you. How scary it is to have them close by when they shouldn’t be.”

“You understand that too though,” he said his shoulder tensing slightly as he listened to me.

Yeah, but I was there. I was used to a lot of things. Used to Papa, to Peter. I was used to being hit hard.

That was something that I don’t think Chris did. It was something I knew for a fact Papa didn’t do. Not ever. He didn’t hit. He had backhanded me maybe once for telling him to leave Luke alone and then he had allowed someone else to “handle” it as he liked to put it. Otherwise, I don’t ever remember him hitting me or anything like that.

I knew for a fact that Connor was a lot like that. That he didn’t really hit anyone that I knew of. That he was more about “real love” just like Papa than he was about anything else. I couldn’t imagine dealing with that type of hell every day.

Not the way I was then. Not being where my body was. I would have hated myself for it. Which was probably why Finn and Will struggled so hard so often.

“Yes, I do. Just I think he needs us both. That we’re different things to him and he needs his stone. Did Dr. Palmer say if you were going to be good for school Friday?” I asked him.

“He said he thinks I’ll be ok by Tuesday,” He told me before rubbing his face against my shirt, “I don’t know though. I’m still sore and I just…they’re there.”

Who were they? Did he mean the handlers, or did he mean someone else? Someone at school? Wallace maybe?

I knew Wallace was beyond horrible to him. That he never left him alone. That he said things to Finn that Finn refused to let Will know about because they were that bad. That they scared Finn almost as much as they would scare Will if he were aware of them. 

“Danny and Julian?” I questioned.

“And their friends,” he whispered hugging me tightly like he felt he was going to float away if he didn’t as I held him back, gently running my hands up and down his body over his shirt letting him know I was there. Letting him know that he mattered to me, “Jack and I talked earlier. He’s heard things at school. About me.”

I’d heard things too. We’d been trying to keep it from him, and I suspected the Stefan was behind some of it even though he wasn’t a tracker. He was just honestly stupid and worried. Worried about his little brother.

Percy was the same age as Luke and James. And Will knew how much James meant to him. It was the same thing.

So, he’d been less than thrilled to hear that Will had just done what he was expected to and caused Philip to sway his vote. I’d even heard him say that Will would spread his “pussy” open for anyone that winked at him. That when he acted for the cameras it wasn’t an act. 

Honestly, I wondered why Pat hadn’t done anything to stop it and how he was keeping John in the dark. Or if he had said and done things to try and stop it and was just trying to be quiet about it. At one point some of the same rumors were going on about me.

That I liked it and I was recruit tracked or a tracker as we officially nicknamed them. That I enjoyed fucking little kids but enjoyed being fucked even more. That I was just a disgusting slut and a tattletale that would tell Papa anything I heard about anyone. The only ones who never believed it were Finn, Quinn, and Todd.

Julian took some convincing, but of course, he had. Julian had been an ass before he had ever decided to go tracker. He would rather believe anything he heard from the rumor mill before he believed what you had you say to defend yourself.

“And they are all lies,” I whispered to him before kissing the top of his head as I started playing with his hair, “The people who know you know those things are lies.”

“It’s not a lie that I let him…that I helped him,” he whispered burying his face against my shirt and breathing deeply before he continued, “It was a stupid selfish mistake I made.”

What? He had never done a selfish thing in his life. Never. And what mistake? It wasn’t even a choice.

If he thought Papa would have let him out of that room without letting Philips do what he wanted he was…his brain was breaking harder than I thought. Papa always got what he wanted out of everyone. Always.

“How?” I asked him, “He wouldn’t have let you say no. You know he wouldn’t have allowed you to say no. So how is it your mistake?”

He sat up leaning his weight on me, leaning his chest against mine as he looked at me a hard frown set into his features, “He said if I did it, he wouldn’t…he wouldn’t get angry about us anymore. He’d let me be alone with you and he wouldn’t get angry. I did it thinking about that. About how if I didn’t, he’d be angry with me. How if I said no, he’d punish you, or Luke or Jay and I couldn’t…I…I did…” he said his voice cracking as his eyes started to shine.

He thought he was selfish because he didn’t want Papa to punish any of us? He thought that made him selfish? That him being afraid of what saying no would mean for us was selfish?

That didn’t make any sense. To me that didn’t sound selfish at all, but more selfless. My poor Anchor.

“Shhh…it’s ok,” I told him rubbing his back as I held him close, “No one blames you for falling for his tricks ok? No one would ever blame you for that.” 

I kissed his forehead. The last thing he needed to worry about was how good Papa had been at convincing him he would no longer be angry at us spending time together when he wasn’t there. Will was young and he wanted to believe the best in people. Even Papa. I’d seen it in him before and I think that very often it broke his heart. That him wanting to believe they weren’t as bad as they were was what wore him down so often.

“They do though,” he whimpered into my chest squeezing me tightly, “You know they do. You heard them. I ru-ru-ruined their brothers. I took away their…”

“You didn’t take anything from anyone,” I assured him, “I think he’s been planning to do this for a long time. I don’t think it had anything to with you. I heard him talking on the phone about why…the reasons why you’re not in school and he confirmed everything you said about it. Do you think someone like that, someone who raped me for the first time when I was 3 years old would care about protecting other little boys that he’s not related to?”

He didn’t care. He had said Will deserved it all and took it “like a champ” up until Arthur threatened to fist him. That he had given Arthur permission to use him and teach him a lesson, but he hadn’t permitted him to do that.

He had given Arthur and Hank permission to rape him until he literally couldn’t move, he was in so much pain, but he drew the line at Arthur shoving his hand up Will’s ass? What kind of sick fuck would even imagine inflicting something like that on someone like my Will? He was the sweetest most thoughtful and gentle person I knew and yet Papa would do something like that to him? It was bullshit.

“He’d do anything to make sure they all believe the same thing he believes. That it’s perfectly fine to do that to your kids and if you’re not going to do it, you should let someone else. That idea has nothing to do with you and whether you agreed to let that guy do horrible things to your body that you didn’t want or not. That’s on him. That’s not on you, Anchor. That will never be on you,” I tried to assure him.

He held onto me keeping his face against my shirt closing his eyes and breathing deeply before he blinked up at me, “Why does it feel like it’s my fault then?” he asked.

“Because you’re a good person. Because you blame yourself for things even when they aren’t your fault,” I told him rubbing his back gently feeling his muscles ripple under my hands with movement. 

He was tense. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair that Papa got to stress him out this much. Make him hate himself this much. He hadn’t done anything to ever deserve this. 

“I don’t mean to,” he whispered against my shirt, “It just feels like everything’s my fault.”

“That’s because you’re a good person and you worry about other people more than you worry about yourself. Especially people you care about. Not everything is your fault though. Most of it has nothing to do with you.” I told him resting my chin on the top of his head as he rubbed his cheek against my chest, right up against my heart.

“I wish I could believe that,” he told me closing his eyes tightly and breathing deeply, as he started to calm down again. As he started to relax a little bit.

None of it had anything to do with him. If Papa wouldn’t have chosen him it would have been some other boy. Some other boy who God knew how he would deal with. How bad off he would be.

Will was so strong, and he didn’t see it. All he saw was the bad things about himself. All because of Papa.

“It doesn’t have anything to do with you. The first time Papa ever did that to me I was 3 years old. That’s the first time I ever remember it anyway. A person like that is always going to find a way to hurt kids.

They get off on it. They get off on knowing they can get other people to do those things too. It has nothing to with you and anyone who thinks that is stupid, ok?” I told him.

“I don’t know,” he said moving his head side to side gently, “I shouldn’t have said anything.”

About wha…oh. About Mac. His little brother. Papa was planning on allowing someone to hurt him. He just had to talk Connor into it.

He loved them as much as I loved Luke. If I had someone saying those things about Luke, I knew I would have spoken up. I would have thrown the biggest fit in the world and I had more than once. 

He had allowed people to spank me until I bled. To tie me up and put me in a room for days. Sometimes he had blindfolded me and gagged me. Put earplugs on me and let whoever wanted to touch me do it. Do things to me and I hadn’t even known and still didn’t know who they were. What they had done for him that he felt they deserved such a “reward”.

“About your brother when you heard him talking about it?” I asked as he nodded his head gently grabbing my vest with his one hand and holding on to the fabric against my chest as his other hand rested on the small of my back.

“You did the right thing,” I told him, “You had every right to say it would hurt him because it would. Even if they don’t go all the way into your body at that age it feels like they’re trying to rip you in half.

He would have been in agony. You did the right thing by reminding your dad of that even if Papa doesn’t care. Don’t ever feel guilty for saying what you need to say.”

“That’s what it felt like,” he muttered into my chest, “Hank. That’s what he…”

His whole body started shaking as he trailed off. Him squeezing me more tightly, his hand gripping the fabric of my vest tighter in his fist as he made a small whimpering sound in the back of his throat. It seemed almost like he was feeling it.

His whole body suddenly becoming restless like he was feeling it. Feeling that cold tickling that went up your spine when they touched you. When you just knew it was going to get worse and there was nothing you could do to stop it from happening.

“I’m right here,” I told him trying to remind him that he was safe, that they were gone, “They aren’t.”

“He was here,” he told me, “All I could feel was him. He was going to tell jack what a slut I am. He was going to tell him how tight my pussy feels and how much I…” he spit out his speed increasing the more he tried to talk, “I tried to be good. I tried to give them what they wanted, and they wouldn’t stop, and they didn’t. They never stopped! Never and I…I tr-tri-tried so…”

“I know you did,” I said squeezing him tighter hoping to ground him. Hoping to get his mind out of that place, that room and back with me, “I know you did. I know you try so hard. I know you do, anchor. They’re evil though. Nothing anyone ever does is going to be good enough for them. You always try so hard. I’m here now though and you’re safe. It’s safe.”

I wasn’t going anywhere. Especially not with him like this. Not the way his chest was heaving as he tried to speak. Not the way he was holding onto me like a wave was going to pull him away if he didn’t hold onto me as tightly as he could.

He was having a flashback. I knew he was. The only thing I could do was talk to him softly and remind him that I was me. That he was safe, and I wouldn’t hurt him or allow anyone else to. 

I couldn’t tell what he was talking about. If he was talking about the rape, what they had done to him that he was reliving or something else. Something he hadn’t even realized he was telling me. Something that he needed to get out. The whimper breaking out of the back of his throat and turning into a full-on sob. As he continued to squeeze my vest in his fist. 

“It’s ok Anchor. You’re safe now. None of them can hurt you right now. I wouldn’t let them. I won’t.

I love you and I’m right here. You’re ok right now. Just let it out. You’re safe,” I told him pressing my lips to the top of his head and kissing him repeatedly as he sobbed, earth-shattering sobs making my heartbreak with every sound, “You’re safe. You’re safe right now. I’m right here. Just be with me. You’re safe.”

Eventually, he started to hiccup. He stopped screaming into my shirt and his breathing started to normalize before another series of sobs racked his body, causing his whole body to shake with them. The door opening as John stood there frowning at me, at us, “What’s going on? Ted, I think it might be time for you to…”

“NO!” he said squeezing me even tighter making my ears ring a little with the volume of his cry his chest heaving as he tried to quiet himself down, “I want him to stay. I need him to…”

“Ok,” John said putting his hands up in front of him, “Ok, he can stay. If he’s upsetting, you though I don’t think that’s what’s best for you.” He told us looking at me.

“I’m not sure it’s me,” I answered kissing Will again, “He was talking about, you know. What they did.”

He was talking about how they had made him feel. How he had felt like it was never going to end. That they were never going to stop. He was talking about how terrified he was and how much it hurt. How badly he wanted it all to end. How scared he was.

“Oh,” John said his features softening as he looked at us. As he watched me hold his brother, his little brother, “Can I sit?”

Maybe it was something John needed to know. How scared he was. How much this had broken him. He’d been attacked before.

He’d been forced to make dozens of videos a few with me even, but he had never reacted like this to it for this long. It had never taken him more than one or two days to start going back to normal. This was something serious. A sign that things were getting worse. That things were getting harder for him to handle.

“Is that ok?” I asked Will turning my attention to him as he clung to me letting go of my shirt and wrapping his other arm around my back as he kept his eyes closed.

“He doesn’t know,” Will barely whispered, “He doesn’t know about him.”

WHAT?! How could he not know? How could he not know about Papa? Papa had been torturing him for what felt like almost a year even though it had really only been four months.

How could he not know what Papa had done to him? That this was his fault. That he had done this to Will. That he had taken my quiet sweet kind thoughtful best friend and turned him into a mess that doubted every move he made. How could his brother not realize that?

He had to have his reasons for not letting John know. I know he didn’t talk about John a lot and when he did it was about how John had to deal with his contract. How he was sick, fragile.

You could tell John wasn’t doing well either. That he was too thin. That he was stressed too, but John should know. Even though it wasn’t my place to tell him.

I nodded my head to let him know that I understood. That he had to be the one to tell John about Papa. That it wasn’t my place before I kissed him again reminding him that it was ok. That I was there support him whether I agreed with that decision or not unless there was something, I thought needed to be said that he couldn’t say for whatever reason.

“What did he say?” John asked looking at me.

“It’s ok,” I told him, “He’s just…”

“You aren’t usually like this,” John said looking at Will. Looking like his heart was breaking for his little brother, one of his babies. 

I knew that feeling. When Luke wasn’t doing well, I felt that. I felt it in my whole body like John had to be feeling it.

That something was seriously wrong, and he wasn’t sure how to fix it for him. Because he felt it was always going to be his job to fix it no matter the cost. That Will was more important than he was. How Will felt the same way about all their younger siblings just like I was sure John did.

“I think he’s just having a hard time,” I told John not sure how else I could explain it.

“He wasn’t always…” he started to tell me like I didn’t already know.

“I know,” I told him nodding my head as Will closed his eyes resting against me still, “I met him last year, remember? He’s usually not anything like this. I realize that.

We all realize that. I think its stress,” I told him as Will sighed and I started massaging his scalp running my fingers through his hair gently, “Are you ok with this? Us talking like that?” I asked him.

I didn’t want to talk about him if he wasn’t ok with it. Talk about him like he wasn’t there, or he couldn’t hear us. He deserved better than that.

That was something Papa did to people. When he felt like you were less than he constantly talked about you in front of you like you weren’t standing there. Like you were too stupid to understand what he was saying. 

That was something I watched Papa do to me and Will more times than I could count. He had the right to speak up for himself if he wanted to. If he needed to. Sometimes you were just too tired though. Very often when we were together that was something Finny did for him. Finny wasn’t there though which meant it was my job. It was my job to make sure he was heard.

“Aye,” he said nodding his head before he closed his eyes again grabbing my hand that I had stopped dragging through his hair and rubbing it against his scalp making me smile. Meaning he wanted me to do it again. To keep rubbing his head like that in a comforting manner.

“Yeah,” John said agreeing with me, “I’m not meaning to talk about you like you aren’t here wingman. I’m really not I just…” John sighed heavily almost like he was trying to calm himself down, keep the panic out of his voice, the desperation away, “This isn’t like you.”

“It’s really not,” I agreed, “But, we’re looking out for him. I think some of it has to do with the…”

“People at school?” John asked interrupting me as I let out a little hum nodding, “I don’t honestly have a real idea of what’s going on there.

Like I’ve heard things, but Pat either tells me he’s not sure that’s true or he doesn’t know where they are getting that information from. He reminds me that I know Will. That I know what’s true and what isn’t. That I know him better than almost anyone.”

He had known Will for Will’s entire life. He and their mom and father were the only people who could claim that. Will had never existed in a world where those three people hadn’t. One of them just happened to be the person that had allowed his life to turn into a living hell and the other two were just as stuck in a hell of that man’s making as he was. 

Just like I was stuck in the hell that Papa had made for me. It sucked and there wasn’t any way out of it. There wasn’t any clear map showing some unknown route through it, you just had to live with it.

You had to struggle with it no matter how much you wanted to deny that it was the truth. Our worlds were their making and there wasn’t any escape. Not one that anyone could see anyway, not one that seemed feasible. We just had to keep moving forward, struggling forward until maybe one day we hit a clearing in all the fire and brimstone that they had brought collapsing down around us.

I understood Will not wanting his hell to contaminate John’s. Not when even though the same person had made them, they felt so different in so many ways. Not when Will felt it would make John worse if he knew.

“Well,” I said thinking about it before looking at Will wondering if he needed me to be his voice like Finn sometimes was, “Can I tell him about some of the stuff? I won’t tell him if you don’t want me to. I’d like to though. Is that ok?”

I continued to run my fingers through his hair as he blinked up at me nodding his head slightly before he rolled over so he was lying more face up on my chest for a minute or two and then decided to roll over again for some reason burying his face back against my chest. He wasn’t doing well. I wasn’t sure if it was, he didn’t want John to know or he was afraid he couldn’t tell him, but if he needed me to do that I would. I would do anything for him.

“You’re sure?” I asked him, “I don’t want to tell him anything that you don’t…”

He stopped me putting his finger against my lips, “I don’t….” he sighed his face flushing slightly, “If I say it all the bad is going to come running out and make him bad too. I don’t want to…I don’t want him to be bad.”

That broke my heart. He wasn’t bad. I understood what he meant though. That whatever made them treat him the way they did would somehow infect his brother.

That they would treat him worse because of it. I often felt that way about Luke. Like I would tell him something that would make them treat him worse. That would make it even harder to protect him, so I kept things from him. Things I was sure he didn’t need to know yet.

“Ok,” I told him giving him a reassuring smile before I kissed his finger, “Ok.”

“Will?” John asked quietly sitting up a little straighter in the chair he had taken by the besides, “Wingman, I’m not sure that makes any sense.”

“It makes sense to me,” I told him, “I just…I know a lot of ones and after a while…I think Lan described it the best. He said it feels like your brain is broken and that everything you say just attracts more attention. Attention that you don’t want. That you feel like your badness is going to contaminate everyone you talk to. Everyone that knows. What have you heard? At school, I mean, about what’s going on with him?”

I held my breath wondering what it was he knew. How much he had heard.

“Well,” John said sighing almost like he was trying to relax the action failing to make him look any more relaxed, “I heard some boys say he was doing things he wasn’t supposed to in a class. That he was walking around nude in the locker room after gym class and offering people…” he sighed pausing, “Sexual favors for money. I didn’t realize it was him until I realized we’re the only McGregors in our school. I wasn’t sure what to say, but I know that’s not true. It can’t be.”

Shane. Fucking Shane. Of course, John had heard about that stupid rumor. Shane had started that after people had started asking why Julian and Danny had gotten suspended.

He had told a bunch of Civ’s that story and how Will had gotten upset when Danny had told him he was a disgusting fag and to get a life. That had never happened. Sure, I wasn’t there for it, but that was not anywhere close to what had happened.

Only the people that weren’t acquainted with him believed that. There was even some kid in our Spanish class that had told Shane to shut the fuck up because Will was so quiet, he hardly ever spoke, and he turned red in the face when he heard guys talk about holding hands with their gf’s that weekend so he doubted Will had done that. I hadn’t even known that kid's name but Finn had thanked him.

Hearing Shane bitch like that had really upset Finn a lot. Finn was very protective of him though. Fiercely protective. I protected him too, just differently.

I tried to focus more on him. Keeping him from hearing things where Finn it seemed like he wanted to keep other people from saying them. Wanted to punch their faces in.

I had learned a long time ago that it didn’t matter what you did people were going to think what they wanted to. They were going to say what they had to say whether it was true or not. There wasn’t any way to change that.

There was a way to change how you felt about it though. How you allowed yourself to believe it or to know better. And I wanted Will to know better. To know himself better than that. To know us better than to think we believed it. 

“It’s not,” I told him shaking my head in annoyance at hearing Shane was being such a complete butt bitch for Julian and Danny, “What is true is that there are some trackers our age who don’t like Will very much. One of them from what I’ve heard is jealous because Will sets our grading curve and he struggles. They were the ones who attacked him.

They have gym class with him. I don’t. From what I understand they were the ones that attacked him though. He was showering like he’s supposed to after class is over.

Like everyone is supposed to and his showering buddy was benched so he was in the showers alone. They cornered him. He screamed.

Our friend Quinn has that class with him and heard him screaming, so he came running. One of them his name is Danny was up against Will’s back and had him pressed against the wall. Quinn pulled him away and the other guy, Julian was bent down on his knees grabbing Will’s legs like he was trying to pull them apart.

Quinn and a couple of other guys got them away from him. When Finn and I made it to the shower room he wasn’t ok. He kept saying that the handlers were somehow going to know, and it was going to be his fault. That he had told them to stop.

He kept muttering things I couldn’t understand. He thought he was someplace else. He wasn’t in a good place. He wasn’t ok.

That wasn’t his fault though. He didn’t hit on them, he didn’t look at them. In fact, he does almost everything he can to avoid them. To avoid getting anyone’s attention at all.”

“That sounds more like the truth,” John told me nodding his head as I continued.

“He didn’t offer them anything. He didn’t ask them for it. Nothing like that ever happened. A couple of days before they attacked him, they were throwing notes at him.

Paper balls and hitting him in the back with them in our Math class. I picked one up and it asked if he would do things for them if they gave him 50 bucks. Not the other way around. And that was Julian’s handwriting. I’m pretty sure Danny threw it but…”

“Who is Julian?” John asked me his brow wrinkled with upset.

Julian hadn’t always been an asshole. He’d always been kind of weird, but not always an asshole. Not the way he had become.

I met Julian when I had started at St. Matt’s. Papa had thrown a party for my grade. A welcome to school party to introduce me to all the boys at St. Matt’s in my class that were brotherhood. I still remembered meeting him and Todd. 

Julian had been the more outspoken of the two, the bigger of the two even though they were the same age as me. Julian had demanded to know my name and they had been in my sandbox. I remember feeling slightly taken back by that where Todd had smiled at me and asked me if I wanted to play. If it was ok if he played with my toys.

Todd had always been polite where Julian had been dominating. I honestly think that part of his personality is what had turned him. He had felt Todd was his right because of their relationship. That Todd if he was going to be gay needed to choose him and he hadn’t. He had chosen Quinn instead. 

He had seen that change. How Quinn and Todd were spending more time together and Todd was spending less time with him and he had gotten jealous. He had blamed Will for it. For coming in and “changing” everything. I didn’t think I had anything to do with Will. It had to do with other things.

We were getting older. Our bodies were changing. The men who wanted us, they were changing. We were no longer the delicate little boys but, more of the tougher preteens. We needed a rougher touch. We had different bodies. One of the men who thought that was Sam Rodgers.

He had made it clear whenever we had playdates when we were younger that Papa should bring Louis over. He usually did. They would go downstairs. Louis wouldn’t talk about it, but he moved slower when we left. I didn’t understand why completely other than that Sam had “played” with him. Played with Louis like Papa played with me.

Louis had been 13 or 14 at the time. It was around that time that he started raping me on his own. When Papa wasn’t there. He had …it wasn’t good. I still hated him for it. I would never forgive him for it.

However, that made it no secret to me that Sam liked older boys. That he liked them a lot. A lot more than he had liked us at the time.

“He used to be our friend. We have more friends. Todd McQueen, Quinn Ashmore. Julian’s last name is Rodgers. He was one of our best friends up until last year. I don’t even know what changed really. He heard things and all of a sudden he started hating everyone. I think maybe it was his dad. His dad likes older boys.

He decided that maybe he hated us. That we were gross because some of us aren’t…it’s hard. You have to understand that, it’s hard. My Papa barely lets me look at anyone especially girls. And sometimes you need to tell someone things. Anyone and sometimes that means you do…” I stumbled over my words trying to explain it.

We weren’t the first boys or first generation to get close like that. To make mistakes where we got too close. I had made that mistake more than once. The first time I had been 8. Papa had been training me. Training me to be his boy. He had been a throwaway. He was older than I was.

His name had been Rick he said. They had called him glitter. He had been 12 just a little older than Cole. He had hugged me. Just a hug.

Sergei had seen and that was the last time I had ever seen him. We had talked about sex. How maybe instead of feeling cold and slimy like it felt if you did it with the right person maybe it felt different. He said he imagined it felt like the bubbles in soda that he wanted to try it with me.

Around 6 months later Papa had told Cole he needed to start training me. First with him and then…alone. That had turned out…I had wanted him to do it. I wanted it too much.

After Cole was …him. He had liked it too much. I was still Papa’s boy, so I wasn’t stupid enough to say anything. I had walked right into it. Asked for it. I still hated myself for it.

After that, it had been Lyan for a while. Until he had decided it was too dangerous. That he didn’t want to get caught especially with me. He had broken it off.

“It’s ok,” John said grabbing my elbow and giving me a small smile, “You don’t need to explain that to me. I completely understand that. And this Julian fellow was mad about that?”

“Yeah,” I said nodding my head, “I think he was mostly mad about Todd. Todd and he have been friends since forever. Since I can remember anyway. They share a birthday, they’ve known each other since before they can remember.

And I think, I don’t know how or why but Quinn and Todd bonded over Will being our new friend. They started spending more time together and used to joke about how cute he was and then Will was just gone. So, then they talked about how they hoped things were going better for him and eventually they got closer over that.

I think Julian saw it and he didn’t like it. He thought if Todd was going to be close with anyone that we knew especially in a way that was more like that, that it should be with Julian. Julian told him that and he did some things.

Todd told him he couldn’t ever feel that way. Not about Julian. I think Julian blames Will for that. For Quinn and Todd getting close like that. For Quinn being able to take Todd away from him. I think that has a lot to do with why Julian doesn’t like Will. I think he was jealous and felt that Will being around allowed him to bond with Quinn more. That made him angry.

They hurt Will a lot though that day. From what I was told Danny hand his finger in a not so nice place and he was saying some really bad things. Things that weren’t ok. Will wasn’t ok. But Julian and Danny don’t like him. They take any opportunity they can to harass him. To spread rumors about him. Most people just ignore them because everyone knows they’re assholes, but they have other friends that are already trackers too. A couple.” I admitted.

I looked at Will his eyes still closed as he listened to me. I tried my best to comfort him. He was tense though. Just hearing me talk about them had made him more on edge.

The idea that he wanted me to talk about Wallace too, I was pretty sure made me feel nervous. What if he couldn’t handle hearing about that stuff? About what Wallace said about him. The things he didn’t know about.

Very often Finn said Wallace told him horrible things. How he was going to fuck Will so hard he couldn’t scream when he finally got him. How he would make Will beg for it on his knees in front of Finn just so Finn would understand who Will really belonged to. So that they would both understand.

He knew Finn cared about Will. They hid it well, but he knew. The only thing that kept Wallace from telling Papa about it was the fact that Ernest would have killed him, banished him if he ever put Finn in danger. And telling Papa that, that would have been a death sentence for Finn. 

“Are you sure that’s why these boys hate him? Are you sure it has nothing to do with Wallace?” John asked surprising me.

“You know about Wallace?” I asked.

What had he told him? Will was terrified of Wallace and that was the only thing he knew about. Not the things he said to Finn that Finn told me about. The things Finn was afraid to let Will know.

“I know he’s Will’s mentor and that he doesn’t treat him very well. That something happened. Will still hasn’t told me what it was. When I asked him about it, he kept it vague,” John said Will giving me a bit of a squeeze his whole body jumping as his breathing picked up, “Do you know what happened?”

Oh shit. So, he really hadn’t told him that much at all. Not about the microform room, not about any of it. Will hadn’t told me much about it either.

Finn had said that Wallace liked to corner Will in the library bathroom and who knew what happened when he did that? Finn had said he had never found Will undressed but knowing Wallace and what had happened in that room, that didn’t mean much. He had more or less raped him through his clothes that time.

Cum all over Will’s legs and back and then forced him to put his pants back on. Will had been barely holding it together when Finn had found him. When whoever it was had found him.

“Is it ok if I tell him that? I won’t if you don’t want me to, anchor,” I whispered as I looked at him. As I looked at how still he was being even though every muscle in his body had gone rigid. His eyes were far away like they got sometimes. 

It was scary when he did that. Almost like he was stuck in suspended animation. Like he had wanted to move or had been in the process of moving and then he’d just stopped.

Like he had run out of batteries. Ran out of life. The way he was frozen scaring me slightly as I gently grabbed his hand.

“Can you say something? Move, anything?” I asked him quietly.

“He does this,” John commented, “Freezes like this.”

I knew he did. That didn’t make it any less scary when it happened though. When it seemed like he was no longer there, or he’d somehow turned off. Just stopped existing. It scared me into thinking that maybe one day he would do that, and he just wouldn’t come back. He wouldn’t ever move again.

“I know,” I said bending down and kissing his forehead, “He does it at school sometimes. I usually just give him a minute or two. I’m right here. Everything is ok and I’m right here. John is right here too, and no one is going to hurt you. You’re safe right now and everything is ok. I promise,” I told him quietly. As his head moved as he looked up and blinked at me.

“I…sorry,” he said quietly.

“You don’t have to be sorry,” John said to him, “It’s ok. Do you remember what Teddy asked?”

“Aye,” he said nodding his head a dazed look still on his face, “It’s ok. I think.”

He didn’t look right. I wasn’t sure I wanted to do this. Just walking about Julian and Danny had been too much. Him hearing that.

I didn’t want him to do this. Check out like he was checking out. He was already too stressed for this. This wasn’t ok. I didn’t …

He wanted me to though. He wanted me to tell him. I owned it to him to trust him. To trust that he knew what he could handle and what he couldn’t.

“Ok, I’m going to tell him. If I start to say anything you don’t want me to say, you tell me to stop. Can you promise me you’ll do that?” I asked him kissing the top of his head again.

I should have known he’d had enough at that point. He had heard enough. I wanted to respect him though. Do what he wanted me to, needed me to.

“I promise,” he said before rubbing his cheek up against my chest again where he was still hiding his face up against my heart. Listening to my heartbeat.

“Ok,” I said nodding my head, “Wallace is…like you said he’s his mentor. Wallace has had a thing for him since the first time he saw him from what I understand. He hasn’t kept it a secret either. Finn has told me that every day he says something that’s completely out of line and gross. That he…”

“Wait, in front of everyone?” John asked me, “How is he not in trouble for that? I mean, Will is 11. Anyone with a brain wouldn’t talk that way in pu…”

“They speak German. Usually, he says the really bad things in German,” I told him wishing he hadn’t interrupted me.

“Who is they?” John asked me.

“Finn and Wallace,” I told him.

“Finn as in the Finn? Like your…”

No, Finn as in Huckleberry Finn. Who the fuck did he think I was talking about? Seriously?

“Yes,” I told him nodding my head, “Our Finn. I didn’t know he’d told you a lot about Finn.”

“He says he cares about you both very much. Isn’t it weird that Finn speaks German like Wallace does?”

Oh yeah, totally. That was totally strange. I mean they were only raised in the same household so who knew they would speak the same language?

Finn had told me he had learned how to speak German before he ever learned English. That he had learned them almost concurrently but had used mostly German up until he started preschool. Up until he was around people that spoke English more often than they spoke German.

“They’re brothers,” I informed him John’s eyes going wide like he had just gotten smacked before he frowned at Will.

“Are you kidding me?! You’re in love with the brother of…? How? How does that even work?!” John asked Will flinching at the words.

“Finn is nothing like Wallace. Finny is nice and he’s sweet and he’s protective. He tells me everything Wallace says. Everything.

And he would never do anything but defend Will. Ever. He loves Will as much as I love him. He would never hurt him. You need to understand that. Finny is nowhere near anything like Wallace. He’s almost the complete opposite.”

How could he even think Finn was anything like that monster? That monster beat the shit out of him. He tied Finn down and shoved a vibrator up his ass every Wednesday. He fucking tortured him.

Finn would never do that to someone. Especially not after being forced to handle that himself. His dad had handed Finn over to that sick fuck on a silver platter when he joined the lacrosse team so that Wallace could “unwind” after practice. If Finn didn’t end up black and blue and unable to walk and Ern could bend Finn over when he wanted, he didn’t give a single shit as long as Finn didn’t commit suicide, so he didn’t have his toy anymore. He kept Finn happy enough to keep him from killing himself and that was it.

“He’s not,” Will said quietly, “He’s not like…” 

“Ok,” John said nodding his head, “I believe you guys. I’m sorry I interrupted. You can keep talking Ted.”

“Ok,” I said, “Where was I?”

I had forgotten what I had been talking about. Finn wasn’t like Wallace and he didn’t deserve to be compared to him. He really wasn’t anything like Wallace was.

“Wallace says things he shouldn’t,” John reminded me quietly.

“Right, he does. He tells Finn that Will is hot. That…,” I sighed not sure I continue or go into more detail about it, “He says a lot of stuff I’m not sure Finn has told Will about.”

“Like what?” John asked me.

I wasn’t sure he could handle it. Handle hearing those things. Some of it was bad. Bad enough Finn had almost been crying when he had told me. He had been so afraid for Will he had barely managed to get it out.

“Will,” I asked, “Is it ok if…?” 

“Mhm,” he said nodding his head even though he didn’t look at me. Not really saying anything but making a sound. A sound that told me he wanted me to continue talking about it.

I should have asked. Made sure before I kept talking about it. I didn’t though. The fact that he hadn’t said a word and hadn’t looked at me should have been a signal though. That he couldn’t handle it. That he was done. That I shouldn’t have kept talking about it, but I did.

“Wallace has said that he really wants to take him into his room and tie him up and…” at that point what felt like claws dug into my back through my shirt making my whole system jump. He was beyond done. He couldn’t handle it.

“OK! Ok. Will, it’s ok. We’re not going to talk about that. It’s ok. You’re safe. He’s not here. None of them are here. It’s me and John. You’re safe.”

“What is he doing?” John asked frowning at us as Will kept his eyes squeezed tightly shut his whole body starting to shake as he kept his nails dug into my back and I tried to gently loosen his grip on me. He was squeezing me so tightly it hurt a little bit. He was finished. He couldn’t hear this. He was done.

“He’s kind of…he just dug his nails into my back,” I explained.

“Oh my god, bear,” he said pulling his head away from me as his grip went slack, “I’m so sor…”

“You’re ok,” I told him, “It’s ok, anchor. It’s not your fault. Maybe you just aren’t ready to hear this? There’s nothing wrong with that. I’ll stop ok? We don’t need to talk about this.”

“I want to hear it,” he told me as he sat up looking at me in the eyes, “I want to…I want to know what he thinks of me. What he’s told other people he thinks of me.” He said his voice shaky and his eyes shining like he was getting ready to cry. 

I wanted to trust him. I did. I should have stopped there though. Me looking at him instead of John as I kept talking.

“Ok. Finn said Wallace told him he wanted to take you to his room and tie you up. That he wanted to fuck you until you could no longer bag anyone to fuck you. Anyone but him. He said he wanted to make you cum until you couldn’t breathe. That he wanted to…that he was going to his mouth un…”

He let out a sharp rasping sound like the air had suddenly been squeezed out of his lungs. I had never heard him make a sound like that before. His whole body shaking almost like he was going to have a seizure.

Ok, that was it. I couldn’t watch him do that. He couldn’t take it. If he couldn’t take hearing that he defiantly couldn’t take the rest.

“Ok, that’s enough,” I said shaking my head at him as his chin started quivering.

He shook his head rapidly from side to side, “No,” he wheezed, “No I nee…I…” he said trying to get words out as he panted heavily like he couldn’t catch his breath.

No, it was done. I couldn’t do this to him. He couldn’t handle it. It was done. Finny would kill me if he found out I had given our boy an asthma attack.

“Anchor you can’t breathe. You aren’t breathing. That’s enough,” I said as John handed him his inhaler.

“You don’t need to ever worry about that happening,” John told him, “That will never happen. He will never be allowed to touch you.”

He already had. There wasn’t any use in promising him that. He already had. There wasn’t any way to stop Wallace from doing it again either. Not once Papa decided he didn’t want Will anymore. Once he decided that and he signed those papers Will belonged to Wallace and Wallace could do whatever he wanted to him then.

Nothing would stop him at that point. I doubted Ernest would even step in other than to maybe do things to Will himself. He had already told Finn a ton of things he was planning. Finn had overheard him on the phone and talking with his friends too. There was no way to stop those things from happening.

“You…” I said shaking my head at John before I checked to make sure Will was using his inhaler, “Anchor can you stay here for me? I’ll be right back. I swear.”

He seemed like he was starting to fade off a little bit. His inhaler hovering close to his face but him not really moving as he blinked at me like he didn’t understand what was happening.

“Anchor,” I repeated getting him to focus on me, “I’m going to be right back. Use your…” I said leading it up to his mouth and making sure he took another breath from it as he looked at me waiting for him to use it one more time and for his breathing to even out and get back to something closer to normal before I felt myself relax, “I’ll be right back. Stay here ok?” I asked me before I kissed his head.  
John needed to be corrected. Even if I didn’t tell him about Papa he needed to know. There wasn’t any way to stop something from happening that had already happened. He couldn’t make that promise to Will no matter how much he wanted to. He hadn’t lied to him on purpose, but I couldn’t allow him to lie to him like that again.

“Can I talk to you for a minute John?” I asked him as I prepared myself John nodding his head at me as I stood up and we walked out into the hallway.

“I’m assuming this has something to do with Wallace?” he asked me.

“Yes,” I said, “I just feel like he won’t be able to deal with it and I feel like if he were doing better, he would tell you himself. Like he wants you to know, so…can we talk somewhere that’s kind of…”

“My room,” he said walking towards the living room and opening the door next to Will’s room and opening it.

It was kind of creepy how similar their rooms looked. John’s queen-sized bed tucked up against the wall just like Will’s was in his room. The same dark wood making up the frame. The same headboard with the matching footboard and desk. It was weird.

“We didn’t pick the décor,” John said smiling at me, “So, what do you want to tell me?”

“You can’t tell him Wallace won’t touch him. You can’t promise him that.” I insisted.

“Look,” John said, “I can. I know you think I can’t because of who you’re related to but if I do a couple of things that I don’t want to get into and don’t enjoy I can…”

“You can’t. There is nothing you can do to stop Wallace from contracting him. It’s not up to your Da. Not completely. The leader has the final say in all contracts before anyone gets to cross their T’s and dot their I’s.

The leader is giving him to Wallace. No one can stop that. There’s no sleeping with anyone to get him out of it. No begging your Dad.

There’s nothing you can do to change it. And I’m sorry. Do you want to know what Wallace has done to him and what he’s said about him? Or do you want me to leave it where it is?”

“Tell me. I know he’s hiding things from me and I want to know what they are and why,” he said his face solemn, “So please take a seat and tell me everything. Don’t leave a thing out.”

“Ok,” I said, “You do realize I’m not doing this for you though? I’m doing it for him. Because his brain is so scrambled that he can’t, and he needs help. He needs someone to…”

“It’s ok Ted,” John told me, “I understand that it’s for him and not for me. I love him, he’s my…he’s my best friend. If there is something, I can do to help him I want to be able to do it. If there’s a reason why I can’t do anything to help, I want to know what that is and what else I can do for him to make it easier. I see that you care about him. I do too.”

“Ok,” I said nodding my head, “Wallace has already done things to him. There was an incident. He said something to Will or did something to convince him to go with him to a room.

A room off the library. I’m still not sure what happened. I just know that one of our friends found him and he was curled in a ball and shaking. 

That he wasn’t…Finn said that when they pulled him to his feet the back of his pants were…it looked like he had wet himself. We took him to the office, and they gave him a change of pants. 

He told us and the headmaster that Wallace had cornered him in the Microform room. That he had locked the door and pinned Will to the ground,” I told him John exhaling deeply in a way that told me he was beyond upset, “He forced Will’s pants down and he pulled his own…”

“He raped him?! He raped my fucking brother? He…”

“He didn’t…he didn’t penetrate him,” I said, “He didn’t pull down his underwear, but Wallace rubbed himself between Will’s legs until he came. He then told him to clean himself up. He molested him. Badly. And like I said it’s going to happen again or worse. There’s nothing anyone can do to stop that.

He’s told Finn that he’s going to do things to him until he likes it. Until he doesn’t want anyone else touching him. And then he’s going to tie Will down and blindfold him and give him to his friends. 

That he is going to make sure Will understands what is going to happen if he ever decides that Wallace isn’t enough for him. That he’ll be allowed to fuck other people, but only other people Wallace gives permission. That for the right price he’ll let people he doesn’t even know come and visit their house so they…”  
“That’s enough,” John said turning away from me, “That’s enough. And he’s allowed to do this? He’s allowed to do this to him?”

“The leader is the one who gets to say. And he’s already said that soon he’s going to sign Will to Wallace. There’s no way to change that. It’s as good as happened.

The best thing you can do is be here for him. Be here to remind him he’s not a thing. That he’s a person that has people that he matters to. That you care about him.”

“I can’t believe that …after everything that Uncle Ben is doing to him the leader is just going to hand him over to someone that’s like a younger Ben. That to me is…no wonder he’s falling apart. None of this fuck… go be with him. He needs you. Go and just…”

“Ok,” I said nodding my head, “I understand. I’m sorry I upset him so much. I shouldn’…”

“You didn’t mean to,” John told me, “I can tell you didn’t mean to. Just go be with him. I’m going to go talk to Pat. Take care of him.”

I nodded my head not sure what to say opening the door and climbing back into bed with Will who looked like he was completely lost. Like he had no idea what was going on as I pulled him back into my arms, “It’s ok. I’m right here and it’s ok. I shouldn’t… I should have known you weren’t ok to hear that. Especially not after what you told me Sunday. You weren’t ok to hear that, and it was stupid to say that. I’m so sorry Anchor. I shouldn’t hav…”

“I asked,” he whispered resting against me and sighing deeply closing his eyes like he could finally relax now that I was back.

“Maybe, but if I’m going to love you it’s my job to protect you. And I should have used my better judgment and I didn’t. I shouldn’t have said those things in front of you. That was my mistake and that’s not ok.

I’m sorry I hurt you. That I didn’t listen to myself. Next time I say I think I should stop I’ll stop. Just trust me when I say that’s what I think is best ok?” I told him feeling like I was going to cry.

I couldn’t believe I hadn’t read his signals as well I should have. That I hadn’t listened to my gut. I should have stopped the first time and instead I had kept going. There wasn’t any reason for it. I should have stopped then and there, and I hadn’t. It was stupid.

He nodded his head at me before leaning up and kissing my cheek before he snuggled back against me allowing me to hold him. Allowing me to be with him and protect him in the only way I could. Just by being there.

“I told your brother some more things. I think he’s…he needs some time, ok?” I said after a few minutes of silence.

“About Wallace?” he asked quietly, and I nodded my head in response, “You didn’t tell him about…”

“No, you told me he didn’t know about Papa,” I assured him kissing his forehead repeatedly, “I figured that meant you wanted to tell him about that when you are ready. I told him that he couldn’t say those things wouldn’t happen though because they already did. Ok? That’s what I told him.”

I didn’t want him to feel attacked. To feel like I had said something he wasn’t ready for. To me that’s what him saying “he doesn’t know about him” had felt like.

Like Will wasn’t ready to let John know about that. Know that Papa was one of the people torturing him. Probably the person that was torturing him the most.

“About the room?” He asked me quietly.

Yes, I had told him everything about the room I had remembered. How scared he had been. How he had been so panicked and so frozen all at the same time I was scared that he might not be ok. That things might have gone horribly wrong and that there was nothing I could to do fix it.

“When Todd found you?” I asked him as he nodded his head, “Yeah.”

“So, he’s mad?” he asked in barely a whisper.

No, John wasn’t mad at him. He was mad at the situation. Mad that his little brother, his son was falling apart and there was nothing he could do to fix it. There wasn’t any way to make it better or make it stop. 

That’s what he was mad about and he was scared. Scared about what that would do to Will long term. He wasn’t mad at him though. I knew that for sure.

“I don’t think he’s mad. I think he’s upset, but not with you. Pat’s with him. I think he’s just scared for you.

I asked him about contracts and how much he knew about that and he told me he knows a lot. I explained to him that contracts aren’t always up to handlers. That Papa has a lot to do with those and that’s not a lie.

And I explained to him what was happening. That’s when he kind of just thanked me and he said he wanted Pat. Said he needed to talk to Pat alone and I should come back to you,” I told him.

“I’m sorry I freaked out,” He muttered quietly to me as he closed his eyes yawning heavily before resting his face back against my chest.

“You don’t need to be sorry. That was my fault, not yours,” I told him “I’m going to stay right here until I have to leave at 5, ok? If you want to talk about anything, you know you can. If you would rather just lay here like this, that’s ok too. Whatever you need.”

Whatever he needed. That’s the way it should have been in the first place. I should have trusted myself when he was acting that way to stop. That I needed to stop despite what he said. I hadn’t. I wouldn’t make that mistake again. Never again.

He mattered too much for that. He didn’t realize it, but he was important, and he was strong. So strong, he just needed help. Help remembering how strong he was.

How sweet he was. How much he mattered. How he deserved to be happy. To have people that he loved, love him back.

“I feel tired,” he admitted quietly. 

I couldn’t blame him for being tired. His mind seemed like it was fried. He was probably doing the mental task of running the Boston Marathon every day all day long because of them.

Because of Papa and his dad, because of his Uncle and Wallace not to mention the other trackers at school. Anyone in that situation would be exhausted. I knew I would be.

“I bet,” I told him, “You really weren’t breathing there for a second. I think that would make anyone tired.”

“All I kept thinking was how…how everyone thinks…” he trailed off yawning heavily again.

“No one that matters thinks that. No one. I know Finny and I don’t think that. We will never think that about you.

Neither do Quinn and Todd. I know Freddy and his friends don’t think that. The only people that think that are the people who choose to believe Wallace and the rest of the trackers. All those guys are trackers or are going to decide they are trackers soon enough.

No one that is like us thinks you’re a slut. None of us would ever think you enjoy how much they hurt you. I promise Anchor,” I told him holding him close to me hoping that he would feel safe, calm.

“I love you,” he whispered into my shirt.

And I loved him. I loved them both more than I had ever loved or cared about anything besides Luke. They had made me realize that maybe Cole and Lyan weren’t mistakes but lessons.

Things I had to learn before I could find someone that truly mattered. That truly deserved me. That I was beyond lucky to have in my life. They were mine. The would always be mine.

“I love you too,” I admitted kissing the top of his head again, “Do you just want to lay here for a while?” I asked him.

He nodded his head not looking up at me but holding to me tightly and closing his eyes. He smelt like lavender and mint. A weird combo but perfect for him. Things that could soothe any illness and relax you. 

However, too much of them and they could be overwhelming. That was a part of the reason he was falling apart because he’d been spending too much time trapped in his head trying to get away from them. From their words and their hands.

From the way, they made him feel and instead it had trapped him with himself. Overwhelmed him. Made him believe he was the cause of it. That it was his fault when in reality he had nothing to do with it.

He sighed heavily and closed his eyes yawning again. That was good. He was going to rest. Hopefully for real. Hopefully knowing he was safe even if only for the moment.


	17. Not smoking in the boys room (Kevin Dallas)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kevin is supposed to talk to Dean. He can only guess why.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a short little short to show off some of the morphs I'm working on. You know Kev (he has gym class with Will.) It's a very short, short, only 5 pages. **Warnings: Nothing too graphic, mentions of young childhood sexual abuse, mentions of rape, mentions of CP, anxiety, mental health issues, bullying, sexual harassment.**

“Hey, Cory?” Kevin asked nervously not sure what he was doing.

He’d been to the upper school before. He just felt super short suddenly so many of the older students towering over him. He knew this would be his school next year, but he still didn’t feel comfortable there. Not with all the trackers walking around like they owned the place.

“Oh, hey, what’s up?” Corbin asked frowning at how nervous Kevin looked.

Kevin was usually pretty assertive. It wasn’t normal for him to be nervous unless something was going on that he felt really uncomfortable about. He would usually be standing tall but instead, he was hugging his science book tightly to his chest like he was ready to use it as a shield if he needed to.

“FRESH MEAT!” someone yelled loudly.

“KEEP IT TO YOURSELF!” Corbin hissed back careful that he didn’t swear. He had already gotten in trouble with father Grundy for swearing earlier. If he got another warning he’d get detention and Dad would be less than, please. Not only that but Kevin already seemed upset enough.

“Do, you huh…” Kevin sighed, “Do you know who Dean is?”

“Yes,” Corbin said stretching out the word.

Everyone knew who Dean was. At least the only Dean he could think of. He was a nice guy. Dean Clifton was on the basketball team and didn’t really cause any trouble for anyone. Most of his friends were Civ’s which in Corbin’s opinion was fucking amazing considering.  
“Ok,” Kevin said quietly, “I’m supposed to ask him something.”

“Do you want me to ask him for you?” Corbin suggested.

He didn’t usually get this nervous and honestly, Dean wasn’t someone to be nervous about. It would make a lot more sense if he was nervous about Jason or Alec, Alec who had been the smart ass yelling about fresh meat when he had seen Kevin standing nervously next to Corbin. He had another thing coming if he thought he was going to get his hands on Kev. No one touched fucking Kev. Just because Charlie and Dane had turned into assholes didn’t mean they had to allow themselves to become the same way.

Sure Kevin was only his cousin, but that meant he was family. You didn’t leave a man behind and you sure as well didn’t hand him over to fuckin wolves. That was just how it was though. Any bottom would have felt the same seeing a boy who obviously wasn’t old enough to be in upper school that was one of them. They would have done anything to protect him.

“No,” Kevin said shaking his head, “Dad wants me to talk to him about something.

“What?” Corbin asked feeling really confused, “Why would Kyle want to talk to him?”

“No, he doesn’t want to talk to him. He wants me to talk to him,” Kevin repeated.

Oh. Lovely. He wanted them to hook up. Probably something the fucking leader was trying to set up. Kevin was fucking 12 years old. He was a fucking little boy. Corbin knew for a fact that Dean wouldn’t go for that. Especially if he was first hearing about it from Kev.

“Does he know you want to talk to him?” Cory asked looking at him.

“I don’t…”

“Hey, do remember what pa… Oh, hi,” A boy that Kev knew said taking in the younger boy that was standing there.

It was someone Kevin kind of knew and knew of but didn’t know well enough to have any clue as to what he should say. Everyone knew of Cole even if they didn’t know him personally. There was a rumor going around that he had boobs. He didn’t look like he had boobs, Kevin thought looking at him and cocking his head to the side as he looked at his chest intently Corbin clearing his throat.

“Cole this is my cousin, Kev,” Cory introduced them.

“Hi Kev, how old are you?” Cole asked smiling at him.

“He just turned 13. Don’t even think about it,” Cory said causing Cole to laugh.

“Fair enough,” Cole said, “What’s going on? Why are you here?”

“He needs to talk to Dean,” Cory said as Kev started to clam down a little bit. But only slightly.

“What for?” Cole asked.

“My dad just said I’m supposed to talk to him,” Kevin managed to mutter.

“Oh, I can walk you over to his locker just to be safe,” Cole said, “I have to walk right past it to get to my next class.”

“Is that ok Kev?” Cory asked him, “I can go with you if you want.”

“No, that’s ok,” Kev said shaking his head, “It’ll be quick anyway.”

“Ok, let me know if you need anything,” Cory said shutting his locker and walking away leaving Kevin standing there with Cole.

“So, do you know what you’re supposed to talk to him about?” Cole asked starting to walk as Kev quickly followed.

Did he know what he was supposed to talk to him about? Not really. Dad had been on the phone with Tony a lot so he figured it might have something to do with that, but he wasn’t sure. It could have been anything. For all, he knew his dad was looking to contract Dean and just wanted Kevin to introduce himself so he didn’t feel weird when he got to the house. Just because they went to the same school and were both bottoms didn’t mean they knew each other.

Everyone knew that. There were a lot of them. Bottoms. 100’s of them and a lot of them went to their school, but some went to public school. Most of them didn’t run in the same circles at all. Usually, they kept who they associated with small because it was less awkward that way. Like Kev didn’t know who Dean spent his time with, but he usually hung out with Adrian, Fred, and Simon. It was just better that way.

“HEY! DEAN!” Cole shouted down the hallway causing a guy to stop and turn around looking at them.

“Oh, yeah Cole?” the guy asked sounding unimpressed.

He had dark hair and blue eyes. He didn’t look bad at least from what Kev thought. He didn’t know much about how hot any boys were. He didn’t really seem them that way too often. He didn’t really see anyone as hot honestly. The last thing he thought about was whether someone was hot or not.

He wasn’t sure he was into boys. He honestly wasn’t sure he was into anyone. The thought of even seeing people that way made him nervous. He didn’t want to think of people like that. People were supposed to be people they weren’t supposed to be…whatever that was.

That wasn’t ok. He wasn’t going to be that type of person. He had decided that the first time mom had told him he had a cute little ass and asked his dad if he agreed. He had said yes. Kevin had only been 5 or 6. Mom had asked him if he wanted to sleep in bed with them that night and it had…it hadn’t been nice.

He didn’t want to be a mean person like that. He wanted to be a nice person so he had a hard time thinking about people like that. He hated thinking about people in a sexual way even when he was supposed to. Like he was pretty sure they wanted him to think of Dean.

“Hey,” Cole said as they walked up to Dean, “This is Kevin. He said he’s supposed to talk to you. So I’m going to leave you two to talk. Pop your head into that room right there,” Cole said pointing at the doorway of a classroom to his left, “when you’re done.”

“Thanks,” Kevin said quietly.

“Hi Kevin,” Dean said giving him a sheepish smile, “You’re supposed to talk to me?”

Kevin nodded his head. He wasn’t sure what he was supposed to talk to him about. He wasn’t even sure what they wanted him to meet Dean for, but here he was. Kevin realized that he was staring at Dean like some type of idiot.

“Oh, yeah,” Kevin said Dean trying to hide a snort of amusement.

“Do you know about what?” Dean asked him.

“I don’t know. I just know my dad wanted me to talk to you,” Kevin mentioned Dean looking at him and stepping close making Kevin feel like he was about to jump out of his skin.

“And you had to do this here? You couldn’t have waited?” Dean asked him seeming annoyed.

“He just told me to talk to you,” Kevin said feeling like he’d done something wrong. It was stupid. It was really stupid he should have waited. They should have let him wait.

“Maybe they wanted you to introduce yourself?” Dean suggested.

“Maybe,” Kevin agreed, “I don’t know anything about…dad just said he wanted me to talk to you. I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“Yeah, I can tell,” Dean said, “Ok, you’ve said hi I know what you look like so I think that’s about all there is to it.”

Had he done something wrong? Was Dean mad at him? He probably should have just ignored dad and stayed away. That would have been better than this. Anything was better than this.

“Look,” Dean said, “I’m not upset. You’re fine. I just don’t know what else to say to you right now. I have to get to class since the bell is about to ring, but it was cool to meet you.”

With that Dean walked away leaving Kevin standing there as the bell rang. Ok, so that meant everyone was finishing their journies to get to class on time. At least the hallway would be clear in a second and it wouldn’t seem too loud. That was better than anything else.

He sighed waiting to move until the hall was mostly clear before he started walking towards the entrance of the wing. That way he could back to class. He had already been gone for longer than he should have.

He had taken a hall pass to run this little errand just to get it over with. He wouldn’t have had the time to do so otherwise. It was Friday and whatever was supposed to be going on was either going to happen tomorrow or Sunday from what he understood. He still wasn’t sure what that had to do with Dean though. He could only come up with one answer.

He was supposed to be filmed with him. With Dean. He’d never been filmed before at all. He had no idea how that worked. He just knew Tony was the guy who did those things. Made you do those things.

He didn’t want to be filmed. It wasn’t his idea of fun and he didn’t understand what the point of it was. Especially with another guy. Like he’d had to do things with other guys before, but this was different if that’s what they wanted. It seemed pretty obvious that’s what it was. That was probably why Dean had mostly blown him off.

A tap on his shoulder making him jump 10 feet in the air as he was suddenly grabbed from behind. Oh shit! Shit! Shit! He was already late he didn’t have time for this.

“Hey,” he heard the person who had grabbed him say as he was pulled into a bathroom before the guy turned so their back was to the door blocking him in.

He was tall. At least 6’2 if not taller. With dark brown hair and dark eyes even though his skin seemed a lot paler than it should be. He didn’t know who he was but he looked like a senior and the way he had grabbed him screamed Tracker. The way he was looking at him as Kevin tried to access him screamed tracker.

The way the guy was looking at him he suddenly didn’t want to be there. He would have sold his soul not to be trapped in that dirty bathroom that smelled like stale urinal cakes soap scum and been anywhere else in the world looking at that guy's face.

“Are you lost tiny thing?” he asked his eyes scanning Kevin’s body from the tips of his brightly shined uniform shoes to the top of his head, “Can I help you find your way back?”

He said that but, he didn’t move. He was blocking the door and there wasn’t another way out. Kevin just wanted out. He didn’t need help he just wanted out.

“I’m not lost,” Kevin said somehow finding his courage, “I had to talk to someone so I took a hall pass and now I have to get back so if you could please move that would be…”

“Why don’t you make me?” the guy asked, “You look familiar. Why do you look familiar?”

Because he’d been at the Villa a lot. Because his family was completely emersed in the brotherhood and everything it stood for? Because he had billions of cousins that when you looked at them you could very obviously tell they were related?

His one cousin he had been talking to right down the hall around 10 minutes ago for fuck sake. They didn’t look identical but they looked closely related. He’d been told by more than one person they could be mistaken for brothers when they weren’t brothers, just cousins.

Kevin had two brothers and neither were that close to him in age. Dane was seven years older than he was and Keith was 3 years younger. So it had to be because he knew Corbin. That’s the only thing he could think of. Or maybe Carter. He doubted he knew Carter though.

“My last name is Dallas,” Kevin told him.

“Ah, Charlie’s brother?” he asked answering the question for Kev.

“Cousin,” Kevin said.

“Well, either way, where has he been hiding you? You’re a pretty little thing,” The guy said making Kevin feel like he’d been hit by lightning.

He wasn’t pretty. He was a boy. Almost a man. He wasn’t pretty. He couldn’t be.

“Nowhere. I’m late. Can I go now?” Kevin asked.

“No. I think you have to pay the toll,” the guy said licking his lips.

No. No, don’t do that. Don’t.

“What’s the toll?” Kevin asked trying to come up with a plan in his head but only finding panic.

He didn’t want to be trapped in this bathroom with him. This guy was going to do something to him. Something sick. Something like dad.  
Dad had done things to him for as long as he could remember. Mom too. It seemed like they never stopped and some people wondered why Dane was so fucking screwed up. It was hard not to be when your mom and dad forced you to have 3 somes with them.

“How about a bit of heavy pe…seriously can’t you see someone is in here?” the guy hissed as someone almost hit him in the back with the door.

“It’s a public restroom,” someone Kevin recognized hissed at the guy holding him hostage in the bathroom before he blinked at Kevin, “Kev? What are you doing here? Why aren’t you in the middle school? Blake, get the fuck away from him.”

“Jack it’s not what…”

“It’s exactly what it looks like fuck face are you forgetting who has to listen to you speak in the locker room? Leave him the fuck alone it’s not a fucking toy. Were you blocking him in trying to get him to blow you? Give you a handjob? Kevin come here,” Jack said holding his hand out, “Come on it’s ok.”

Kevin sighed pushing past Blake as he was apparently named thankful for the rescue. He hadn’t meant to freeze up like that. To get that nervous. He was just so big though, so tall.

“Are you ok?” Jack asked him walking with him to the square.

“Yeah, I’m ok,” Kevin said feeling the relief wash over him.

“Ok, don’t come back here again unless you know someone else is going to be around. Too many assholes,” Jack said, “Take care of yourself and get back to class.

“Yeah, thanks,” Kevin muttered nodding his head in agreement as he hurried back to the middle school wing and back to class.


	18. Sometimes thoughts are hard to get away from (Caleb and Ken)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An afternoon in the Daly household Caleb disrupting Ken's homework to tell him something he's overheard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These two are brothers (if you can't tell.) They are both trackers and yes they are talking about our characters or Ken is more thinking about them. **Warnings: talk of child molestation, thoughts of sexual attraction, talk of CP**

“Hey Ken,” Caleb said sitting down next to him causing Ken to scoot over. He had math homework. The last thing he needed was to be bothered by Caleb and his bullshit. He had better things to do.

“What do you want?” Ken asked not looking up from what he was doing.

“I heard a rumor,” Caleb said before falling silent.

So? What did he care? There were rumors all over the place. There were always rumors.

There was still a rumor going around that the one guy had tits. Another that one of his classmates was offering BJ’s in the bathroom for 50.00 bucks and honestly, that one was interesting considering they went to an all-boys school. That one might be true though.

I mean if you watched that kid walk you could tell he was very not straight. Not that straight had the same meaning for them that it did for everyone else. Not everyone shook their ass while they walked though. The realization that he was suddenly thinking about that little shit’s ass making him kind of annoyed with himself.

“What rumor?” Ken asked.

“Someone is looking to get into the Asian persuasion,” Caleb said.

“The fuck?” Ken asked shaking his head and still not looking up.

“The leader wants a video. That leaves maybe 12 of us unless he hooks someone up with a throwaway,” Caleb pointed out causing Ken to finally look at him and see the smug look on his face.

Ken wasn’t a bottom anymore. Not really. Not since…yeah. Didn’t that mean he didn’t have to do videos anymore?

“And?” Ken asked.

“Depending on how low they go you’re probably on the menu,” Caleb pointed out.

“Wait this is like a request thing?” Ken asked.

He’d done rotation. He knew what that meant. That this person wanted a few videos to watch and then if he saw something he liked he might make a request to spend time with whatever kid or kids were in the video. That was something Ken didn’t want. He hated that shit.

He couldn’t imagine anyone liked it. The last dude had been fat and more pink or red than any type of race he’d ever seen. He had smelt bad and hadn’t really spoken English. He wasn’t sure if that was better or worse. The guy before that had been really geeky and kept trying to speak Chinese with him. Did he speak Chinese? Sure, at home they spoke mostly Hmong when they decided to. The guy had kept trying to speak Cantonese though.

He kept telling him it was the wrong language, the guy hadn’t seemed to care though. Not even a little bit. It had been fucking retarded. Guys with yellow fever were fucking gross.

“Yeah,” Caleb said.

“They’re probably going to use the twins,” Ken muttered, “So why are you telling me about it?”

“In case they don’t,” Caleb said, “That way you don’t end up surprised.”

“And what if they decide to you use you?” Ken asked him shutting his math book no longer able to concentrate on his schoolwork, “What are you going to do?”

“If they pick me I’m topping so I’m not worried about it,” Caleb said making Ken snort and roll his eyes.

He was the oldest so Ken figured that made sense. It still wasn’t fair though. It would be worse if they picked him and Caleb because then he had to deal with that bullshit. It turned him into a fucking dog in heat when that happened. Took him weeks to get Caleb to leave him the fuck alone and go bother someone else.

“Last time it was the twins,” Caleb said, “You do realize that Ron and Tao are two different people and you can’t just group them together like that?”

“How would you know?” Ken asked.

They were, after all, Ken’s classmates and not Caleb’s. He was the one who spent time with them. He was the one who they actually talked to. Or used to talk to. It was kind of hard to stay friends with people when they no longer understood what was going on with you.

That and the twincest was fucking weird. It would be one thing if they only did it when their dad made them, but it was all the fucking time. They tried to keep it a secret, but Ken happened to walk in on it during a sleepover one night. That was not a surprise he was happy to experience.

So he could call them whatever he damn well pleased. They were the reason he was so fucked up. The thought to do those things on his own had never crossed his mind until he saw that.

“Because one of them is great at giving BJ’s and the other not so much,” Caleb said.

“Kim is also great at eating ass, what’s your point? I can call them whatever I like,” Ken said.

“Oh, ok then,” Caleb said, “I wasn’t aware that you’d had some fun with them.”

“I haven’t officially,” Ken admitted, “Not that it matters either way.”

“ I think they are going to pair you with Kingly,” Caleb said.

Eww. He was…he was fucking annoying. He’d heard some stories about him. Mostly from Caleb.

“Yeah, that’s how I feel about it too. He’s not too bad at sucking cock however he’s always asking if you’re ok when he leans in to suck your neck. Like really, man? Just get it done, in and out. He’s not a bad fuck however you probably wouldn’t be the one doing the fucking.”

Ken really wanted to punch him. The smirk on his face wasn’t funny. The older always topped unless you were close to the same age and then it was whoever had the bigger dick. Kingly was older than he was, hence Caleb’s joke which was oh so fucking funny.

“I don’t want to talk about this bullshit anymore,” Ken said.

“Of course you don’t. You don’t like thinking about getting it up the ass only getting your dick sucked,” Caleb snickered.

“Fuck you,” Ken said standing up and taking his book with him.

He was gross. Did he like getting his dick sucked? Only an idiot didn’t. It mostly depended on who was doing the sucking though. That’s what really made the difference and the thought of being with Kingly did not turn him on. He didn’t care how “Asian” either of them were he wasn’t into Kingly.

He didn’t see how someone could like older boys especially boys like that. Kingly smelt weird, like cigarettes and something else and sweaty gym socks. He didn’t like boys like that. He liked sweet boys. Boys like Aaron.

Sure, he knew Aaron was little tiny and dad would kill him if he ever said it out loud to anyone, but he didn’t smell like ball sweat and old gym socks. He smelt like something else. Like flowers and a stuffed animal that had just come out of the dryer. He liked boys that smelled that way.

It seemed like older boys didn’t smell like that. Will kind of did. It was too bad he was a little slut. Danny hadn’t stopped talking about him since he had done that. Since he had fingered him. He said he felt tight the thought making Ken blink and grab himself.  
He needed to stop. If he didn’t stop thinking that way it wouldn’t be good. Caleb would notice. He’d want to take care of it for him. Ken didn’t want that. He hated that.

“I can if you want me to,” Caleb laughed as Ken finally walked away and slammed the door to his room.


End file.
